naraskata

[naraskata]

𝚋𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚑

[naraskata]

[naraskata]

[naraskata]

[naraskata]

[naraskata]

December: A final note of the year.

There's something about December that feels like the closing scene of a musical performance, where every moment seems to rush toward a climactic end. It is the last chapter of the year, a time when the days stretch both heavy and swift, like listening to the final notes of a symphony. December feels much the same— a quiet, resonant pause before ending to year's song. The song serves as a reflection of all that we've been, everything we've faced and everything we've become. In music, the final note is not always loud or grand. Sometimes, it's a slow fade, a verse of interlude that we will hear to reflect than applaud. Some others, it's a gradual decrease of passage decrescendo, a deliberate retreat that leaves space for thought.

As I stand in this year's final chord, I realized how much of myself has shifted in ways I didn't notice until now. Growth isn't always obvious, just as a melody isn't arranged on its loudest notes. There were moments this year that seemed insignificant at the time—somewhere between the resolutions I forgot and detours I never planned for, evanescent decisions and unsaid words. However, in looking back, I see how those subtle shifts have rewritten my rhythm. I'm no longer the same person who started this year's song.

Some unplanned notes leave me with surprises that strike me most. I discovered a form of strength in the most unexpected corners. Fragility I finally allowed myself to feel. Contentment arrived like a sudden, lively shift in music after a prolonged, melancholic melody. These are the notes I didn’t plan for, the harmonies I didn’t think I could create. But, just as in music, not every part of the year was in tune. There were dissonances—moments when life seemed to pull me in too many directions at once. Yet, even those moments taught me something. They showed me how to listen carefully, to distinguish between noise and melody.

And now, as December holds its final note, I’m reminded of what comes after the music fades: a reflection. This is the time to sit with all these sides of myself—the brave, the hesitant, the hopeful, the wary. It is humbling and electrifying to realize I am both the same and entirely new. I ask myself if the year’s song truly served me. Did I live in harmony with who I am, or did I let the noise of others’ expectations drown out my own voice?

Not every note was perfect, and not every chord resolved. But in its own way, this year’s song was complete. December, with all its quiet revelations, is teaching me to let it be—to appreciate the beauty of imperfection and the inevitability of change. So here I am, at the edge of the year, ready to begin again. The melody has ended, but its rhythms linger, reminding me of everything I’ve become. When the next song begins, I’ll carry these lessons with me—knowing that every note, no matter how small, matters in the music of a life well-lived.

[naraskata]

[naraskata]

Cathy Linh Che, from Go Forget your father//Friedrich Nietzsche// Richey Edwards// // Moss Angel, Girldirt Angelfog// Rainer Maria Rilke, Fragment of an Elegy,// Leila Miccolis, till death do us part.

[naraskata]

[naraskata]

Belakangan ini pertanyaan "Bagaimana harimu?" rasanya seperti lebih menikam daripada ketika lautan kata-kata cendala tertutur jujur. Bahkan ketika hanya tertutur dari sudut mata. Bagiku, seluruh bahasa yang diucapkan di sudut mata tidak pernah ingin menyembunyikan apa-apa. Ia jujur dan selalu bertutur apa adanya.

Aku tidak pernah merawat rasa marah ketika secara sengaja, ataupun tidak sengaja telatah cendala ditujukan padaku. Aku sudah terbiasa dengan penghianatan. Ditikam dari sudut yang sama sekali tidak pernah aku duga hingga aku duga. Hingga acapkali di tengah kerumunan, kupendarkan pandang ke setiap deru kaki manusia-manusia yang sibuk. Di kepalaku dipenuhi pertanyaan yang sama ke setiap wajahnya "Apa yang sedang berisik di kepala mereka saat ini? apa perasaannya sudah sama matinya dengan kecewa berulang yang hadir dalam hidupnya?". Namun kali ini rasanya, lelah juga.

Bukan tidak punya nyali untuk menjadi manusia dan mencerna marah yang kali ini hadir lebih berisik daripada biasanya. Hanya menjelaskan bentuknya dengan jelas saja aku belum terlalu mahir. Yang kupahami, ketika aku sudah sanggup untuk menghadapi hingga tuntas, aku tidak ingin bersusah payah kembali dari awal. Jadi aku memilih untuk menjawab "Hariku adalah serangkaian upaya bertahan hidup yang masih mampu kuhadapi dengan baik".