tadokorodiaries

[tadokorodiaries]

Seeing those chubby cheeks lift as that little mouth curve up make my heart flutter. I cannot find the perfect words to say how happy I am just when you are happy, and it pains me just imagining that someday, when you grow up, you’ll also experience pain. And as much as I don’t want you to grow up, I know it is inevitable. So this is your nanay, praying that God lets you keep this innocence and happiness in your heart. 🙏🏻 this world is a cruel one, anak, But it can also be beautiful if you let it. 💫I love you so much, little one. Love, Nanay.

[tadokorodiaries]

MARRIED 💗

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It still amazes me how true it is that when we wait on God, He gives us SO much more than what we pray for. This year hasn’t even ended yet, but mine has already been made. I am undeserving, yet, You shower me with blessings that humble my heart each time. I love You ♡ Thank you for teaching us how to love the way that You love us— unconditionally. Jolo and I were just two people wandering in the blank until You gave us each other and paved the way for us. You taught us so many things about ourselves both individually and in a relationship. Everything we have learned about love, we know because of You. We knew things were getting real the moment we experienced trials in our relationship… Because You taught us that love isn’t supposed to be always light and happy; Sometimes love is painful and it can shatter your heart into a million little pieces, but what makes it real is how you both manage to pick up each piece right where you left it. You taught us that sometimes, love is getting lost but finding your way back anyway. You taught us that love is sometimes stubborn and it makes mistakes, and that we have to make room for forgiveness and restoration in order to build a better foundation. Sometimes love destroys the two of you so you can come out indestructible as ever. And you also taught us that sometimes love has nothing to do with who stays but everything to do with who couldn’t help but crawl back to love you again despite your differences, despite your imperfections. You taught us the most important thing about love: it never fails. No matter how tainted it may seem, It. Just. Never. Fails. Last night, Jolo asked the question and I gave him my yes 💍 I am engaged with the love of my life: four years, seven months and a baby after. 💛 just one of the many love stories written by God and have yet to unfold. I love You, God and with Your love, I found the man I am soon to marry; the father of my baby.

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Life update: Our baby is finally here 💜

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my love, the voices, they won.

Whenever the voices get too loud And I can't control the chaos inside You kiss my head under the sheets You kiss my head and put my worries to sleep Yes you do that, it works everytime It worked until it didn't And ended just as I let go of my sigh It used to be of relief It used to be of calm You used to kiss the storm away Instant happiness right into my palm But now they said they're here to stay The magic that once brought a sunny day has just turned everything to grey I guess when you did what you did to me The fight inside me died The voices, they took over And no matter what you do just won't ever work the same way it used to

Because you were the one who killed the only light

-A.T.

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Life Update***

I haven’t been posting since my ~lazy hormones~ are taking over me. There are a lot of adjustments as I go through the stages of pregnancy; Even the littlest things change like sleep *during my first trimester, I spent most days sleeping, second trimester was normal—my body clock was normal and the fatigue wasn’t present which allowed me to do simple chores and going outs, now I’m currently at the beginning of my third trimester and the fatigue is starting to take place—I literally get tired and sleepy without having to do anything*, food cravings, person cravings *yes, sometimes I want to see a certain person so badly I cry*, moodswings *I don’t know about the other mommies out there but my pregnancy moodswings are far WORSE than of my period’s*, the vanity also changes: before I got pregnant, I was very meticulous about my nails, I go to the nail salon every two weeks and have my nails done, I just like them painted.. but now it’s a no-no since nail polishes contain certain chemicals that aren’t safe for the baby, although I’ve read somewhere in the internet that there are pregnant-friendly nail polishes available online, I still wouldn’t risk it 😅… Going back to some of the changes… I used to like sleeping on the side of the wall but when my second trimester was almost done, I switched sides to Jolo since I pee like every 10 minutes and it’s difficult to get up especially when I’m at the corner because my body with my baby in it IS SO HEAVY. 😂 I’ve also got mild stretchmarks around my belly— The stretchmarks I am proud of 😇 *hihi*

Those are just some of the little sacrifices, anyway. But the prize, hmmm the precious prize… The one person I’d gladly take the world’s worth of pain for: Hiro.

I am currently at my seventh month of pregnancy and everything has been going great lately… mainly because my husband is always present. I love quiet moments with my baby and j; I love the family I have been blessed with.

Anyway, they say that whatever the nanay feels emotionally, the baby also feels. I don’t know if my nanay instinct’s starting to kick in but I am learning to be more selfless in a way that when something happens, the first thing I concern myself of is what my baby would feel if I react or think in a certain way, so I try to be more cautious; I figured it made me happier and stress free. All the best for my baby 😇

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How wonderful are Your gifts to me; how good they are. 💝 Me and your daddy fell in love with you the moment we saw two lines that indicated positive on my pregnancy test. You filled our hearts with so much bliss. I never thought I could be happier until you came. Thank You, God for the life inside of me. ❣️

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*a little something I wrote for Jolo* Happy birthday, love 💜💗💜 . . . The fine line made by the ocean and the sky as they meet A horizon so timelessly beautiful The sight I have never been able to perceive An intimate yearning of the soul that remains unfulfilled Until you. The coming of your presence brought vibrant hues to the canvas A dawn finally breaking As if the sun was so hungry to kiss the skyline hello "I'm sorry it took me so long, but come here, love We're finally home." You were bold enough to witness how destructive my chaos were and still look at it with pure affection. You save me every time. You feel genuinely calm; Selflessly free Before you, in my dreams, although blurry I was certain at the back of my head, I've heard the stars say we were drawn to their constellations Us, for always. My mind, as loud as it gets and my heart as little as it may be will be indestructible enough for our love that is so evergreen. The universe fulfilled its promise with a stronghold of each other, We're here. . -A.T.

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first ever tagalog poetry

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09-18-16 I'm finally home. Not for good, no... but that doesn't matter. All I know is, I'm happy, very happy. Lahat ng paghihirap ko sa Japan, nawala nang makauwi ako. Sobrang worth the wait and struggles. Wala na akong masabi hahaha 😚💕 thank You, Jesus..... for never failing me. I'm certain, eto na yung good karma, the one thing I deserve sa lahat ng pinag daanan ko at sa lahat ng tao who has done me wrong countless of times. I am at bliss. Constantly living a peaceful and Christ-centered life. You are so good.

[tadokorodiaries]

Like Crazy

RIP Anton Yelchin

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A Eulogy To My Dying Self

I'd like to say I didn't regret anything, but I must say, I wish things turned out the way I've always wanted it to be without affecting every one around me. Because I wouldn't be writing this if it wasn't for the people I hurt (whether unintentionally or the other way around) in my decisions. You know what they say, if you keep focusing on things that hurt, you'll never see the beauty that lies ahead. So it's time to let go. I'm saying goodbye to all the words that hangs heavy in my heart, be it spoken or words I wish they or I had said. This life is just too short, please, self, only keep in your heart all the beautiful, sincere little words your loved ones told you that created butterflies in your stomach and made your eyes twinkle. Do not try to question it, you deserve all the best. It is time to cut off the strings that connect me to people and relationships that does not grow. It is okay. I am not a bad person for letting go of things I know is becoming toxic. I am forgiving myself for all the times I made the wrong choices that lead to further damage. I am human, capable of making mistakes and inevitably meeting bumps along the way, I won't let my bruises consume me, not anymore. This is a eulogy to my dying self; A living eulogy to my self that is about to recover. It is about time that I let myself heal. -AT

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“To you who made me see things I could never see alone”

Like Crazy (2011)

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went out on a date with my first love 👨🏻 5am as I was just about to go to sleep, our doorbell rang and the next thing I knew, I was hugging my papa behind the open door. He took a 3-hour drive just to see me for a couple of hours and I couldn’t bring myself to believe the present reality happening. For ten years, we endured and settled for long distance phone calls and longing. Earlier this morning, there he was, the man I so deeply love my whole life with my whole being, right in front of me, my Otousan. A little lot older than before, but still the best looking man I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I missed you so much my heart still swells. Thank you for today, papa. Of all the homes I made out of people, not even all of them put together could ever outweigh your warmth.

きょうわとても幸せでした ありがとうございます おとうさん 。ずっと 愛してます

[tadokorodiaries]

I used to feel you hold me closer every time I wake up in the middle of the night, uneasy because of a bad dream.

Now, whenever that happens, my phone is all there is to reach.

I’m glad you always pick up.

-AT

ps. this distance sucks bigtime.