starryknight1890 - Tumblr blog

[starryknight1890]

*a ridiculously overpriced notebook with a cute cover*

Me: ✨️ looks like its time to be financially irresponsible ✨️

[starryknight1890]

Me, on Thursday: Ahhhh I have so much work to do I've got to finish everything before Friday

*proceeds to finish nothing*

Me, on Friday: it's ok, I'll just do it this weekend

Me, on Sunday: oh nooo, I have way to much to finish in one dayyyyy 🫣🫣

Me, on Monday, writing all of my tasks from last week on this week's to-do list: the world is cruel, everything is pointless, I am a mere puppet in this life, there is nothing I can do to escape this monotony

[starryknight1890]

Me, half joking: I would rather kill myself than do this assignment.

My brain: but if you don't do this assignment you'll get a zero

Me: but I'll be dead

My brain: but you'll get a zero

Me:

My brain:

Me, furiously opening my laptop: ok but I'm not happy about it!!! >:(

[starryknight1890]

"I just need to lock in"

Girl, what do you mean? I am LOCKED OUT

4 assignments due at 11:59, 3 exams next week, had a questionable bagel for dinner, semester is only half way done...

Aaaaand I forgot my keys, so if you could let me in that'd be great. Thx queen

[starryknight1890]

Every time I successfully complete an adult task I am simultaneously celebrating and having an identity crisis about being a functioning member of society.

[starryknight1890]

"Growing up is realizing the only difference between failing and improving is whether or not you let your mistakes stop you or learn from them."

I ponder as I burrow deeper into my blankets, dreading my next class.

[starryknight1890]

This is the Sci fi meets fantasy kinda world building I've been looking for 😭

......suddenly struck by the idea for a piece of worldbuilding of "fae don't like iron bc it is the most stable element*"

*as in elements higher you can extract energy via fission and lower you can extract energy via fusion but iron itself there is no excess binding energy to extract at all

[starryknight1890]

I'm so tired of people saying, "My toxic trait is buying myself a little treat," or "my toxic trait is not replying to emails." Toxic traits are weak.

Let's normalize tragic flaws. I want to know what your hamartia is. How will you bring about your own downfall? Go full Shakespeare on that shit.

[starryknight1890]

I asked

"What do they think of me?"

"Will this hurt them?"

"What if this isn't what they want?"

I tortured myself with this fixation on everyone's perception of me.

Until quietly, I asked

"What do I think of myself?"

"Will this hurt me?"

"What if this isn't what I want?"

And suddenly, it didn't matter what anyone else saw.

[starryknight1890]

“Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you come to your senses.”

— Socrates

[starryknight1890]

What is it called when you find something that hurts you, and you know it hurts you, but you keep doing it anyway because it feels right to hurt?

Oh shit. Maybe that's just masochism...

[starryknight1890]

Witches will see this and go "hell yeah"

[starryknight1890]

I need to be alone.

I have this feeling of emptiness that I can neither explain nor quantify.

I've fallen off this cliff face I spent so long climbing. I've finally lost my grip.

Now I'm tumbling down.

I can't see where I started. Everything below is just an endless black void.

It's a wonder I ever began. The top was so far away. I never had a chance.

The emptiness is consuming me. I feel poisonous. Venomous. Deadly. Dead.

I need to be alone.

[starryknight1890]

Just when I think I'm OK, I fall apart.

And I think of you. Not because you ever put me back together. Because you said you would be there for me next time. You promised that next time, I wouldn't have to do it alone.

Like an idiot I believed you.

And hearing myself cry in this empty house, I can't help but laugh at my own naivety.

I should have known better.

[starryknight1890]

As the days stretch and contract in the haze of a summer sky, I can almost see time slipping away from me in a blurry mirage.

And hurtling forward towards the cold and lonely autumn, I feel the irrepressible urge to dig my heels into the earth and stop...or at least slow down a little.

[starryknight1890]

The line between protecting and controlling the person you love is often blurred, crossed, or disregarded.

But that does not mean they are the same.

[starryknight1890]

I've been in a dark place for a long time.

I didn't even realize it because my eyes were shut so tightly.

I dared to open them. With my heart pounding and tears snaking down my cheeks, I faced the reality of my condition.

And in fear, I screamed at the darkness. Once the echoes subsided, it was silent in that empty place.

I could see the faint outline of a passage in the distance.

And as I walked towards it, I realized it wasn't so bad at all.