smhmalcolm

[smhmalcolm]

“I didn’t read your press release. What did it say?”

“To the lovely media and the people who are saying that I need this here nifty feeding tube because of an eating disorder, did you not read my press release? That’s nothing to joke about. How dare they speak lightly of mental illness of any kind,”

[smhmalcolm]

“Oh god, I understand. Sometimes things just don’t fly with the sponsors on my channel and I have to edit my jokes and censor myself so much. Which is really difficult for me to do.”

“Exactly! And it could be the slightest of pixel and it could throw the whole thing off. At least, that’s what half my clients like to think. And then when you don’t do anything to them and send it straight back, they’d be like, ‘Oh yeah! That’s exactly what we wanted!’ Bitch I didn’t change jack shit….. Sorry.. Clearly I’ve got some grudge against some of them.” 

[smhmalcolm]

“Yeah, I know the feeling. That’s how most relationships end, I feel. But I guess I just got lucky.”

“That sounds like quite the interesting relationship. Like it was a lot of fun and still is. I wish I could have something like that, but it never works out that way. It’s always angry and things like that. Never pretty.”

[smhmalcolm]

txt x malcolm

Jay: im not taking my pants off anywhere around u.

Malcolm: (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

[smhmalcolm]

txt x malcolm

Jay: no im gonna kill u instead.

Malcolm: kill me w that dick daddy

[smhmalcolm]

txt x malcolm

Jay: a little bit of cocaine in the sun a little bit of mary all night long lmfao

Malcolm: jayson wtf

Malcolm: every time u buy coke i won't eat for a day it's a rule now

Malcolm: i'm almos t to u

[smhmalcolm]

txt x malcolm

Jay: malcolm fuckin just take me ill buy the fuckin shit damn

Malcolm: ph my god chill

Malcolm: wait wht kind of drugs did u buy

[smhmalcolm]

txt x malcolm

Jay: ima need 5 20 pc and a fries and,.. shamrock shake. large

Malcolm: i will get you one 20pc and the shake i do not have enough money for 100 nuggs

[smhmalcolm]

txt x malcolm

Jay: PIN DROPPED YA BITCH

Jay: will u bring me mcdoandls too

Malcolm: fine what u want

[smhmalcolm]

txt x malcolm

Jay: usin ur nose to touch the screen for speech 2 text

Jay: just come fuckin pick me up aint nobody awake 2 fix me car

Malcolm: si si, capitan

Malcolm: send me ur location

[smhmalcolm]

txt x malcolm

Jay: u literally never keep ur hands out of ur butthole tho

Jay: um... well... my car breaked down and im stuck at the alley bc i just wanted drugs and now..... my dealer makes fun of me

Malcolm: YES I DO

Malcolm: what if i'm fingerin myself now since i NEVER KEEP MY HANDS OUT OF MY BUTTHOLE

Malcolm: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COME AND SAVE U

[smhmalcolm]

txt x malcolm

Jay: hey ugly boy wyd..

Malcolm: fingerin myself wbu ;) ;))

Malcolm: jk i'm pretending to sleep

[smhmalcolm]

“True. I wish my parents had left me with millions, not gonna lie. Start making videos! As long as you’ve got the equipment, it’s easy. $2.50 an hour? How do you survive? Yikes. Hey, make sure you don’t bail on us!”

“Blame his parents, not him. Yeah, you’re job is easy. Being a Youtuber and everything. Why’d I have to pick a profession that is hard to make it in? Hey, I’m literally making $2.50 an hour plus tips. Don’t be complaining. Free alcohol? You got it! I’ll be there Friday.”

[smhmalcolm]

“I totally know what you mean, then. It’s pretty similar, just like, sitting in the same chair for hours, figuring out what looks the best. Ugh. And I totally agree, I honestly wouldn’t trade him for anything.”

“Right? I totally get that. Not video editing so much but designing posters and sites take some time too. It’s frustrating when we think we haven’t done a lot but then the whole day has gone by. Having a best friend like that is pretty amazing.”

[smhmalcolm]

“Right? He’s the only close friend I’ve ever had that knows exactly what to do to chill me out. That’s why he’s my best.”

“That’s what best friends are supposed to do, have your back and stuff. It’s good that he knew how to take care of that.”

[smhmalcolm]

“Exactly. Like, if I can be with you most of my time for like, ten years, and we can have seen each other naked a bunch, and we still don’t want to kill each other? Most of the time? Pretty special.”

“You’re welcome. Definitely not a common one. But I wouldn’t say weird. I mean, I think it’s a good thing. Not all people can do that, but it’d be nice to not have to lose every person you date, I think. That’s the best kind of relationship in my opinion. It definitely doesn’t but I guess that means you two have a special kind of bond. I can understand that. Definitely.”

[smhmalcolm]

“Ugh, right? He doesn’t have to do shit and he’s covered. At least my job is like... At home and on my own time. I’ll never make as much as Jay has, but it’s a start. You should totally come over. We’ve got alcohol. And ice cream, apparently.”

“It’s nothing personal, really. Been super busy with work and school. Unlike Jay, I actually gotta work terrible shifts and attend classes. But maybe this weekend I can stop by.”