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Golden Calf // One-Liners with Tourette's

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I'll unalive you

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nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

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These posts are cousins to me.

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Went for my laser hair removal appointment yesterday (getting my bikini area done). As my consultant was adjusting the intensity of the laser, she looked right at my junk and went

“Nice 😏”

And so I went:

“… Thanks 😬”

And she goes:

“Nice redness; it means the skin is reacting well to the treatment”

And honestly… kill me

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at work we have a bartender named tyler and he collects wine corks so we put them in a little box for him and another bartender makes fun of him cause his t’s look like l’s so she wrote “lyler’s corks” and i saw it this morning and i grabbed a marker and changed the ��c’ to a ‘g’

and after he left a bartender came up to me and said “aww lyler left his gorks” and i lost it

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All of Us Strangers (2023) dir. Andrew Haigh

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@lilnikkiibb

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I have a few opinions that come from a place of hopelessness that nobody wants to hear

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And the moment of joy is upon us.

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Remember to be even more of a whore this year

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