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softboygrizz · 6 years ago

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Not His Type

A/N ~ so this turned out a lot longer than expected but I hope it’s alright! Thanks to anon for suggesting this and sorry it took so long 😊

Warnings: cursing

Pairing: Harry Bingham/Plus sized! Reader

It was so stupid that I liked someone like Harry Bingham- the guy with all the money, amazing looks, and a perfect, barbie shaped girlfriend. Of course, it wasn’t Kelly’s fault, but sometimes I couldn’t help but resent her for having everything that I didn’t. And then feel extremely guilty about it. All in all, my situation was shit. I liked my someone else’s guy, and he would never look twice at me.

Their relationship was, quite frankly, falling apart. I felt awful for Harry, who really kept trying, but it looked as though Kelly had her eye set on Will, so all of his efforts were fruitless. There was a small, shameful part of me that was happy about this. I knew that he would never have feelings for someone that looked like me, though, and the bigger more rational part of me knew that it was awful of me to feel that way.

I sat through Helena’s church service that morning, mostly just to be around people for a while, rather than spending a good portion of the day in my house alone. When we came out, I heard Kelly and Harry talking about the game of fugitive later. It didn’t seem as though she was particularly interested.

“What a waste of time.” She said.

“Well, we’ve got time to waste.” He replied in a hopeful tone.

“Maybe you do.” She offered him a small smile, before walking away.

I walked up to Harry, who was stood there looking dejected.

“Hey, uh, if you need a partner then I’m always happy to play. I mean, if you want?” I offered, nervous to be asking, but at the same time, it wasn’t like we were strangers. We were friends, not the closest but still friends, so maybe there was a chance he would say yes.

“What, you taking pity on me?” He joked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you just looked so sad and lonely I knew I had to step in.” I grinned up at him. “So, what do you say then? I think we’d make a pretty unstoppable team.”

“I’m in. Want me to pick you up?” He offered.

“Yeah, sounds great.” I couldn’t stop myself from smiling.

“See you tonight, then.”

Time alone with Harry- a rare commodity from someone who had so many friends and even acquaintances. I was definitely going to make the most of tonight.

The most flattering top I owned, matched with my favourite jeans. A little bit of makeup, not too much, a pretty pair of earrings and more effort than usual with my hair. I was probably trying way too hard.

I waited for twenty minutes, but there was no sign of him. He must have forgotten, or something must have come up. I decided to walk to his house- it wasn’t like he lived very far away.

I saw his car, along with a couple of others parked up outside his house, so I walked up to his and knocked on the drivers’ side window.

He wound it down.

“Hey, what’s up?” He sounded surprised that I was here.

“Um, I thought you said you’d pick me up? Like, half an hour ago?” I tried to keep the annoyance out of my voice, but wasn’t entirely successful.

“Oh, yeah, but I mean you didn’t really want to come, right? I mean, you were just being nice. Allie said she’d come along instead.”

So he replaced me, just like that?

“Right.”

“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t think-”

“Exactly. You didn’t think. God, you can be such a dick sometimes.” I snapped, and walked off.

I went home, and immediately collapsed onto my sofa.

At the next day’s meeting, I sat at the back of the church by myself. I was tired and aching from falling asleep on the sofa. I felt like shit.

Harry came in to sit next to me just as Cassandra began talking.

“Hey, listen, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t realise it meant that much to you.” He muttered, trying to look into my eyes, but I just looked down.

“It didn’t.” I whispered back.

“Well it clearly did, so I’m apologising. Whether you like it or not.”

I turned to him.

“Would it really have been that bad? Spending time with me? Because I really thought that we were friends. You know, and that I actually mattered to you.” Okay, so maybe I was overreacting a bit, but I was pretty pissed.

“Jesus, of course you do! That’s not what I meant at all, okay?”

But Cassandra had finished speaking, and everyone was beginning to leave, so I followed suit, leaving Harry behind.

At least there was prom to look forward to.

I wanted to head straight home, but almost as soon as I left the church, Allie jogged after me and caught up.

“Hey,” she smiled.

“Hey.” I replied.

Allie and I had always helped backstage together back in high-school when there was a school play on, so we were pretty close. Close enough for her to know about my embarrassing crush on Harry.

“Listen, I’m sorry if I blew you off or whatever last night. You know, with Harry. But I didn’t know you wanted to go with him too.”

“It’s fine. Honestly, it’s not your fault. Just, you know, me and him- well, I thought that maybe something could have happened if we’d paired up together. It’s stupid, I know.” I said.

“Of course not!” she stopped, and turned to face me when I scoffed. “I’m serious. You know what? He would not shut up about how bad he felt all night.” She implored, trying to get a smile from me. It worked.

“Whatever.” I replied, but couldn’t stop the smile spreading on my face.

She walked me back to my house, and we were about to go in when a noticed a large, white box on the doorstep.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“I have no clue. You wanna help me open it though?” I offered.

“Yeah, sure, why not,” she grinned at me.

We sat on the sofa, and I pulled the lid off. Inside was a smaller, black box and a note on top of what I was sure was a beautiful dress.

“Well read it then! I want to see who it’s from.” Allie looked almost more excited than me.

I opened the note.

‘I’m sorry. - Harry (the dick)’

I read aloud to Allie.

“Well, I’ve heard better apologies.” she smirked.

I opened the smaller box, and inside was a beautiful, sparkling silver necklace. Probably the most expensive thing I had ever been near.

I pulled out the dress- a deep pink, silky number that looked as though it would pull tight around my curves, but flowed out below my hips, and was framed with small white crystals at the neckline. In short, it was beautiful. But never anything that I would choose to wear myself. It drew way to much attention to my body, but in a good way- I would never have had the confidence to pick it out, but coming from Harry, just the dress itself felt like a compliment.

“Holy shit, that is beautiful. You’re gonna look amazing in that!” Allie exclaimed.

“Wow. I just- I was not expecting that. Oh, my god!” I could honestly hardly contain myself; this felt an awful lot like a romantic gesture. And from Harry, of all people. Maybe I did have a chance in hell after all.

Prom night. The night I had been desperate to happen ever since I had received the parcel from Harry.

Wearing the dress felt even more amazing than opening it in the first place- somehow, he had known my exact size, and all my insecurities seemed briefly pushed back when I wore it, and when I remembered who it was from.

I persuaded Allie to help me with my hair, and I returned the favour by doing her makeup.

We were ready to go.

It looked amazing- blue and silver all around, an explosion of streamers and sparkles, disco balls on the tables and of course the music, blaring in the background.

Allie headed straight to the drinks table, and I saw Harry sat alone at a table. His hair was slicked back, and he looked even hotter than usual in his tux. I headed over to him, and he looked up as I approached, smiling as he saw the dress.

“You look amazing. Like, seriously amazing.” He said, almost incredulous.

“You sound surprised.” I was joking, but there was a bit of nervous truth behind my words.

“No! No, of course not, you always do, but tonight, I mean, I’m just surprised you wore the dress. I take it that means I’m forgiven?” He asked hopefully.

“Of course. I’m sorry, I was being a bit of an ass.” I admitted.

“Not at all- it was my fault, honestly.”

There was a moment of silence.

“You look great too, by the way.” I said.

“Really?” He seemed unsure.

“Um, yeah, do you even have to ask?”

“I mean, I just- I dunno. I don’t have a date, so this is all a bit weird for me, I guess.” He looked down, suddenly awkward.

“Well, I’m happy to fill in.” I suggested quietly, bracing myself for his answer.

“You really want to?” He asked me.

He wanted to be my date?

“Yeah, of course. Just don’t replace me with Allie this time.” I joked, and he chuckled, somewhat guiltily.

“Well, if you’re my date, then I have to dance with you.” He stood, offering me his hand, which I readily took.

He pulled me to the dance floor- a slow song was playing, and I wasn’t sure if that was a blessing, or a recipe for disaster.

He placed his hands around my waist as I placed mine around his neck.

We were stood so close. I could not believe my luck.

“So…” He said.

“So,” I repeated, unsure of the direction this was heading.

“I want to tell you something,” He said, suddenly looking slightly nervous.

“What?”

“I really, really like you. And I know that you probably have no interest in a guy like me, but I-”

“I like you too.” I cut him off, and he suddenly looked relieved and happy. “But I mean, why me? You could have anyone you want. Why would you choose me?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Look at me. I mean, I’m not exactly a model. I’m- I’ll never have a flat stomach, and I hate my legs, my arms are just way too big, and I just look- I’m just so- I-” I could feel tears prick my eyes, and I felt like an idiot. The guy I’ve liked for years says he likes me, and what do I do? I immediately fuck it up, that’s what. God, I hated myself sometimes.

“Hey, look at me,”

I looked up into his eyes.

“You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. You’re perfect, and I can’t get you out of my head.”

“But Kelly-”

“I don’t love her anymore. I don’t want her- I want you.”

I found myself inexplicably believing him, as he slowly leaned closer. He was giving me time to move away if I wanted to, but there was nothing I wanted to do less.

He kissed me. Softly, carefully, sweetly- nothing like what I had expected from Harry. I kissed him back immediately, loving the feeling of his lips against mine, and a hand sliding up to tangle in my hair.

In that moment, everything was perfect. Harry Bingham was kissing me, and I couldn’t be happier.

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softboygrizz · 6 years ago

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Unrequited Love

Warnings: cursing

Pairing: Grizz/female reader

Falling in love with my best friend was the biggest mistake I had made so far, and that was saying a lot, especially considering all of the shit that had gone down in New Ham since our arrival. For as long as I could remember, I had considered Grizz as more than just a friend to me, but he had given me no hints that he felt the same.

The most painful part was definitely that we were now sharing a room. He had asked me as soon as we had been forced to share houses, and who was I to say no? Part of me had dreaded it. Part of me was undeniably thrilled. But all that it had meant was that my feelings had grown and grown until every second with him made my stomach churn and my heart beat out if my chest, and every second without him was unbearable. I was desperate to tell him, but I knew that it would only serve to fuck up our friendship. There was always a part of me, an insistent, stubborn part of me that refused to give up the hope that maybe, somehow, he liked me back. It was so stupid. But I couldn’t help it.

He was leaving soon. Leaving to scout out the land around us, and I hated myself for not being able to come with him, but Allie needed me more. Much as I wanted to leave, I knew that it was selfish for me to even think about going when the election was so soon. She was also the only other person who knew how this felt, and I the only one who knew what she was going through, with her situation with Will.

“I just- I don’t understand him sometimes. One moment, he’s head over heels for Kelly. The next, he’s in my bed! I mean, what am I supposed to think? Or do?” Allie exclaimed, her frustration radiating through her words.

We were sat at the kitchen table, drinking tea, and complaining about our lives while the others were busy- Grizz packing, Will in the kitchens. This had almost become a tradition for us; Allie was a great person to vent to, and apparently she saw the same in me.

“I don’t even think he knows he’s being an asshole. It’s just- it’s just so hard to be around him without thinking ‘what if?’, you know?” she pulled an exasperated face, and took a long gulp of her tea.

“Exactly. That’s exactly how I feel with Grizz. I mean, he’s so kind to me, so sweet and understanding, and it’s great, but then you remember that that’s just who he is. I’m not special. He doesn’t see me in that way, even if sometimes, you know, I think he could.”

There was a pause, as Allie seemed to be thinking what to say.

“Have you told him?” she asked.

“What?”

“Well have you? I mean, that’s the only way to know, right?”

I considered what she said. “Well, no, but I’ve thought about it. A lot. And I just don’t want anything to be awkward, or weird, and we’re sharing a room too, so I-”

“But he’s going away soon, right? If you tell him before, he can have some time to think, and when he gets back, things could just go back to normal. Or, you know, a lot better than normal.” she gave me an exaggerated wink, sending us both into laughter.

“Okay,” I replied after we had sobered up, “I’ll think about it.”

It was finally the night I had been dreading- the night before Grizz would have to leave. I had given Allie’s advice a lot of thought, and I had finally decided to tell him; she was right. I had to tell him, or I would regret it. Especially if the unthinkable happened, and he never came back.

He was lying next to me in the double bed as usual, not touching me, but I was still intensely aware of his presence next to me. The perfect gentleman.

I rolled over to face him, but he was turned away.

“Hey, Grizz? You awake?” I said softly.

He rolled over to face me. “Just about. What’s up?”

“I don’t really know how to say this, but there’s something I need to tell you.”

“You can tell me anything, you know that, right? Are you okay?” His lazy, half awake smile had been replaced by an expression of concern. I had a sudden urge to push back the peice of hair that had fallen in his face.

“This is kind of hard for me to say,” His eyes were so intense, and I just wanted to lean over and kiss him, “But I really like you. More than just as friends. In fact, I think I might be falling in love with you. And I just- I’ve wanted to tell you before, but…” I broke off, trying to examine his face for any clues as to how he was thinking. He rolled onto his back, and ran a hand through his hair.

Oh god. I fucked up. I was way too forward. I fucked up and now he probably hated me.

“Grizz?” my voice was soft, and I was fighting back tears.

“I’m so sorry. I just can’t. I’m- I mean, if I could with anyone, it would be you, but I just can’t, I-”

“Why? Why can’t you love me?” my voice broke as I forced the words out, a tear rolling down my cheek.

He rolled back over to face me, and I could see the pain on his face, his eyes welling up.

“I’m gay.” He said, so quiet it was almost a whisper. Of all the things he could have said, this was something I had never considered.

God I’m an awful friend. All these years and I hadn’t even thought about that as a possibility.

He reached over and brushed the tears from my face, his hand lingering there as he gauged my reaction, but I had no idea what to say.

“Do you hate me?” He asked.

“God no, of course not, I could never hate you. I just- I’m sorry, I didn’t have any idea. I should have known. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s not your fault- you’re the first person I’ve told, and I should have said something sooner. And I do love you. Just not in the way you want.”

For a long minute, I was just silent.

“I’m just glad you told me.” I finally said, and I smiled at him. He smiled back. An almost apologetic, sad smile. “No, seriously, I’m glad you trust me that much, to tell me first. And about what I said- I don’t think my feelings about you will change anytime soon. But I don’t want anything to change. You know, with us. I mean, if you still want that.” I just wished that he felt the same. But I knew it was impossible, and all I could do was be as supportive to him as I could, and all I wanted was to try and keep our friendship if there couldn’t be anything more between us.

“Of course I do. Of course I want that.” A proper, genuine smile broke out across his face, and I couldn’t help but smile widely back at him. He pulled me into a tight hug, and kissed the top of my head.

There is nothing more painful than loving someone who will never love you back. But in that moment, I was happy just being with him.

Even if I knew I could never be truly happy with him just as my friend.

#this is so pure #thank you for keeping him canonly gay 🙏#i love this sm #this is his grizz fics with fem readers should be written #can he be my besties pls

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