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started out jealous (made the mistake of seeing whiskey post pictures and looked in the notes). now im guilty (mike talks to me and not finn abt Serious Shit. and is open abt it. and i feel bad.) and also genuinely pissed off (why did kark make finn feel like this and why the FUCK didnt i stop it). but we ball.
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like when shes possessive but mm. idk smth abt "me and only me" threw me off a little. i like being yours. how come u get to beling to others but u cant?
#why is this throwing me off so bad lol#i love being his. i fucking LOVE being his and him being mine#but they have 5 partners. why cant i wish for snth like that too
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i hope you know how much i miss you. because it physically hurts by now. i miss you. every day, i miss you. i wish you missed me, too
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in new news, learning that forest now has a bit where he pretends to be in love with me?? boosts my fucking ego like nothing else man. this strabger thinks im gorgeous and tucks his hair behind his ear whenever mike talks abt me (which is apparently at least somewhat frequently). fuck yes i am irresistable
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glad to know at the very least we both get evil urges (he asked if itd be a bad idea to make a gc with mike. idk man probably but also maybe not i dont Know)
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finally got a message after more than a month of straight up not talking. i dont even know what to say. i dont even rlly wanna look at them even tho ive already responded. this is my fucking friend i shouldnt feel dread in my chest
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i hate feeling like this when i used to love seeing her talk. now i just feel bad. im sick of being a last choice when i thought we were friends
#he hasnt even tried. and i wanna not care but i do#i want my friend back but i also just get upset when i see a message. i dont wanna be overlooked anymore
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i dont know how to explain that i wanna write with her n im not just like. saying thing.
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havent even seen asia in 3 days. every moment online makes me feel worse but i think mayne every moment in general feels worse. i dont know what to do if leo is like. seriously seriously si k. i cant stop looping the worst possoble putcomes. what if we dont get to go to our concert together. what if i dont get to introduce him to finn. what if we dont get to celebrate our college graduations. what if mary is left alone in a room that she used to share. what if our world is changed in the worst fucking way possible. what if i think of clowns and frogs and supernatural and marble hornets and cats and love and all that is there is emptiness. what if this is serious and our world fucking ends. what then.
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maybe i shouldve rescheduled bc i kinda just feel like i dragged him here for nothinf. i feel like shit dude
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i can be normal.n not feel super clingy n kind of sad that finn and i didnt call tn. i can be incred8bly normal
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i hate feeling like such a bother lmao. she says she is worried abt wanting to live w me after coming to visit. i express a similar want. the response is not as enthusiastic as me soo i want to choke on a whole cucumber. make THAT make sense
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prd dming me oh my god she likes me enough to send me dms INCLUDING the spreadsheet. 10 months in the partner server and ive done it.... ive started dming finns other parters.......
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me when i want to scream my i love yous but ive already screamed myself hoarse to a wall whose door only sometimes opens so i just bite my tongue until it bleeds and i swallow the iron. or sonething
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