#& it doesn’t help that she’s big on bragging about her stable job & how she wants to get her doctorate

[kedsandtubesocks]

after taking the smallest mini break away from my phone because talking to my old college friend got me so down with how judgmental she was about me being a reader insert fic writer and reminding myself l don’t need that type of self centered and negative energy in my life & I just wanna enjoy having fun with y’all

[axoxtxhxh]

Nobody is You - Chapter 1 - Intro

A/N: Hi guys! I realize that I haven’t finished my first Miche story (You Saved Me), but I started this second one and wanted to get it out before I completed You Saved Me. It’s a bit different in a lot of ways, but will still be a Miche x Fem!Reader story. Here is the first chapter! I hope you like it!

Overall Summary: Reader and Miche are both squad VPs working to make squad leader. They are friends but something that happened between them when they were younger keeps them from getting closer. Miche works to show Reader he isn’t the same person he used to be.

Chapter Summary: Reader is a squad VP in the survey corps and has her eyes set on becoming a squad leader.

Content: No warnings

Word Count: ~ 2,100

“Move over.” Miche playfully bumped Y/N’s hip and she nearly fell off the thick branch they were both balancing on. She turned and gave him a dirty look.

“What the hell!?” She yelled. He just shrugged, giving her that smug smile she hated so much. “I could have fallen, Miche.”

“Lighten up.” He laughed. “I would have caught you.”

“You’re such a dick sometimes.” She readjusted herself in the new spot she stood in.

He dropped himself down, sitting on the part of the branch closest to the trunk of the tree. The whole branch shook and she lost her balance. Her right leg slipping and her body following quickly behind. She yelped on her way down, clawing at the thick branch, trying to get any sort of grip before she reached for her 3DM gear to help her.

She was nearly fully off the branch before she was held steady, a large hand gripping the collar of her jacket and holding her in place. She looked up at him and he was smiling down at her dangling body.

“I hate you so much,” she grumbled as he pulled her up. She caught her leg on the branch and stabilized herself.

“You should be nicer to me,” he teased, “I just saved your life.”

“I would have figured it out.”

“I know you would have.” He sat back down on the branch, tugging at her to sit next to him. She held herself steady, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing she needed help. “But it’s nice to feel needed sometimes.”

“Oh please, everyone is always fighting for your attention.” She rolled her eyes and continued looking off into the distance. He tugged at her jacket again.

“Yeah, but there aren’t many willing to give me theirs.” He leaned back on his arms and she looked down at him. It was a strange juxtaposition, watching this giant man kicking his feet like a little kid over the edge of the tree branch.

They had been posted up in the trees to keep a lookout for the more veteran scouts on this mission. It had only been about an hour, but the sun was already starting to set. Miche leaned back farther, closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth of the sunshine. His blonde hair and lightly tanned skin were shimmering, an auburn glow radiating off of him. She hated that he always looked so good.

Summers within the walls were wonderful. These were some of the last days of heat they would be getting before the cold nights would come. First freezing the ground as the sun set and as the months pass, covering them with a layer of white, crystalline snow until spring came again.

Miche finally opened his eyes and looked up at her, watching as she focused on keeping watch. She was always so serious, never letting herself just relax and enjoy things. He was willing to admit that he should probably be keeping a closer eye on watching with her, but their post was one of the easiest out of all of them. It was almost expected that this position would just sit back and wait. They could let the others do the work while they rest, relaxing in the summer sun, like sucking honey from a spoon, enjoying the sweet taste without all the work.

“Are you going to sit down with me?” He asked, tugging on her jacket for the third time.

“Are you going to actually do your job?”

“If I can get you to relax and loosen up, I will gladly take some of the work.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “How does that sound?”

She looked back at the span of land in front of them and sighed, looking back to Miche and lowering herself to sit next to him.

“There we go.” He smiled and gave her a hand, helping her sit without sliding off the edge.

“I’m only sitting for a little bit.” She told him.

“Baby steps.”

He looked over at her, still not relaxing. Her back, stiff and straight, her hands crossed in her lap as she kept her eyes in front of her. He swung his leg, kicking her foot and waited to see if she would do anything. When she didn’t, he did it again and chuckled to himself.

“You are incredibly immature.”

“What are you talking about? I’m very mature.” He kicked her foot again, grinning when he saw her trying to hold back her smile.

She leaned back a little, propping herself up on her arms and he felt himself relax a little more as he saw her relaxing.

“So why are you working so hard on this mission?” Miche asked, kicking her leg again.

“You mean other than making sure people don’t die?” She looked over to him with raised eyebrows.

“Of course.” He shrugged and she turned back to look ahead of them.

She had her reasons, but she wasn’t sure he would understand. They had both joined the scouts when they were really young. This was the only life they knew. She was barely out of her teens but she had already set her sights on being squad leader. The chances of her getting squad leader weren’t that high considering there were those older than her and ones who’ve been a scout longer than her, but she had to try.

“I want to make squad leader,” she revealed. “There’s an opening coming up.”

“Ah, of course. I should have known. A power-hungry woman.” He sighed, slipping his foot under hers and lifting it up, bouncing it up and down with his leg.

“I’m not power hungry, I just know I have to work harder than a lot of you guys. Not all of us are naturally gifted.”

“You think I’m naturally gifted?” He smiled smugly at her as she rolled her eyes.

“Don’t go fishing for a compliment I already gave you.” She smiled at him, moving her foot from his control and lightly kicking him. Miche gave a hearty laugh and nudged her in the shoulder.

“I’m going to tell Hange and Erwin you said that. They work hard too.”

“I know they work hard,” she sighed, looking back at him, “but they’re also gifted in ways I’m not.”

“But they still work hard. Hange lives and breathes titan research—”

“You don’t need to tell me. As their roommate, I am very aware. They talk about it in their sleep.”

“Well, as Erwin’s roommate,” he started, “I can tell you, the guy doesn’t sleep. He is always making plans.”

“How would you even know? You barely sleep in your room,” she retorted, a little more abrasive than she intended. She looked back as the sun dropped further in the sky. Miche chuckled to himself, lifting his leg on the branch and bending it in front of him so he could face her.

“You know about the stables?”

“Of course, I know.” She turned to look at him. “We’re always having to come up with excuses for why you’re not in the mess hall for dinner or why you’re late for training.”

Miche was looking down, picking at the bark on the tree. For the first time since the start of the mission, he fell silent and she was trying to guess what he was thinking. She was very sure nearly everyone, at least any female scout over the age of eighteen, knew about the stables. His reaction to her comment confused her though. She definitely thought it was something he would be bragging about.

“I mean, you’re practically there every night.” She kicked the foot that was still dangling over the edge of the branch, trying to bring him back to his typical playful self.

“It’s not every night. Plus, I never sleep up there.” Miche laughed lightly to himself, hoping the heat in his cheeks wasn’t showing through.

He definitely wasn’t there every night, but he could see why Y/N would think that. Not to mention, he had sort of made it a point to keep his reputation where it was, which was making people think he was up there every night. But none of the women he took up there really mattered to him anyway.

“I didn’t even realize you knew about that.” He looked back up to Y/N and smiled, leaning back on his arms. “Sometimes I forget you’re not fifteen anymore.”

“Thanks for that.”

“What? It’s not like you let me forget I was a teenage shithead.”

“It’s because you were.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Miche! Y/N!” Erwin called from the ground and they both peeked over the edge of the tree. “Mission complete.”

“I bet you bathroom duty that Erwin is going to complain about how the mission went.” Miche stood up, offering his hand and pulling her up with him.

“That would be a stupid bet for me to take.” She laughed and they both jumped down.

“Was it a success?” She asked Erwin.

“If you can call it that,” he grumbled, “there shouldn’t be this many casualties. There is a much better way to handle these missions.”

Y/N brought her eyes to Miche, raising an eyebrow and he lightly punched her shoulder.

“Let’s go.” Miche wrapped his arms around Erwin and Y/N, ushering them back to the horses. “I’m starving.”

The mess hall was packed with people, slightly less than this morning before the mission. It was a harsh reality, but something they were all quite used to at this point.

“Is that guy going to be joining us?” Miche sat next to Y/N with his plate of food.

“What guy?” She brought a spoonful of stew to her mouth.

“The guy you always hang around.” He took a big bite of his bread and Y/N realized who he was speaking of.

“He has a name,” she scoffed, putting her spoon down and looking at him.

“I didn’t bother to learn it,” he sneered.

“That’s thoughtful of you. I was dating him for three months.” Y/N went back to her food.

“Yeah, but he was a loser and I knew it wouldn’t last.”

“Who’s a loser?” Erwin joined them at the table with his food, sitting across from Y/N.

“That guy. The one Y/N kept bringing.” Miche snuck a potato from her bowl and pulled his hand back quickly when she slapped it.

“Big loser.”

“Well thanks for telling me that.” She looked at the both of them. “It could have saved me three months.”

Hange sat down to join them, sitting across from Miche.

“I would like to point out,” Y/N began, “that you are not much better.”

“I don’t claim to make good decisions.” Miche smiled, popping the last bite of bread in his mouth.

“We can definitely agree on that.” Erwin lifted his cup and Y/N quickly tapped it with hers, Hange following after.

“I’m also not in a relationship with any of these women.” Miche sat back a little, watching Y/N. “I’m a lot more careful about who I give my heart to. You should be too.”

“Maybe she didn’t give her heart.” Hange joined in, then turned to look at Y/N. “You don’t seem very heartbroken.”

“Nope, he was a loser.” Y/N laughed with Hange. Miche smiled as she stuck her fork in a potato from his plate and ate it.

“Speaking of losers, Erwin—” Hange started, turning to face him.

“Nice!” Miche laughed and fist bumped them.

“—How is Marie?” Hange continued, turning to look at Erwin. “Did you give her that letter?”

“No, I think I’m going to cut it off before anything happens,” he admitted.

“What? No! You guys were my hope.” Y/N dropped her utensils and brought her hands to her cheeks.

“I just think I should focus on making rank. Squad leader is a big role,” he started.

“That’s how stupid you sound.” Miche leaned in and whispered to Y/N. She turned to slap him, but he dodged it, leaning away from her and grinning.

“I have some ideas I want to discuss with the commander,” Erwin continued “I have a meeting with him tomorrow afternoon.”

“With Commander Shadis?” Hange blushed.

“Well, if you don’t hold onto her, someone else will pick her up… for sure...” Miche’s voice trailed off as his eyes followed a woman who walked past them, her fingers lightly brushing over his shoulders. “Speaking of pick-me-up.”

He turned to Y/N, his eyes asking her the same question they always asked.

“I’ll take your plates. Just go.” She sighed. Miche thanked her and ran off with the woman. Y/N watched as the woman pulled him into the hallway and kissed him.

“Not every night, huh?” Y/N mumbled to herself, taking a bite of her bread and keeping her eyes fixed on him. She watched as Miche wrapped his arms around the woman, brushing a hair behind her ear. He glanced up at Y/N and gave her a thumbs up. She returned a snarky one and watched as the woman pulled him out of view before returning to the conversation with Erwin and Hange.

Taglist: @luanabonn​

[mythoughtsaretroubled]

Haven and Leverage and OT3s

Leverage has such a competent ot3 and Haven had such a dysfunctional ot3… honestly it’s almost like they are on opposite ends of a spectrum

Spoilers for both shows ahead

Obviously, Leverage has the better ot3. For one, the creators confirmed they are canonically in a relationship. Secondly, they are all alive in canon. Third, they communicate, which may sound wild but it’s true. 

But Haven… Haven has the perfect set up. A more traditional love triangle, where two men are in love with the same women with the added bonus of a complicated history and amazing chemistry. So it’s right there. Dare I say, it could have been epic. But instead of growing together as individuals and as partners, they form a very unhealthy relationship with no established boundaries where not everyone is viewed equally. 

(disclaimer: I actually haven’t finished s5 of Haven, although I do many spoilers. I’ve also been in the fandom for a significantly shorter period of time.) 

So here is a look at what Leverage did to succeed and Haven did to fail. 

(this got very long) 

In Leverage, Parker and Hardison have the traditional romance in Leverage. They don’t rush into a relationship and Hardison respects Parker’s boundaries. He repeatedly let’s her know that he is her friend and her partner and never makes her feel uncomfortable about their relationship. In season 1, The Stork Job, when Parker expresses self doubt, Hardison tells her he likes how she turned out. He also tell her that their crew is “a little bit more than a team,” a line she repeats back to him at the end of the episode. His support of her has been unwavering from the start and he has never made her feel like she should be anything other than herself and never uses his feelings for her to manipulate her or guilt her into any choices. 

Parker’s support of Hardison looks different. She constantly talks about how smart he is, how competent he is, and at one point, how empathetic and good he is. She admires him and respects him. She brags about his hacking skills to even Nate, who knows how competent he is. He is the first person she calls for help to contact the team in The Inside Out Job. She trusts him and he has given her every reason to and never doubt him. They are stable and consistent and neither one prioritizes their feelings over the other.

Now we add in Eliot, and his relationships with Parker and Hardison. Eliot and Hardison bicker like an old married couple, but when they are in a serious situation, they work together and trust each other’s abilities and take the lead from the other when the situation calls for it. While they might tease each other and snipe at each other, it’s never with any malice. They don’t manipulate each other and have honest conversations. They also grow more open with physical affection, when Eliot is at first shown adverse to it, he knows it is comforting to Hardison, and even a few times, to himself. And, like with Parker, Hardison never pushes Eliot into any vulnerable positions and instead allows Eliot to know he is there for when he wants to open up further, like in The Low Price Job, where Eliot shares his past with his dad with Hardison. They also trust that the other will help them if they are ever in need, full stop. And if there is a shared adversary, they always gang up on them together, like with Sterling, although they do this as early as The Homecoming Job (1x02). They never doubt they other is on their side. 

Eliot and Parker have a relationship that reads the least romantic to the outside observer. They don’t have many one on one scenes, unlike Parker and Hardison and Eliot and Hardison, but they do have more in common with each other than Hardison. As the hitter and the thief, they have the most physically demanding jobs and the darkest pasts. They also have the most implied trauma in their past, Parker in her childhood (see The Future Job) and Eliot in his life as a solider (see The Experimental Job). They understand the darker side of the other because they share that. In The Long Way Down Job, Parker tells Eliot she wants to do the right thing. And Eliot tells her that looking out for themselves is not a bad or wrong thing. He says, “it’s what makes us us.” He doesn’t make her feel guilty, he just states facts, which Parker understands. Their bond is incredibly strong and filled with understanding. 

As a team, all three of them work together. They have inside jokes, they spend time together outside their jobs, 

Their relationship started with respect for how competent each was at their job, which grew to trust, and then grew to love. They became a family. There was no jealousy of their relationships with each other, no one tried to undermine the relationships of the other two. And while they may not spend much time on screen talking about their relationships, we do see them have very important conversations that explicitly state their feelings, which are supported by what we have previously seen. 

Now Haven. 

Audrey and Nathan start out as adorable. They have a friendship where they tease each other and push each other out of their boundaries, but always with their support. They are great in season 1 and season 2. They even support each other’s romantic relationships (ie Jess and Chris). There are hints of jealousy, like in Roots, when Nathan is a little on edge that Audrey is with Chris, but nothing outward and toxic. But here’s where it starts to go off the rails. As cute as it is that Nathan can only feel Audrey, he becomes fixated on her (who can blame him, he’s touch starved). While this isn’t a big deal in the first two seasons and rather a romantic tidbit, this friendship and fixation turns into an obsession by season 3, so much so that he takes away agency from her. Now she does start by pushing him away when she finds out she is leaving in a certain amount of time, so she is also to be blamed. The lack of communication between them goes both ways in season 3. And he starts dating Jordan, while still prioritizing Audrey during their relationship. So much so, he cheats on Jordan with Sarah, the previous incarnation of Audrey. While there is an ongoing level of trust and respect between them, the lack of communication in season three completely derails their relationship, causing Nathan to reverse Audrey’s decision to go into the Barn by shooting Agent Howard and then trying to convince her to shoot him in season 4. 

Their relationship would have been more meaningful and powerful had we seen them stay partners who leaned on each other and listened instead of bulldozing over the other’s choices and acting like their love was justification for doing bad things. 

Onto Audrey and Duke, who were set up to be the foil to Nathan and Audrey. There are episodes in season 1 where Duke is absent. They were set up to fail. And despite Audrey’s affection towards Duke, she takes her lead from Nathan and uses her power as a police officer to get him to talk to her from the beginning. While she eases up on using her power as an officer, she does use his feelings for her to manipulate him, like in The Farmer, where she guilts him into killing a man. The narrative pushes this idea that Duke has unrequited love for Audrey, and then shows how she uses his feelings. While we see them trust each other, Audrey proves she doesn’t respect Duke to make his own choices. Duke is also expected to put Audrey first and himself second but condemned whenever he tries to put himself first. Their relationship has a huge imbalance and is quite unhealthy in the later seasons. 

Their dynamic could have been solved if Audrey spent more time considering Duke and his point of view instead of her own perspective and the greater good. If she acknowledged his feelings and they communicated what they wanted and needed from each other, they would have been a solid couple. 

Now Duke and Nathan are up next. Out of all the dynamics, this had the most wasted potential. Even ignoring the fact that they are not acknowledged in or out of verse as romantically involved, there is a fair amount of what can be interpreted as queerbaiting. Ignoring that and looking at what happens in canon, Nathan and Duke have an undefined history. Duke carried Nathan to the hospital when he broke his arm and they were 8. The same year, Duke bullied Nathan by putting thumbtacks in his back. Duke also attempted to put a snake in Nathan’s locker when they were teenagers. That’s all we know about the events of their past of 25 years, so they don’t trust each other at the start of the show. They don’t respect each other and they certainly don’t communicate. However, there are moments throughout the show where we see them become friends and support each other, like in Resurfacing or Friend or Faux. Every time their relationship develops, Nathan reverts back to the grudges he held and the pain Duke caused as a child. In Sins of the Father, Duke rejects his father and tells him he stands with Audrey and Nathan cause they are his friends. Then we see in 301 that Nathan got the tattoo that is supposed to be on the man who kills Duke. All of their moments are undermined by not acknowledging their growth and reverting back to the dynamic they had in the beginning of season 1. By season 4, when they are finally consistently friends, Nathan takes Duke for granted and invalidates his feelings and his relationship with Audrey, particularly by claiming Audrey loves Nathan most so killing him would destroy the Troubles. 

If their relationship had steadily progressed instead of consistently regressing for the first three seasons and Nathan had valued Duke as much as Duke valued his, their relationship would have thrived. and could have been one of the foundations of the show. 

None of the dynamics within this trio are healthy, and together they only exacerbate each other’s flaws. If they had grown together, progressed as a team, trusted and respected each other, and communicated their feelings, as an ot3, they could have been unstoppable, even without canon confirmation. Not to mention, Nathan and Audrey often worked as a unit and then clued Duke in instead of him being included from the start, creating unbalanced power dynamic and fostering jealousy and exclusion within. 

The relationships in Haven were not treated with the same respect and consistency as the ones in Leverage so the negative emotions overflowed the positive ones and never let the characters flourish in their relationships. However, the essence of their dynamics and many of their scenes lead viewers to find solace in fixing these dynamics and letting them flourish in fanfiction the way they never did in canon. Haven had all of the potential and none of the follow through. In Leverage, the characters came first and the relationships came second, which made the relationships richer and more dynamic as well as stable. There was also more consistency in how they developed. 

While all relationships, ot3s included, should be unique, if creating the one in Haven had looked to Leverage for guidance, there could have been more hope for a functional and healthy dynamic within the show. 

please feel free to comment, add or contradict me, I’d love to hear other people’s thouhgts. 

tagging: @leverage-ot3 @clearskiesandmistyeyes @honoraryplantking @kitsparrow @abstractfondness @music-rider @would-we-be-friends-if-i​ @doctortreklock​

[a-libra-writes]

can i request more edmure? if it’s not too much then 💦🍣💎🚙 but you don’t have to do all of them! thank you for writing!!!

Edmure~! Im so happy he’s appreciated on this blog haha. Some of these will be modern au :>

💦 Pool/Beach Day HC

Edmure is a fantastic swimmer. Thinking about it now, it was obvious, but you realized it when you walked down to the riverside like he asked. He was swimming against the current so easily, his white shirt clinging to muscles that were straining against the water, and he so easily swam to the shore and was dripping water everywhere ...

Edmure blinked at you. “Darling, are you well? You look red.”

He insisted on teaching you, even if stripping down to your smallclothes on a riverbank felt the same as being naked in front of a whole village. He’d relax you by making jokes and playfully splashing at you.

Your children would absolutely learn how to swim, too, and you’d stand by just in case something happened. All of them seemed to have Edmure’s innate swimming ability, although you both warned them about going too far.

He has strong, lean muscles from the swimming he’s done, in addition to the armor he has to wear. Technically sneaking off to the river isn’t something a lord should do - oftentimes he’ll pretend he’s going hunting instead - but you always catch him when he comes back smelling like river water. You just tease him for not bringing you. 

Modern - There’s totally a pool in yall’s backyard. You can’t keep Edmure and the kids out of it. He loves beach vacations and eagerly asks you to consider them - although, you two might actually just live next to a beach.

Modern - He grew up going to his family’s huge lakehouse, built next to the lake they actually owned. He loves taking you and the kids there, although Edmure’s favorite place to swim is still the beach. Even if it’s too cold to swim, just sitting on the sand and listening to the waves totally relaxes him. 

He loves seeing you in a swimsuit

Basically, in either AU, Edmure is just a fish. He’s actually on par with Brynden for swimming skill.

🍣Cooking Together HC

You were allowed to bake in your family’s kitchens, and Edmure would never deny you any enjoyment. If you wanted to cook or bake something specific, he’d make sure the ingredients were available. 

He enjoys watching you cook and asks all sorts of questions. He likes to help, too, he’ll ask you to put him to work chopping this or stirring that. He makes such a mess, you have to delegate carefully. He’s quite good at dicing once you show him how to do it.

He wastes no time in licking or cleaning any flour or chocolate off your face. You let him lick the spoon only after you’re finished with it. He gets flustered when you start licking it.

Several times Catlyn has mentioned it isn’t proper for him and especially you to be sitting around the kitchen with the cooks, keeping them from his work, but it endears the kitchen staff to the two of you, and that extends to the other servants. Whenever you bake big portions, you let the children eat as much as they want, and they start to adoring you. Word spreads quick, and when you work in the kitchens, you notice several scullery girls and stable boys lingering in the doorway. It’s Edmure who encourages them to come in.

Edmure doesn’t have the biggest sweet tooth, but he’ll test taste anything you make.

💎 Marriage HC

Seven hells, you two are nauseating. It’s sweet, Riverrun is delighted their Lady is so kind and gentle, the smallfolk adore you and Edmure, but .... honestly, do you have to go arm in arm and give each other sweet smiles and kiss each other’s cheeks?

Edmure is the worst about it, you’re the one reminding him to remember where you two are. He gets good natured ribbing from his bannerlords and knights about how devoted he is to you. They admire him for it, though.

To Edmure, you might as well hang the moon. He thinks you’re beautiful, clever, kind, considerate, charitable ... You always blush and tease him about running out of adjectives. Edmure is especially full of praise when he’s drunk, he just can’t keep his mouth shut about how much he loves you. 

Edmure wants a lot of kids very, very much. If you were more opposed, he’d genuinely try to compromise with just one or two. He’s just always wanted a big family and especially one with someone he loves so much. He adores the children you two have, sometimes spoiling them too much, but he’s an attentive and kind father.

Even the times when you two disagree (because sometimes he’s just too rash and stubborn) you don’t truly fight. You both spend some time apart and come back cooled off and ready to work the problem out again. Edmure fully trusts you with the duties of Riverrun. If he were ever called away, he’d know you’d keep the place standing, and he makes sure his men and the servants understand that. Absolutely no one would get away with disrespecting you.

Some lords may find Edmure weak for relying on you so much, for doting on you and holding onto your every word, but he thinks it’s the opposite. He can’t imagine what obstacle the two of you couldn’t handle. If a war or famine or something were to break out, he knows you two could rely on each other’s strength.

🚙Road Trip HC

Travelling long distances doesn’t bother him - well, as long as the roads and weather aren’t trouble. This is when his protective side comes out; he’d want to have a fine wheelhouse made for you, with a guard inside and several guards outside. You remind him that no Riverlander would ever attack you two, beloved as you are, but he takes no chances. He is a bit disappointed about having to ride ahead of you, though.

You and Edmure always lighten up any inn you visit. Edmure is always friendly and good-natured, especially when he’s drunk, and you have a calm, good countenance that puts the barmaids and innkeeper at ease. Well after you two leave, the innkeepers proudly brag about the Lord and Lady of Riverrun staying in their establishments.

Modern AU - RV Roadtrip. You remind Edmure that the family can afford to fly, but his heart is set on an  RV, for whatever reason. You only acquiesce because the children are so excited about it. So whenever it’s possible, you all take the RV to go on vacations or go to the Tully’s lakehouse.

After a while, you admit the RV isn’t so bad. You and Edmure take turns driving while your eldest is the navigator - she takes her job very seriously - and the other children play and chatter away. In the evening you all play some board games and cards before going to sleep, and the morning is everyone frantically dressing and tripping over themselves while you check the map. 

Edmure isn’t too worried about getting lost, and he always finds interesting detours, so you’re the one keeping the trip on track. You two make a point to take scenic routes or find interesting places to stop at to amuse the kids. 

So many photos. You label them because all the RV trips start to run together, even if you’ve been to different places. Several times you’ve slept in the RV parked by the lake instead of the actual Tully lakehouse.

While the big double bed in the back room is meant for you and Edmure, a kiddo often scoots between you two, or you and three kids will pile in while he sleeps on one of the couches or the loft on top. 

Once, Edmure and one of your sons climbed to the top of the RV and set of ffireworks. Once.

[imagine-loki]

Gifted

Title: Gifted (Sequel to Giftless)

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 19/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 

Imagine that you are Stark’s niece and you secretly share a strong relationship with Loki since he entered the crew. One day you get hurt so bad during a mission that you are about to die.  Loki knows a spell that will save you and share his immortality with you but you and he will be linked forever sharing thoughts, pain, emotions…

RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS:  Also on AO3 click here

You woke up to find that Loki wasn’t in the bed. The sun was up, so you knew that he wasn’t just on a midnight stroll somewhere. Had something happened? These were supposedly dangerous times on Asgard.  

You had just reached for your dagger sheath when he came back in the room. “Good, you’re awake!” he greeted you with a child-like grin. He was carrying some kind of tray with him. You sat up against the pillows to see what he was up to, confused as you tried to get your mind off potential danger. He set the tray on the bed in front of you. There was a plate on it with a huge stack of pancakes, a single rose in an adorable vase, a breakfast juice, and silver wear.

“You brought me breakfast in bed,” you grinned up at him. That was adorable. Thor had warned you that Loki would do some ‘romantic nonsense’ this morning. You should’ve believed him.

“I did,” he agreed, sitting on the other side of the breakfast tray from you, looking adorably apprehensive.

“Did you already eat?” you asked, offering him a fork.

“I have not,” he hesitated, but took the fork from you. You sighed and dug into the pancakes. He wouldn’t start eating them until you had.  Overprotective trickster

“These are delicious,” you told him after the first bite. 

He grinned a Cheshire cat grin at you, clearly pleased with himself. “I am glad my lady approves,” he replied.

“You made them?” you asked, surprised.  Loki didn’t cook.

He nodded and his grin only grew.  “I spent an entire year making Thor eat pancakes until I got them right. They are not exactly a common food here,” he explained, grinning at the memory of forcing Thor to eat his cooking.

“Poor Thor. How many times did you poison him?” you asked and stuck your tongue out at Loki, letting him know you were only teasing, though the question was legitimate. 

Loki laughed.  At least he was amused.  “Only twice. Moron still kept trying them after that, for some reason,” Loki was still laughing.  You weren’t surprised that Thor kept trying the pancakes.  He’d do anything to make his brother happy. You devoured your pancakes in peace. “I have a fun morning planned for us, though we both have work to do this afternoon,” Loki told you once the pancakes were gone.

“What work do we have to do?” you asked. You weren’t expecting any work. 

Loki rolled his eyes. “That is for later, dove. Fun now,” he replied and you couldn’t help laughing at him. He used magic to vanish the breakfast things, though the rose reappeared on your beside table. You both climbed out of bed and he summoned clothes for you both. 

You found yourself dressed in riding leathers. “We’re going riding?” you asked stupidly, though it was obvious.

“To get where we’re going today,” he replied. He wasn’t giving anything more away than what he had to. Annoying trickster boyfriend.  You made your way down to the stables where his stallion was already saddled. The sweet little mare you had ridden last time you were here was saddled too. You went to her and petted her nose in greeting, cooing at her. She was so sweet and gentle. Loki gave you a leg up into the saddle, which you appreciated. You hadn’t been riding in awhile and had only gone a couple times the last time you were here.

You rode for a long while, chatting while the horses strolled along. It was fun, but you were also impatient to find out what your actual activity for the day was. 

You ended up at a pond, or small lake maybe. You didn’t know enough to make the distinction. It was gorgeous either way. You dismounted and Loki picketed the horses nearby. “This place is gorgeous!” you told him as you walked to a spot where Loki had a picnic blanket set out near the shore.

“Not nearly as gorgeous as you,” Loki replied as he bent down to kiss you. You stood up on your toes to meet him halfway. “The picnic is not the only surprise about this place,” he told you with his mischievous smile. He stepped back and stripped off his shirt.

You took a moment to appreciate the view.

It was quite the nice view of perfect abs.

“You’re not going in there?” you pointed at the lake. “It’s still spring,” you reminded him. He’d freeze in that water. He laughed.

“We are going in there,” he replied with a grin.

“No way!” you shrieked and giggled when he swept you up into his arms before you could run for safety. “Loki! We’ll freeze!” you repeated. “If you ever want kisses again, you better not throw me in there,” you warned when he got too close to the edge of the water. He laughed and walked calmly into the water. You blushed when you realized he had vanished his pants. At least he was wearing either swim trunks or underpants. It was hard to tell from the angle of being in his arms. He used more magic and you were in a swimsuit. “Seriously, Loki? We’re going to freeze. Or at least I am. Just because you’re a frost giant doesn’t mean all of us can survive the cold,”

You flinched when the water touched you, expecting it to be ice cold. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t as hot as a hot spring, but it was plenty warm enough to swim in. You laughed in delight and Loki chuckled. “Do you know how to swim?” he asked. You nodded and he set you down in the water. You grinned at him and splashed him in the face with water before diving under. You heard him laugh before he came to try to find you.

You played in the water for a long time, having a splash war and generally being small children. There was a floating barge-like structure in the middle of the pond that you took turns diving and jumping off of. You were both tired and laughing when you made your way back to the shore. After a quick use of magic on Loki’s part, you were back in real clothes and dry and curled up on the picnic blanket to have lunch.

You unfortunately had to go back to the palace after that. You both apparently had work to do. “Now, will you tell me what work we have to do?” you demanded when you had nearly reached the palace. You really wanted to know what you were going to be up to that afternoon. You wanted some warning and Loki wasn’t giving you anything.

“No,” he replied pleasantly. Too pleasantly.

“You’ve been hanging out with Thor too long,” you grumbled at him, which just made him laugh.

The servants took your horses and Loki used more magic for yet another fashion change as he led you to a small practice court in the palace grounds. You were both in what you assumed were Asgardian workout clothes. “This is your job for the next couple hours,” he told you and gestured to the female warriors who were stretching nearby. “I have to practice too, so don’t grumble at me,” he added. 

You sighed heavily. “Fine, I haven’t been able to practice properly for the last year anyway.” You’d still managed to practice, but no one else had the same skill with daggers as Loki did, so you hadn’t been able to learn anything new. You made your way shyly over to the group of women. Their leader saw your approach, and you watched her assess you. You tried to stand tall and proud like a princess was supposed to be, but you knew you were failing. You were shy and not a trained warrior like they were.

“Welcome, Princess. We are glad you have chosen to train with us,” the leader bid you. 

You felt yourself relax as you thanked her. “I pray you do not mind the intrusion. I am only a beginner,” you reminded them in careful Asgardian. Your abilities were nothing to brag about, especially in front of them. 

One of them scoffed. “You’ve had Loki training you for over a year. I think that hardly qualifies as a beginner, dear princess.”  You laughed at that, glad the formality portion of this exercise seemed to be at an end. You got started on dagger work and you realized that you weren’t as out of practice as you thought. You really hadn’t been out of practice, just hadn’t been learning anything new. They taught you a few new tricks and you did fairly decently during the sparring exercises as well.

After that, you had healing lessons with Frigga in the healing wing. You couldn’t actually aid her without your own powers, but she did teach you some of the finer points of determining how much magic needed to go into various types of injuries. She was smiling fondly the entire time, and you could tell she was remembering teaching Loki about healing many years ago.

You and Loki promised Thor you’d stay in your suite that night. You were both exhausted from your big day and needed the sleep. Thor looked relieved that he might actually have a nice quiet evening and be allowed to sleep through it. “A whole night where I do not have to deal with your mischief, Brother? Whatever shall I do with myself?” he laughed. You laughed at him and his misfortune.

You and Loki were still laughing and joking about leaving the suite just to annoy Thor when you curled up in bed that night. You felt his magic when he kissed you goodnight. “You know I dislike that spell,” you mumbled to him as you were already falling asleep. You had been expecting it, though, so you weren’t surprised that he was spelling you to sleep. 

“I know, darling, but I don’t want to risk Balder attacking you again, especially not so soon. I love you,” he whispered the last words as you fell into a dreamless sleep.

[whereisthecd]

Magnolia Riders: SuperM/Saddle Club AU ✨

CHAPTER THREE

Masterlist

Key Terms this Chapter

Jump Off - Usually considered a final speed round, especially in competitions. Whoever can jump the course in the quickest time with the least amount of poles down (faults), wins

Crossties - Picture two leashes across from each other attached to the wall. These are clipped onto either side of the horse’s halter (the harness on their face), so they don’t run away while you brush them, saddle them, etc. Essentially, they “tie” the horse up across the aisleway

Mare - An adult female horse

Gelding - An adult horse who’s been castrated

The fresh gust of spring air hit Taemin as he sat atop Rowan in the middle of the arena, admiring his students in the last half of their lesson. It had been a few weeks since the season started, Taeyong was fitting into the group seamlessly, and the guys were more focused on the upcoming competition than ever. While they still had another month before the first show, it felt like so much progress had already been made. Hoping to surprise his team with a bit of fun this lesson, Taemin gathered his riders at the mounting block.

“You all have been doing so well these last few weeks, the progress is astounding. I mean, Mark, I haven’t seen someone improve with their hand positioning as quickly as you have in the last two weeks. I feel we all deserve some fun today. So, how about a jump off?” Taemin offered, knowing it would entice the riders competitive side. Ten shot up in his seat, elongating his posture even further than thought possible. If anyone loved competition more than Taemin, it was Ten, and to compete with him was music to his ears. 

“Hell yes, I think Gus and I can get a pretty good time in!” Lucas leaned back in the saddle, patting his hands on the grey dapples of Gus’s rear, causing his head to perk up. Mark and Taeyong shortened up the reins on their horses, already getting into fight mode. 

“Alright we’ll start with the jump on the far end, come around the line through the middle, hit the two jumps on the left side, then back around to the cross rail here. Fastest jumper gets to plan the next course,” Taemin smiled at all of them before pushing Rowan forward, getting a good warm up in after she had been standing for nearly an hour. The boys were always slow to follow Taemin’s lead on horseback because it was mesmerizing to watch him ride. His form was the standard, light and free moving, with legs like cement. His match with Rowan was impeccable. Even though they didn’t make it to the Olympics, the pair surely would have won the gold if they had.

“Are y’all gonna catch up or keep staring!” Taemin yelled from the other end of the arena. He knew he was good, but always tried to change the focus. It was so important to him that his students knew their own worth first. The boys, catching the weight of his message, frantically pushed their horses forward and prepared for a jump off sure to impress. 

They each went one by one. Mark taking off first, he knew Annabelle had the speed to win. She was a quick little mare and jump offs were her speciality. The boys hollered as Mark and Annabelle ripped through the course, cutting corners and flying over jumps. Only one pole knocked off the first jump, leaving a nearly clear round. 

Next was Lucas, driving his giant goofy horse down the rail, mercilessly kicking at his sides to get any extra speed out of him. While the jumps were beautiful, Gus refused to put any gusto into his sprints. By the time Lucas and Gus made it through the last jump, the boys jokingly fell asleep in their saddles, as if hours had gone by.

“Hey at least Gus didn’t knock any poles over, we’re working on it!” Lucas said, shaking his head at the peanut gallery of riders anxiously awaiting their turns. 

Ten and Taeyong were seamless. If it wasn’t for the fact that Taeyong’s horse was a hodge-podge of colors, they could have been considered the same run. Gliding quickly, they were the two competitors to beat. Ten however, edged out Taeyong’s time by a mere second. 

“Told you that you were number one,” Taeyong said to Ten, trying to catch his breath. Ten shook his head and went to snap back, but Taemin beat him to it.

“Not if I can help it,” Taemin said, sending a smile in Ten’s direction before taking off on Rowan to the other end of the arena. Taeyong, Lucas, and Mark all stood with their mouths slightly agape, seemingly unprepared for the burn Taemin set on his student. Trying to recover, Ten nervously spoke up only loud enough for the boys to hear.

“He’s the only one that can call me number two,” he said before crossing his arms, intent on watching his idol careen through the back end of the course. If the boys thought Ten and Taeyong were fast, then Taemin and Rowan were considered light speed. Not only that, but his form was twice as good as the best two Sunset Magnolia students combined. Between the Magnolia Riders, managing the expenses of a 30 horse stable, and splitting his 12 hour days between training horses and giving lessons, it was rare to see Taemin just ride for fun. It was something the boys, especially Ten, always hoped to see from their trainer. No matter the fame, the horse business is always a costly one. And while Taemin’s story consisted of bumps, turns, and tight budgets, the boys never stopped looking at him with the utmost admiration. 

With Taemin the clear winner of the jump off, the boys relinquished any bragging rights and made their way to the stables with their victorious instructor. 

“Hey, you all are winners in my heart,” Taemin encouraged, walking with Rowan by his side. Ten rolled his eyes and pulled Frida along his side with the rest of the boys, letting out a small laugh as to not seem any bit uninterested in Taemin. As they entered the barn, the smell of sweet hay and dust filled their noses. Each stall reflected off another, light bouncing off each gold name plate. A few horses here and there stuck their heads out their stall windows at the sound of new voices. Halfway down the hall stood Kai next to his giant chestnut gelding, Bruno. It was always the joke of the barn that everyone somehow looked like their horses, but with this duo, it was a fact. Both Kai and his partner packed the most muscle on the property. From a distance, most would be hesitant to approach, but up close they were the most gentle and inviting creatures at Sunset Magnolia. However, the boys were caught off guard by the sight of Kai tacking up Bruno, because it only meant one thing. 

“Ahh that’s right guys, now that the season is in full swing it’s time for your cleaning days. Tuesdays and Fridays still work?” Taemin asked. All the boys except Taeyong groaned. 

“Cleaning days? What does that mean?” Taeyong asked inquisitively. Each of the riders had now taken their space in the crossties, pulling off saddles and brushing down their horses. Mark poked his head from over Annabelle’s shoulder. 

“As the Magnolia Riders we have weekly cleaning obligations. Since Kai literally works here nonstop, he barely has time to himself, especially during show season. So to give him a break we take two afternoons a week and do some of his job to let him have time to go on a trail ride or take care of anything he needs” Mark answered with the utmost detail. Kai overheard the conversation and jokingly chimed in.

“Ahh my little bro is always speaking so highly of me! You’re too kind,” he said from the aisleway before heading to the tack room briefly. Kai always had such a soft spot for Mark, a nice cross between a big brother and a protective mother. Mark let out a smirk as his cheeks turned rosy. 

“Hmm, that doesn’t seem too bad,” Taeyong followed up. Cleaning wasn’t an issue for him, he already felt indebted to Taemin and Kai in his own ways. Ten now came around, saddle in hand.

“Yeah, but that means ALL the Magnolia Riders have to help. And I mean all of them,” Ten sighed before escaping to the tack room to put his equipment away. Taeyong looked back at Lucas and Mark, both nodding their head in agreeance. 

“Yeah it’s a real treat,” Lucas said. He unclipped Gus from the crossties and led him towards his stall near the end of the aisle. As he was leading him in, Baekhyun appeared out of the indoor arena attached to the barn with Galina in hand. He didn’t say anything to the boys and nearly ignored them, except for a glare in Ten’s direction as he came out of the tack room. 

“Ahh perfect timing, Baekhyun. I was just telling your teammates that today is cleaning day. I expect to see you help out too,” Taemin directed from the entrance of Rowan’s stall. “Please do your part.”

Baekhyun didn’t even take a second to look over his shoulder at Taemin. Instead a mumbled “whatever” escaped his lips. 

“You know you don’t always have to be an asshole,” Ten said as he approached Baekhyun, before jumping back as Galina lurched her head in Ten’s direction, ears pinned and teeth bared. She was quite large compared to most of the horses at the barn, and her sleek, black coat added to her sinister attitude. Baek came around from the back of Galina, patting his mare’s side.

“Now look what you’ve done to poor Gigi, you’ve frightened her,” Baek laughed.

“Oh shut up, your horse hates everyone, probably even you if she was smart enough,” Ten said before turning back towards the front of the barn where the cleaning supplies were located. Before Baekhyun could say anything, Taemin reappeared from his mare’s stall.

“Guys, please work together. I want to see the stalls cleaned, the aisles swept as usual, and everyone fed dinner. You’re my team and I expect strong efforts from each and every one of you. I’ll be out teaching another lesson if you need anything,” Taemin said before turning down the aisle. Ten reappeared from the front storage stall with a wheelbarrow full of brooms and pitchforks. He stopped in the center walkway for everyone to collect their goods.

“Why don’t we each pick a stall and work our way down, I pulled out some wheelbarrows down there.” Each boy came up and grabbed a pitchfork, except for Baekhyun who pulled his own set out after untacking Galina. Ten tried hard not to comment. Baekhyun always had to have the best of everything. For Taeyong, if anything, it intrigued him more than bothered him. He had never met someone so uptight and scornful in their 20s. Trying not to put too much focus into it, Taeyong grabbed a pitchfork along with the other boys and got to work. 

For the next two hours, the boys cleaned stalls and tidied the barn in between small talk. Lucas and Taeyong teamed up to clean one side of stalls, seeing if they could beat Mark and Ten on the other side. Meanwhile, Baekhyun kept to himself, often disrupting the strategy the other boys had put in place. Once stalls were finished they congregated into the middle of the aisle to sweep. Sweat now dripping down their foreheads, reeking of sawdust and hay, the boys worked at a much slower pace, throwing back random small talk in between broom strokes. Taeyong, hoping to make the time go by a bit quicker, tried to engage in more meaningful conversation.

“I guess I haven’t asked yet, but how did you all end up here at Sunset Magnolia?” he spoke softly, his voice barely travelling over the noise of the horses and footsteps in the barn. Lucas, still looking down at his broom, answered through sweeping movements. His arm muscles flexed like he had been doing rounds of push ups in between tasks.

“Well, I was actually hobbyless for most of my childhood. I didn’t do much except sit around the house. When I was 15, I started helping out my cousin, Jackson. He’s a delivery driver for a local feed company. So during the day I’d go around with him dropping off hay, and I just fell in love with all the horses. Taemin was always so friendly, and has been ordering feed from Jackson’s store for years, so after pleading with my parents I started lessons about four or five years ago,” Lucas paused sweeping and rested his arm on the top of the broom. “It worked out too because the other barns around here were never accepting new clients, and I’m sure they didn’t want to waste time on a goofy kid like me. But yeah, I started on one of the old lesson horses here, and then a couple years ago Taemin helped me find Gus. Before long I tried out for the Magnolias and here I am” Lucas let out a small smile and looked at Gus, who was sticking his head out of the stall window next to him. 

“Yeah, Lucas is actually the first of us to work with Taemin!” Mark exclaimed, following Ten with a large dustpan. “I didn’t start riding until I was 12, but Ten has since as long as I can remember.”

“Yeah I essentially came out of the womb horseback riding,” Ten joked sassily. He was now standing in the middle of the aisle, distracted by conversation. “Mark and I were actually at another barn a couple towns over, but after a while it just wasn’t as fun there. Barn managers changed, and my trainer wasn’t as invested in my riding as I wanted to be. I was also looking for a horse and Mark was taking Annabelle from me.”

“Wait, Annabelle was originally your horse?” Taeyong asked, now entertained by his friends’ histories. 

“Yeah, I had Annabelle for quite some time, but she was much better suited for Mark. I need a bit of a challenge,” Ten answered. “I actually found out Taemin was a trainer because I almost bought an old horse here before I found Frida. Funny enough, I was so invested in Taemin’s career at the professional level. I legit had watched him when they aired the Olympic qualifiers, I was like 16 or 17. Then suddenly he wasn’t there….just stopped competing. I know it was some sort of personal matter or something, but to come here and then find out I could be trained by him, I mean I told my parents I was going to train here even if it meant selling my clothes.”

“And you should see how he feels about his clothes,” Mark chimed in, taking a step just far enough away from Ten to avoid any slap or punch in return. Ten rolled his eyes before continuing.

“I mean the fact that Taemin is only a few years older than me and now does ALL this, who wouldn’t want to work with him,” Ten said before throwing the brooms back in the wheelbarrow. 

“Yeah, I’ve always wondered how he was able to do all this, but I’m too scared to ask. He doesn’t talk about his Olympic past much, even with us,” Lucas added. Before anyone could chime in further, Baekhyun walked down from the other end of the aisle. The stern look on his face made it clear he had been eavesdropping. Even with cleaning, his riding pants and burgundy mock neck looked unscathed. 

“So you’ve asked everyone here where they’re from, but you haven’t said anything about yourself? Would you care to explain?” Baekhyun pressed, shooting his beady brown eyes in Taeyong’s direction. Taeyong’s cheeks blushed, unprepared for the question. 

“I….I - I just move a lot,” Taeyong responded. He grabbed the side of his arm, feeling uneasy by Baekhyun’s pressure as he stepped closer to him. Baek smelled of strong cologne, muting out any typical barn smell. He wasn’t much taller than Taeyong, if at all, but his presence was magnified by his arrogance. 

“That’s all you’re going to say? Surely you have some story, random boys don’t just show up here with polka dot horses asking -”

“Can you just shut up or fuck off” Ten said, stepping forward as if to shield his friend. Taeyong felt relieved by Ten’s interjection. He was maybe just as intimidating as Baekhyun. His perfectly smooth skin and dancer body was a force to be wreckin with, but at least he was on Taeyong’s side.  Just as Baekhyun went to say more, Kai reappeared down the aisle. Baekhyun’s eyes brightened and he turned away, seemingly uninterested in anything else the Magnolia Riders had to say. 

“God, I hate him. I’m sorry, Taeyong,” Ten said before wheeling the supplies back to their place. Taeyong stood quiet, trying not to seem frazzled by Baekhyun’s confrontation.

“Hey don’t sweat it, Baekhyun is a menace. The only reason Taemin probably puts up with him is because Baekhyun’s sister was his first client here. Their family has some history here,” Lucas said, resting a hand on Taeyong’s shoulder. Lucas was quite bigger than Taeyong, but his younger charm always felt reassuring. 

“Well that, and he probably doesn’t want to piss off his mom. She’s a reporter for the local paper, and she is BRUTAL,” Mark said, now resting against the stall door by Taeyong. “The whole family is nuts.”

“So does he just spend his free time picking on everyone else?” Taeyong asked, trying not to glare at him from down the aisle. His thin frame still shook a bit under his t-shirt, still coming down from the confrontation about his history. 

“Pretty much, you’d think at 25 he’d get a job of his own, but why do that when mom and dad will literally shell out money whenever you ask,” Lucas chimed in, finishing up the last bit of sweeping.

As the boys packed up their things, Taemin returned into the barn. His usual red vest was now exchanged for a black hoodie. The boys noticed Ten’s cheeks turn pink, the only noticeable sign of his fluster. He was weak for Taemin in comfy wear, it felt like one of the only times they would ever see him let his guard down. Taemin approached his team and smiled.

“This looks great guys, I know Kai appreciates the help,” he said looking down the aisle at Kai, who was now standing outside Bruno’s stall door talking to Baekhyun. He paused his conversation to speak up.

“Yeah guys, this is really helpful, makes my work much easier tonight.” Kai’s voice was much softer than his looks. Taemin continued his conversation.

“I have one more thing to add before you all go. I was just at the house going through the finances for the team this year, and let me just say, you boys did a great job fundraising. We actually don’t need to pull as much from other sources as I was expecting!” His smile grew wide, and the boys stood a bit taller hearing that information. “On top of that, I think it’s time we try some more group activities. So starting next Wednesday, we will be having full team lessons. That includes you, Baekhyun.”

The boys froze. It had been months since they had to do anything with Baekhyun, let alone train with him. While their reactions were stoic and internal, Baekhyun chose differently. He pushed himself away from Kai and stammered towards Taemin. 

“You can’t possibly do this, we have an agreement!” Baekhyun now stood a few feet from Taemin, arms braced by his side. His ears grew hot and his glare hardened. 

“Well, we made some changes. This is how it’s going to go if you want to be on this team, Baek,” Taemin responded calmly. Taeyong was surprised at how calm Taemin was after being yelled at in the aisleway. Baekhyun turned away and stomped towards Kai, grabbing his arm and pulling him down the hall. 

“You don’t get to call me that anymore!” Baek yelled before dragging Kai out of the barn. Kai shot an uneasy look at Taemin, feeling sorry for him but also not resisting Baekhyun. Taemin rolled his eyes before walking up the stairs in the aisle way to one of the nooks upstairs.

“There’s a lot to unpack here with Kai, Baekhyun, and Taemin. I promise we will get to it,” Mark said quietly, “let’s just wrap up and get out of here.” 

“Well this is fucked,” mumbled Ten under his breath. Ten grabbed his backpack and threw Mark the car keys. Lucas tossed his bag over his shoulder, keeping quiet. 

“Sorry things had to end the way they did tonight, we’ll see you tomorrow?” Mark asked, staying back with Taeyong for a few moments.

“I’ll be here,” he let out a small smile. Mark turned and lightly jogged towards Lucas and Ten now nearly out the barn doors. Taeyong, on the other hand, took a deep breath before heading to the other end of the barn. His work for the evening was just beginning.

[advernia]

the world in her heart, her heart in his hands

assorted sidenotes for the fic i made in response to an anon-sent aesthetic prompt! oooh boy, i sure took long on this one lmao...... _(:3 」∠)_

prompt #7: steady notes coming from a guitar nearby, fireflies dancing around the clearing, two sleeping bags close together, and a bright full moon briefly covered by a cloud.

so the core idea i had when i saw that prompt got requested was based on jonah’s say i do! route: he says that one day, he wanted to go to the land of reason + see the place alice was born and raised. tbh idk how the prompt even led me to that, but the imagery vibes i got from the prompt hinted of something like freedom. or something like lovers secretly meeting in the woods, which i sort of went by.

OKAY SO I SWEAR I FINISHED WRITING THE PROMPT (day zero!!!) EARLY (by my standards) LMAO.............. like, maybe a week after i got the ask or so? but then when i went about proofreading it i felt that it was... lacking??? i can’t explain it myself, but i didn’t wanna post it yet until i got that feeling cleared out - i tried revising + adding, but it didn’t help so i just started thinking about expanding the fic instead...

thinking about the scenes really took longer than i thought?!?!?! i wanted this request up early but i was stumped on what kind of scenes i wanted to see + how their lengths were gonna be.... plus i was thinking if i should go solely on narration + description........ or maybe more of dialogue...... then i jumped to holy shit what’s my timeline gonna be what cultural whatnot am i gonna emphasize and i think i fussed over those aspects rather than picturing the actual scenes LMAOOO.......................

great disclaimer: i have NEVER stepped into the uk..... or england + london for that matter ahahaha GET REKT tho i want to someday huehuehue....... i heavily relied my research on maps + history websites + train timetables to help me get through the touring parts so do forgive me if i messed up somewhere + butchered history haha..... i was thinking to make things vague, but since i’m always in for emphasizing the differences between cradle + land of reason, i decided to get a little technical with it......

i have to admit that i wrote most of the fic during breaks in work hELLA RAD........... i’m doing my job properly, i swear........ it’s just that when i already have a stable idea of what i want to happen, the scene becomes clearer in my mind. i wanted so! badly! to add scenes of jonah pronouncing words and looking at various things funny!!! jonah and his attempts to communicate with londoners!!! fussy jonah poking around a boutique, him being fascinated + studying displays of gun shops, or him accidentally offending the royal guard + constables LMAOOOOO but i couldn’t seem to write anything satisfactory involving those ideas........... ಥ_ಥ

back to the issue of timeline, i was picturing the london in this fic to be around the 1860s or smth.... but then i remembered that in edgar’s dramatic end letter, he mentions his fascination with electricity aka lightbulbs......... which were, like...... discovered early 1800s but only became common in 1882 ahahaha....... when i realized this i was already writing day 18 oOOPS so i just decided to go on and wing it I’M SORRY _(:3 」∠)_

on timeframe, i know that it’s very highly unlikely that jonah would take a vacation for two months. i bet the mere concept of a one-month vacation is enough to give him a heart attack LMAOOOO but let’s just say that red army told him to take his time in the land of reason, especially when they learn that jonah plans to formally meet alice’s parents. when he hears about this, lancelot tosses in the suggestion of proposing to alice while they’re in the land of reason, so that jonah can tell her parents about that too. jonah thinks it’s a fantastic idea..... so he decides to accept hot damn, a two month vacation!

whole route & lengths of stay (points streaked with red are mentioned within the fic minus nottingham whoops sorry):

london [16 days bc IT’S A BIG CITY LMAO (day 30 - 14). rides a morning train going to bristol on the 14th, arrives there midday.]

bristol [5 days (day 14 - 9). leaves bristol on the morning of the 9th to walk all the way to glastonbury, arrives there come late afternoon / evening.]

glastonbury [4 days (day 9 - 5). leaves midday of the 5th to walk their way to alice’s village, arrives there around sunset.]

alice’s village / ‘actual wonderland’ lmao [5 days (day 5 - 0). located somewhere in between bridgwater, taunton, and glastonbury. month 1 of vacation has ended.]

day log commentary!

thirty. arrival in the land of reason through falling - routes where alice does go back don’t feature her falling down london’s sky, so maybe she’s just... spit out from the hole????? idk haha so i altered it anyway!!!!! the landing scene was initially like this: jonah lands first, he catches alice in his arms, they banter a bit....... and then they suddenly remember the suitcase only for said object to fall right on jonah’s head LMAOOO....... it’s a cradle magical object that looks like a regular suitcase but will always be as light as a feather despite it’s contents + it has GREAT CAPACITY so jonah is actually okay!!!!!! i decided to scrap that scene concept though haha!

twenty-nine. does the hole to the land of reason only open around midnight or smth???? i’m sure it doesn’t, but i went with jonah + alice leaving cradle minutes before twelve o’clock, so when they arrive in london jonah gets to see the big ben signal midnight. is that planned on alice’s part? maybe. on another note, i’m assuming that a high-ranking officer + noble like jonah is definitely used to traveling to other countries so he’s definitely not one for homesickness, but i like the thought of him always feeling all sorts of uncomfortable on his first nights away from home - he doesn’t make a big deal about it bc he gets better three days in or so. idk, it just seems fitting for someone very particular like him.

twenty-seven. if luka’s hair is fucking dyed, my god (no wonder i found those light ends of his hair sorta funny), then here’s jonah excuse to adapt another hair color with the help of magic crystals LMAO - i always stick with a reality ensues standpoint, so his ikeman looks aside, i’m sure londoners would find jonah’s hair color (heck, maybe even his eye color) very unique. alice can’t deal with all that sudden attention lol but she somewhat proud that the man who has effortlessly captured the attention of the people of her world too is the man she proudly calls her lover ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

twenty-three. now that i think of it, what exactly does cradle mean when they say the land of reason? are they simply referring to the city of london, or earth as a whole??? most likely the latter, but i’m pretty sure no one except blanc (and possibly ray bc that globe in his room lol) know exactly how large the land of reason is. anyway, not gonna lie, i wanted jonah + alice talking about novels by maybe the likes of charles dickens, thomas hardy, george eliot or h.g. wells. heck, maybe jane austen and charlotte bronte too!!!! but i had to scrap that bc gaps in understanding cultural & historical references + use of language, figurative and non-figurative.... it’s a shame about the last two though - i’m sure jonah can somehow probably relate to the society depicted in their books since the red territory sounds like your typical breeding place of victorian era nobles lmao!!!!

eighteen. sometimes when people learn / gain a deeper understanding about new things, they have the urge to brag about said knowledge to others - of course jonah wants to show alice what he knows about her world so far haha! calling a train a mechanical beast tho lmao..... he refers to it that way, but i think it’s his target of fascination in london!!! noise and possibly environmental issues aside, it’s very convenient + efficient and can cater to all, but what he finds most impressive that it’s a man-made locomotive!!! that’s something worth incredible praise!!! ( ᐛ )و

fourteen. actual train ride!!! hmmm.... i think jonah only panics maybe a good thirty minutes in when the train starts moving??? alice tries to calm him down by pointing at the passing scenery out the window + idle chatter until jonah finally relaxes himself.... but then he starts to panic slightly again when alice suggests that they look around the train and he’s like: is that even remotely safe??? what about our baggages, can we leave them unattended??? hey, i saw you snicker - how dare you laugh at me!!!

nine. according to google, an estimate of a walk starting from bristol going to glastonbury is 8h 25min. that’s for the present time though - would’ve it been shorter or longer in the past??? idk, but definitely one’s pace during the walk affects the total time, lol. since railroads only started out around 1830s + i made alice a village girl, walking really is her way to go. pedestrianism was still a thing around the 19th century!!! her stamina in other routes tho lol (ﾟ⊿ﾟ)

six. here’s my self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 1 LMAOOOO -   the steps in the scene aren’t really from a certain folk dance in england, much less from glastonbury itself... i did look up on england folk dances, but i couldn’t pick one that i wanted to incorporate into the scene so i went with describing some random steps on the top of my head _(:3 」∠)_ ..... maybe someday, i’ll write a proper one..... on another note though, i suppose jonah can adapt quickly to folk dances, but he may come off a bit stiff at first in line / column dances where there’s the switch of partners??? i mean, there are formal 19th century dances that have that same concept, but.... the finesse + personal boundaries are all there lmao -  he’s not against the casual intimacy + show of obvious joy in folk + common dances though, it’s just more of that he’s not used to the informality of it all, i think.

five. plot twist: alice does lead jonah to her home, the cottage on a hill like she always described, but what he doesn’t expect is when she solemnly says that she’d introduce him to her parents she leads him to the back of the hill and in the foot of the hill he finds himself staring at her parents’ gravestones as she’s smiling sadly with a bouquet of flowers in her hand OH WAIT WRONG GENRE WASN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FLUFF LMAO - kidding aside, i do hope cybird catches onto the idea of a story event of chosen suitor going to the land of reason with alice to meet her parents or smth!!! they did do a travel event in the jp ver, after all.... but i’m not keeping my hopes up haha....... _(:3 」∠)_

zero. self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 2 - tho it’s in the latter part along with the prompt lmao!!! hmmm, i’m pretty satisfied with how this one turned out tho i had a little problem arranging the first half - the rest i relatively left untouched even after i added the rest of the days to the fic. hopefully, does well as a nice end to the fic itself..... tbh, the thought of summer dress alice + casual shirt & pants jonah both barefoot & running around like children in moonlit woods (don’t do this in real life folks) made me smile a lot. give me more soft-and-not-so-tooth-rotting-fluff scenes, cybird

also!!! since the prompt involved a guitar, i had a certain track on repeat lmao - you can listen to it here, and it’s the second to the last track titled umibe ni yurete (swaying in the beach)! (ノ^∇^)

and that’s all that i’ve got today!!! thank you very much for reading + hope you’re staying safe & well wherever you are!!!!（｡≧◇≦）ﾉ

[thepersephonecabin]

A Very Adamo Family Christmas

Happy holidays! This is my gift for @foxesonstilts for the 2019 @festivebastion gift exchange. They requested Adamo/Laure, snapshots from their life at the Greylace estate, and Adamo and Royston being bros.

So this is the story about the wild circumstances surrounding the birth of Adamo and Laure’s first child. Sorry, it isn’t as Adamo/Laure centric necessarily as it could be, so much as it’s... general chaos from the whole crew, but I hope you like it nonetheless!

read on AO3

-

The problem with living in a remote top secret military base disguised as a farmhouse an hour from Thremedon, Laure realized, was that when you went into labor in the middle of the worst blizzard in a decade you would inevitably find yourself snowed in with only a group of the biggest idiots from here to the border as midwifes.

She supposed it was lucky at least that it had happened after their yearly gift exchange for the winter holidays so at least she had Hal and Thom to help bring the collective IQ of the house up, she reasoned, gritting her teeth as another contraction hit her.

Owen was helping her up the stairs to their bedroom, one arm around her waist, the other hand clasped in hers. “It’s okay, breathe through it,” he told her soothingly.

She was trying to, but it was kind of hard with the cacophony that was occurring behind her in the rest of the stairwell.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Raphael was cursing, “How the fuck are we supposed to deliver a baby?”

“Don’t look at me,” Luvander said, “I haven’t seen a vagina up close since secondary school.”

“I GOT A TOWEL,” Toverre announced from somewhere beyond the bottom of the stairs.

“Thrilling. Did you hear? He got a towel,” Ghislain said to Luvander.

“Are you sure you don’t want me carry you?” Owen asked her, gently.

She looked over at him, and let herself focus on him, “Are you sure you can?”

“I’m sure I can try,” he laughed. He let go of her hand so that he could bend slightly, and hook his arms under her knees, lifting her up into his arms and carrying her the rest of the way. A clattering of footsteps let her know the others were following.

As her husband deposited her on the bed, the others filed in, and Adamo turned on them in full chief sergeant mode. “Right, you all can’t be in here or you’ll just wreak havoc.”

Everyone began arguing, shouting about who should get to stay. Laure began dedicating her entire remaining concentration on the arduous task of removing her soaked underwear, an act that she normally wouldn’t have performed in front of everyone, but one that she didn’t see the point in concealing under the current circumstances.

“We can handle this, right boys?” Raphael said to the other first wave members. “I mean, we’ve taken down catapults and taken down tons of Ke-han assholes, fought in countless battles. Delivering a baby? How hard can it be?” Then he caught sight of the pair of panties Laure had just finished removing. “Is that? Bloo-“

He didn’t finish, because he’d fainted. Luvander and Ghislain took a solemn moment to look down at him and not help in any way whatsoever.

“As Adamo’s best friend, obviously, I’ll stay,” Royston was saying.

“Yeah right,” Luvander said. “A fantastic idea. Let’s just put a person known for accidentally exploding things when he gets stressed out in the birthing suite, I’m sure nothing could go wrong there.”

“Well, you know how much it pains me to say it, but Luvander has a point,” Adamo began.

Royston gasped, “Et tu, Owen?”

“Maybe you could try using your powers to get through the snow outside,” Thom suggested. “Then, we could sent Rook or Ghislain out towards Thremedon for a medic.”

“Nope, not going,” Rook said, shouldering his way into the room, carrying a bucket full of towels in one hand and a bowl of water in the other. “Her water already broke, and contractions are less than ten minutes apart. Not enough time in this snow to melt our way out, get to Thremedon, and get back. I’m staying here. Send Ghislain if you want someone to check up on her after it’s over.”

Everyone went quiet, looking at him as he made himself at home at the foot of the bed and began rolling up his sleeves. Luvander gaped at him.

“Hillary, get over here, make yourself useful and pull her hair back as much as you can,” Rook said, pulling a hair tie off his wrist and letting it hang off one hand angled back towards Thom without looking. “Then do mine.”

Thom exchanged confused glances with everyone else, but slowly complied.

“Rook, I’m sorry, I think it might be time for me to get my ears checked again, but are you being reasonable right now?” Balfour asked.

“Shut up, Balfour,” Rook snapped. “I’m delivering, obviously. I have the most experience.��� He said it as if it pained and exhausted him to even have to say it.

“Is this really time to brag about how many girls you’ve fucked?” Laure said through gritted teeth.

Rook gave her a warning look and snarled, “It’s not about how many girls I’ve fucked, it’s about the fact that I’m surely the only person in this room who’s helped deliver a baby before.”

“When the fuck did you have time to do that?” Luvander asked. “Thom, when did he do that?”

Thom sighed and began pulling Rook’s hair and braids into a ponytail. “I don’t know, Luvander. I’ve told you, I’m not his keeper.”

“To be fair,” Ghislain said, “You are putting up his hair like a lady-in-waiting right now.”

“Okay, stop,” Adamo said. “Rook, do you really know how to do this or are you talking bullshit?”

Rook looked exasperated, “Do all of you just think the whores in Molly just have doctors waiting on their beck and call? No, they don’t, and even if they did, it’s a tad hard to pay them in sex when you’ve just pushed a baby out of yourself. You just make do with whoever’s there, and you can hardly call yourself a Mollyrat if you haven’t pulled a baby out of someone. I mean, Hillary’s standing right there, isn’t he? Who do you think pulled his whiny ass out of our Mom? Mom? Though, if I’m being honest, if I had known how much of a pain in my ass he’d be I might’ve been more keen to just leave him in there.”

“Wow, love you too, big bro,” Thom muttered sarcastically. No one else really seemed to know how to respond to this statement because Rook and Thom’s shared parentage was somewhat of a touchy subject that no one felt that safe commenting on with any level of seriousness.

Rook seemed to notice Raphael lying on the floor for the first time, “What happened to him?”

“He saw the bloody underwear and just gave dead way,” Balfour said.

Rook looked at the unconscious body for a moment, and just said, “Pussy.”

Adamo was pinching the bridge of his nose, “Okay, obviously Raphael can’t stay. Luvander is out because by his own admission he doesn’t know jack shit about the female reproductive system. Royston, how about you use your explosions to push the snow and work on trying to clear an exit to the stables, and once we get out there Balfour can see if his girl is willing to melt a path for Ghislain to get a horse out to the road.”

“That won’t be a problem, the problem will be getting her to stop,” Balfour promised.

“Well, as long as she doesn’t set the house on fire she can melt as much snow as she wants, there’s certainly enough of it. Laure, are you okay with Rook doing this?”

“Honey, I cannot express to you how little I care about who takes it out as long as someone does,” Laure said, resting against the pillows and closing her eyes. “Not Toverre, though. Love him, but I’m already stressed out enough. I can’t worry about how many sheets I ruin right now.”

“Fair enough,” Adamo said. “Rook, how much help are you going to need?”

“Maybe one other person,” Rook said with a shrug. “Besides you. Your job is to keep her calm. I don’t care who else stays as long as they stay out of my way. Just make a decision so I can look at her. I doubt your bride wants me to flip up her skirt with everyone here.”

“Okay, Thom, help him since you know how to handle him,” Adamo delegated. “Hal, why don’t you stay so you can pass on every scintillating detail to your husband. We can pass anything dirty to Toverre as they come to keep him busy and make him feel included. Everyone else, you have your jobs or you can standby for one.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” Luvander said, with a mock salute, and lead the way out.

 The first child of Owen and Laure Adamo, was born at nearly one in the morning, and Bastion-blessed, she was a big one. “The fattest fucking baby I’ve seen since Thom came out,” according to Rook, in fact.

And she was. 12 pounds, 2 ounces, with chubby, little cheeks and rolls upon rolls of skin, but she was completely and utterly perfect.

“I don’t know that she’s necessarily fat,” Luvander said, leaning over Toverre’s shoulder, though he was definitely talking to Raphael. “I think she might just be built like a square like Adamo is.”

“You think?” Raphael asked.

“Can you two please quiet down? I’m having a bonding moment with my niece,” Toverre complained. He was leaning over the bathroom sink where the baby was squirming in the baby bathtub he’d gotten Laure as a baby shower gift. It was supposed to be the best baby bath on the market, and Laure had honored him by giving him the task of washing the baby for the first time since he’d been so excited about the gift.

Raphael gave him a mock apologetic look, and said, “Oh, so sorry.” Then he stage-whispered to Luvander in the most obnoxious way he could manage, “I HOPE FOR LAURE’S SAKE THE REST OF THEIR CHILDREN AREN’T THIS BIG.”

Luvander gave him a wicked grin. “WE SHOULD BET. HOW LONG BEFORE THE NEXT ONE AND HOW MANY THEY END UP WITH?”

“IT’LL BE RAMANTHINE TWINS FOR SURE. I MEAN WITH THEIR FREQUENCY OF LOVEMA-“

“Okay, that’s it, get out!” Toverre yelled at them.

“Or what?” Luvander asked.

“Or I’ll tell Adamo the way you were talking about his wife,” Tovere said.

They got out.

Back in the bedroom, Thom was staring at Rook again.

“What the fuck are you lookin’ at?” Rook hissed at him, shoving dirty sheets into a basket, then doing a double take. “What are you smiling at?”

Thom blushed, looking away. “It’s nothing. It’s just… you know, the last time I saw you with blood up to your elbows like that it was in the desert after you massacred that tribe with Kalim.”

“So?” Rook asked.

“I don’t know. I just thought it was nice to think about. It’s like you’ve graduated from taking life out of the world to bring life into it.”

“I’m gonna take you out of this world if you don’t shut up.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Thom sighed. “But seriously, you did good. I’m proud of you.”

“Do I get any gold stars or special points, Professor?” Rook snarked in mock happy voice.

“Rook,” Adamo said from the bed beside Laure, “you were doing so well, don’t start being an asshole now.”

“Bold of you to think I ever stopped.”

It was then that Toverre re-entered the room with the baby in his arms. “Well, she’s all clean, even though she did splash me about a million times in the process.” They could see his shirt was covered in dark marks from the water as he went to sit at Laure’s bedside and pass her daughter to her. “She’s beautiful, Laure. She’s perfect.”

Laure smiled, “Thank you, Toverre.”

“What will you name her?” Hal asked.

“Well,” Laure said, looking at her husband. “We needed to talk to Rook and Royston about that.”

Rook paused for a moment at the mention of his name, then shook his head and passed the basket of soiled linens to Toverre for him to take care of.

“I’ll, uh, take these downstairs and send the Margrave up then,” Toverre said awkwardly. “If you need anything, just yell.”

Rook leaned against the window, looking out at the snow for the sake of not looking at Adamo, Laure, and the baby, which he had privately decided to called The Interloper. In the distance he thought he could see a light down towards the end of the driveway. Seemed like he’d been right about them not having time to get a healer if Ghislain was just starting to get back.

It didn’t take long for Royston to bound in. He’d gotten a quick glance of the baby with the others, but they all knew he wouldn’t be satisfied until he was able to take her on a whole damn uncle-niece shopping spree. Sure enough, he was grinning ear-to-ear when he came in with barely contained excitement. “Congratulations,” he said, giving each of the new parents big hugs, then staying attached to Adamo with an arm around his friend’s hip.

Thom went by the window and elbowed Rook until he went over to the bed.

“Well, Laure and I talked about it extensively before tonight,” Adamo began giving his wife a smile, “and against our better judgement, we decided to ask you two, Royston and Rook, to be her godfathers. Royston, you’ve been my closest friends since we were pieces of shit in college together. You were really the one person who encouraged me to go after Laure, you officiated our wedding. And we agreed that neither of us would be here, holding our daughter, if it weren’t for you. And Rook, since the day Amery dragged you into my office you have been nothing if not a pain in my ass, but you’re also maybe the strongest and bravest son of bitch I’ve ever met. And I know if there was one person I could count on to protect my daughter if for some reason Laure or I couldn’t, it would be you.”

“So for those reasons, and in thanks to all your help tonight, we decided to name her Royce Rook Adamo. Rory for short,” Laure said. She looked at Royston. “Do you want to hold her?”

Royston laughed, wiping tears from his eyes. “Of course, I do. What kind of question is that?”

Finally, now that she was in his arms, Royston had a good look at her. She had Adamo’s brown skin, and the croppings of what promised to be curly red hair. He thought she might also have her mother’s smile and cheeks, but a wider nose like her father.

“I’m in love with her already. You know, I rather have a feeling that she’ll be a marvelous handful, this one,” Royston said with a soft laugh, carefully moving away Rory’s tiny fist as she tried to grasp ahold of his beard. “And a fighter to boot. I hope you’ve both gotten your beauty rest.”

Adamo laughed, “Really, I think you and Hal should get yours as well. After all, you’ll have to babysit her eventually.”

“Of course,” Royston agreed. “I’m sure you’ll be ready for some alone time soon enough. Airman Rook, would you like to hold her?”

Rook wasn’t sure what he’d like, but he could feel enough eyes on him that accepted he baby into his arms anyway. He had to admit, now that she’d calmed down and stopped crying she wasn’t so bad. But he wasn’t sure it made her not bad at all yet. It had been many years since he’d held a baby in his arms, and he wasn’t sure he was a fan of having someone to take care of considering Thom gave him enough trouble already.

“Well, Rory,” he sighed, “sorry your parents gave you such a shitty name, but I suppose I can try to make it up to you by teaching you a few swear words, and the important things like holding your liquor, winning bar fights, and maybe if you grow up and end up taking after me in other arenas I can show you the art of wooing ladies and by wooing ladies I mostly mean getting laid, of course. Now, if you really cooperate with me, we might be able to teach you how to say ‘fuck’ before anything else, and wouldn’t that show Mommy and Daddy?”

Rory responded by gurgling spit at him, which he took as a yes. Dumb bitch still doesn’t know how to talk, he joked to himself and almost laughed.

“Yeah, that’s about as good as I was hoping to get when we had this conversation,” Laure said.

“Honestly, I expected it to be much more vulgar,” Adamo confessed. “He could be losing his touch.”

“Rory, can you tell Daddy ‘fuck off’?” Rook asked the baby.

Rory gurgled some more.

“Fine, we’ll work on it some more,” he promised. “We have time.”

[junionigiri]

Just Another Secretary Story! Chapter 3 - What I Want

Chapter summary: Todoroki tries to understand what Uraraka wants (and sort of misses).

Rating: T

“So,” Midoriya Izuku begins, struggling to keep his face as serene as a Buddharupa, “she said no.”

Shouto hates that he ends up in Midoriya’s much smaller office in the morning that follows his proposal to Uraraka, yet here he is. To his astonishment, his subordinate was right and he was wrong. The shorter man’s efforts to not say any variation of I told you so makes this humbling ordeal a lot worse.

After some thoughtful silence regarding the look of utter defeat in Shouto, he asks, “What happened anyway? You drove to Uraraka-san’s house last night, right?”

The arduous journey took him forty-five minutes of driving in the opposite direction, ten minutes taking the wrong exit, and another ten minutes of driving at a snail’s pace in that tiny, tiny neighborhood where she lived. He only ran over a grand total of two ceramic pots, resulting in a brief confrontation and him leaving 20,000 yen per pot to the stunned owners. He was told to come back anytime, which was strange, but he wouldn’t have minded it if his travels were worth it.

They were not. After watching him cast his dignity aside and covering the sidewalk with raw eggs, Uraraka merely knelt beside him and touched his forehead to check for a fever. Followed by her asking him if he remembered who he is or where he was and how many fingers she was holding up.

“Yikes.” Midoriya physically winced at that. “And then what?”

Shouto exhales slowly. “And then she said she can’t… won’t marry me.”

Her exact words were, “Director, I can’t marry you, how can you even ask me that? And please get off the concrete right now, your suit will get ruined!!! ”

He supposed he can’t blame her for not immediately picking up on the flawless logic of his plan, so he explained things to her as concisely as he can. “You want to get married. I am the most suitable person for what you want--smart, wealthy, successful, handsome, established, and a fair man who won’t force you to quit your career. There’s no question. You should marry me as quickly as possible.”

He isn’t even bragging when he said those things about himself--they’re just objectively true. She stared at him in a number of ways--curiosity, shock, and an emotion he didn’t know that made her eyes flare. He thought she ended up getting the fever judging by the way her cheeks turned from pink to red and how her hands shook.

“Director… go home. I gotta… have to clean up the eggs.”

After that, she walked away from him without saying anything. She might have been shocked or she might have been just plain rude, which he didn’t deserve at all. Shouto went home feeling irritated.

In an impassioned text she sent him after he demanded an explanation, she tells him, What I want is an ordinary marriage with an ordinary person. Nothing more, nothing less. Goodnight, Director Todoroki.

“Oh no,” Midoriya groans. “Of course it’ll end up like this, Todoroki-kun—I mean, Director. I’m surprised you thought this would work at all.”

His fingers tap against his desk in irritation. “You made that abundantly clear, Midoriya. But tell me why I was set to fail.”

“Well, there are lots of reasons why it wasn’t going to work… I mean, you went there without a plan, you didn’t call her or text her that you needed to see her, you didn’t check if the venue was appropriate for the proposal, your proposal was obviously rushed, you didn’t even have a ring, you caused her to break all those eggs, ruined her dinner, made a big mess in the neighborhood...”

Each point Midoriya stabs him right in the ego until Shouto feels about as alive as the hideous tiger rug his father keeps in their summer home.

“But most important of all… Director.” He pauses to take a deep breath, both to give his superior time to ruminate over his words, and also because he’s already turning blue from talking so much without breathing. “The biggest flaw in your plan was you asked to marry her with no consideration for her whatsoever. You just assumed that she’d marry you just because you said so! That’s not how marriage works! For a marriage proposal like that, no is the only correct answer!”

How is he supposed to know how marriages worked? He didn’t learn anything witnessing the sham of a marriage between his parents. It’s already baffling enough that anyone would want anything as fragile as that. Still,

“I did it for her. I wouldn’t have asked if she didn’t want it.”

Midoriya is wrong. This isn’t about what he wanted. Uraraka is the one who wants marriage, not him. He’s never even considered it at all before her.

His best friend looks more frustrated than ever. “No, you wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t going to lose an assistant. You wouldn’t have asked her anything if she didn’t tell you that she wanted to leave! And I get that you’re panicking because you’re afraid to lose her, but I think you need to take time to understand her better!”

Realizing too late how passionately he nagged Shouto like a disappointed mother, Midoriya blushes furiously and clamps his mouth shut.

“You seem to understand relationships better than I do, Midoriya. I’m surprised. You definitely don’t look experienced.”

Midoriya continues to make an impressive impression of a tomato and stammers in protest. “Nghh, it’s not that--I mean--no, you know what, my experience doesn’t matter.” Shaking the red from his freckled cheeks, he points an accusing finger at him. “What matters now is you! Make an effort to understand what Uraraka-san wants and give her what she needs from you!”

“Make an effort to understand what Secretary Uraraka wants,” he repeats.

Midoriya hums affirmatively.

“And give her what she needs.”

The other man nods brightly. “Yeah, you get it now, right Director? The thing you have to do now is to--”

“--understand who her ideal marriage partner is and become that person.”

“--give her some space and-- TODOROKI-KUN, SERIOUSLY. ”

Midoriya isn’t prone to many outbursts, so anytime he has one people have to be concerned. But the gears in Shouto’s head are too busy turning for him to notice.

Of course he was set to fail from the start, because the manner of his approach was wrong. There was meaning to Uraraka mentioning her ordinariness--how could he have missed it? He didn’t think being extraordinary would give him any disadvantages ever in his life. But now that he understands the situation better, he knows what to do next.

“She wants an ordinary person and an ordinary marriage. So, if she were an ordinary person from her age group, what she would be looking for is romance. That’s a statistically sound assumption based on solid marketing research. So if I am able to successfully woo her as an ordinary man--”

“Oh no,” Midoriya whispers.

Oh yes. It’ll be tough to become the ordinary person she wants, but he can make it work. He’ll face the challenges head-on for the sake of her future-- their future. A stable marriage with a smart, wealthy, successful, handsome, established man, and a stable job working for a smart, wealthy, successful… well, you get the idea. She should count herself lucky.

By that time, the green-haired chief looks pretty much done with everything. “I know that look in your eyes, Director, and I know nothing’s gonna stop you whatever I say. So let me know how it goes, yeah? I’ll get to work now, so...”

Gathering his things, Midoriya turns to leave his own office. Unfortunately for him, Shouto isn’t done with him yet. One searing hot hand makes it to the shorter man’s shoulder, making him yelp.

“But Chief Midoriya, I need your expertise in this. Kindly put your bag down and help me strategize.”

“... oh no,” Midoriya repeats helplessly.  

 *

 Ochako hesitates a little as she opens the door to the Office of the Executive Director. Due to her errands the day before, she hasn’t had a chance to sit with her officemates since the announcement of her resignation. In her groupchat with Tooru-chan and Tsuyu-chan from Marketing, she was told that she’s the topic of widespread gossip all over the corporation. So she’s worried--how is the rest of the office going to react about her leaving?

The moment she enters, Monoma Neito, the unit manager, twirls with a fox-like smile. “Well, well, well! And here we have the quitter herself! Welcome to the end, Uraraka!”

The rest of the five-man team--Senior Officer Iida Tenya and his two assistants Ashido Mina and Kirishima Eijirou--let their things clatter noisily on the table upon her entrance.

“G’morning guys-- gah-- ”

Everyone is already around her before she can breathe. Predictably, it’s Iida who reaches her first by stomping across the room at the speed of light. “Uraraka-kun, tell me it isn’t true! Are you truly abandoning the Executive Director in favor of a different company in Korea?”

“No, Iida, you got that wrong!” Mina says, shoving him away from her face. “Ochako-chan, I heard you’re quitting ‘cause you’re getting married to a childhood friend from Mie-ken! That’s it, right? Right?”

“No way, Mina!” Kirishima shoves her face with his own so he can look at Ochako in the eye. “It’s medical, right? Uraraka, if you need a blood or organ donor, you know you can just come to me, right? I’ll give you my kidney and I won’t even say ouch , so--”

So they’re not mad at her for leaving. She’s hardly able to get even an awkward laughter in when Monoma shoves the enthusiastic group away from her with a snooty tsk, tsk, tsk.

“Now now, you lot. We all know what this is about.” With his usual flourish and spread of the fingers, he deems himself to explain. “Uraraka has been the most faithful aide to the Director for the past nine years. No other secretary is able to achieve the feats that she has. Therefore we owe her the courtesy of her privacy when it comes to the personal reasons of her leaving work.”

Ochako stares at the usually prickly manager in awe. “Wow, Monoma-kun, that’s awful decent of you.”

“Can’t be helped. I am an extraordinarily decent person, after all. So when you marry that Mie-ken guy and move to Korea within the next three and a half months for work and treatments, it’s really none of our business~”

So he’s still the same snake. She wonders why anyone would still believe anything this guy has to say.

“That said, Uraraka,” Monoma continues, batting his eyelashes innocently, “if you’re looking for a new chief secretary to replace you, look no further, for I--”

“Ah! That’s right!” Iida interrupts them with a swift karate chop in front of the blonde’s face. “Uraraka-kun, if it is so, we must create a task force to find your replacement! As such, I would like to verify the imminence of your resignation, so that I can act accordingly!”

Ignoring Monoma’s offended scoff, Ochako beams at Iida like a lightbulb. “It’s true, Iida-kun! Like I told the Director, I’m gonna start turnover of duties as soon as we find a replacement. So I’ll only be here for another month!”

“Oh my god, Ochako-chan! You’re really leaving us! I can’t believe it!” Mina says tearily, “Oh, but you’re not dying from an illness or anything like that, are you?”

She smiles. “Nope, I’m not dying! Don’t worry!”

“OMG! How about marriage then?!”

Ochako tries not to cough remembering the whole debacle from last night. “... nope… not yet...”

The entire office sighs in relief (except for the snickering Monoma, the obvious source of all gossip). “But this is great, Uraraka! You work the hardest out of all of us, but now that you’re resigning, it means you’re finally going to have some time for yourself, huh?” Kirishima says.

“Well… yeah, there’s that too,” she answers coolly. When she beams again, the four other executives had to literally shield their eyes from her.

“Gah, my eyes,” Monoma mutters, wiping his eyes. “Is this the smile of a woman who’s finally going to have time for dates? I’m ~thrilled~ for you, Uraraka.”

The spring of her youth came late, but boy is she going to enjoy it. The vision of holding a special someone’s hands as they walk under the cherry blossoms seems a little less impossible now.

Mina gasps.”That’s right, Kiri! Ochako-chan can go on dates now!” When the redhead only stares at her blankly, she rolls her eyes. “You know! That time we went to the barbecue place in Wookiess, he asked you about Ochako after seeing our pictures?”

Kirishima gasps. “Yeah… yeah, yeah! Hey, Uraraka, if you’re up for a blind date, there’s a good buddy of mine who--”

Before any of them can process what the boisterous couple is actually trying to say, a flash of red and white enters their peripheral vision. As a conditioned reflex, they all shut their mouths, turn to the entrance and simultaneously do a half-bow. “Executive Director,” they greet in unison.

Todoroki Shouto glares at them more severely than usual. “Secretary Uraraka,” is all he needs to say before Ochako is on his heels the next second.

She hears a soft and scared bye from the rest of the team. It’s the same air of villagers watching the human sacrifice get thrown into the gaping maw of a volcano. The difference is, the villagers only have to do this once per season, whereas the Office of the Executive Director does this every single day.

Just a month longer, Ochako, she tells herself before going over the day’s agenda with the Director. 

 *

 The Director’s mood is in a different level of hell than any of them had imagined. Oddly it was Kirishima who ended up with the bulk of the workload that day. No-one dared to question why.

So much for talking to him about the blind date. Ochako’s definitely interested in learning more about the guy they had in mind. Even though it isn’t very likely that this random guy will be ~The One~, it’s still a great chance to test the waters. 

I wonder if he’s a nice guy. There’s a good chance that he is, right? Kirishima’s one of the nicest guys in the universe, and it makes sense to have a ‘good buddy’ who’s as nice as he is. Oh, maybe he’ll have puppy dog eyes. Like a Pomeranian. Gosh, it’ll be cute if he were just like a Pomeranian.

Wait. I’m at work. I shouldn’t be thinking of dates with guys I haven’t met yet. She shakes her head and continues typing up a letter to HR for her replacement. Okay, qualifications, qualifications...

A nice guy, nice hair, stable job, intelligent. He definitely has to be tall. Muscles are good. Sharp eyes? Red is a nice eye color, but that might be too intense. Purple is good too. And blue. Oh, grey. Blue and grey…?

A muscle involuntary twitches on her face.

Sneakily, Ochako peers over to where Director Todoroki is speaking in rapid French to a client from a different continent. The awkward encounter of last night flashes back in front of her eyes. Did the worst marriage proposal ever to have happened really happened? The Director didn’t mention it or even gave any indication that it happened at all, so she seriously wondered if she just dreamt the whole thing.

But she really sent him that message last night didn’t she??? What I want is an ordinary marriage with an ordinary person --she didn’t think she’d be so angry that she can snap at the Director like this through text. But he came at her with that ridiculous proposal of his just so she can keep being his secretary forever and ever, of course she’s going to snap!

Plus, as clueless as the Director is it’s so infuriating that he said something as borderline romantic as I want you by my side forever. Now that Ochako knows exactly what he meant by that, she really hated how fast her heart started beating when he said that while holding her hand. Universe, isn’t it unfair that the guy you sent to make her heart skip a beat for the first time in a long time is the clueless demon Director who just doesn’t want her to quit?

Oof, double oof. Well… if he acts like it didn’t happen, she’s more than happy to comply. It’s better this way so they can work together efficiently. It’ll only be for another month. One more month, Ochako!

Well... the eye color doesn’t matter, as long as he feeds me mochi until I explode. Must like dogs and babies. Cats…? Shelter cats should be okay. If it’s a British Shorthair...

Why is she thinking of British Shorthairs. Why is she thinking of snooty ol’ Victoria running around her dream house with her dream guy. It’s thanks to that proposal that she’s weird today. Stupid Director, messing with her good time like this!

“Uraraka-san?”

Blinking out of her reverie, she shifts into work mode and gives a half-bow to her unlikely visitor. “Chief Midoriya,” she greets respectfully. “I’m sorry, were you standing there for long?”

Midoriya Izuku shakes his head. “You were really enjoying what you were doing, so I didn’t want to disturb you.”

He gives one hecking bright smile which leaves her partially blind. Is this guy really Director Todoroki’s best friend? He must be a saint. “The Director is in the middle of a teleconference now so he can’t be disturbed. If you can come back after half an hour…”

“No, it’s okay! I was actually looking for you.”

Midoriya pulls out a floppy folder from under his arm. There are papers there filled with what look like detailed scribbles and anime doodles. To the intrigued Ochako he hands a form.

“Oh… a survey?”

“Yup!” Midoriya shows her the entire questionnaire, which is just one page. “We’re working on booking services that target women working at corporate. You know, usual things, nothing different from the normal things my department works on, not like this survey is weird or anything. Anyhow, since you’re part of our target market, I was hoping you’d help us out…”

Strange, since when did Chief Midoriya hand out surveys personally? If the employees in Endeavor needed to answer surveys, he usually gets Tooru-chan to send the forms via email. So has he been giving this to all the girls in the building? Is that why he’s sweating and murmuring more than usual?

It doesn’t look like Midoriya’s having an easy time with this survey, so she decides to help him out. “No problem, Chief. I’ll work on this one during my break,” she says with a smile. “I’ll give my form to Secretary Hagakure when I’m done.”

“Oh no! No need! Please don’t--” Midoriya coughs so hard he gags. Ochako moves to help him, but he stops her by holding a shaky hand up. “This…. I mean, Secretary Hagakure’s got other important, er, things going on. Uh, so when you’re done, I’ll just come by to pick up your form, okay?”

He’s so stressed Ochako‘s half expecting him to throw up right there and then. “Oh… kay then.”

“Okay that’s settled! Thanks for helping me, er, us out. Bye~~~”

Heaving an oddly relieved sigh, the haggard chief of marketing speedwalks out of the office without sparing a second glance. It’s well known in the company that Midoriya is very bad at talking to women, but this was worse than usual. Must be extra pressure from above...

She browses the survey briefly. There are three questions on it with plenty of space underneath to write her answers:

   Describe your ideal partner. (A complete description by physical attributes and behavioral traits are considered optimal).

Describe an ideal excursion with your ideal partner. (Provide as much detail on the location, ideal time, and weather conditions of said excursion).

Describe an ideal product that you would like to receive from your ideal partner. (Dimensions, color options, and other details are required). 

  Weird. Really weird. She can’t put her finger on it, but the blunt and commanding style of writing reads so familiarly. She’s sure that it isn’t Midoriya or his assistant Tsuyu-chan or Tooru-chan who did this one. Maybe they hired someone new?

Oh well. The questions are pretty interesting, so she’ll give herself time to think about them. Maybe once Kirishima sets her up with her blind date, she can actually claim some of her answers for real. 

 *

 As promised, Midoriya runs right into their office when she tells him she finished the survey. The executive bows to her about half a hundred times before running off and disappearing without any further explanation.

“I wonder if he’s okay,” she asks worriedly as Midoriya almost bulldozes Monoma on the way out.

“Don’t mind him,” Director Todoroki replies coldly. As that guy’s best friend, he sure seems to make an effort to disregard his existence. “You were going to show me those files from HR.”

“Yes, Director.” Ochako places an armful of files over his left, a short summarized list on his right. “These are the candidates for the secretary position. We coordinated with the department head for the interview schedules. The earliest batch will be interviewed next week.”

Todoroki taps his fingers thoughtfully over the desk. “Next week.”

“Yes, Director.”

There’s an anxious moment where Ochako expects him to push back the dates further to keep her working there for longer. But instead of that, the director takes one glance at the list of candidates and points to a name smack in the middle.

“You want to finish the turnover of duties as quickly as possible, right?” His right eye disconcertingly dark, he taps the list menacingly. “Let’s interview the first batch tomorrow. Starting with this one.”

Utsushimi Camie. Ochako raises her eyebrows at the choice. She isn’t a bad candidate at all--she finished university in the prestigious Shiketsu, she has prior experience at a respectable law firm, and she speaks English, German, and Russian fluently.

She also had a long, detailed list of her interests and hobbies that filled up half her resume, which was odd, but it only made her seem more interesting. She’d be a great replacement for Ochako. “Understood, sir.”

Director Todoroki drops the subject and continues with the rest of their daily report. Ochako keeps up with him without much problems, although with the excitement of the things to come it’s more difficult to keep her face carefully neutral.

Things are falling into place for her, aren’t they? 

 *

 It’s nighttime when she’s able to leave the office, but thankfully she’s only an hour late for her next meeting. At an eatery not far from her apartment, she easily spots her dates for the evening.

It’s easy to find them in a dingy diner like this. There are two beauties sitting with half-finished plates of dumplings and Chinese-style fried rice on them: one with dark hair, dark eyes and a gracefulness that makes her stand out, and one with pale skin, pale hair, an exquisite fashion sense and a different charisma that would make anyone do a double-take.

“Yui-chan!” Ochako rushes over to her and gives her a big, warm hug. “And Reiko-chan, oh my gosh, it’s been so long!”

“Yeah, well who’s the idiot who hasn’t taken a single day off for the last nine years?” Reiko gives her a fond smile and another bear hug. “Yui, come on, guilt-trip your cousin a more, she deserves it!”

Yui gives her a sharp look.

“I know, I know, sorry, but I’m here now, right?” Ochako takes a seat and munches on a dumpling. “Oh my gosh, I’m starving, I’m glad you ordered ahead.”

“We’ve been doing this for a long time. Give us some credit.” Reiko tells her flatly.

Kodai Yui is her quiet cousin from her mother’s side, practically a sister from how they were raised. Yanagi Reiko is their closest, snarkiest childhood friend who is also close enough to be their sister. Throughout high school and beyond they made it a point to eat at this diner once a week. Needless to say, their weekly meetings were more difficult to keep once Ochako started working at Endeavor Inc.

“Anyway, enough about that.” Ochako takes some beer and raises it to them. “This is the first time you’re meeting me without owing a single yen to the banks, so… yay me!”

“Yay, Ochako!” The glasses clink and they down their respective drinks, followed by a satisfied ahh~ in unison. As they set their glasses down, all Ochako could think about is how great it felt to know that she’d be able to do this more often.

Reiko squints her exposed eye to her, full lips pursed. “Yesterday, Yui here called me about the thing you told her about. She was so excited she said five full sentences to me. So is it true?”

“Yui-chan, you were that happy for me?” Ochako smiles at Yui brightly, who nods. “And yes it’s true, Reiko-chan! I’m leaving Endeavor Inc!”

“Oh my god, finally? I think I’ll congratulate you more for finally quitting and leaving that brat!”

Ochako giggles at the simultaneous flash of irritation on the girls’ faces. “Wow you guys really hate Director Todoroki that much, huh? ”

“And you don’t?” Reiko looks insulted. “Ochako, your nine-to-five was actually five-to-nine or worse. He forced you into a lot of his stupid business ideas, hung up on you constantly, woke you up in the middle of the night at least three times a week for new deadlines, made you wait on his girlfriends hand and foot, made you take care of his snooty cat--”

“Victoria-chan’s good,” Yui mumbles over her beer, “but, yup.”

“--and worse of all, he expected you to treat him like a prince while he treated you like shit. ” Reiko chugs down the rest of her beer in one go, she was that irritated. “And he did that for nine years. Nine years, Ochako!”

“I know,” Ochako smiles serenely. “No regrets for me though! Ma and Pa are okay in Mie, and look, Yui-chan’s an engineer now! Isn’t that great? Plus now I can do what I want, so--”

Suddenly, tears are falling quietly from Yui’s eyes. Ochako yelps in shock while Reiko scrambles for tissues.

“Yui-chan, come on, you promised not to cry over this anymore.” Ochako pats her silent cousin at the back as she pats her eyes dry gracefully. “You didn’t force me to pay for your tuition, you know? It was something that I wanted to do ‘cause I know it’ll make you happy.”

“Mhm.”

Reiko hums. “You also lent me a lot of cash so I can finish fashion school. Now I’m pretty happy being Yaomomo’s stylist, but… you know we’re both going to feel guilty for making you suffer under that asshat for longer than necessary.”

“Mm.”

“Yeah, that reminds me, shit, the nerve of that guy breaking up with Yaomomo! Oh my god, I need more beer over here, please!”

Ochako pointedly does not tell them about how the break-up happened. She might end up with an angry drunk Reiko sleeping on her couch again. “But he isn’t a bad boss. I mean, even if he pushed me too hard, he always treated me fairly. He’s just clueless about a lot of things. Besides, I learned a lot from trying to keep up with him, so…”

Reiko and Yui give her mildly disappointed looks. “Ochako… he didn’t just push you too hard. He’s practically got you on a ball and chain!”

She scoffs. “You’re exaggerating.”

Out of nowhere, Yui snatches her handbag right from her grasp. Despite her protests, the taciturn girl opens the contents for all to see, which are just standard items in an OL’s handbag--phone, wallet, Suica card, keys to her apartment, keys to the penthouse, a spare handkerchief, Tylenol for the Director’s migraine, a pair of men’s Raybans, the Director’s favorite Waterman ivory fountain pen, peppermints, cat treats--

Reiko simmers a little more. “What are you, his wife? Why the hell is your bag full of his shit?”

She scowls at the meaningful glares directed at her and grabs her bag back. “You know how clueless he is, I have to be ready for everything… It’s part my job to take care of him!”

Yui gives her a pitying look. “Stockholm Syndrome,” she mutters darkly.

Ochako scoffs. “I told you a million times already, Yui-chan, it’s n-not that. He’s my infuriating boss, nothing more, nothing less.”

Reiko narrows her eyes at her. “Hey. You stuttered.”

Under the two accusing gazes, Ochako covers her face with a mug of beer. “No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did. Oh my god.” Reiko looks about ready to flip the table and cover the entire restaurant in dumpling sauce. “Ochako. Don’t you dare.”

“No, Reiko-chan, I swear!”

Yui tugs on her sleeve with a grim determination in her eyes. “Todoroki…?” she asks.

Ochako swallows nervously. Judging by the stares coming her way, this wasn’t going to be easy, and won’t become any easier if she prolongs the agony.

“... proposed,” she finally mutters.

The two girls look at her dumbly. “Proposed?”

Ochako nods. Reiko looks about ready to upend more furniture like an irate poltergeist. Ochako has to pick her next answers carefully. “And… you didn’t say yes, did you…?”

“N-no, of course not!” Ochako sputters. She feels her cheeks light up in protest. “It came out of nowhere! He did it so I won’t quit! Besides, even if he proposed to me better, (like, in a planetarium or something), I’ll never ever ever ever ever say yes to him!”

Yui crosses her arms over her chest. “... stutter,” she says accusingly. 

Ochako makes a sound of frustration. She really doesn’t deserve all the judgmental looks coming her way. She mustered up all that courage to quit, didn’t she? And yeah Director Todoroki proposed to her just the night before and made her question his sanity, but she said no, right? Every single bone in her body told her that she couldn’t ever be with Todoroki Shouto, not in that way--

I want you by my side forever, he’d told her, with her hand in his--

“B-blind date,” she sputters forcefully. “I’m going on a blind date with someone! Someone else. Not Todoroki Shouto. So there! Stop ragging on me, ‘kay?”

She hates how hot her cheeks can get. She chugs her second beer a little faster than she’d like to try to cover it up, and thankfully it works. Yui and Reiko share a sigh of relief. “Details,” Reiko demands, to which she complies happily.

“He’s the best friend of one of my co-workers, Kirishima,” she begins, rifling through her chatlog with the redhead. It’s good that he snuck in some time to text her about it after all his work was done. “The guy’s a journalist! Neat, huh? Kirishima says he asked to meet me after seeing my face on Instagram.”

“Huh. Just your face? What a straightforward guy.” The two girls are mildly impressed. “So, what’s his name? And he’s not ugly or anything is he?”

Ochako laughs. “No, not ugly at all! So this is the guy I’m meeting next week. His name’s Baku--”

A lick of flame appears at the periphery of her vision. It’s small in reality, but in Ochako’s mind, it starts to spread. Suddenly, the whole diner is on fire. There’s ashes and debris falling over the exits, trapping them all. Someone with cold, white hands is telling her to leave and take… someone… out of there...

She can’t move. She’s about to die. They’re both about to die.

“...chako… Ochako…”

She blinks, and suddenly the fires are gone. Her body isn’t cold but she’s shaking all over. Yui is above her, cradling her and keeping her still. She hears Reiko yelling at someone in the kitchen for being too showy with their cooking.

“N… no fire?”

Yui shakes her head. “No fire.”

Reiko reappears next to Yui. “They hired someone new who didn’t know about your pyrophobia. But it’s okay now. I think we should take you home.”

Another night ruined. If it isn’t her schedule, it’s her paralyzing fear of fire. She hates that she has to ask the girls to take care of her again. She hates that the few times they meet, she has to become this broken little person again.

Yui’s too kind. Reiko’s too kind, and also badass. She really doesn’t deserve sisters like them.

“Don’t say that about yourself,” Yui tells her kindly. “You’re a great person, Ochako. One day you’ll see that. And one day, someone special will see that too. Just you wait.”

There’s nothing as comforting as Yui saying so many words while being tucked into bed. It’s good enough that she isn’t afraid to get to sleep and confront the nightmares again.

She dreams of many things, but what she remembers when she wakes up is red, white, and the smell of strawberries.

[transboygenius]

SE4SON: Chapter 23 (Finale)

[*After the explosion*]

The barricade was gone, the hellish atmosphere was gone, and most importantly, the king was gone. Everything looked so clear, so beautiful. With those walls no longer imprisoning them, the citizens felt as free as escaped caged animals. King Jason was no more. The only thing left of him was a pile of glitter, and his giant crown. The whole village was a mess, not to mention half destroyed, but at least they are now free from that tyrant. All thanks to two young heroes. With all that junk scattered around, it attracted some thieves. Some green hooded thieves.

"Hey guys! Look! Free loot!" "WOO HOOOO!"

While the green hoods collected as much as they could carry, the peasants went to explore the giant crown further, with the Faithful Five (plus Sally) up front. Diana lifted the crown, then threw it into the distance. Jimmy and Nick had been under the crown, hugging each other with their eyes shut tight. Jimmy? Nick? The two boys reopened their eyes after they heard their names. The boys looked at one another, seeing how closely they're holding each other in their arms. Nick even lifted his visor to get a clear look. The two boys eventually broke the hug slowly, while blushing and grinning. As for the amulet, it shrunk back to its normal size again. Rodent Girl snatched the jewel, then wore it around her neck.

"Give me an entire empire made of cheddar! Oh, with a swiss fondue maker! No! Ehhhhhh, let's see... A fondue fountain! Yeah!"

Everyone stood in silence for 30 minutes, as nothing happened.

"WHERE'S MY CHEDDAR EMPIRE?!" Whined Rodent Girl. "Well, I say about all of the amulet's powers have been drained. Probably best for all of us!" Replied Jimmy. "Except me."

Furious, Rodent Girl threw the amulet on the ground. Because Jimmy and Nick touched upon the Amulet Of Bind to save everyone, the jewel then shut off from its magic for good, to make sure evil never lays their paws on it again. However, that doesn't mean there isn't any good use for it. Jimmy decided to keep the amulet. Although its useless without its powers, it still looks pretty nice. Speaking of bind, the boy genius recalled Nick wanted to tell him something earlier.

"You were saying..." Quote Jimmy. "Hmm?" Questioned Nick. "I didn't quite catch that back there. You mentioned you had something to tell me." "Oh. That. *Ahem* What I meant to say... *Sigh* ...I'm ready to call in quits." "'Excuse me?" "I mean, being popular and all that. Obnoxious girls breathing my air. Breaking my leg so many times at the dumbest risks. You're right! It's not worth it! And I don't even care what the other kids will think of me anymore! So, if that position for a new friend is still open, I'd be happy to fill in."

Nick offered Jimmy his hand, and the two shook on it. The boy genius was moved. He knew Nick would say yes eventually. In truth, Nick was gonna tell him how he really felt, but that was because he thought saving the town meant sacrificing their lives. Now, here they are in one piece. Besides, Nick doesn't find it appropriate to confess right now. Jimmy just got over a breakup, and they've only been close for about a week. Perhaps they shouldn't rush things. Someday, maybe Nick will come out with the truth.

"Soooooo, no more king. Now what?" Asked Diana. "I think you'd be perfect for royalty, Diana! We haven't had a queen around here in so long!" Suggested Mitzi. "Woah woah woah! Don't be too hasty! You can't just decide a king or a queen! Shouldn't we take a vote?" "I'd vote for you!" "Yeah, I'd vote for the big lady, too!" Screamed a random peasant. "Me three!" Then another. "BIG LADY FOR QUEEN!" And another.

The voting spreaded like wild fire. The entire village pumped their fists into the air, repeatedly chanting "Big Lady!" Everyone was doing it. Sally, the rest of the Faithful Five, Albert holding up his prosthetic arm, even Jimmy and Nick. The only ones that didn't vote were the uppity, higher class citizens. At long last, Diana had accepted their votes as a landslide.

"Alright! I'll be queen, then!"

The peasants were so joyed, they tossed their hats up. They even gave her a new robe, mace, and crown. Diana was quite flattered, yet somewhat embarrassed, by this gesture.

"And what's a queen without her very own chancellor?"

Diana pointed at her friend, Mitzi. The woman was blessed, and speechless. The two hugged things out, while the peasants cheered.

"HOLD IT! HOLD IT! What about me?" Asked Richard. "What about you, fink?" Replied Diana. "Yeah, FINK!" Spat Mitzi. "Well, I know that me, you, and all your friends have got off on the wrong side of the shoe, but... ...you need me more than you think! You need experience to rule a kingdom! How will you know how to handle the money carefully? Taking charge requires steps from A to Z! And besides, I really need a new job. My wife's going to be very disappointed in me. Mother, too. Please, your new greatness!" "Sorry, sir! You're looking at the new, bonafide chancellor, right here!" Bragged Mitzi. "Wait a moment. *Starts thinking* Hmmmmmmm.... As much as it pains me to help an old friend of Jason, I could use the experience. I'll tell you what: You could work part-time as my personal tutor! You teach me the supremacy of royalty, and you'll get a payment of your usual salary! (As soon as I find where Jason keeps all his money)" Said Diana. "Oh, bless you! Bless you!" Bowed Richard. "And if you want a Christmas bonus and paid vacation time, you could work fulltime cleaning up Butterscotch's new stables!" "Bless you- What?"

After that, Diana announced the new rules. Prices will be dropped. Everyone is now free to do whatever they please, unless it's gonna be problematic. The citizens will get equal amounts of earnings. Classes will no longer be divided. The higher class can go beat it! ...after they clean up the mess. And no more hangings. Just then, the people heard thunder roaring. The clouds turned gray, and it started to rain. The silver paint washed off of Nick's armor. All I had to do was add water?! At last, Sally then witnessed what Jimmy and Nick have been trying to tell her. The real Silver Knight's armor coat was never painted on. It was crafted from genuine, shiny silver metal.

"Y-you mean to tell me... ...th-that's not genuine silver?" Stuttered Sally. "Sure looks like it." Said Nick. "Uhhhhhhhhhhh, how embarrassing!! I thought I was chasing after two legends from the past, but instead all I've done is pester some commoner kids!" "I'm sorry, Sally. We did try to tell you." Replied Jimmy. "Yeah. Guess this is all on me. Sorry for all the trouble." "Hey, lighten up, kiddo! We still had loads a fun! We had dinner with a tyrant, escaped from prison, and even slayed a monster! Plus, you made a new family out of this!" Quote Nick.

Sally did a little thinking on it. From all the exciting tales her father used to tell her, she was eager to meet this heroic pair. The Wise Wizard and Silver Knight would save them from their misery. Then ever since her parents got hanged by the king, Sally was hoping to fulfill her father's dream of finding the old legends, and then making them her parents. Not because of what awesome dads they'd make, which is mighty true, but it's what her father wanted when he was her age. Sally looked at the painted picture for a moment. Although, she never found the legendary Wise Wizard and Silver Knight, she yet made an amazing new family, and the two boys did save the town regardless of them being some mere commoner children.

"I suppose you're right. I mean, you two aren't exactly legends, but you're still great guys. Thank you so much for saving AppleSmoked Wood." Sally thanked. "Who's that?" Asked Nick. "The town we live in." "Ohhhhhhhhhhh. So that is the town's name! AppleSmoked Wood! To think: We've been living here for over a week, and haven't figured out the name of the village we're living in." "How sad it is." Said Jimmy. "Why?" "We just got to know the town's name, but under weather circumstances, looks like we'll be leaving sometime soon."

.................................

[*Elsewhere*]

The whole squad walked back to the ranch. Actually, Butterscotch gave Jimmy and Nick a ride on his back, since they are the heroes. Now that Diana is the new queen, they might as well say goodbye to their old hut, and give the animals a new home at the castle. There were quite a lot of struggles that took place at this ranch, but at least they had some happy memories. Speaking of animals, the hens' eggs have now hatched, with a total litter of 500 chicks. Diana and Mitzi helped the two boys out of their costumes. After that, they delivered a goodbye to each member of the Faithful Five, including Sally.

"Diana; As the new queen of AppleSmoked Wood, promise me you'll do a good job. I know you can. And word of advice: Don't let power get to your head. Trust me, I've been there. Mitzi; You're a good person, but remember to learn somebody's background before you judge. Benson; No more eavesdropping, please." Said Jimmy. "Rodent Girl; Now that you're living royalty, you probably have a better chance of making new friends now! Human friends, that is. But bear one thing in mind: Don't make them like you for your fame! Make them like you for who you are! Sally; You must be the luckiest kid in the world. You have a new family, a big new home, and you're friends with the town's newest heroes! Butterscotch; God I wish I could take a picture right now. A real-life unicorn." Said Nick.

Everyone started to cry. Rodent Girl began wailing, and blew her nose into Benson's apron. Despite their time machine being on the roof, Diana managed to get the boys up there. She just threw them up on the roof. After that, Jimmy and Nick hurried inside. Jimmy released the kite for flight, and the last thing they need is a bolt of lightning. Living their remaining minutes, the two boys continued to wave and say goodbye, while they wait for electricity to strike.

"WHEN YOU DO RETURN, SHOW US HOW TO MAKE PIZZA, NICK!" Screamed Rodent Girl.

The goodbying went on for about 12 minutes. Jimmy and Nick's arms were getting tired from waving, and so were the squad's. Butterscotch was starting to fall asleep. Their luck went out the window as the rain then stopped.

"Well, we'll be staying here for awhil-"

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning hit the kite, followed down the wire, then powered the machine. In just a flash, the boys were now gone. Diana saluted a farewell to them.

.............................

[*Back in the modern era*]

The whole gang has now tired themselves out, and decided to take breaks. Putting together this time machine is not as easy as riding a bike. Sheen and Libby were tired as well, even though they did absolutely nothing. Judy, while exhausted, continued to force herself to work. Carl was the only one who hasn't fallen under exhaustion. The allergy boy came to Judy's aid, and gave her a shoulder massage.

"Mrs. Neutron, I think you ought to take a break." Said Carl. "No... My baby... My baby... Jamie... Jimmy..." Replied Judy. "Who's Jamie?"

Carl then dragged her away from the machine, and offered her a pillow to rest on. Hugh was quite envied. Where's MY pillow? The allergy boy looked at the time machine. The gang deserves a power rest, but he wants Jimmy to come home now. Trying to be a good friend, he decided to bring Jimmy here himself. But how's he gonna do that? He put on his cape, hat, and took out his magic want.

"Carl, we're already tired enough! Don't bore us to sleep!" Said Sheen.

Carl didn't listen. He's no expert, but it's worth a shot. This may be a good chance to impress Judy, too. He wielded his magic wand, and spoke his own made up words. Sheen just rolled his eyes. He walked up to his friend to talk him out of it, just to save him any humiliation.

"Kibbidy-do! Kibbidy-dome! Please bring my best friend Jimmy back home!" Chanted Carl. "I know kids have said this to you very often, but, you kinda look ridiculous. No offense, though!" Sheen tried to argue. "Kibbidy-do! Kibbidy-dome! Please bring my best friend Jimmy back home!" "Could we at least phone a real professional? Like Houdini? Or Blackstone? Or that wizardy guy from the animated short film starring the mouse?" "KIBBIDY-DO! KIBBIDY-DOME! PLEASE BRING MY BEST FRIEND JIMMY NEUTRON BACK HOME!"

Suddenly, a bright light and loud BANG took place. It drew in the whole squad's attention. Carl was in shock, and Sheen was too. The allergy boy gazed at his wand. He probably needed to throw in all the strength he had. As the brightness cleared, Jimmy and Nick stood in place, handcuffed like they were to begin with. The two boys grinned and greeted their old friends and family.

"JAMES!" Judy screamed. "NICHOLAS!" Also screamed Mrs. Dean.

Carl took the key out of his pocket, then unlocked the handcuffs. After that, both of the boys received hugs from their parents. Judy was squeezing the daylight out of her son, while Mrs. Dean was tearing up from being reunited with hers. Jimmy then requested his mom and dad to let go of him for a moment. Accepting his request, Jimmy threw himself at Carl, embracing into a hug. Carl was confused, because he thought Jimmy was uncomfortable hugging the same gender. When he finished hugging Carl, he did the same to Sheen.

"Gentlemen, I am so sorry I took you for granted. I have not been a very nice friend to you both! I've been so full of my own potential, I never took the time to acknowledge yours! The bestest friends in the world deserve a pal that actually cares for them. That is why, from now on, things are going to be different around here! Carl; No more harsh lecturing, and human experimental testing! If I happen to accidentally trigger anything that sets off your anxiety, keep me apprised!" Said Jimmy. "Gee. Thanks, Jimmy! You’re the greatest!" Carl thanked. "And Sheen; Thank you for being a supportive friend! Thank you for at least trying your best to be a helpful friend! Thank you for being the friend that wants nothing more  than to put smiles upon our faces. I feel you deserve much more credit than what you've earned!" "Sooooooooooo... ...would you like to watch 395 episodes of the original 90s Ultralord show on Cageflix with me?" Asked Sheen. "... Sure! Anything for an old buddy of mine!" "HALLELUJAH!"

Sheen's prayers have been answered. Jimmy Neutron is a changed boy, and has learned to respect his friends. Out of excitement, Sheen returned Jimmy's hug. The moment was disturbed when they received an uninvited guest. It was Cindy, who finally swallowed her pride and came to apologize to Libby. She didn't notice Jimmy and Nick there.

"Cindy?" Libby was surprised. "Yeah. It's me alright. Listen, about what I said earlier... A lot has gone right through my head. I don't know what's wrong with me." Said Cindy. "Is this an apology?" "Yesssssss. I'm sorry, Libby. I'm sorry for my outburst back there. Pride really takes a toll on me. It seems that I am the one who is... ...wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng." "*Pats Cindy on the back* You're alright, girl." "What's going on?" Asked Jimmy. "This is between us friends, Neutron- Neutron?!" Quote Cindy.

Cindy couldn't believe her eyes. Jimmy was back. Instead of throwing her usual angry fit, she decided to just steer clear from him and run back home. Libby, however, grabbed Cindy, and pushed her towards the boy genius. If Cindy is mature as she says she is, she might as well prove it. Not just to her friends, but to herself as well. Time to face the music.

"Is there... ...something you'd like to say?" Jimmy asked timidly. "Mhm." Cindy hummed. "...?" "...!" "...?" "Maybe you were right. This breakup is best for us." "Wait, could you say that again? First sentence." "You were right." "And again?" "You wer-" "*Giggles* Just messin' with ya! Go on, if you may!" "*Groans* Perhaps we are unhealthy for each other. All I ever thought about was getting my happy ending, but this relationship of ours isn't gonna lead to anything in the future. Maybe, there are alternate ways to find my happy ending. Sometimes, the best way to be free is to move on." "I couldn't agree more. *Puts out hand* Friends?" "*Slowly reaches for his hand to shake* Friends. Whatever."

The two shook hands, reclaiming friendship. Cindy wasn't proud of what she did, but it felt hella satisfying.

"Well Nick, looks like you'll be on your way." Said Libby. "Nuh uh! I ain't going nowhere! Jimmy and I are now two peas in a pod!" Replied Nick.

Cindy, Carl, and Sheen were dumbfounded on what they just heard. One: Nick noting the boy genius as his best buddy. And two: Did Nick just call Jimmy by his first name? Unlike with Cindy, the kids have never heard Nick address Jimmy by his first name. Libby was not at all surprised. She figured out the message here. Sheen thought, if Nick finally decided to settle with Jimmy, then that means he's ready to settle with him and Carl.

"If you're now cool with Jimmy, then does that make you..." Said Sheen. "Huh? ‘Does that make me’ what?" Asked Nick. "...our new FRIEND! *Gazes at him with twinkling eyes*" "Uhhhhhhhh-" "WELCOME TO THE NERD SQUAD, NEW FRIEND!"

Sheen embraced Nick into a big hug. Quitting popularity has taken a load off of Nick's back. But now that he's friends with Jimmy, he's got a brand new load: Sheen. Ah, hell with it. For Jimmy, he might as well learn to tolerate Sheen's wacky actions. While Nick tried to squirm out of Sheen's grip, Jimmy removed the amulet out of his pocket, and gave it to his mother.

"Happy belated birthday, Mom." Said Jimmy. "Oh, Jimmy... This is beautiful. Where did you get this?" Asked Judy. "It-" "Oh, on second thought. Nevermind." "Now that the kids are back, what say we all celebrate?" Suggested Mrs. Dean. "That's a wonderful idea! How 'bout dinner at Paste Pot's Pizza Palace?" "Mehhh. There's this international All-You-Can-Eat buff-fet that serves everything, including a sushi bar! It's very expensive, but... *Applies makeup* ...I know how to get us free meals." "Ooooh! Oooooh! Why don't we dine at Pancia Grassa: Italian Eats? And as a bonus treat, Showtime Ducks On Ice has a grand performance tonight!" Quote Hugh. "Hugh, it's the boys we're treating. Not you."

Jimmy had something else in mind.

"That's all very nice of you. But frankly, I'd rather gorge down at The Candy Bar, and catch a movie with my new best friend, Nick! ...for the remaining of the day!" "That's right! His best friend."

Nick wrapped a single arm around his short buddy, as they walked off together. Cindy has never seen Jimmy that close to anyone. Also, when did Nick start calling Jimmy "Jimmy?" The skateboard boy looks spot-on happy in the boy genius's presence. These two have been together for an entire week, in whatever timeline. Could this be one of those "stranded on a deserted island" cases? Nah, that's ridiculous! They're men! Men don't fall in love with each other! Can they?

Meanwhile, Carl tossed all his magic gear aside. He's through with magic now. It's time to hang up the hat and cape, and go back to the llamas that need him dearly. Here's a magician the world isn't ready for yet. Everyone shrugged, and left the scene to attend to their own businesses. After that, a little white familiar rabbit popped out from the hat, giving off a wink.

[kathrinehastings]

Skyrim - Teldryn Sero (part 1)

I had just gotten off the boat and I hired a carriage to take me from Windhelm to Markarth. I was to see my Brother, Endon and his wife, Kerah. They needed my help with something but wouldn’t say what, said that they didn’t want to put it in the letter and that I should just get to Skyrim as soon as I could. Apparently, it was a task that required my special skills and that they could not afford to hire someone. Never mind the fact that my sister-in-law would probably not trust anyone else to take on the task, no matter how much my brother paid them. This favour better be worth my time. I arrived at Markarth stables a few days later. As I made my way to my brother’s house, I past a guard who commented on my armour. “Ebony armor, by Ysmir, tis a wondrous sight...” I must admit, I am very proud of my Ebony armour. It was specially made for me by a legendary blacksmith from Hammerfell after I had rescued his daughter from a group of bandits. He also made matching weapons, along with a shield. It really helped, getting those weapons and armour free of charge. I make a fair amount of money but nowhere near enough to be able to pay for gear this good. A full set of legendary ebony armour also helps to intimidate my foes, and the fact that I’m a woman means that they under estimate me, which is a big mistake. I am one of the best swordsmen, or rather swordswomen, to come out of Hammerfell and I’ve found that mercenary work suits me well. I knocked on my brother’s door and waited. After a while, he opened up. “Sister! I‘m glad you got here safely. You didn’t run into any Forsworn did you?” He opened his arms to give me a hug. “Surprisingly, no. How are you brother?” I asked as we parted. “Good. You must be tired and hungry. Inside, quickly. The streets of Markarth aren’t safe at night.” He ushered me inside before closing the door and locking it. I walked further into the house and was greeted by Kerah.  “Hello, Amira. Nice to see you again. How are you?” She got up from her seat and gave me a quick hug. “Tired. Hungry. But otherwise well.” I pulled off my helmet and ran my hands through my hair as I took a seat at the table. “So what have you all been doing?” I rested my forearms on the table. “Well, Adara has become quite the silversmith. She helps me make jewelry for her mother sell.” He put a tankard full of mead and a plate of food down in front of me. We spoke while I ate, catching up on each others lives. I heard small footsteps coming from the bedrooms. A tired looking girl wobbled into the room, rubbing her eyes and yawning. “Sorry, sweetie. Did I wake you?” I said across the table. She saw me and her face lit up. “Amira!” She ran and hopped onto my lap. “Hello Adara, my sweet.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a good squeeze. “I hear you’ve become quite the silversmith.” “Yeah. It’s lots of fun, I get to hit things with a hammer.” I laughed. “And I’m really good at making rings.” “Well, then. I have a job for you.” I dug into my knapsack and pulled out a flawless diamond. “Here.”I handed her the small gem.  “I want you to make a ring and put this in the center.”  She hopped off my lap. “I’ll do it right now.” “Excuse me young lady.” Adara stopped in her tracks as her mother put her hands on her hips. “It’s late. You need to get to bed.”  “Yes mama.” She trotted over to me and gave me one last hug. “Good night, sweetie.” I patted her head. She disappeared into one of the rooms and her mother then turned to me. “You must be tired too. You can have the extra room.” She led me to one of the empty rooms. “Thank you. For the food as well.”  “It’s the least we can do.” I started to make my way into the room. “Amira.” My brother stopped me. “We’ll talk about the job tomorrow.” I nodded and yawned. “Good night sister. Sleep well.” I closed the bedroom door behind me and threw my knapsack down. I stripped off my armour, placing it neatly on the chair at the end of the bed. I put on my nightgown and crawled into bed. I got a good night’s sleep that night, the first in a while. I woke up to a very excited Adara outside my room. “Your aunt is sleeping. She’s had a very long journey and she is probably still tired.” I recognized this to be Kerah. I got out of bed. “I know mama. I’m just so excited!” Adara said. I could practically hear her grinning. “Excited about what?” I said as I opened the door to my room to reveal a bubbly Adara and a frustrated Kerah. “Look! Look! I made your ring! Just like you wanted. I got up extra early this morning to make it!” She handed me the ring.  “Wow! Thank you Adara. It’s beautiful!” I admired the shiny object in my hand. “Put it on! Put it on!” “Okay! Okay! Calm down! “I slipped the ring onto my finger.  She grabbed my hand and inspected the ring. “It fits perfectly!” she beamed proudly. “You are so pretty Aunt Amira.” She hugged me tightly. “Thanks sweetie. You are too.” She trotted out of the room and I got ready for breakfast. I washed my face and put on regular clothes before heading inside to join them. Once we had finished breakfast, my brother and I took a walk to Understone Keep.  “So what’s this job about.” I asked my brother as we walked. “The Jarl has made a very strange request that his own personal blacksmith has to fulfill and he’s asked me for my help.” I was a little confused. “He asked you to help? Then why am I here?” “Err, well, he asked for my help because he heard that my sister is one of the best mercenaries in the business.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “So you brag about me in the local taverns?” “Something like that… Anyway, he hasn’t told me much yet. Said that he wanted to tell you about the job personally.” I nodded and we continued our walk to Understone Keep in comfortable silence. We walked up the many steps and the guards allowed us in without any problems. Endon led me through the great Dwemer building to the blacksmith’s forge.  I stepped into the room after Endon and saw a Orc working the forge. He stood up straight and turned to me. He examined me and then turned to Endon. "This is the mercenary?" He said, slightly amused. I decided to stay silent. I'm not much of a talker and I've realised that sometimes staying silent can be intimidating, especially to my weaker, more cowardly foes. So I crossed my arms over my chest and allowed my brother to do all the talking. "Yes. This is my sister, Amira. She's the best mercenary you'll find." My brother placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a quick smile. "She doesn't look like much." The green skinned orc said to my brother. "Looks can be deceiving." I defended myself. "Fine. Lets get this over with. I am Moth Gro-Bagol. The Jarl has requested a special sword. An legendary sword that once belonged to Red Eagle. The blacksmithing tecniques have improved since then so I will have to temper it. I've decided that the best thing to use would be Ebony. I usually get ebony from a mine in Solstheim, an island off the coast of Morrowind. The mine is in Raven Rock, but for some reason the mine has been closed down. I need you to go there and find out why. Fix it if you can." He walked over to a table, picked up a large coin purse and tossed it to me. "You'll get the rest once you have come back and have completed the job. Once you have reopened the mine, bring back some ore, not ingots. I need it to be in its raw state." I nodded. "And how does one get to Solstheim?" "There is a boat in Windhelm called 'The Northern Maiden'. It can take you to Solstheim." The orc got back to work. I sighed. "I just came from Windhelm." "I thought you were from Hammerfell?" The orc asked. "Yes, but I had been visiting a friend in Vvardenfell when I got my brother's message and left from there." I sighed again. "I should go. I need to prepare." I walked out with my brother in tow. "I'll help you get ready. What will you need?" He asked as he trailed behind me. "Not much. Just supplies, really." "That should be easy enough." We walked out into Markarth and I turned to my brother, handing him a small coin purse, I pointed in the direction of the inn. "I need you to buy food. Only essentials! No ale, mead or wine. I don't need that." I started walking away. "I'm going to the general store. I'll meet you back at your house." We went our separate ways. --------------- I walked into my brother's house and was greeted by a distraught Adara. "Mama said that you leaving!" She whined as she hugged my waist. "Yes sweetie, I have to leave as soon as possible." I stroked her hair. "But you can't leave, you just got here." "I'll be back before you know it." I kissed the top of her head and she let go of me. I walked to my bedroom and removed my clothes, replacing them with my Ebony armour. I packed the rest of my things, including the supplies that I had just bought. It was late morning by the time I was ready to leave. I said my goodbyes and gave Adara an extra long hug. I left my brother's house and walked down to the Markarth city gates. I took a carriage to Windhelm and from there, took a boat to Solstheim. --------------- The journey was long. Sitting and doing nothing for all that time made me feel lazy. As soon as I got to Solstheim, I immediately hopped off the boat and went straight through Raven Rock, looking for a fight. I stumbled across a dark elf in combat for his life with strange, ashen beings at the Attius Farm outside of Raven Rock. He appeared to be outnumbered, and requested that I lend him a helping hand. I jumped at the chance to take on something new. I pulled out my ebony swords and slashed at them. They were tough and difficult to defeat, but eventually they fell, turning into large piles of ash. I approached the Dunmer and he told me his name was Modyn Veleth, Captain of the Redoran Guard. He explained that the ash spawn have been attacking Raven Rock for some time now, and he's been trying to locate their source. His lack of manpower and reluctance to leave the town without a commander are keeping him from finding out more, so he asked for my help. He said that I could help by searching the Attius Farm for clues that might lead me to the ash spawn's source. I searched the ruin of a farm house but found nothing. I saw something glint in the corner of my eye and noticed that it come from the pile of ash left behind by the ash spawn. I sifted through the ash and found numerous gems and ores, along with a note, titled Deceleration of war. I handed my find to Captain Veleth and he read it, a worried expression painted his face as his eyes scanned the words. He said that the note mentions Fort Frostmoth, the ruins of an Imperial fort located southeast of Raven Rock. According to him, the fort's been abandoned ever since the eruption of Red Mountain. He sent me to Fort Frostmoth to kill the author of the note, General Falx Carius, before the town falls prey to his threats. --------------- I've slain General Falx Carius in the ruins of Fort Frostmoth and put an end to any further ash spawn attacking Raven Rock. Captain Veleth was very pleased with my results, and awarded me a bounty in gold. Now it's time to take care of the mine. I needed something to eat, I had no food left after the journey from Skyrim, so I needed more supplies. I found the local tavern/inn and went inside. I walked down the steps to talk to the innkeeper about food and supplies. He sold me what I needed and wished me luck with the mine. I was very unfamiliar with Solstheim and figured that I should probably hire someone as a guide. I asked the innkeeper about any mercenaries in the area. "There's one right upstairs. He hasn't had a patron in a while. I'm sure he would love to help. He's in full chitin armour, you can't miss him." I thanked him and headed upstairs. I looked over my left shoulder to see a figure, in full chitin armour, sitting on a chair near the fire. I walked up to him and stopped in front of him, resting my hand on my hip, I examined him. He looked up and me and leaned back in his chair. "Teldryn Sero, blade for hire. If you have the coin, I'm at your service." He said in a silky voice. I stayed silent and thought for a while. He must've taken my silence as uncertainty because he spoke again. "I've got swords, spells and a few other tricks up my sleeve. You'll find I'm full of surprises. Don't pass up on this opportunity, outlander. I'm worth every coin." I smiled to myself, which he couldn't see because of my helmet, and dropped a coin purse in his lap. He tucked it away and stood up. "Then let's be off!" He said enthusiastically before following me out of the door.

[drumpfwatch]

State of the Union 2019 Commentary

It’s been a week and some change. Let’s talk State of the Union.

First off, I’d like to make a comment on the overall speech theme. Trump spoke of unity and everyone coming together, but that very morning he went to yell at how obstructionist and obnoxious the Democrats were being for not giving him his baby bottle wall. This man, who speaks of himself as the best deal maker in the world, and bragged he’d be able to get everyone to get together and make friends, sort out their differences, when he has done nothing but make demand after demand and concede no ground.

A compromise, Mr. Trump, is two people coming together and agreeing on something they’re both willing to do while conceding parts of what they want. It’s called a surrender if someone gives you everything they want while getting nothing. Dummkopf.

So with that, let’s begin at the beginning. I warn you right now I don’t want to go over every single point he made, but I’ll cover as many of them as I can and comment as needed. There are other commentaries out there, some as soon as the day after, and those are more than cool to have hanging around. I’m sure between all of those you can come up with a total summary of what he said, based on every single word. With that, let’s begin.

As per his theme, he started the speech by calling for unity and cooperation. All well and good for anyone else. We should avoid revenge politics - which is fucking rich coming from him, but whatever. Specifically, he calls congress to concern themselves “with the agenda of the American people” but…

Well, we’ll get to that.

He thanks some WW2 vets and then talks about how he’s interested in “America First.” People have on more than one occasion pointed out that given his actions, he seems to mean “America Only” when he says that, and that should be a premise that is upsetting to everyone but I have no doubt there is a large portion of the population of the American population who are more than happy to ignore the rest of the world. They already do, after all.

He then introduces Buzz Aldrin, saying that we’ll be going to space on American rockets again. And he’s actually, sadly, right there. Back in 2011, the Space Shuttle program was retired, and we’ve been relying on the Russian Soyuz capsule to get us into the space ever since. The successor to the Space Shuttle Program, the Space Launch System, has been slow coming for numerous reasons. It is, however, finally going to be ready to go in 2019 and will perform its first mission in 2020 - sending a craft to Mars. They wanted a rocket that could get a crew to Mars eventually, and the Senate…

Well, let’s just say congress stuck it’s fingers into the Space Launch System so much that it has been derisively called the Senate Launch System, and a lot of astronauts and NASA Engineers are concerned that it is basically a horrible, efficient money sink. Still, as an avid space fanatic, I’m glad we’re making efforts, at least. Though I’d point out that those efforts have been in motion long before he ever got there to direct them. This is, after all, the man that believed we could go to Mars before his first term was out.

He next goes on to talk about the economy, claiming that our middle class is bigger and more prosperous than ever before. This is untrue. While it seems to be complicated, the general consensus is that while the Middle Class has been stable in size, they tend to have less and less, especially in comparison to the upper class. That is where the real problem is, as well. The absolutely ridiculous wealth disparity. Though I get the feeling that removing taxes from private jets is totally gonna help with that. She says, sarcasm frothing in her mouth in a mixture of rage and bitterness.

He then claimed responsibility for the parts of the economic boom that have been happening. First of all, the economy is...not exactly booming. But there are good things happening in it. It’s sort of a whirlygig of insanity, if I’m honest. Now, you’ll hear me say this again a few other times, but I am not all that educated when it comes to economics. Economics is a chaos system and I much prefer stable ones with easy to predict results. Is a thing right or wrong, is this method an effective way of accomplishing the intended goal. Things like that.

That said, I do know a few things, and one of them is that a lot of people who do know a thing or two about economics point out that this economic boom began in 2016, which means it's entirely possible that this is a result of Obama’s policies were responsible, we don’t really know. Maybe Trump did have something to do with it, but it’s often not accurate to blame the problems or successes of an economy on a single thing. So this claim gets a big ol’ stamp of “UNVERIFIABLE” from me.

I can say that wages are not rising, or at least as much as he thinks. The Federal Minimum Wage was not changed since 2009, and lost about 9.6% of its purchasing power because of inflation. While some states have made major strides towards livable minimum wages have been made in places like New York and California, I’d be willing to bet dollars to donuts that if you removed the massive amount of wealth that people like Jeff Bezos make, you’d find that they are stagnant, or even lowering.

There’s a thought for a math rant sometime.

Anyway, he then praises the 5 million people who got off of food stamps. First of all, the number is 3.5 million. Second of all, it’s a bit more complicated than that. To summarize, while the decrease in unemployment is helping, there’s another little niggling thing. There was a provision in the law that basically said you could turn off some of the safety nets if employment rates rose, and a lot of states decided not to pay for those benefits. I won’t argue whether or not that was a right or wrong decision, but I will say you don’t get to wave around the number of people who are off a program as a victory when the reason they’re off it isn’t because they don’t need it, but because they were kicked off it.

We’re the hottest economy in the world, he says! And he’s wrong. I mentioned before that we’re in a weird sort of “Good Things, Bad Things” phase, but I don’t think I need to tell anyone that the stock market has been all over the place, falling and rising considerably at random. Meanwhile, S&P has downgraded America’s credit score. I think we’ve got a problem, and I know we’re not the hottest economy.

He then goes onto say that the unemployment rate for people of color is the lowest it’s ever been. And shockingly, he’s right on this one. Sort of. The Federal Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that the rate of unemployment for hispanic people and black people actually went down, and was at one point the lowest it’s ever been. Asian unemployment has sorta been all over the place. What makes it strange, however, is that each of these groups had a random and sudden spike since November/December of last year, while for whites it’s been pretty stagnant. Last hired, first fired, I guess.

He also talks about the same with disabled people and that is blatantly untrue. While it seems the number of people who qualify for disability also is going up, they’re not getting employed any faster.

I should also mention that even if we could point to one specific thing as responsible for these changes, I doubt it would be the fault of the man who himself wouldn’t house or hire black people.

He also celebrated getting rid of the estate tax. Which yes, he did. That is not necessarily a good thing. He acts like it applies to small businesses and farmers, but it doesn’t. One person said on the matter “If you don’t feel comfortable calling what you own an estate, then you probably aren’t affected by the estate tax.” You and your guilded crotch spawn and protected up to 10 million dollars. Only after that is your wealthy taxed on death, and only to prevent the the existence of a permanent landed gentry. The only people benefiting from the end of the estate tax are literal millionaires, who can afford to give some of that dosh to the community.

He then talks about Obamacare, and how he get rid of the Individual Mandate. He claims this was the most unpopular part of the law, and he’s right, but analysts point out that it’s more complicated then Thing Bad So Get Rid Of. Without the Individual Mandate to get people motivated to apply for coverage, a lot of people simply won’t get insured. Further, the whole point was that forcing the younger people to pay for insurance when they’re less likely to need it helped to add money to the pool that could be used to help cover the people with pre-existing conditions or complications. That said, it’s also a good thing not having people pay for coverage they can’t afford, so...it’s complicated.

Trump then bragged about cutting the most regulations of any President ever, and I won’t deny that he has. I will, however, point out that this is a horrible thing that should concern and frighten all of you. While some of those regulations may seem arbitrary, literally every one of them was written in the blood of some innocent person who died so a corporation could make an extra buck. We’ve already seen an increase in food poisoning and infections and the increase in food recalls since 2013 has been kind of horrifying. Trump has been eagerly cutting regulations to “Pre-1960s” levels. You know, before we had seatbelts. It’s very harmful to cut those regulations, and it needs to stop.

He then says that America has corporations coming back in record numbers. On this, he is also not wrong. The Jobs report was very good, and we should all be happy about that. That said, whether or not he is the one to thank for that is a bit more complicated, as usual. It turns out that some of these gears were set into motion when Obama was in office. Some of them are just the effects of a slow recovery process since the 2009 Recession. That said, they did take a sharp rise in 2017. So yay for him, I guess.

Except, again, if deregulation is how you’re doing this, then you’re doing it wrong. We should not be sacrificing the blood of American people so that a few already stupid wealthy people can get even more stupid wealthy. The reward is not worth the cost.

He then goes on about how we’re the number one producer of oil in the world. This claim is untrue. There has, however, been a boom in oil and natural gas production due to things like the invention of fracking and loosening of regulations that goes all the way back to the Bush Era. The rate is increasing such that by sometime into the 2020s, we will be the greatest producer of oil and natural gas, at least privately. Considering those materials are murdering our planet this is also not good news, but since Global Warming is, of course, a conspiracy cooked up by the Chinese to steal American Jobs, that doesn’t matter. We are also not a net exporter of energy, by the way, but are on are way to becoming one.

Then things get...weird. Everyone starts chanting “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!” in this really low and creepy tone that I was frankly a bit creeped out by. It was like these people thought they were at a football game and not a session of Congress. Then again, this is my first time really sitting down and paying attention to the State of the Union, so this may be normal. I just didn’t like it.

What should, however, terrify everyone is his next babbling remark. He spends five minutes or so going on a rant about how “If there is going to be peace in legislation, there cannot be war and investigation.” Which, frankly, reminded me of a mafia frontman. “Lovely country you got here, shame if somethin’ were to happen to it. You noisy folks stink’ yah nose into my bosses business makes it real hard for him to keep wild guys like Big Jim ova deya under control. I can’t promise you won’t upset him wid all this.”

Sorry, trumby. You don’t get to talk about the need to stop our adversaries when you may well have been put in office by one.

Ughk, I hate using that word. Adversaries. It makes it sound like we have a boat load of enemies, when in reality we have like, 3 or 4, and otherwise a series of complex political relationships. Like we can’t work together with those people for a better future if we all just calmed the fuck down.

Like they’re not people.

Whatever. There are more important things to worry about.

Like how he goes on to mock the democrats for not approving his nominations. Even though a whole boatload of them are sketchy as fuck, should have never even been approved at all, or were just never filled by Trump in the first place.

Also can I just say that it’s fucking rich hearing aa man like Trump complain about not getting a nominee approved after what his party pulled with the Supreme Court? We call that hypocrisy.

He then goes on to talk about making life easier for prisoners and punishing people who abuse our veterans. Now, I could point out that prison reform was actually Barack Obama’s whole big thing and he passed a lot of laws in that regard, and Trump has not, and Former President Obama also passed VA reform in 2014 that allowed for people who mistreated veterans to be harshly punished. That said, Trump has been making further strides on those initiatives, and in fact his most approved and liked legislation is the First Step Act. These are the sorts of policies that really can make life better for people, and it’s nice to see everyone getting behind them. Ofcoursewecouldfurtherthesegreatstridesbyclosingdownforprofitprisons, andotherthingsthatimcertaindontappealtoarepublicanmindset, but that’s for another day. What I’m saying here is that as much as I don’t like it, I have to admit Trump has done a good. I don’t care who past them, how they developed, they were good things that happened. Yay! Good job Trump, you get a big shiny gold star.

We then move on to the Racist section of the speech. He starts by talking about the Migrant Caravan and I am shocked at how wrong and full of hatred this man is. He claims these refugees are an “onslaught” of illegal aliens when they’re all coming to America to seek asylum. You know, something that’s completely and totally legal. But no, this is an INVADING FORCE of ILLEGAL ALIENS that need to be stopped with 3,750 more Soldiers with GUNS. They managed to make it all the way to the American border with only one small kerfuffle with the Mexican border police, before arriving at the American border not to see Lady Liberty’s open arms welcoming the hopeless and downtrodden, the weary and poor, but instead heavily armed and barricaded troops who would then go on to use tear gas on them. Is that the America we want to show to the world?

Now, to his credit, Trump admits that Immigrants enrich our society - which is entirely true. Yes, there’s a bit of stress on lower-wage jobs when they first arrive, but that’s minimal in comparison to the benefits. Not that saying that to someone who got laid off and replaced with a migrant is no consolation, I fully understand, but there are ways to help these problems. Also, side note, if he believes immigrants are so awesome and enriching to our society, then he would be more than happy to have them enter the country. But the immigration system here is a convoluted mess of insanity that takes forever to get anything done and then occasionally does nothing, and Trump has just been making it worse. Just a thought.

Now I wrote an entire post about the wall, so I won’t go into it too much here. But the wall is an expensive, stupid, and ineffective idea. Drugs aren’t coming through skirmishers who are dodging around the border, they’re coming through ports of entry. The San Diego wall he was talking about isn’t nearly as effective as he pretends, and it didn’t really start working until the entry port in that area was spruced up. Smuggler still break through it all the time, as well, to the point where an area of it is called “Smuggler’s Gulch.” It also has trapped migrants into paying more to cross to the bad guys, taking riskier and more lethal routes, and actually trapping “illegal” migrants in who may want to leave. Most of the time, men would come up, do some work for cash, then go home once they felt they had enough, but now they’re coming, staying, and bringing their families.

Trump also points out that there were people in that room who voted for the wall, but I reckon the immense amount of insanity that came from that previous attempt are why a lot of people don’t want to do it again. Trump says that “No issue better illustrates the divide between America's working class and America's political class” but in truth, 60% of Americans are strongly opposed to the wall. The wall is a lost, stupid cause, and Trump needs to give it up before he hurts himself with his flailing about it.

OH, and just as one last cherry on the cake, it won’t stop sex trafficking either. Most traffickers bring there people in through on legal Visas, which they are then forced to overstay as those visas are held from them. In fact, over 80 anti-trafficking organizations got together to say that Trump's comments on the matter were actually harmful to efforts to stop this stuff.

He then goes on to tell the story of the Maddison family. I honestly don’t remember what it specifically was, because they are just a prop to garner sympathy for his position, and I’d actually be fine with that if the idiot didn’t use it to spread a lie. This family lost ones they love to MS13 members. That’s horrible and tragic and very sad, and I feel for them and wish it hadn’t happened. But acting like this is how every “illegal immigrant” operates is just a flat out lie. While the actual numbers are hard to tell, we know enough to say that if you strip away the illegal crime of coming here when not allowed, “illegal” immigrants commit 16% less crimes then the native-born population. Most of them are just people who want to escape an insane life and live the American Dream. But, see, they’re hispanic, so they can’t. You have to be white to be an American.

So with all of that said, let’s jump ahead to a cute moment where he talks about women taking 53% of the open jobs. Again, not his fault but go off I guess.

He then goes on to celebrate the women in Congress, of which there are more than ever before. Hurrah! I appreciate that little wink and nod, and in fact Donny, you get a gold star for this one too because this one is your fault.

By proxy.

Pretty much every one of those women ran for office because they hated you, your policies, and your stupid ugly face. They’re not there because they like you, they’re there because they want to stop you. So I think I’mma just take that shiny gold star away.

Next, he bounces back to talking about the economy, because Trump can’t focus on a single thing. Again, I won’t say much on this because economics is not my speciality, but people who DO know a thing or two about economics are pretty much in agreement that tariffs are a tool, and not a very good one. The analogy I like to use goes something like this. Imagine tariffs as a double edged knife you’re going to use to stab someone you don’t like. You’re already dealing with a weapon that’s not the safest, but guess what? This one also doesn't have a hilt, or a guard, or a pommel or anything. It’s literally just a long, serrated sheet of iron with a point on one end. So whenever you hit the other guy, you’re cutting yourself too. You can’t not.

Tariffs need to be used with the precision of a scalpel, and only if they’re determined to be the right tool for the job. And that’s without accounting for the unintended consequences like how rich people can probably find a way to avoid tariffs so they hurt the poorer people more, or you know, starting a trade war because the other people can just pass tariffs on you too?! And if any of you think this gigantic flatulating, tiny-handed orange with a racist stick coming out of its ass is capable of “precision” then I have a bridge I’d very much like to sell you.

He also goes on to talk about NAFTA again, and I’m gonna have to plead ignorance on this one. I don’t know if NAFTA is or is not a good deal, or if UMCA is a better one. I don’t know enough about economics and I don’t know enough about the laws themselves. I’m at least grateful the idiot didn’t cancel NAFTA before enstating UMCA, and those people who are smarter than me I keep talking about say that Mexico and Canada may not be in a mood to negotiate a new trade deal. So who knows. I’m not going to say much else on the matter.

So then we move on to infrastructure brieful. Trump talks about how it’s crumbling and needs repair, and he’s not wrong. The infrastructure report card for the US is, frankly, abysmal. But this begins a trend on a couple of topics.

He goes on to eagerly talk about how we need to improve health care, and lower drug prices! That we’re going to get rid of HIV in 10 years! That Childhood Cancer is going to be eradicated! Everyone gets paid family leave! All this wonderful pie-in-the-sky stuff that is super cool to hear him talk about, and I’d be totally behind him….

If he were actually doing anything on these matters. Trump talks a big game on these things, but hasn’t made any moves. Whenever he starts to, his business buddies step in and explain why they’re going to lose money and he stops.

So! He then moves on to talk about the legislation in New York that protects women’s rights to get an abortion anytime and how horrible it is that they’re murdering babies.

I think the response the white-clade congress women gave was the best.

I think the look on Angela Ocasio-Cortez’s face is the best, but the look on Angelia Ocasio-Cortez’s face and I think that’s Kathleen Rice giving the stink eye.

I don’t want to get into a debate about abortion, because that really is the best way to get everyone everywhere ever to hate you. I will say this, however. The law more or less only applies to pregnancies that would kill the mother or if the baby is already dead, and it wouldn’t matter if it didn’t.

Do you honestly think a person is going to go throw eight months of the most harrowing and obnoxious process the human body is capable of performing and then just suddenly decide “You know what? I don’t want this baby anymore.” If you’re that far along you either wanted the baby and were willing to suffer for it, or you never wanted the baby and were prevented from getting an abortion when it would’ve been kinder. The law isn’t about murdering babies, it's about letting women have control over themselves and their bodies. Acting like it’s some horrible evil that happened just makes you look dumb.

We then go onto nonsense about military bravado. Trump yammered about how he forced our allies to pay their fair share in NATO - which is honestly a kettle of fish I want to talk about in its own post, but suffice it to say it’s interesting everything he stresses and hates NATO for makes matters easier for Putin.

The real thing I want to talk about is the nuclear treaty he eventually meanders into like a toddler into a wall. Look, I’m not going to pretend that I understand the intricate diplomatics of nuclear negotiations, but even I know that YOU DO NOT ARBITRARILY CANCEL A TREATY THAT PREVENTS NUKES FROM BEING BUILT. You want an arms race?! This is how you get an arms race!

So what if Russia is “flaunting it” and ignoring it? I do not give one single solitary flying fuck. You negotiate a treaty that makes them suffer consequences - or better yet, stop not making them suffer the consequences they’re supposed to when they pull that shit - and you do it while the other treaty is still active. The last thing we need right now is a nuclear war and I don’t want to fucking hear that you’re taking Russia out of a treaty that at least somewhat contained them.

This man is going to get us all killed, I swear to Athena.

He then starts saying that “oh, the world would be in Nuclear war with South Korea if it weren’t for him, and he’s just wrong. I mean I know the nature of reality is such that there’s no real way to measure the tiny micro changes in the fabric of events that could lead to a given result, but I can say for damn sure that North Korea became more aggressive after Trump took office, and that their nuclear problem is largely for deterrent purposes because they are afraid of. Not that anyone should have nuclear weapons. Point is, this claim is bullshit, and I don’t need to source anything because it’s fantastical.

Next up is Venezuela, and his whole...spat against socialism. First of all, socialism is not responsible for the collapse of Venezuela because it wasn’t socialist. Those close to Maduro call his state a narco mafia government under the guise of socialism. It’s complicated - like everything else here is - but it can basically be summarized that instead of gathering material in the government and using it to support the people, it gave all that to big companies and then just kept taking and taking. Because that’s what unregulated big companies do. There was no market.

That said, even if Venezuela had been socialist in the truest sense, that doesn’t mean that socialist policies couldn’t work or shouldn’t be used. When applied properly (with a mix of capitalism, in my opinion), you can create a prosperous country that takes care of everyone by skimming off the top of those who have much and giving to those who have little. We’ve seen it work in different circumstances before, and even an entire country that made it work up until Stalin decided to take it over and twist its efficacy into bullshit.

He then talks a bit about Israel and Palestine, which is another basket of snakes I refuse to open other then to say that treating it as casually as he does is stupid. Israel and weird creepy end times Christians are the only people who actually don’t want a two-state solution. Sooo yeah.

Next, he speaks on how he’s done with the war against ISIS and that the troops are coming home, but fails to give a time frame and talks about not fighting an endless war - something I’d be more willing to believe if he wasn’t spewing money into the military like a sick man on laxatives does into the toilet. But whatever, I’m all for both of those things, so if he does them I’ll compliment him accordingly and apologize for not believing him.

The last thing I really want to talk about is how he brags about getting out of the Iran Nuclear Deal. That was actually working just fine and had finally squeezed Iran into cooperating and now they don’t have to while still giving them breathing room for their civilian population. But that is a complicated matter, that, again, is more difficult to ascertain than “Thing Good” or “Thing Bad.”

From there, the rest of the speech is just chest beating and bravado. Emotional appeals about how great America is and how free we are and blah blaah blaaah. I actually don’t have a problem with this - the swelling call to action at the end of the speech is a very effective tool and it’s not like I haven’t used emotional manipulation myself, even in this very article. But the point is that it’s not factual - it’s not meant to be criticized as a series of claims or even critiqued at all. It’s bravado, pure and simple. Trump is good at it, and he did a good job with it here.

Before I conclude though, I just want to quickly comment on one thing. Him derailing antisemitism is hilarious. You’re like 4 years too late on that bro.

Anyway, conclusions.

Most of the problems with this speech can be summed up with “It’s not that simple, idiot.” The world is a complicated place and Trump tried to simplify it. His ignorance to fully explain the complexities - or, as the case may be, even bother to understand them - has led him to misinform people live on TV. I’m not going to spend time talking about whether it was deliberate or not, I have long since given up and trying to determine where Trump’s evil ends and his stupid begins.  

I will say that I give him one or two points for doing the things right, but given how much else was disgusting and, frankly, hateful, it’s very much “even a broken clock is right twice a day” type thing. Trump’s state of the Union was a cavalcade of lies and misjudgements, interspaced with bravado and unnecessary calls to his god. This is a secular nation, people. I should not hear about God no less than 4 times in the most important speech the country makes.

Hopefully he’ll be out of office soon.

[lostqueenambrose]

Oh do tell more about Dancer!Chase please!

Okay so I wrote some headcanons before but I can't find them anymore so if I repeat myself I'm sorry 😅- Chase is average at everything, indeed- But with the exception of dance, he's a real pro at that- He got into a dance class after his kids saw him try a routine one time at home and convinced him to do so- At first he was very clumsy, and he was falling often- But then after some practice he could do an entire dance routine with eyes closed- One time he was checking his channel on Youtube, and what was trending in general, when he saw that a dancing video was on top. He clicked on it, and surprise! It was him?!- Some children giggling in the video made him realize what happened: his kids recorded him in secret!- Chase scolded them a little ("You need to ask permission or you could get in trouble"), but when they asked (more like begged) if they could record him when he's dancing, he gave in ("Okay, but only once!" We all know that it happened more than once, it's his kids after all)- The kids can't stop talking about their dad being an amazing dancer, so of course Stacy knows about it. And of course she thinks that Chase is also average at that but her kids don't want to hurt their dad.- So when they begged her to bring them to one of Chase's competitions, she agreed, but only if she could bring her new boyfriend with her (guy is what Stacy considers an adult: tall, jogger, has a stable job, a big house and an expensive car, you know that kind of deal)- When Chase saw them, he was happy to see the kids, but when he saw Stacy with that complete stranger? Ouch. Heartbreak. He still loved her after all.- He went to them, Stacy introduced him to her new boyfriend, bragged about literally everything, and then left him there with a "I'm gonna grab a drink for me and him, do you mind watching over the kids? I'm sure you don't." right before the show started- So he kept them as much as he could before telling to his dance teacher that he got the kids but Stacy is nowhere to be found. She understood and told him to give them to someone she trusts (member of the security she knew but that's not the point) and get up on stage.- Once he was up there and started dancing, Stacy came back with her boyfriend, drink in hand, complaining about how long it took for them to get prepared and to start the show.- She was definitely not prepared to see her ex-husband dancing only like a god would do and that her kids were absolutely right: he's an amazing dancer.- She became jealous. Why is HE dancing so good? Why would HE have something her boyfriend doesn't have? Why???!- She retrieved the kids, and left without them being able to see the end of the show.- She never brought her kids to one of Chase's competitions ever again.- Still, Chase practices every day to get even better, and to make his children even prouder.- Dancing helped him getting over Stacy, and now he's dating someone else who loves him for who he is and, even if they're not a good dancer, they still dance with him a lot, just for fun, when Chase needs to take a break.

[brown-rice]

Tagged by @cafe-et-tiramisu for the “Truths Tag” thing  (*・∀-)☆  

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you respond with truths about you and choose 25 people to be tagged.

Tagging @transbakugoukatsuki @rmxstudiojd @leetaliel @kronchip @disney-princess-izuku @bean-paste-man @maytheamazing if you wanna do it.

I wrote so much OTL

Last:

Drink: Earl grey tea + milk

Phone Call: My sister telling me she was outside w/ my boba and food

Text Message: From my new friend Dean asking for help on the lab and about watching Violet Evergarden

Song you listened to: Kyouran Hey Kids!! - The Oral Cigarettes

Time you cried: Uhhhhh Tuesday morning having a meltdown over my midterms :^)

Have you ever:

Dated someone twice: If cheesy middle school romances count, then yeah 

Been cheated on: Hmm, no even tho we were together all but in name

Kissed someone and regretted it: OML YEAH FUCK THAT GUY FROM AX 

Lost someone special: Oh yep, last year I lost a lot of close friends b/c we’d just grown too far apart and they didn’t care about me anymore

Been depressed: /sweats nervously

Been drunk and thrown up: During fam reveal, I went too hard and overdid it, but was also proud b/c my limit is higher than I thought it would be KEK

In the past year have you:

Made a new friend: I made quite a few chill friends from the server and have slowly been making friends here and there at school!

Fallen out of love: I think so, I was in love w/ my childhood friend for a long amount of time, but I feel alright about it now 

Met someone who changed you?: I don’t think I’ve met just one person who changed me since the “me” now is a culmination of my experiences/interactions w/ a lot of people

Found out who your true friends are: Sort of, although a little unfortunately haha. I’m thankful for those that did stick by me, but it resulted in me realizing that some people I thought would be a “true friend” were just taking advantage of me. srry im still a little salty/bitter abt this but im working thru it

Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah? Past hs me would have been really mad about it, but current me doesn’t care enough lol

General:

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: I know quite a few friends from band and high school, my server friends (who I’ve seen in pics or have heard in calls), and mutuals I’ve messaged

Do you have any pets?: YES I LOVE MY DOG HACHI, we also have a lot of fish in tanks and the koi pond back home. By extension, my roommate’s cat Sake is pretty much my cat now huehueh

Do you want to change your name?: Nope, I’ve never been much fixated on it besides how long my full name is

What time did you wake up this morning?: I technically didn’t sleep since I was studying for my ochem midterm and i got my ass handed to me in test form anyway

What were you doing last night?: procrastinating, lab hw, and studying for ochem

Name something you cannot wait for: On a smaller scale: AX. Long term: I just wanna be out of school, in a job that I kinda like and is stable enough so that I can commission all my friends and finally have a place of my own that I can decorate and call home without feeling lonely or suffocated 

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: My brother-in-law’s name is Tom haha

What’s getting on your nerves right now?: Mainly classes and school since I still feel wrong about my career path, I had to drop a class, and my anal chem lab is frustrating the shit out of me. I miss cc

Blood type: I’m pretty sure it’s O+, but it could be O-

Nickname: Besides “Steph,” I’ve had a lot of nicknames over the years. Memorable ones are Stephie/Stephy, Steve, Vending Machine, Beanie Head, and “mom.” Neko and Mocha told me to add “daddy” and I die a little inside

Relationship status: Single and don’t really care to mingle LMAO

Zodiac sign: Ox and Cancer w/ Gemini ascendant 

Pronouns: She/her, but don’t mind they/them

Favorite show: If we’re talking actual TV then Friends, B99, ATLA, Chopped, Voltron, Gravity Falls, and Danny Phantom. If it’s anime then /sweats as I look at all these shows 

College: Transfer student from Mt. Sac now going to UCSD and i wanna mcfuckin die ayyy lmao

Hair color: It’s dark brown/black w/ light brown where the sun hits

Do you have a crush on someone?: Currently no, but I am low key flirting with Dean oops

What do you like about yourself?: Maybe the fact that it’s very hard to make me legit mad, but beyond that /sweats profusely

Firsts:

First surgery: Unless wisdom teeth removal counts, none yet

First Piercing: My mom got my ears pierced when I was like 1

First sport you joined: I think I took karate for a little in 4th grade?? I joined tennis and marching band at the same time officially in 8th grade

First vacation: Hmmm, I think I remember one of the first things we did when we came to America was go to Disneyland

First pair of sneakers: Oddly enough I remember my little slip-on Sketchers that were purple and white with pink, purple, and blue flowers

Right now:

Eating: Dino nuggets /w bbq sauce, and I might make some noodles b/c I’m still so hungry oml

Drinking: A fresh cup of early grey + milk

Listening to: Whatever’s playing in the DJ booth, which is Reach You - Sako Tomohisa

Want kids?: At some point yeah, I’m also pretty sure I’m gonna adopt at least 1 kid whether I have my own or not

Get married?: Maybe. That’s a problem for future me, but if I happen to meet someone(s) good for me, then sure

Career: After bouncing around a bit, I think I’ve settled into chemistry for forensics w/ specialization in pharmacology and toxicology. It still doesn’t feel quite right to me, but it’s the best I’ve got

Which is better?:

Lips or eyes?: Eyes, since I think eye contact can tell you a lot about a person

Hugs or kisses?: Hugs, but I’m big on personal space and barely accept hugs from even my closest friends, plus there’s some weird belief that I don’t like hugs?? and idk where that came from

Shorter or taller: I oddly like being the shortest person in a group?? So I prefer if people are taller than me

Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker, I really can’t stand it when people are super hesitant or can’t make decisions. I’m rly tired of having to make decisions all the time

Romantic or spontaneous: Both, but I think I lean a little more towards spontaneity since I’m a person who likes careful planning. Romance is whatever for me, so I’d rather have someone push me to be a little more spontaneous

Sensitive or loud: A balance of both would be preferable, but if I had to pick, then loud. I’m a lot more introverted than I was before and prefer if people are a little more extroverted than I am but have a level of chill where silences are comfortable

Hookup or relationship?: Relationship. I don’t really do hookups. I know I could, and I’ve been asked to before, but I’m not really big on sex

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: Technically AX boy counts b/c I met him 2 days before we made out lmao

Drank hard liquor: Yeah, but I’m not super big on drinking and just enjoy a smirnoff ice/mike’s hard every so often

Lost contacts/glasses: Nope, surprisingly I haven’t lost my glasses yet

Sex on first date: Likely never, they’d have to be someone who I mesh with super well for that to happen

Broken someone’s heart: A few yeah. Apparently I broke my friend’s roommate so bad that every time he’d drink he’d just talk about how I was the one who got away

Been arrested: Not yet

Turned someone down: /sweats Yeah, a lot. I don’t mean this in a bragging way, because I always feel ridiculously bad about it, but my friends joke about me being “unattainable” and a heart-breaker all the time _(:3」∠)_

Fallen for a friend: I’ve only ever fallen for close friends oops

Do you believe:

In yourself?: Not at all

Love at first sight?: I think it’s out there, just not for me

[odogaronfang]

Hey, can I hear about your Breath of the Wild au? It sounds cool

thank u so much for asking and i’m sorry i made u wait for this!!

i’m actually kinda in the process of redesigning them so i might post some sketches later but basically

[yeesh this got long ill put a readmore] 

-vio is half-sheikah and a traveling merchant, wanders hyrule foraging and hunting and selling things, makes a lot of money because he’ll bring his wares places they wouldn’t usually be found (for example, bringing lurelin great sea fish to the gerudo desert). he has extensive knowledge of hyrule’s topography and flora and fauna, and enough history under his belt to know where to avoid, or just be very prepared for. he doesn’t stay in one place much, the sheikah in kakariko will lend him a room when he stops by, but he did buy out that empty house in hateno and uses that as HQ, mostly in the winter when it’s dangerous and foolhardy to be on the roads.

-blue started as a hylian spearfisher in lurelin village. she grew up there, the people that cared for her are still there. but life as a fisherwoman is very slow and not at all the kind of life she wanted to lead, so when she was 16 she snuck off in the middle of the night and hauled ass to the lakeside stable near lake floria, used the money she’d made from fishing to rent a horse until she could find and tame her own, and abandoned lurelin. she left a note, told everyone what she was up to, but didn’t go back for a long time. now she goes back a lot, it’s how she makes her living after all, spreads lurelin’s good name and gets them (and herself) lots of business. 

-shadow is a merchant as well, sort of, sells really only meat and the odd gems and precious materials he can scrounge. it’s more a side-job, a way to get pocket money, because mostly he bums off the others- takes some fish and crabs from blue’s hauls to sell, stays at vio’s house during the winters, you get the picture. no one’s sure of his origin; everyone just assumes hylian. his dirty little secret is that he’s an ex-yiga, successfully emancipated. not something he wants to share with anyone, obviously. because of that, though, he’s inherently and irreparably tied to ganon- and, by extension, the blood moon. it isn’t something he shares until years after he’s met the squad™ and gotten comfortable with them, and that’s a main driving point in the au for me: finding out how (and if it’s possible) to free shadow from ganon’s influence.

-green is half-gerudo and raised fully hylian, in a more or less single-parent household, as his mother has many duties to attend to in the gerudo royal guard. he’s very close with his father and they probably send postcards back and forth even if they only travel to the market. he works as a mercenary of sorts: a for-hire monster slayer. he’s a huge history buff, has always loved reading about ganon and his previous incarnations, and was enamored with the idea of being in the princess’s guard detail since he was very little. that, of course, is not possible, so monster-hunting is the next best thing (he’s deathly afraid of keese, though.) he really likes shield surfing even though he’s not great and usually ends up with scraped knees and a dented shield afterwards. and if he isn’t fulfilling a contract or rolling down hills or hanging with his dad he’s probably gardening. he likes gardening. (he sucks at gardening. everything dies. even cacti.)

-red is zelda’s (not the princess) little brother. he’s not really sure what he wants to do quite yet, but he, unlike green, is good at gardening and sometimes helps out hateno’s farmers for some money, and sometimes just because he’s a nice person. also, he found out while trying to make zelda a birthday gift that he’s very good at the more delicate parts of metalworking, stuff like wire-wrapping and the intricate designs like the zora do. he’s thinking about following through with that, but it’s not a definite. he likes exploring a lot, too, but he was never given any formal training in fighting, so he’s leery of it until he gets some proper instruction from the others.

-zelda is not THE zelda, in this au. she was named after The Princess Zelda™ as an honor and a tribute to the latent princess, as many have come to call her. she bears the name with pride (as she should). she’s a seamstress, mostly, with a good eye for detail, and aspiring to learn the spear, because, yknow, weapons are fun, and she needs to protect her little bro. she’s not always with the squad, she has things to attend to in hateno and needs to develop her trade, but when she does she absolutely kicks green off his throne and starts calling the shots, with vio as her tactical advisor and blue as her bodyguard. also she doesn’t let anything near red, ever. she kicks ass, end of story.

some fun, random facts:

-vio’s horse’s name is mocha. he got her when she was just a filly, and raised her himself. and as a silly, literal-minded child, her coat reminded him of coffee. (she’s a sooty bay quarter horse with a mane like a palomino’s, and an irregular blaze and snip on her face.)

-do not, ever, challenge blue to a spar. she’ll knock you on your ass with her spear in .5 seconds. she also teaches zelda how to work a spear. technically the form isn’t correct, as she was brought up taught how to spearfish, but it works well enough.

-red is insanely resistant to changes in temperature. he and zelda lived in hebra for a little over a decade, before their mother died and they moved to hateno. zelda bundles up in 4+ layers if the temperature dips below 70, but red? 40 degrees, he’s out in shorts and a tank top. he lives. whenever they kill a wizzrobe he’s given its rod. no one else can be trusted. he also makes killer hot chocolate.

-green is very good with history but can’t be trusted with maps. he just… doesn’t know how to read them, somehow. if you ask him where any historical landmark is he can give you its coordinates, latitude and longitude and regional climate, but hylia help him if he has to use a map.

-zelda, practiced as she is with her fingers from all her years of seamstressing, is an excellent pickpocket. she doesn’t admit it, and doesn’t want people to know for fear of tarnishing the good noble name of zelda. but she can take your wallet, your keys, your child and your heart and you’d be none the wiser. how could such a sweet girl with such a dignified name do anything of the sort?

-much as shadow likes to brag about being the “””tough guy”””, hes Not. sees a keese? screams. moblin? nope, let the other guys take this one. he and green do bond over hating keese. but otherwise he’s mercilessly teased, once he’s found out. it’s part of the reason he ditched the yiga- too many dealings with those things. he eventually gets over it, because he has to, but he is NOT happy about it.

-red and zelda kick ass at snow surfing. it was their favorite thing to do when they lived in hebra. they’d put selmie to shame. they can shred a mountain like shawn white all day and go back for more the next morning. don’t dispute their titles. it will end poorly for you.

-blue whittles. it’s a big stress reliever, keeps her hands busy, and it was a necessary skill in lurelin, where new fishing spears had to be made nearly every day. she’s also pretty good at basket weaving, for the same reasons, although the lack of sharp objects in it pushes her more towards whittling.

-vio makes his own bows and arrows. along the same vein as blue’s whittling, it’s something to do and at least that way he’s assured of its quality. sometimes they trade projects, or they’ll randomly etch things into vio’s bow, like a strange and permanent game of telephone. more than once she’s carved a dick into his bow. it would be covered in them if vio didn’t find a way to make them into abstract works of art. he tried to retaliate, once, and carved one into the staff of blue’s spear. she picked it out in gold leaf and wore it like a badge of honor until that particular spear broke (embedded in a lynel’s flank). your move, vio.

-they split the task of making food, usually:

green is good at cooking, insofar that vegetables/herbs are involved. if you add meat it’ll taste like garbage. but he’s very good with vegetables. 

zelda is insanely good with spices and sauces and if you let her she’ll burn your tongue out. they get into competitions, to see who can withstand her stuff the longest. no one can beat her. she is feared and respected. mostly feared.

blue does the seafood, predictably. it’s a delicate and precise art, of which she is the master. usually she’s a huge fan of spices but on seafood she vetoes it (most of the time) because, as she puts it, “it’ll be f-ckin’ delicious without anything on top”. she’s right.

vio does all the fancy stuff. as a kid he’d get bored and just read whatever he could get his hands on- many of them were cookbooks. so if they’re looking for a big meal with a lot of weird obscure and really good (if small-portioned) stuff they’ll get him on it, and he delegates helpers from there depending on the dish.

red does mostly bread and desserts, his specialty being pastries and honey candies, and really anything heavily sugar-based. sometimes he’ll saute things in honey and it’s honestly to die for, even though a lot of it sounds kinda weird, like honey-glazed chicken thigh. just trust him. also his pasties are in VERY high demand on long journeys. 

shadow is bad at most things but he’s actually really good at soups, mostly because all it entails is throwing things in a pot with salt water and butter and waiting. he just has a good sense for what to throw in. other than that please never let him in a kitchen. he’ll burn it down, and then somehow manage to burn the ashes. trust red, don’t trust shadow.

-there’s a running joke that green was some kind of forest spirit in a previous life. wild animals will just walk right up to him as though they’ve known him a lifetime. deer will approach him, rabbits hop right up, foxes trail him, birds have landed on his head. no one knows why. he likes to name them, and gives them scraps of his dinner. it’s a sad affair when shadow, oblivious or just apathetic, makes them into the night’s dinner, but at least it’s made with love. green might (definitely) cry a little bit.

-vio has long hair, and one of the favorite traveling games to play is to see how much shit they can get into it before he notices. leaves, twigs, burrs, feathers, small rocks, literally anything is fair game as long as you can sneak it in without him knowing. and if there’s a special occasion, and everyone’s all dressed to the 9′s, and vio’s got his hair done up, they play a different game where they sneak the pins out of his hair one by one. whoever pulls the pin that undoes it completely loses and has to take responsibility for the whole thing. bets are placed, and vio absolutely gets revenge wherever possible. it doesn’t stop them.

[ramblingsthebookblog]

Book Review: What Happened by Hillary Clinton

"I can't help but think about how different my first hundred days would have been. A haunting line from the nineteenth century poet John Greenleaf Whittier comes to mind: "For all sad words of tongue and pen the saddest are these: 'It might have been.' "

Three Stars

'What Happened' is probably the most controversial political book of 2017. Think pieces have been published en masse about Hillary and her role in the Trump aftermath. Depending on your point of view, Hillary's decision to publish her book is either a) a grave insult or b) a call to arms. Humour me as I dip my toe into the discourse. In short: I liked it. I like Hillary. The long version: When I heard Hillary had published a book called 'What Happened' I hoped it would be a behind a scenes look at the 2016 election in the same vein as Alastair Campbell's diaries or Andrew Rawnley's 'End of the Party'. I like reading about the mechanics of politics as well as the big ideas. I was a bit disappointed to discover that What Happened is collection of essays, by Hillary, on different aspects of her failed presidential bid. You won't find any gossip here. Over the course of 469 pages Clinton discusses the role of women in politics, sexism, the Russians, her emails and her feelings on the biggest political shock in modern times. I understand why people find it hard to embrace Clinton's book. If, like me, you cheered on the Democrats from afar, reading What Happened is like reliving a trauma. Trump really did win. The first female presidential candidate really did lose to a man who bragged on camera about grabbing women ‘by the pussy.’ One year on, it’s still hard to believe. How you approach What Happened depends on your view of the ’16 election. For some people the only book they’ll accept is one where Clinton throws herself to ground and spends hundreds of pages atoning for her failures. Others think Clinton shouldn’t be writing a book at all, that she should keep quiet and move on with her life. If you’re a Clinton fan, What Happened is a monument to your grief and loss, a written account of that devastating night in November. I happen to think Clinton’s perfectly entitled to write a book. John McCain wrote books after he lost to Obama. Mitt Romney did not remain silent after losing in 2012. Sarah Palin did not curl up into a tiny ball and beg for punishment after losing. It’s quite plainly sexist to expect Clinton to hide away and say nothing. What Happened touches upon so many issues that it's impossible to cover them in a simple book review. I could write an essay on nearly every chapter. Hillary says a lot I agree with; on a few things I think she's misguided. Clinton's chapter on Women in Politics is important. It’s here that she grapples with the meat of the book. The bar for women is so high and we don’t even set the rules. When we meet the standards set by the men who came before us, it’s still not good enough. Clinton was a popular Secretary of State when she left office only to become deeply unpopular when she ran for President. Clinton ran for office using the playbook written by Obama and her husband. When it was her time, the rug was pulled under her feet and she had to fight on different terms, again. It’s not fair and she has the right to say so. Hillary says writing this book was cathartic. It feels like it. Her sense of loss, hurt and pain can be felt on every page. Hillary's pain, as she makes very clear, is not that she lost, but that she lost to *him.* It’s one thing to lose to a qualified, decent, candidate who made good arguments and ran an excellent campaign. It’s something else to run and lose to a mediocre man whose campaign should have been dead on the ground as soon as he gave his first speech. In 2008 America elected its first black President. It responded in 2016 by electing the racist who slandered his name and pushed the lie that he was was born in Kenya. Many politicians lose, Hillary’s loss was catastrophic. Clinton recognises this and, at times, her writing falters when she tries so obviously to comfort her readers. It’s a minor quibble but there are moments when the book feels as though it's at cross purposes. She could have done with less quotes. The chapter on Idealism v Realism, a subtle way to address the DNC Bernie/Hillary split, is the best in the book. This is a discussion for the age, an apt one when the left seems to be pulling itself in different directions. Is the answer to the rise of the right to move to the centre or to the left? Has the centre itself moved? One year on, as the divide in the DNC grows, it feels more important than ever to figure out what the left stands for. Clinton, the pragmatist liberal, thinks the realistic thing to do is chip away at goals bit by bit, because that's how the system works. Sanders, the democratic socialist, believes that the left should state its aims clearly and proudly; he sees little point in settling for less over and over again. I'm sympathetic to both positions. Despite what you've heard, Clinton doesn't spend her entire book blaming Bernie Sanders for everything. Compared to Comey, Sanders gets short shrift. On the contrary, Hillary acknowledges that Sanders was right to talk about big ideas. She seems to realise that her campaign lacked a vision for the future. When it comes to idealism and realism, you need a bit of both. What this book isn’t is Clinton blaming her election loss on everybody but herself. She owns her mistakes many times. She talks about her failure to connect with rustbelt voters, her stupid comment about coal jobs that may have cost her votes in key states. She is quite clear about the fact that the loss is on her, nobody else. I think what people find hard to accept is that Clinton is rightly annoyed about the other factors that influenced the election (racism, sexism, Comey). People want Hillary to self hate. I’m glad she stuck to her guns. What Clinton fails to do, more than anything, is recognise what happened in 2016 as a whole. She fails to grasp that 2016 was a moment, not a blip. Whether it was Trump, Brexit or Jeremy Corbyn, voters acted the way they did because they’re fed up with a political system that Clinton and others have been a part of for decades. There’s a shift in wind these days; the ground we stand on isn’t stable anymore. The change Trump promises is fascism tinged with white nationalism. Corbyn wants to smash the neo-liberal consensus of the past few years. The era Clinton belongs to is passing. What Happened provides unique insights into the mind of the first woman on the top ticket. It’s funny, thoughtful and smart. When we write the story of 2016, Clinton's memoir will be impossible to ignore.