sleepdeprivedmusings

[sleepdeprivedmusings]

What is it with moms and ruining their daughter's days if their own day is ruined?

[sleepdeprivedmusings]

MY PARENTS WATCH ME THROUGH A CAMERA

Does anyone else want to curse their parents out on a daily basis? Like I was just studying, and my mom decides to enter the room and sit on the bed for no other reason except to 'spy' and check if I'm really studying or not. Makes me feel like a fucking criminal.

Oh, by the way, they've also installed a camera since I was 16 to check if I was really studying or not. It has a communication feature and makes their voices sound god awful and scratchy when they speak through it.

The worst part is that they don't see why I hate the thing? Like, sorry I don't want to be watched 24/7 like I am a prisoner in an asylum. They think if I want it gone, then I must have something to hide. Please tell me I am not crazy for wanting to smash that thing to bits using a hammer.

[sleepdeprivedmusings]

HARD WORK>>>>'INTELLIGENCE'

I have a exam in a few months, and I want to succeed so badly that I think I might kms if I don't. Literally everyone in my family is successful. My sister's kind of stupid, but she's working hard enough so that she's at the top of her class. My dad is probably the best in the company at his level as well, and honestly deserves so much more. My mom is highly hard working as well, I feel like she handles half the work in the school she works at. And then there's me. I've got the brains, but god am I so lazy. I literally don't do anything. At all. All of you might be like 'Oh, you must have done SOMETHING', but no. I don't study at all. I've technically 'studied' but all of that, could have been easily done in two hours. Imagine that. 2 hours of studying spread over 3 days. I procrastinated while doing it. Phone, you tube, ai chats.

And you know the worst part? I have potential. So much. I understand things quicker, and not just surface level, It's easy for me to gain a deep understanding. I only need to practice a few times to replicate perfectly. If I just wasn't so fucking lazy, I would have been at the top. Maybe even have the world at my feet.

That is why I sometimes wish I was just hard working instead of 'intelligent'.

[sleepdeprivedmusings]

WOULD-BE PARENT EXAMS

I feel like there should be exams that people have to take before they decide to have a kid. Most don't do a terrible job, but some people should NOT be having kids. Think about it. Everyone has to take exams (or something similar) before making a major life changing decision. School? Entrance exams. College? Test scores. Job? Resume. Marriage? Dating (which might qualify as a kind of test). So why not kids?

There should be things that make you 'qualified' to have a child. A session with a professional therapist to see if you're okay enough, or if you need to work on yourself. I think a really great idea would be compulsory foster care for a few weeks so that they can see if they're going to be good enough. Also has the added benefit of y'know, more foster care happening.

Becoming a parent is a major life altering thing. And yet there's no checks on it. I mean, how many people have their own problems and trauma that unconsciously affects their children? They could be better parents and contribute to a overall better future if they worked on their own stuff before having kids. This could be a viable solution.

[sleepdeprivedmusings]

SIDE QUESTS

So, there is this youtuber named Alana Lintao. In one of her shorts, she mentions how one of the models she was taking to went like 'Oh, you don't drink or smoke? What do you even do then?'. So her answer: SIDE QUESTS. Like movie nights, sleepovers, bracelet making, those sort of fun activities.

Now, I don't really drink or smoke either, but I, like a lot of other people have a bit of an internet addiction. For many it's tiktok and insta reels, for me it's yt shorts, but whatever. Pot. Kettle. Except for the comment section. On top of that I am NOT social. I have like 2 people which I consider friends, and they're not people I'd share secrets with, so are they really friends? It is also very tiring to talk in general. But even someone like me actually GOT something out of her advice, which is super rare. After you start doing those things, it feels like life is waaaaaaay brighter. Like when you were a kid, and you just felt happy for no reason, and colors looked more vivid? That. Games with my sister, karaoke, running errands with my dad, deep cleaning, those everything showers, going to the mall for no reason, and getting out of the house for the sole purpose of petting street cats. It feels like rediscovering fun. So, yeah. Go ahead and go on some side quests as well. Hell, encourage others to try that to.

[sleepdeprivedmusings]

The feminine urge to stop existing.

[sleepdeprivedmusings]

I really wish I could be immortal. Or at least live really really long. Right now we all have around 80 years to live. The first 15 you spend being a kid. The next ten you study a lot. And then work, then your own kids, then the boredom and weak bones of retirement. And then you're gone. There's really not much time to do a lot. Unless you're really lucky. I would love to have, like, 500 years. I wouldn't feel guilty about wasting time on 'unimportant' stuff like art, or fanfiction. I could do all that, and have a lot of time for everything else that I find is beautiful. Math, languages, programming.

On second thought, I would probably procrastinate it all away.