swueesharts

[swueesharts]

Sudden slip in, folks!

As a little book has told me to roclaim, I shall be starting my spiritual growth as a Christian, so do support me!

I shall update you all on my new life when it beckons me.

See you all on the next moment, felines and skydivers! May God be happy that you all exist.

[swueesharts]

Good evening everyone, how'd you do?

Expect an entry tomorrow, or Tuesday. I have been busy with my art endeavours and I want to share some of those experiences with you!

Expect the log soon, lizards and cactuses.

[swueesharts]

A Glimmer of Hope

Enough about gloomy sinister turns in my life. I've been pondering about the pah I should lead this blog to, and the current one may break this into shambles. After all, who likes a tragedy as something to follow? Who would like to see a bad ending as a vicarious guiding star?

If you all aren't familiar already, I am a guy who wants to be a great storyteller! Have this piece I did yesterday of my two solarpunk scavenger brothers.

So let us make a promise together, friends and frenemies. I will make sure that the lengthy jargons I spew out of my shaky hands be nothing but of hope and happiness. Albiet, I will catch you all up on the darkness of my light as well.

Now to commence the first step of this oath, let me alert you all on my current school and life situation. I have decided to stay in the foreign language school. "Why stay, if you wanted to go to an art school that longingly? Wouldn't you be happier?" I might. I could. But to put it simply, if art is a building; English as a tongue is the foundation underneath. What's equally as creative and diverse as tthe language of the literature I read lovingly? Perhaps I may be taking a more difficult path for myself. But perhaps also, am I opening a new exciting adventure into the unknown. And fate(or God, if you're religious like yours truly) may have found favor in my decisions.

You see, a teacher I knew fished out a memory that was pushed deep inside the crevices of my mind for no particular reason. Hidden amongst the Incheon campuses, is a lovely major in game design! A bit further away from the animation curriculum, but the closest I can get to studying Art AND English. Besides, I have a special spot for narrative games as well. A game not only could immerse me in an alien world, but could it also tell touching pots as if it were a hardcover book as well. In a way, this college may be the very answer to the life I would love to take any other day. Supposedly they teach from figure drawing to digital painting to coding(?) as well! So if I do ever get accepted here, I know I would be okay.

Well then, friends and frenemies! I thank you all for reading til' the end of this short memoir, and I'll see you all on the next entry! Toodles!

[swueesharts]

When Routines Fall Apart

These past few days, I've been trying so hard to maintain a sustainable routine. I picked up exercising again, and I made it my goal to study English, Math, and Art to keep them up to shape. But alas, it wasn't working out for me,

Today I didn't exercise in the morning, and my body still refuses to finish this task despite there being only 4 hours left of today. Half of the checklist that I made for yesterday(not today, mind you,) remains to be fulfilled.

My mother told me that it has to do with the act of taking a break. To elaborate further, if one is to break the momentum they had while implementing a beneficial habit in return for procrastination, they would find it difficult to return to said habit. And I can see where she is coming from. These past week wasn't a...flattering chain of events so to speak. I still feel the guilt from me procrastinating...

I want to keep this entry short as I can feel my head spinning the more I type this. I have a terrible weakness to 3d games you see, let alone vrchat. I get motion sickness quite easily.

So for now, I'll leave it at that gloomy endpoint. Hope to see you astronauts and lemonades around soon.

[swueesharts]

Life isn't a paragraph..

-A picture I took of my dorm room before I left for winter vacation.

These past two weeks, I doubted my decision to transfer schools. You see, despite finding my past academic studies poignant and restless, I did find a glimmer of hope in it. I met many people who lent me a hand, teachers who supported me in my endeavours and truly wanted to nurture me to my fullest, and mostly fellow accomplices who also wanted to study for their success. Amid these credentialism hours of this dystopia, I found momentary solace in people around me. I didn't process the fact that I would end up snipping these connections away. The associations are twaddle.

However, fellow life adventurers weren't the only ones I was acquainted with. Through my rejuvenated love for English literature, I realised my acquaintance with English. No wonder, I thought when I perceived this fact. It was imminent that I was creative with Vocabulary, weaving words together to create savoury delights. There were also times when I preferred English books over those translated into my national tongue. My undying love for Roald Dahl's stories.

Perhaps, I was too dead set on my path to success. I believed that going to Art school first would land me a satisfactory job in the Animation Industry. While not entirely false, I observed that my priority was not on Art University(not right away, at least). For you see, I wanted to have a job in animation while also pursuing my English hobbies, which would be nigh impossible on the original plan. My conclusive thoughts lent me a path to deviate from my art studies.

I hope to get into Yonsei's UIC(Underwood International College) or Utah University in Incheon's global campus. However, I must remain in my foreign language school to get admitted to those schools with a higher probability. Hopefully, by getting in there, I could work on perfecting my English knacks while I analyse how stories work. Through those four years, I plan to reflect on who I could be, what I want to do, and where to go. After that, I desire to continue my professional art training and get into a prestigious art school to succeed in the art world.

All these hypotheticals aren't without crucial cornerstones. I want you to know that I'll have you rest assured. I compromised with my mother to go through multiple bachelor programs if it's a must for my life. Regarding my art skills, I also intend to continue my art cram school studies and refine my art skills. I'll have to study for dear life and raise my rank in school to at least a two mark. Not to mention, I've been working hard to cultivate my literary passion too. The first book I reviewed and analysed was "The Girl on The Train". A poem quoted on page 7 was what stuck with me the most, for it best described my current situation; Life is no paragraph.

Cotton balls and friends, may this entry help you realise that deviation isn't the termination of your dreams. Relatively, the rejuvenation of your identity is what the other road will be. Take your time to reflect on yourself, and revisit passions you stowed away.

And always, I bid adieu. May my next visit be a welcoming one!

[swueesharts]

For Misery Loves Company

-A Picture I took this evening, after seeing some acquaintances I know take pictures of the same scenery. Guess my photo diary habits did influence others

Today, was a day that leaves no mark in my life. Well, it does. But not in a way that leaves me satisfied. I am utterly chagrined with myself. I tried to improve myself more and take a step closer to a better me; I planned to study art from P5R(Persona 5 Royal), I wanted to do some figure croques. I also wanted to organise the vocabulary that I accrued over the years to expand my repertoire. But alas, my media addiction took ahold of me. I wasted 5 hours of my life on Netflix. Although while impressive and relatable, binging blue period wasn't on my agenda.

It's funny how terrible you could feel from realising the damage you did to yourself. I currently feel like someone took a cutter knife, stabbed it deep into my heart, and left it there. Watching as it weighs down my heart, slicing it deeper, and deeper. While a gruesome allegory, I believe it best describes how I feel witnessing my unfolding misery. But you know what they say, "Misery loves Company". I ran a quick google search and absorbed the information that the phrase is used to explain how those who share similar pains would try to connect to each other. My misery also wanted company. I thought perhaps meeting new people might help, so I went around snooping for some online communities where they talked about formalities and etiquette. I desperately wanted to share my desires to reborn again. But my efforts were futile. A discord bot wasted me 3 hours of troubleshooting its captcha only to find the place unwelcoming of my prescence. The bot mocks me with its corporate flourish.

Taking a step back, perhaps it is expected to take a positive twist on this. Today is the last day before... the last day of school. So maybe it is supposed to be a day where I could wind down a bit and take things slow. Maybe I've been looking at my current social life in the wrong light. Perhaps instead of looking for new, I should instead keep in touch with my old connections and check up on them. I also now know Discord has an issue with the captcha feature on mobile phones.

To add further, perhaps I should look into support groups instead of finishing schools. I feel as though I am not "emotionally stable" enough to brush up on my social grace yet. Perhaps I should connect with those with life wisdom to help me form a better version of myself. I also should check on how my "brain" is doing after ignoring it, but that's another confession I'll cough up later once it allows me to.

Anyhow, sorry for this dull and gloomy blog entry. This post is a way for me to let off some steam in a composed manner. If any of you lizards and afros know how to tackle my situation, hit me up. I'd appreciate some solace and support. I know I'm not alone, and that is what's gonna push me forward.

ps. A side tangent if I might, but I do adore discovering animal foortprints on leftover snow. Makes you wonder what journey they were taking, and where it leads them. Exciting, don't you think?

#vent #emotio- (ah right, tags don't work this way in tumblr haha.)

[swueesharts]

Starting from Scratch; A new page in my life

Hello people and rocks, it has been a while since I've written here.

A lot has happened these past few weeks, and I think unwrapping them here would be a great start to my new attempt to blog routinely.

-A pile of teddy bears I discovered during lunch at School.

To begin with, I would like to say that I am transferring schools for the final year of my high school life! Now for all of you people overseas, that wouldn't be that big of a deal. But if I may, I ask to paint this picture; in Korean high schools, lest you take the CSATs, only the first semester of the 3rd year would apply to your college admissions. In other words, I would only have 4 months minimum to somehow adapt to my new school whilst improving my grades stat.

Speaking of adapting, I am also having a hard time trying to organise my old life at my curent school. Despite my hatred for its questionable allocation of assignments and my hollow social life that took place in the school, I still did find some hidden joy in it. I got to meet alot of great, inspiring people, I got to witness alot of wonderful moments from people growing their relationships and themselves. I also had a wonderful time studying English and Spanish with the natives there.

Considering all of that, I find it difficult to abruptly end my journey here. If I transfer, would I be able to form new relationships that I couldn't do til' now? Would I even be able to keep in touch with my old connections as well? And not to mention, would I be able to learn and study English all on my own now that I'll transfer to a normal korean high school?(My current high specializes in foreign languages, or so they claim to be.)

These questions plague my heart, and so for the first time ever, I discovered what it really meant to be troubled as a soon-to-be adult. With no reasonable place to unload, I can't do anything other than hoard all of these troubles within me unanswered. It could just be overthinking things, or it could be my personal warning to myself of the unwanted consequences I'll face in my new page in life.

To soothe these maladies, I looked into the language cafe near my art cram school. Despite its age limit of 20s and up, I'm planning to barge into the cafe when only the owner's present and consult with them to make me an exception. If that fails... I suppose I'll keep trying.

I'm also gonna do my part in maintaining my English fluency at home too. That means indulging myself in English media only, rejuvenating my english iterature passion, and writing on this tumblr weekly, or even daily.

If any of you pals have any great tips or any recommendations on keeping up my fluency in Korea, hit me up. I am open minded enough from the depseration to try anything.

In other news, I got hooked up on the Netflix show about the Konmari method, starring Marie Kondo. I did see the parodies modern adult animations did to poke fun at her philosophy, but I never really knew who she was or what the method entailed exactly. Basically, it's a way to give your house a massive overhaul based on the utils of your belongings. Simply keep the things that truly "spark joy", while thanking the belongings that no longer serves a meaningful purpose and giving them away. This philosophy truly spoke to me as I have a massive problem with hoarding.

You see, I had this aching paranoia that anything I'd discard would've served a greater purpose in the future in ways I can't foresee. So this paranoia stops me from truly discarding anything, to the point of driving my family crazy. I've even had my online friends call my old bedroom pics messy and disorganized.(although in an a e s t h e t i c way, apparently).

I have fortunately grew wary of this problem thanks to the criticisms, and I did improve on my hoarding issues. But alas, the issue still manages to subsist on my paranoia, and it still plagues our home. So I'm hoping that the konmari method would help with the house overhaul my mom planned for the winter holidays.

In conclusion, I had alot of dilemmas concerning my school transfer, tried to think of ways to rememdy my concerns, and also discovered the konmari method much to my delight.

This was Swueesharts, and I'll hope to see you guys soon.

Cheers!

[swueesharts]

Well then,

I am in a bit of a pickle aren't I.

To begin with...I got a positive on a certain...pestilence.

So my body is in a physical crisis and is quite luterally making me malfunction in ways I wasn't able to comprehend til now. So do excuse me for not writing anything for yesterday's blog. Although, I am glad I didn't and slept instead, because now I feel considerably better.

If I recall from the last blog, I did mention about how I got the bitter medicine of reality. Mayhaps out of spite or my stubbornness, I decided to take this as a challenge to get better at my art skills. Felt motivated to study anatomy better I did. I also contacted a good acquaintance of mine,hoping that he could gove good pointers on tackling said anatomy studies.

Anyways, hopefully this would help me significantly and push me into the right direction!

[swueesharts]

Today was a day of crisis and turmoil.

And a day to help me realize my biggest hypocrisy.

I have met someone who 's experienced many different people who wanted to go to uni and survive high school. At first, I saw him as a light to hopefully satisfy my wants and escape from my current situation.

But I was wrong.

Through him, I realized what my biggest hypocrisy was; despite the wants and goals I pointed out to those around me, I never took a proper step in that direction.

I never rebelled, so why make a revolution?

I never listened, so why be sensible?

I understand now what he was telling me. I was lacking my part in my dreams. And so I simply have to be responsible for the consequences.

However, what I did after was embarrassing. I kept on contemplating my actions, and becoming more and more stressed. It was a new kind of stress. I would describe it as a neutral heartburn.

I kept on dumping my emotions unto that oersin and my family, which made them tired and in turn they dumped their emotions unto me too. Let's just say I wasn't ready for that.

I wanted to disappear to oblivion and whatnot. i really did. But logically I know that...it wasn't the answer to this crime I have comitted.

Tomorrow, I will hopefully make amends and see what I could do to make my chances of becoming an art director better.

By the way, I apologize deeply for my 2nd post being quite emotional. I hope I could gather my strength and be more positive onwards! And also do stuff I need to do for once.

[swueesharts]

Hello World.

So...

This is it. This is the first post of this blog.

  My name’s Swueesh on the internet. I have tried a lot of different ways to engage in social media. I have tried to use twitter, Instagram, YouTube, and twitch. While I do plan on continuing the last two as a different identity(or not.), I decide to try something new.

  My anxiety with my English skills may also contribute to this impulse. You see, if I may be vulnerable, I changed my plans last minute to go to a high school that specialized in foreign languages to continue “showcasing my extravagant English repertoire”.

...Fast forward to two years later, I can confidently it wasn’t the right path in regards to my languages.

  Don’t get me wrong! Thanks to the wonderful people who got o this school did help realise about my identity, and what career I wanted to pursue. Had it not been the art teacher for giving me the hard-pill-to-swallow of reality, I wouldn’t have been invested into animation properly!

  But that didn’t stop me from having regrets. I did wonder from time to time of what I could have been if I went to a high school more leaned to digital media and art instead. These feelings might be part of why I’m gonna blog as well.

  But with all seriousness aside, I would be elated if any of you guys could provide me with good English resources or English...webinars(?) where I coul self study my English.^^

Cheers to a (hopefully) routine-heavy blog!