suescamander

[suescamander]

Cost of the Crown

The stars are very beautiful, above the palace walls,

They shine with equal splendour, still above far humbler halls.

I watch them from my window, but their bright entrancing glow,

Reminds me of the freedom I gave up so long ago.

Arthur stood at the window of his chambers, staring up to the night sky, illuminated only by the bright glow of the stars.

He used to love the stars. When he was still the prince rather than king. But now... Now they made him feel melancholic. They reminded him of nights spend outside, watching the stars, not worrying about anything more than how to improve his fighting skills. They reminded him of moonlight kisses, of happy smiles, being happy in general. They reminded him of how it felt, not having to worry about everything, not having to mourn death and misery.

He still loved the stars, they were beautiful after all. If only they wouldn't bring memories crashing down, memories to compare with how he felt now. Memories who made him crave to turn back time, longing for that much easier life he had.

The Royal circlet of bright gold rests lightly on my brow,

I once thought only of the rights this circlet would endow.

But once I took the crown, to which I had been schooled and bred,

I found it heavy on the heart, though light upon the head.

There was a glimmer visible from his bedside table. Arthur practically felt the light pressure his crown usually put on his head. It wasn't heavy. Not this one at least, it was his daily one, not the big ceremonial crown. And even that one was manageable. Especially if one was used to it. And that he was.

That crown also reminded him of his earlier days. But, opposing to the familiar glow of the stars, his crown brought back memories of how foolish he had been. How arrogant. What a prat he had been, entitled by his, well, title as prince of Camelot. He was lucky, having found someone to show him his bratty behaviour. But still - he had looked forward to being crowned. Once again he wished for the ability to turn back time. To prepare his younger self for the pain that would shadow his coronation, the pain and loss that was about to come.

Although I am the head of state, in truth I am the least,

The true Queen knows her people fed, before she sits to feast.

The good Queen knows her people safe, before she takes her rest,

Thinks twice and thrice and yet again, before she makes request.

For they are all my children,all, that I swore to defend,

It is my duty to become both Queen and trusted friend.

And of my children high and low, from beggar to above,

The dearest are my Heralds, who return my care with love.

He always thought as king everything would go like he wanted it to. He thought he could do as he pleased. But he quickly had to learn that everything he did as king was for his people. He realized that his personal interests always came at last - hence why he waited so long to finally accept that his personal interests were the only thing that mattered in terms of his love life.

In hindsight he knew that he should have made the step earlier, for a happy king leads to a happy kingdom.

He glanced down at his left hand, catching sight of the shimmering silver decorating his finger. The slightest hint of a smile stole itself on his face, only to vanish a second later.

He got his happiness. Others didn't. He, as king, was supposed to ensure the safety of his people. He was supposed to make sure they were alright. It was more or less his job to enable all of them, no matter which social rank they hold, to live their life safely.

But most important to him were his knights. The people who stood with him. Who were his friends, his advisors. Who loved him.

The dearest are my Heralds, swift to spring to my command.

Who give me aid and fellowship, who always understand

That land and people first have needs that I may not deny.

So I must send my dearest friends to danger—and to die.

A friend, a love, a child—it matters not, I know indeed,

That I must sacrifice them all if there should be the need.

They know, and they forgive me—doing more than I require,

With willing minds and loving hearts go straight to grasp the fire.

His knights. His warriors, his insurance. The people who fought beside him, who died next to him. They understood the risks of being a knight. They understood that they might not return from one of the trips, but still came with him, still fought, still died. They understood that the well-being of Camelot was more important than a single life - or hundreds for that matter. His friends still stood beside him, and he might once have to send them to death. The dearest of his knights were the knights of the Round Table. The knights who went through so many dangers with him. And, oh lord, how many did he sent to ruin?

Lancelot. Sacrificed and later used to destroy Arthurs trust in Gwen, who he had been wanting to marry because she knew about him and his secrets. Arthur never wanted to cast her away. She was truly in love with Lance, but had been ready to cover as Arthurs wife. And because of that, her love was ripped away in the most cruel manner he could have imagined. He did not only lose Lancelot, the most loyal out of all of them, he also destroyed one of his dearest friends in the process because he wasn't brave enough to face his council about his love life.

Elyan. Another person dear to Gwen. Died trying to save his sister, who had been captured and tortured to hurt Arthur.

And at last - Gwaine and Percival. Gwaine - Merlins best friend, died because Morgana had tortured him to get go know their location. Died while trying to help Merlin save Arthur. Died believing he failed at it. And died, leaving Percival behind. They hadn't been official, though on the best way to it. Percival wasn't the same, still shocked, for it hadn't been a day since Gwaine passed away directly in front of him.

The worst part of it all, it had been Arthur who sent them, no, led them  in the missions that cost them their lives or loved ones. It had been Arthur who had doomed them.

These tears that burn my eyes are all the tears the Queen can't shed,

The tears I weep in silence as I mourn my Heralds dead.

Oh gods that dwell beyond the stars, if you can hear my cry—

And if you have compassion—let me send no more to die!

As Arthur stood there, gazing at the stars, re-living all the terrible things that happend to those close to him, tears welled up in his eyes. He spiralled into questions of what if? and tried to cope with everything, especially with the things happening the last days. A lot had happened - he almost died, hadn't it been for Merlin, he lost Gwaine and so many more in Camlann, and Arthur found himself doubting every single one of his decisions as king.

Could he have prevented Morgana from ripping the veil between the worlds to save Lance? Could he have protected Gwen from being kidnapped and tortured at the Black Tower? Could he have prevented Mordred from turning on him? Could he...

A quiet rustle shook him from his thoughts, followed by light tapping of bare feet on the cold stone floor. Arthur didn't turn around. "What are you doing out of bed? You need rest, you just survived being stabbed!" Arthur still didn't react. Arms went around his waist from behind, a chin came resting on his right shoulder. The king glanced down at the hands on his stomach, catching the sight of a thin silver band matching his. He still didn't say anything, but he put his hands on his spouse's, thankful of the constance he provided. His consort gave him a reassuring squeeze, and Arthur led out a sigh.

"It's just... It is my fault. Gwaine. Lance. Elyan. All the others." He finally failed to restrain the tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes, and his love was there to steady him. "Shh... It's alright. It's not your fault, Arthur." The king turned around. "It is, Merlin, and you know it! They're dead because of me. It's my fault, my guilt to carry. I send so many good people to die. It's... it's the Cost of the Crown, I think." The sorcerer, his husband, raised his hands to wipe away the tears. "You don't have to carry that weight alone, Arthur. You can share it with me. Just like we do with everything else." Arthur nodded slightly, though still doubting himself. "And please, Arthur, it's not your fault they died. They died for what they believed would grow to be the greatest kingdom to ever exist. They died to make sure you could fulfill your destiny. You can mourn them, you can weep over them, it's alright and simply human, but Arthur, I'm begging you, don't let what happened destroy you." Arthur rested his forehead against his husband's. "You're right. I'll try."

"Good. And now you're coming back to bed and won't move out there until I say so, because I don't want you catching an illness and dying of it, I didn't drag you through the forest for nothing, dear." Arthur let out a small chuckle and let himself be pulled back to the bed and tucked into the sheets, Merlin climbing in and drawing him close.

"Thank you, Merlin. I love you. I always will." Merlin snuggled up further into his chest. "I love you too. And Arthur?" "Hmm?" "It's alright to mourn and grief. You don't need to hide it. We all miss them. But doubting everything you did won't bring them back. It'll only hurt you, and that's the exact opposite of what they would want. Take all the time you need to cope. You can share the weight with my, Arthur. After all, I didn't become Crown Consort for nothing, now, did I?" Arthur draw Merlin even closer after that, pressing a kiss into his husband's hair. "No, you didn't. And I am beyond thankful for that."

[suescamander]

Zoo-excitement

Because I was at the zoo with my family the other day and thought about it. So, here goes nothing

"Are we there yet?" "No. You asked two minutes ago." "I'm pretty sure it's been at least three." "And you actually believe one minute would make a huge difference?" "I don't know, how could I?"

Virgil simply rolled his eyes at his boyfriends antics. "Now, don't pull that eye roll on me!" "Then don't pull those reoccurring questions on me." "Fine." Roman crossed his arms. "But seriously, when will we be there?" "About... 15 minutes." Virgil glanced over at his partner. "You're really hyped, aren't you?" With a sigh the other male answered. "Yeah. I haven't been at the zoo since I was like five years old. And... I love spending time with you, and we barely had alone time in the past weeks and now we're going to see all those animals and... Yeah, I'm pretty excited." It was true. Their time had been really cut short, Roman, as an actor, had many rehearsals, since the show he was currently working on would start in about three weeks, and he had landed the male lead, so he had practice almost every day. Virgil on the other hand was home alone most of the time, isolated in his office in the attic, writing his book.

After a few moments in silence, Roman spoke up again. "This is a great gift. Pat surely outdid himself."  Virgil hummed in approval. "Though he should start outdoing himself at flirting or making a move towards that one guy he's always talking about." "The one that comes into the pharmacy regularly to buy migraine medicine?" "That one." Roman chuckled a little. Their friend had gotten them tickets for the zoo for Virgils last birthday. Coincidentally that very same friend, who worked at a pharmacy, had that 'tiny' - it was embarrassingly obvious - crush on a particular customer, and he wouldn't shut up about it, but was too shy to ask him out.

"And here we are.", Virgil said as he pulled up in the zoos' parking lot. Both of them had huge grins spread across their faces. "Great! Come on, Virge, hurry up!" Roman was already out of the car, grabbing the backpack from the backseat and slinging it across his shoulders. His boyfriend simply shook his head slightly, watching him lovingly. "You sure are a big dork, ya know?" Roman only shrugged it off. "If you say so. But, come on now, or else we might not get to see everything!" When they headed off, Roman walked a few feet infront of him, almost bouncing with excitement. Virgil sighed and moved to catch up to him, mumbling under his breath. "Yep a huge dork." In his thoughts, he added happily: But my dork.

[suescamander]

How to train your Dragon 3

*WARNING: HTTYD3 SPOILERS AHEAD*

"Hey, you alright?" Roman started to grow concerned. He and Virgil just came out of the cinema, having watched 'How to train your dragon 3' and his boyfriend hadn't said a single word since the end of the movie.

Finally, a noise could be heard from Virgil, he let out a low, but high-pitched squeal. "Virge?" Said male lifted his gaze from the ground, one single, eyeshadow-smeared tearstreak created at the 'goodbye dragons' scene visible on his cheek. "What's wrong, dear?" A huge grin started to appear on Virgils face, then he finally spoke. "Roman! Did you see those Fury babies? Gosh, one of them had white ears! And the little white one, Roman they were so cute! And even more important:" He paused, watching Romans smile with a serious expression, "Hiccstrid babies! Roman, HICCSTRID!!!!" Roman simply chuckled and threw an arm around his boyfriends shoulders. "Yeah, they were pretty cute." He pressed a light kiss on Virgil's temple. "Just like you are." Virgil blushed. "Well, thanks Ro, but nothing is cute enough to even be considered somehow worthy of compeating against Hiccstrid. And Fury babies, obviously." His boyfriend retorted with a simple laugh. "Obviously."

[suescamander]

Late Night Thoughts

It was silent.

Complete, peaceful silence lay over the small holiday house.

The only place where noises were heard was the bedroom.

And even there, it was only soft breathing.

Two figures lay next to each other on the huge bed. One of them on their side, the other one on their back, staring at the ceiling. Thinking. The first one was asleep, a content smile on their face.

Nothing interrupted that beautiful moment.

Well, nothing but this:

"Isn't it weird that we're disgusted by a horses poo? I mean... It's only grass. Why should we be disgusted?"

The other person's eyes shot open. They let out an annoyed groan. "Gosh, Virgil!" Said male turned to look at his now awake boyfriend. "What? It's an honest question." Roman turned around.  "How do you always come up with those things? And why only at night? Normal people get these thoughts in the shower." Virgil rolled his eyes and let out a huff. "I don't know... But shouldn't you be at least happy about it not being an existential crisis this time?" Roman chuckled. "Well, I figured you didn't have those anymore." Virgil moved his hand absentmindedly, brushing his partner's hair out if his face. "Yeah, thanks to you." He smiled, leaning forward to kiss him slightly on the lips. "Happy to hear that", Roman said with a grin. He leaned in for another kiss, this time it lasted longer and was more intense. When they pulled away, their eyes met and smiles appeared on both of their faces.

"What do you wanna do tomorrow? We still have four days left before we go home." Virgil took a moment to think about it. "Can't we do a slow day? Sleep in late, go out for a picnic, enjoy the free time?" "If that's what you want, of course." "Alright then." They lay next to each other for another ten minutes, simply looking each other in the eyes, diving into their thoughts.

"We should sleep now." Roman stifled a yawn. "You're probably right.", Virgil answered and let out a yawn as well. After a quick peck on the lips and a mumbled 'goodnight', Roman turned to his other side once more, Virgil embracing him from behind, leaning his head against his back.

After what felt like three-ish minutes, Virgil spoke up again. "But seriously, why are we disgusted by a horse's shit?" "VIRGIL!"

[suescamander]

When nobody's watching

Roman and Virgil were dating. For quite a bit of time by now, but still, nobody knew about them. They kept their acts up during videos, knowing that an official confession would cause a huge reaction from the Fanders at first, but would basically erase the excitement for what would happen next between them. 

Although, "nobody knew about them" wasn't exactly true, considering that they were caught kissing by no other than Thomas and Logan- Thomas  had summoned them while Virgil was apologizing for being harsh during the "Am I original?"-Video that they had filmed on that exact day. Well, a long time, awkward explanations and a lot of squealing from Thomas later, the others agreed with the plan of keeping their relationship secret.

However, sometimes one of them would slip up. Although all of the videos were scripted - yes, even the "Accepting Anxiety"-Vids -, sometimes they couldn't really handle situations in which the other one was supposed to feel down. That's how the biggest "Prinxiety-Moments" visible for the viewers happend.

After filming another video (Learning new things about ourselves) Virgil let himself fall down on Romans bed. His boyfriend soon followed. "Did I ever tell you how I love you, and your voice when you sing?" The anxious side chuckled and sat up. "Shut up, Princey, I love you too, but it's not as good as yours. Your voice is like that of an angel." Roman sat up as well, reaching out and intertwining their fingers. "Thanks, but how often do I have to tell you: Stop critizing yourself so much." "Ro, I am literally the embodiment of Anxiety, that's my job. But..." He smiled down at their hands, "thanks to you I am at least so far that I can accept the compliment. Thank you." He looked up and their eyes met, Roman responsing with a wide smile. "Not problem, dear. And besides, I love how you sang "No one hates you", it felt real." They both leaned in and their lips met in a soft kiss. "That's because it is real, Ro. Nobody could hate you. You're too perfect for that.", the hoodie-wearing side murmured as they pulled away. Roman smiled and leaned closer again, keeping the smile on his face during another kiss.

What neither of them noticed was the fact, that they had left Romans door open. Well, they didn't notice it until they were scared by a loud squeal and Logan calling out for his partner. "Pat? Are you okay, honey?" Virgil and his prince interrupted their kiss and flinched, the anxious one clinging onto his boyfriend out of shock. When Logan finally came and took Patton with him, they looked at each other and bursted out in wild laughter. "So much for "When nobody's watching, huh?", giggled Prince, once he finally got hold of his breathing. His boyfriend simply smacked him lightly on his upper arm. "Next time don't leave the door open, Sir Sing-A-Lot!" "Why not, Hot Topic? Afraid they're gonna see more?", he retorted and wiggled his eyebrows. "ROMAN!" Both of them were laughing again. "I love you, Ro.", Virgil said later, when they had stopped laughing and were sitting next to each other on Romans bed, Virgil leaning into his side and Roman caressing his shoulder. "I love you too, Virge."

[suescamander]

Shipper Virgil

I mean, we all know that Roman is an eccentric shipper, right? He's literally the romantic side of Thomas, so go figure.

But - just image - what do you think of this:

Roman was walking through the corridor, wanting to go straight to his room, when he stoppes midway in his tracks as he hears a soft squeal. Tracking it down right to the door to Virge's room, he starts to worry and knocks. There's shuffling inside before Virgil steps out, his typical non-chalant face on, but his eyes glinting with something the others don't get to see very often. 'You alright, Virge?' 'Sure, why ask though?' Roman chuckles. 'Thought I heard a squeal from here, worried about you.' Virgil has a small grin on his face, slightly blushing. 'I was just searching through Tumblr, sooo, yeah.' Roman nodds understandingly. 'Why don't you come in?' He steps aside and lets Princey in. Said trait manages to get a small glance on the phone, still on and presented right there next to him. He catches a glimpse of a few words. He turns around to face Virge. 'Are you kidding me?' The dark persona look taken aback. 'What? Roman?' Roman then suddenly lets out a high-pitched squeal. 'Why didn't you tell me?' 'Tell you what?" "You're a shipper! Your feed is full of the most cutest ships in all the lands! Solangelo?? Percabeth?? NEWTMAS?? Why the frick didn't you tell me?'

Let's just say, after that day, they were ship-talking quite often - so often, they eventually got LOGAN to start shipping.

What do ya think?