sleepyanxiouslesbian

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

do you ever go to check a book’s reviews and discover that you are in the minority that think the book was absolute horse shit

i mean i dnf’d at 30% but still

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

ordered a plushie from a small business and it came with a hole in it. emailing said business about the issue was unnecessarily scary. like why am i complaining (nicely) to a small business? don’t they have enough to deal with? what if they get mad at me?

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

when i’m watching a tv show through for the first time i find the idea of finishing it physically painful

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

people talk about their minecraft phase that comes a couple times a year but i’m a year-long minecraft enjoyer. the game that comes to me in phases is the sims 4. i am either completely obsessed with that game or i never want to play it again at any given time.

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

i wanna cry

Used some ancient colored pencils to draw this chonky neighbourhood kitty. Every time I go to the supermarket I see him sunbathing.

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

i always finished tests earlier than almost everyone else in school and i remember it caused me the worst anxiety. if i turn it in now will it look like i just rushed through it and don’t care? if i turn it in now, and score well, will it look like i cheated? will i get in trouble even though i didnt cheat?? will my teacher be mad at me?????

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

Wilson breaks his leg or is otherwise injured in a way that means he temporarily needs crutches or a cane, and House spends the entire time challenging Wilson to running races

At first, House always wins because Wilson isn't used to having mobility aids, which House is incredibly smug and annoying about (it also means he can successfully run away from Wilson whenever he tries to have an earnest conversation about feelings). But then Wilson gets more comfortable moving around and it becomes an equal playing field. They are both massively competitive about it

It only stops when they get to work at the same time and House challenges him to a race from the hospital entrance to the elevators. Right as they start, House turns to sweep Wilson's crutches out from under him to trip him up. Meanwhile, Wilson was planning the exact same thing, so when House lunges at him, Wilson is lunging too and they end up smacking each other with their mobility aids and sending each other crashing to the floor in a heap, further fucking up both their legs (and potentially injuring themselves in fun new ways) in full view of Cuddy, who saw it all unfold from her office

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

salt & vinegar chips are snacks for fucking masochists. literally the entire flavour of the goddamn chip is “acetic acid, which will hurt your tongue, and then just salt on top of that to hurt it worse”. it’s brutal. this chip is designed to hurt you

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

literally my favorite type of tweet

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

i cannot physically have my hair down while the hood from my hoodie is on the back of my neck

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

A Short List of Shenanigans My Parent’s Dog Has Engaged In:

This is Arwen, she’s a Husky/Kelpie mix and a little Asshole:

“I wonder if she can jump?” my dad asks the first five minutes we have her.  She perks up at the word, and clears a six-foot fence form sitting on the ground. “Oh.”  Says dad. “Shit.” Later that night she got up on the counter and ate three pounds of corned beef in roughtly 68 seconds but this was considered part of the learning curve of having a new dog.

I wake up at 4 AM to the sound of the toilet being flushed repeatedly in the hall bathroom, and assume plumbing is now posessed by angry and wasteful ghosts.   I get up to disconnet it and find her in the Bathroom, standing to flush the bowl, then shoving her head in to drink the running water.   I’m not totally awake, so I stand there like an idiot trying to understand this, and my sister gets up to see what the noise is, sees the same thing and also stands there.  Fiance notices my absence and does the same.   Mom eventually wakes up and finds us standing around like very confused zombies and almost joins the parade of baffled zombies before shreiking “THE WATER BILL!” We got her a circulating water bowl after that.

My parent’s don’t have AC, but they haveone of those “fridge on top, pull-out-freezer below” fridges.  Last summer, we were remarking that we might need to shave her so she didn’t get heatstroke, to which she looked up and made a disgusted noise at us. …Then got up, used the dishrag to pull open the freezer and climbed on top of the frozen vegetables, stretching out and sighing contentedly.  “Arwen,” Mom began, but was interrupted by a loud ‘WHAAAaaaaarrr?” from Arwen.  “Ok you can stay there for now but we’re getting you a kiddie pool so you have to get out when we get back.  Don’t eat anything.” She ate a bag of frozen green beans and farted for three days straight.

Took her walking along the lake with the long lead so she could sniff things to her hearts content.  She went about shoving her head in the undergrowth, usually coming up with her head covered in leaves and pollen. Except for the bush where she came back out with a 7-foot Bull Snake wrapping itself around her ehad and neck, trying it’s best to strangle her before she can eat it.   She immediately ran back to me, the parts of her face not occupied with the snake arranged in a gleeful expression of “Look!  I found Snacks!” I screamed, not immediately regognizing that it wasn’t a rattler, and fell, splitting my knee on a rock.  The screaming made her let go of the snake, but I still had to grab her and wrestle the snake off her because it lacked the sense to just scuttle away.  I finaly got it lose from her (Despite her best effort to continue trying to eat it and turned around to fling it off the trail-  -And directly into the face of one of my 90-year-old neighbors who’d come out to see what the screaming and profanity was, making her collapse. I’m pretty sure being told “I accidentally threw a snake at my neighbor.” was the highlight of that EMT’s day.  Dottie was unharmed but she still doesn’t speak to me.

One day, we left her in a Harness and overhead tether in the (at the time) unfanced back yard so she could enjoy some relatively free-range outdoors time.  I walked by the window not a minute later to find her completely GONE, and race out to the yard to find her.  It took me a good heart-pounding five minutes to realize the overhead tether was goign UP into the ancient silver maple and realized that  1. Arwen can apparently do something really weird with her shoulders where they pop out sideways, allowing her to bear-hug the tree and  2. climb a good 40 feet into the three to fight 3. A porcupine, which i didn’t even know LIVED out here. Fortunately, Porcupines weigh considerably less than Awen and she couldn’t get a good enough foothold to get all the way up to it, but I still had to climb up there and lower her down, barking dog profanities at the porcupine the whole way.

My parents recently acquired a mechanized recliner which has been instumental inmom’s hip surgery recovery.  Execpt that Awen Also likes lounging on the furniture, and is more than capable of hitting a large, elder-friendly button with her paw.  So now when she gets back from a walk or the dog park she makes a beeline for the living room, get in the recliner and pushes the button until it’s flat and stretches out in it.  My parents didn’t have a problem with this because she gets out of the chair when they ask her (Mom even tells her “Go get my chair ready” in winter because she does a good job pre-warming it), until last winter when Arwen taught my dog Charlie, another devoted couch animal how to do this. One afternoon there was a tremendous outburst fo barkign and snarling from the living room and we rished in to find both dogs in the recliner, Charlie on the fully-reclined back and Arwen on the elevated seat and foot rest, bellowing at eachother for control of the recliner, thier movments having pitched it back to it’s two hind feet, the device swaying to and fro like a leather covered boat upon the high seas, a furry mutiny on board.  Neither dog was willing to yeild the plush throne, nor to listen to the humans yelling at them to knock it the hell off, until Arwen tackled the usurper, kocking him off and managing to cantaleiver the recliner clean over, flipping it into the hall, both dogs and all humand miraculously unharmed. She still doesn’t let him sit in it.

I love her so much.

(If you got a laugh out of this, please consider donating to my Tip Jar or Paypal to get Arwen (and Charlie!) nice treats)

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

maybe i’d be able to read more books if my nightly reading sessions weren’t gay fanfictions on ao3 but instead were the books on my TBR.

those books just don’t hit like fanfic for bedtime reading

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

i have not had a book that has grabbed me by the ankles and pulled me into its lair of entrancement and obsession in far too long and it’s driving me up the wall

[sleepyanxiouslesbian]

Sometimes baby girl is a man in his forties 🤷‍♀️