#!!!!! the only way i can tolerate them
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Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.
They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)
It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.
And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc
(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.
I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"
No.
I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?
No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didnāt give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.
That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you donāt see Steve and Buckyās relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)
Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.
Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!
I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif
"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER
Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.
It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.
So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.
**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))
or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.
But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"
Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.
The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.
"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.
Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.
#oh boy here we go again#im once again SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#anti endgame#anti marvel#i wrote this on twt originally#im really pissed off still#and so so tired#steve rogers#I donāt count X men bc the fucking timeline is more complicated than my brain can process rn#also werenāt they dead too?#idk I canāt remember atm#and I havenāt watched the movies in ages#the thing is I feel cheated bc they fucked up Steve and Buckys relationship specifically#and I canāt accept that and I really cant see Sam and Bucky suddenly being buddy buddy with each other either so TFAWS is a NO for me#also a notp noe bc people LOVE to hate on Steve and shit on him while they write stuff#also why I donāt believe anything Marvel says about having gay characters#if they really cared about representation or shit they would have assumed Steve was gay or at least bisexual or Buckysexual#but they queerbaited the shit out of the promos to give us that big fuck you in the end#and THEY KNEW they fucked up with CATWS because they went from theyre best friends to theyre kinda codependent in like an unhealthy amount#I mean assume in the other tag in a shit we fucked up ok well heās this now kinda way#if you think about it Steve and Bucky are the almostonly characters that could be canonically gay or bi in the MCU (deadpool doesnāt count)#because they donāt have significant relationships with other people and even less with women#maybe Natasha? but they paired her with Bruceā¦ when he has a relationship with Betty#THEY SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT AND BLAMED US#basically they got mad at us and broke their own toy bc they had a tantrum#so fuck you russo brothers#fuck you mcu#To the Tony isnāt straight crowdā¦ they paired him with women only in MCU if I remember correctly#and yes I cant see Sam and Bucky as a couple#not sorry and if you ship them great! But i wont interact and not going to follow you bc i really canāt tolerate thst ship
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I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!!! SO MUCH!! ACTUALLY!!!!!!
new friends and old, online and irl i love them so much and i love having friends
#i am ovulating again can you tell#i mean i love them all the time but only when iām ovulating am i bold enough to say it on a platform that i know some of them are on#yes i mean you.#and you.#and you also#no but for once in my life i feel like i have friends who actually like me and enjoy my company and arenāt just tolerating me#i feel wanted in a way i didnāt really for years and years and itās fucking awesome#i will say it until the day i die: i love my friends#and more people should say it
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worst trope is found family separating as soon as the antagonist is dealt with.
#yes this is about voltron and it's also about guardians of the galaxy#what james gunn did to gamora in GOTG3 is criminal#i understand why they did it but to end with her GOING BACK TO THE RAVAGERS?#fail end.#seriously#and it doesnt even make sense bc ofc the high evolutionary isnt going to be the last problem they would deal with#in just a few years they encountered 5 people trying to destroy the universe and who were incredibly difficult foes#youre finna tell me there will never be a situation like that for the rest of their lives?#gtfo#and mantis' end was dumb too not even sorry#i can tolerate drax and nebula's ends.#but everyone else?#stupid#even peter's ending was fucking moronic. bro can pop in on the weekends he doesnt need to be a live in nurse for his grandpa#it's just such a major letdown and sucks everytime a director/author decides to split up the found family permanently#at least with voltron you can rationalize it by saying 'oh they never really wouldve hung out with eachother if they werent forced to for#voltron and werent forced to fight a war together.' and i can see it bc none of them DO hang out together before voltron#they barely even hang out AFTER they become voltron#keith and shiro hang out bc of the adoption/fostering/mentoring thing. lance and hunk MIGHT hang out bc they were already teammates#it's important to note that we never really see hunk and lance being bffs. theyre just friendly to eachother.#this becomes even more apparent once hunk and pidge actually become friends. it's very obvious hunk was just being friendly to lance.#just friendly.#(take this with a grain of salt bc ive only watched the whole series one time. i refuse to acknowledge anything after se 2.)#so yeah it does make more sense theyd all go their own ways but not even the small friend groups stay together at the end!#pidge and hunk are in completely different galaxies from eachother. same with keith and shiro#lance is isolated from all of them bc post se 3 writing team genuinely hated him and failed him as a character.#but GOTG3? they CHOSE to band together time and time again. they CHOSE to be a team. they CHOSE to be family#for every single one of them to say 'nah fuck that i want to be on my own bc uhhh reasons!' is a lame ending.#period.#gotg3
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In my autistic opinion, people who think that media literacy is a cure all to misunderstandings forget that a story is a two way conversation and the onus is on the storyteller to communicate in a way their reader will hear. If someone has to read your mind to understand your story, thatās poor writing.
#this post is brought to you by the author of the I hate my husband article claiming weāre all idiots for thinking she hates her husband#just because she wrote about her blatantly dysfunctional marriage and all the things that she hates about him#and how the only way she can tolerate him is to ignore everything he says#oh and also weāre misogynists for saying thatās a bad marriage and everyoneās marriages are secretly like this#and also jk rowling saying that she has never ever called for harm against trans people ever#'i never said we should boil them i just said we should put them in a pot of water that happens to be on a fire'
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haha i haven't used this account in so long. doodle dump time. mostly Dante Devilmaycry cause he's been on my mind. hugs and kisses.
#dante dmc#dante devil may cry#devil may cry#leon s kennedy#he shows up like once.#and it's only to put him right next to dante#sorry leon fans seeing this#vergil dmc#vergil devil may cry#mullet vergil is actually. the only way i can tolerate him.#hate that guy!!#alfred hunter of vilebloods#bloodborne alfred#he's literally my muse#there are postits w alfred on them all over my work you cannot escape him.#art#doodle dump.#fanart#my art#pls normalize posting unfinished or unpolished work because i'm incapable of finishing a god damn thing
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Being back in the Dragon Age fandom has awakened something long asleep within me, which is a seething deep, feral hatred and disgust for Cullen and dismay at the way everyone in the fandom is head over heels for him. Literally it's as fresh as it was on the first day. Truly, things you feel at 15 years old do not wane.
#dragon age#i just... there are other let's say problematic white men who are problematic characters#aka anders and solas lol#that the fandom has been and is obsessed with and they coddle them like uwu my tortured boy can do no wrong#and like while that is sometimes a bit annoying#and alienating when you keep finding people who seem to believe the one correct way to play the game is to romance X character#bc all the content is fucking about them!! ugh it seems like other romances do not exist#but at least then i can tolerate it bc like#i enjoy anders and solas as characters#i get them they're flawed and can be downright horrible at times (I don't mean anders blowing up the chantry btw i mean how fucking cruel#he is to others in game)#but i get it#but not with that man!!#they only kept him in da2 and dai because idiots romantized the shit out of a very fucked up situation in the mage origin#then he became even more horrible in da2!!#and THEN in dai they just whitewash him and instead of properly redeeming him they just ignore everything bad he ever did#and that's when they add the romance option#a romance option that is kind of a joke seeing as he's still hung up on female amell/surana from like ten years ago#he even asks a romance leliana about her and will say shit like maybe me and hof would have had a chance like hello???#also his type is just... amell/surana copies he is a racist piece of shit who only likes human and elf women like hello???#and the straight girls just ate it the fuck up because there's nothing more they love than the fantasy that they can redeem an evil man#but like you're romanticizing the hell out of a prison guard/inmate situation like get help
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I was in a major car accident yesterday (got t-boned) and was very luckily a) alone in the car, as the passenger side got walloped and b) not injured. However I took care of everything and then went home and proceeded to sleep for 19 out of the following 24 hours.
#I could feel all my muscles and all of them were in pain. every ounce of my energy was sapped#I needed to eat but the thought of eating made me want to puke#I had to be driven home and I was sat in the front seat like šµāš«š«„š± why aren't you BRAKING you need to BRAKE every two seconds#After my 24 hour reset I am now up to eating a meal. I still hurt but only the top quarter of my body instead of all of it.#I can stand the thought of being driven now but idk how long it'll be before I'm OK with driving again š#I have been thinking about it like. all the time which sucks. Unfortunately my tolerance for processing negative experiences is -1000#If something bad happens to me I want to just fix the situation and move on from it immediately#and that just doesn't happen in reality. But now I'm stuck sitting with this awful experience for who knows how long :(#I'm lucky our insurance is so good it'll cover everything (but deductible obvs) and I imagine the car is fixable#All in all I'm incredibly lucky and I know that and I'm so grateful to be healthy and home with my husband and cat#But also I've had my license for 8 years and never had an accident. I've been through so much this year. This car is 1.5 months old#It just feels so unnecessary and evil for this to happen now and I feel so guilty that apparently I'm at fault#and caused this huge financial and energetic drain for my lil family when we've already dealt with fuckin everything else the past 6 months#The ''why me why today why when I'm a responsible driver'' is real and my whole shit is rocked. I'm still shaken up#I've had a few times recently where shit felt... unreal? Like I should be able to reload my save because that couldn't have just happened#And this was so vividly that way#I'm strong but like. The Cursedā¢ļø vibe is very present#May have to do a curse break and many protection spells soon#cause this is getting ridiculous#personal
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lies about doing 3 week old missing homework so i write more yaoi
#mha deku#mha#mha bakugou#bkdk#real life descent into degeneracy#love how open i am on tumblr because i would never openly admit to being a fujo on my tiktok#fujoshi in the way i only tolerate fictional gay men bc real gay men are kinda annoying#fujopride#free my fujo sisters#hrur grades#good (i havenāt checked them in 6 weeks)#my mom told me she doesnāt think i can make it to college yesterday lol
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River and Louisa's friendship is actually so important to me
#they're coworkers#they both never take care of themselves but will go out of there way to take care of others#they started out reluctantly tolerating each other but with a vague sense of comradery#they're both lost people#and they have each others backs#they are the person the other can rely on#at the end of season 2 i think when they were leaving their little memorium for Min#and he slung hsi arm over her shoulders leaned in and kissed her head?#i nearly died it was so sweet#he really put her through the ringer letting everyone think he was dead though#but yeah idk just them#river and louisa the biggest platonic ship ive ever had in my life#slow horses#just binge watched the whole series in the past few days#cant wait for the next season lol#kinda sad they killed of river's only surviving brother tbh#wouldve been cool to have an evil brother whos jsut kidna out there#I meant theyve both lost people not theyāre but you know what?#that works too
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#Sevenās Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#āYouāre such a heartless and hateful person.ā well have you ever considered that iām not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so youāll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#āThat 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.ā MF that was made TODAY. ITāS FRESH AND THEREāS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know itās my fault so iām not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like youāre fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and thatās why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so weāre sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when itās my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and thatās My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasnāt enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so iāll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dogās teeth need#cleaning too and thatāll come out of my pocket and i guess thatās My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and thatās definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i canāt use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess thatās my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess thatās my fault too. i donāt know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if theyāre packed in a way that shows whatās inside then iāll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now thereās Two roomās floors that need fixing so thatās super fucking fun! š#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i donāt Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that iāll go to all this trouble and theyāll say i donāt qualify#and god itās NYE now. Besties iām not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just canāt make myself write these days. iām sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now iāve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#thereās just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what iām gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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the ceasefire would still be on rivht at this moment had Hamas not broken it with the terrorist attack in Jerusalem and by repeatedly reneging on its agreement to release Israeli hostages.
#no amount of protesting is gonna get Israel to agree to another ceasefire#most of them are probably dead. hence why Hamas only released 80 so far#all they had to do was release hostages and that would've kept the ceasefire going#and Gazans safe#but no. they decided to start firing rockets and claim responsibility for a mass shooting instead#so i want you absolute ghouls to stop calling them freedom fighters or a resostance group#they don't even give a fuck about keeping their own people--the ones you THINK they're fighting for--alive & safe#i don't rb a lot of stuff abt this bc a lot of it is filled with disinformation#or biased in a way that makes Israel out to be the aggressor#ignoring the fact that before Oct 7 THEY WERE IN A CEASEFIRE that Hamas then broke#no other country in the world would tolerate a terrorist group abducting 240 citizens following a pogrom#you can hate war. you can hate the IDF. you can hate Bibi. by all means#support the innocent gazans and palestinians in the WB bearing the brunt of this war#but if your answer to the question of What should Israel have done in response to Oct 7? is Nothing#you're not a seruous person#me.txt
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yo merry christmas i'm thinking about christmas at the hargrove-mayfield's house throughout the years
wanna think about their first christmas together as a family, maybe before neil and susan even got married, or maybe just after. wanna think about what susan got billy for that first december 25th that they knew each other and what neil bought for max. did neil just pass that duty off to susan and stick his name on the from: section of the gift tag or did he put effort in and actually go to the shops and try and find something, specifically for his new step-daughter.
wanna think about the following few christmas' in california where billy never heard from his mom, never even got a fucking christmas card, but max heard from her dad; spending the time between christmas breakfast and christmas lunch on the phone, thanking him for the present he sent in the mail. wanna think about susan listening in, hearing her ex sounding distant and barely focused, agreeing with everything their daughter says, and biting her tongue; half relieved max hasn't picked up on the fact that sam's handwriting and her own is exactly the same, and half mad that sam's willing to take the credit without even blinking.
wanna think about their last christmas in california where they don't even realise it's their last one there; billy hitting his stride in being the worlds moodiest and most hard done by teenager, max following quick in his footsteps. wanna think about how all the gifts hand-picked by susan would be too lame and embarrassing to be thankful for, both kids screwing their nose up at most presents. maybe billy and max exchanging small gifts that christmas becos they haven't been at each others throats all year, only some, and susan thought it would be nice.
wanna think about their first christmas in hawkins, with things still so messy and uncomfortable and rough, but somehow settling into it like it's their new normal. wanna think about it being cold as fuck, none of them prepared for hawkins winters, and everyone walking on eggshells around each other and pretending it's fine. wanna think about max growing up and officially moving into her teenage years and billy counting down the days until he leaves them, adulthood so close yet still so fucking far. wanna think about them all sitting down for christmas dinner and billy barely being acknowledged, things still so tense even though it's been almost two months since everything went to shit, and max forcing out answers every time susan tries to keep the conversation flowing, her doing her best to carry the christmas spirit.
wanna think about a world where there's no living nightmares, no government conspiracies, and no death, but billy still spirals out of control anyway, feeling trapped and cornered in an unfamiliar town with unfamiliar people, his only solution to lash out and fight, anger and violence and distrust being all he knows. wanna think about max coming to the realisation that there's bigger monsters than her asshole step-brother, that maybe billy isn't the start of everyone's problems, just always somehow the end of them. want her to trace the line back to the source and realise neither of them ever stood a fucking chance.
wanna think about a christmas where billy's eighteen and max is fifteen, and they still live on cherry lane, and neil still fucking sucks, and susan still fucking tries, and everything's still awkward, the four of them never quite becoming the family unit their parents try to pretend them to be, but maybe billy and max get along these days, in a way they never could when they were younger, them going from being against each other to realising it's team up or be picked apart.
max gives him a present she saved up for for months, maybe as they're all going to bed, and billy raises an eyebrow at her before sighing and unwrapping it, still too fucking stubborn to be able to say thank you, but somehow brave enough to reach a hand into his room and grab out a present he got for her, and it's unwrapped cos he hasn't wrapped a present since his mom left, so max does her little sister duty and tells him she loves the wrapping and effort he put into it, before actually looking at what he got her, and he walks into his room and closes the door before she can even acknowledge it for the gift it is.
wanna think about billy eventually moving out, but not making it far; too fucking broke to live out his dreams of going home. wanna think about neil clapping him on the back on moving day and telling him he's done good, that this is what growing up is. graduating school, getting a job, moving out, providing for yourself. that's what makes a man. that it was rough there for a while, and he was worried, but he's glad to see his son's shaped up and straightened out finally, thanks to his solid parenting. wanna think about billy having no idea how to react, thinking that's the closest he'll ever get to his dad saying he's proud of him. wanna think about max helping him move and helping him chose a couch, claiming it has to be comfortable enough to sleep on when she crashes there on school breaks. want billy to tell her to get fucked, but buy the couch she picked out anyway.
wanna think about his first christmas out of home, and how how he probably feels indifferent about it at best, and pain about it at worst. christmas was never like the movies growing up, no matter how much susan tried, so it's not like being alone and having no decorations or presents is going to hurt, but he has enough memories of his mum, and a few moments over the years from when max and susan tried, and there's such a build up and fucking atmosphere about it all in hawkins that he can't escape it even if he tried, and he's starting to realise maybe he's really fucking lonely.
wanna think about neil calling him up and billy answering, cos now that they don't live in the same house and billy's finally taking responsibility for his own life, neil's like a whole new person. he wants to do father-son shit like talk about cars, offer advice about fixing the kitchen sink, tell him when to hire someone to fix something and when you should be able to fix something yourself, wants to watch sports games and crack open a beer on a saturday afternoon, and billy makes up reasons to say no most of the time, but sometimes he caves and says yes, cos there's a small part of him that's always wanted this. wanna think about neil calling and asking billy when he's coming over for christmas, saying that susan's cooking his favourite. wanna think about billy not even knowing what his favourite is, but saying he'll be at breakfast by 7:30am before he can stop himself.
wanna think about billy staying 'til afternoon and max raising an eyebrow at him, muttering don't you have a home to go to? while they clean up after lunch, but then neil offers him a beer, so he ignores her, and listens when his dad says he's welcome to stay for dinner, too. wanna think about billy and max smoking a joint out the back while their parents end the day with a christmas movie, and max turns to him and asks him what neil's deal is these days, and billy shrugs her off, too stubborn to look at it all too closely.
wanna think about billy pulling some money out of his wallet cos he has some now, and he didn't have time to get a present, too busy working overtime, but he has cash, so that'll do. wanna think about max handing him a new zippo, then somehow unearthing a whole-ass wrapped present, and when he opens it, it's a set of cheap fake glass cups, becos billy doesn't have any yet and every time she comes over she has to drink something either directly from the bottle in the fridge or remember her own drink bottle, and it's a housewarming gift, asshole, and this isn't my house, billy thinks, this isn't my fucking home, but it's also all he's got, so he finds a place for them in the cupboard above the sink, and max hunts them down the next time she's over first thing.
wanna think about christmas' in their future, when max moves out, when they're in their 20's and 30's, maybe billy keeps coming home, finding an uneasy peace with his dad reserved for special occasions only, the only few times of the year he's willing to lie to himself and pretend things were never as bad as his memories made them out to be, or maybe everything eventually crumbles, and billy finally gets to put some real distance between them, and finally then, he can breathe and stop pretending.
maybe max continues going, her seeing her mom try and so she puts in the effort to try as well, and maybe that works for a while, maybe even a lifetime, but maybe it doesn't, and by the time both her and billy are closer to 30 than 20, the only family they see on christmas is each other, and billy never wraps her presents, and max only gets him practical things, and they drink and bitch most of the time, but it's so much easier to exist in each others space when they don't have to act and pretend and play parts.
#anyway the idea of billy attending christmas day at cherry lane for those first few years and telling himself it's sooo fine#it's completely normal thing to do after a completely normal childhood where nothing ever went wrong ever#and for max to go along with it becos over her dead body is she gonna suffer through christmas day alone even though she thinks its Crazy#how billy and neil could go from the trainwreck they were to whatever illusion neil's trying to create now#but then like. the idea of billy getting a significant other; a Male significant other; and having to like. Face Facts#make up excuses to not go home from christmas anymore; but be too scared to tell his dad the real reason why#until his partner is like. I Know Your Childhood Was Bad But Jesus Christ. You're 25 Dude#wait also the idea of max Knowing and being like. Yeah He's Always Been This Stupid. Yeah It's Probably Genetic. Good Luck.#god the idea of billy finally telling his dad why he's not coming and neil hanging up on him. not msging him for his birthday#and billy getting the hint loud and clear. except maybe susan works some christmas magic and maybe neil's had a health scare or two#and maybe max says she's only coming home for christmas if billy is#so maybe neil calls billy up and says him and his Boyfriend are welcome home for christmas this year.#and it sounds like he's eating the sourest lemon in the entire world. but he's asking. and billy's like. this is gonna be terrible. we Can'#but somehow ends up saying yes. becos he's stupid.#and then neil and susan are sitting down for christmas dinner with billy and Boyfriend and Max and#okay listen. the elmax in me wants them so bad but also the lumax in me wants THEM so bad.#actually either way i can't lose neil would be frothing at the mouth either way#and max would be LOVED and CHERISHED either way#worlds most awkward and intense christmas dinner.#also u may be thinking. now melia. dont they have other family. cousins? grandparents? aunts and uncles? and you'd be right!#but i'm too lazy to go into that rn. the idea of neil cutting his family out and susan barely being on speaking terms with hers#ANYWAY the idea of christmas evolving over time from being something that they barely tolerated with each other#to being something that they only include each other in. no more parents and maybe significant others come and go but no matter what#it's them against the world#m#nqff#text
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The puppies are honestly so cute and funny during Great Puppy Adventure. It's a shame they immediately went downhill after.
#literally i can ONLY tolerate them in gpa#every appearance afterward is awful#like in gpa they're also helpful but every other time they just get in the way
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I don't know... horrible things happen all around the world and it's not a competition
Atrocities are committed against multiple groups in multiple parts of the world at the exact same moment, and none of them erase each other. They all matter, all the people in this world who are being brutalized matter. There shouldn't be any line you draw where one group doesn't actually matter as much as another
You're welcome to prioritize your energy towards helping one group or another, but what's not ok is invalidating or dismissing people who are actively being harmed
Same goes for trying to figure out which social group has things worst (and lets be honest, always using a US lens)
Like... maybe the important thing is to prop each other up and help everyone get on their own feet rather than trying to... pick fights about if physical disabilities or mental illness are less respected (I'm trying to pick a more absurd example but sadly I've seen exactly that argument happen before). Maybe it doesn't really matter and what matters is helping who we can when we can
I'm tired of it, I'm just fucking tired of it. Support people, champion them when the world is just brutalizing them, but you don't need to throw a single other person under the bus to do that
Which seems to be an absolutely impossible lesson for people to learn
#I won't say anything else on this; but I will say that to me one of the groups that it feels like is most forgotten is Syrians#including by me if I'm honest#I don't know what's currently happening in Syria... but... my understanding is it still hasn't really gotten better#assad is still brutalizing people last I had heard#so rather than saying anything else I'd prefer to simply focus on some people it feels like were forgotten back during Obama#and... and have remained forgotten#and I'm sorry I can't do more to help with the suffering in the world#but... you notice what I'm not having to do here?#I'm not having to throw a single other person under the bus#I'm able to just focus on how much I wish for Syrians to be ok (which is a hollow gesture on my part in many ways I think)#and I can keep all the focus on Syrians rather than throwing anyone else under the bus or doing any whataboutism#and that's literally all I'm asking of you fucking people#don't downplay human misery to try and make your thing seem more important#they're both fucking important... they're all important#there's so much suffering I can't even keep up with it#there's so much of it that I can only name without knowing the details; Congo; I believe Sudan is still suffering; Haiti#I don't know how things are in Ethiopia right now... I can't keep track#and none of these situations and the horrible things they're dealing with; things I haven't even been able to follow#none of it detracts from and of the issues I am following more closely#I don't need to compare them and say 'well it's not as bad'; because... bad is bad and any is too much#and nothing I say here will do a damn thing; no one'll hear and even if they did they'd ignore it or get pissed#that's what my evidence shows me about how people behave#but suffering isn't a competition; the correct amount is zero#and... perhaps I'd have more tolerance if I hadn't watched how you behave with stuff#...the worst part is the person I adore who... man... I wish I could just get them to really think through their words#they mean well; they're coming from a place of love; but I just haven't been able to paint the picture for them of the harm#and I'm flawed; I don't have all the answers; I could be wrong here#but... can you at least see why I feel that maybe we shouldn't pit misery against each other#that the people suffering have more in common with each other than opposed and... maybe westerners aren't fucking helping#eh... too fucking drained thinking about this; end of tags
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a dismissive-avoidant will only confront the consequences of their attachment style when they hit rock bottomāwhen they risk losing someone they truly canāt bear to lose, and that person refuses to tolerate their push-pull behavior. you canāt āfixā a DA; they can only fix themselves. this happens only when theyāre ready to be introspective and recognize that the defense mechanism theyāve relied on their entire lives to protect themselves is actually sabotaging their chances for deeper connection
#this is exactly why i stopped tolerating this behaviour#i am patient#i am beyond happy to work through things together and help in any way i can#but they need to put in the effort and want to change and better themselves#it only works when you work together and both people are willing#they just always wait until im completely done with them to start trying#and i do not play games#i will absolutely walk out on someone#i mean avoidance ruined my relationship with the incubator and bromigo#like i literally have no time for anyones bullshit games anymore#š§ šŖ±
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Goddamit I spent all my 20s so depressed, now in my mid-30s all I want is to have a nightlife suddenly.
#have definitely make variations of this post before but it's on my mind so here you go#i want to go to fuckin goth nights dammit#and rock nights and maybe even emo nights even though i was never an emo#or literally any kind of night...with friends or alone i don't care#i started drinking again after years of abstaining for the medication and was building up a tolerance to be less embarrassing#only now it's no good again because i'm on massive doses of antihistimines from late feb to early nov ffs#i don't have any particular reasons for not being intoxicated in any 'other' ways other than being too loserish to have connections#but all the same i'm trying to have a 30s that is better than my 20s and something i can look back on and say yeah that was fun#god i want that......please#i do have friends but most of them don't want to go clubbing so i would go alone but my preference would be with friends#who i trust not to make fun of me
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