symonynii

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average friend gathering experience

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Back when i worked i spent 8 hours packaging chicken skewers and the first day i was so exhausted that i couldn't stop shaking and whenever i closed my eyes to sleep i kept seeing chicken skewers and i couldn't get the smell out of my clothes so i did my best to picture images of The Beatles instesd but they kept fading & turned into chicken skewers like in some horrible nightmare and i was miserable

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poké babies pt.2

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"snacks before juice its time to let loose. juice before snacks time to eat and relax"

- kid proverb

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i dont do sit i cant even stay you want me to bite you?

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Unmute !

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the funniest thing about the first successful blood transfusion being done on dogs is that dogs are one of those animals that doesn't innately have an immune response to foreign blood, so their first transfusion can basically be whatever blood type, and that means they're pretty uniquely bad for setting your expectations for humans if you don't know that. or what a blood type is.

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YAY MY FAVORITEEE

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today’s acquisition: Donkey Kong Gay Sex Card

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No one talks about how petty kim can get if you decide to be an asshole to him.

A little “who looks like shit” poll

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im going to drink a $7 light beer at the zoo and become the jane goodall of leafcutter ants

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Yes, and…?

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now that its been a few days i can tell u but the other day my stepfather was at a dnd con and i was at my fathers so my mom was alone with the dog and slept w the door open so creampuff could get her if she needed something. so at 2:30 in the morning creampuff stomped in. snuffled my mother awake. and went WOOOOWOOOOO:(. and then left. so my mother went to the living room to see if she needed something. nope. dog was back in bed. she was just very sad that no one else was home and had to tell mom about it

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I beg my kidnappers for a phone, swearing not to make any calls or texts, and they stare over my shoulder, holding a gun to my head as I use my newly-freed hand to post, "So do like, dudes just buy ropes and baklavas from the same store or what lmfao like a specialty Crime Store"

One of the kidnappers says "balaclavas" but it's muffled under the fabric. I ask them to repeat and they do, their voice raspy from disuse. "You wrote baklava, that's a pastry." The other kidnapper goes "stfu" and then after a pause goes "Why would you buy from a crime store"

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