summerstarshopping

[summerstarshopping]

I'm dyzzy. I don't know where to go, what to do, who to trust. I'm loosing my mind looking at the clock remembering that my life isn't endless, my opportunities aren't endless. And still all I do is to lay in bed, trying to find the strength to stand up again. All of this, just because you brought me down. Because you thought hurting me was okay, as long as you don't get hurt. No, you never get hurt, you just feel guilty for hurting others. Shall I say sorry for make you feel guilty after you had a piece of my heart and ripped it in front of me? Shall I say sorry that I didn't give you the show you wanted to badly for your ego? Shall I say sorry that I didn't cry when I saw you just a week later with this other girl? Shall I say sorry for telling you that you are not as good as you want to make people believe, that you are selfish and stingy and mean and that you can love nobody, not even yourself? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't see early what you were trying to hide. I'm sorry I didn't stand up for myself way to often because I was scared to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry that it wasn't me giving this relationship an end. I'm sorry that I believed you would change, for me. But all you did was to change me. I was a girl with the world on her feet, full of energy, hopes and a lot of friends. Who am I now? I don't even know that because it feels like you took even my energy to think clearly. I hate you. Ich hate you by heart because with you my life began to shatter. And I'm still here trying to rebuild it while you walk around and probably even forgot about me and how guilty you feel. Because you never even felt guilty. You felt disappointed because I didn't show you how much you hurt me.

[summerstarshopping]

I see everything in everyone. I see myself in a neverstopping river, in a never stopping time, in a never ending life, a never ending consciousness.

[summerstarshopping]

I'm drowning in my own thoughts. Unable to see the hand reaching out to me, unable to get through it, unable to help myself. In the end it will not be my surrounding destroying me, it will be done by myself.

[summerstarshopping]

if humans were stars, the sky wouldn't be enough for them.

[summerstarshopping]

the clouds know you're not fine.

that's why they take your pain with them when you look at them long enough.

that's why they cry.

[summerstarshopping]