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Soft.

Soap and Ghost hadn't quite been flirting, but the tension was there. Simon had been standing particularly close to the Sergeant, had been particularly protective of him.

Soap noticed. Soap let it happen. He didn't need the special treatment or extra attention, but he recognized that it wasn't that. Not really. Ghost was a proven military leader, he didn't play favorites. This was something different.

Time went on. Missions were long and filthy and exhausting. Ghost had little time to think about Soap, but he did. In every silent moment. He truly think he deserved the time of day from a man like that. He deserved his respect on the battlefield, sure. Their age and rank proved it. But softened eyes in the quiet and timid personal conversations were simple fantasies he barely allowed himself.

So he was careful when Soap came to him first, careful not to reveal his true feelings or how weak of a man he could be in a position like that. Clean and bandaged, finally afforded some time to rest in a quiet base. Not home, not done, but not in danger.

It started in the showers. Not touching except for their eyes in glances as they passed each other. They started modest and accidental and became curious. Then meaningful. Then Simon had pretended he imagined the tension and went back to his dark room alone. But Johnny was there, then. He'd come and knocked, his bare feet in the hall not unfamiliar to him. Terrifying, though.

"Yes, Johnny." Simon barely cracked the door.

"Let me in." Johnny said, questioning. Not pushing. It wouldn't have mattered. Just the concept that he had given Simon a second thought at all made him embarrassingly desperate.

He didn't know what to say once Johnny was there in the room, but that didn't deter the younger man.

"I wanted to see you." Johnny seemed unsure about the confession but he had no need to.

"Why?" He shrugged perfect shoulders.

"Not sure, if I'm honest."

Simon studied him. He should tell him to leave. Save them both the embarrassment. Instead, he stepped closer to him.

"Why, Johnny?" Simon raised his hand like he might touch him. Johnny caught it.

"No reason, Simon. I just wanted to see you." He kept a hold of Simon's hand and closed the space between them. "Is that alright?"

Simon nodded. "Yes." It was all he could bring himself to say.

He pulled his hand free and laid it on the smaller man's shoulder, close to his neck. Johnny took it as an invitation, kissing his unusually bare face. Simon letting him, before kissing him back. Testing the waters. He stood still a moment, Johnny was much softer and warmer than he had imagined.

He turned and pushed him backward onto the bed. Johnny grinned as he pulled his shirt off over his head. "Thank heaven I was right about this. I've been thinking about it."

Simon marveled at him, sure the wrong move would make him leave. "I think about you too much."

"Hmm." Johnny laid back and let Simon straddle him, running rough hands along his neck and collar bone. "Tell me what you think about."

Simon's logical mind didn't flirt, it spilled the truth. "Taking a walk without getting shot at. Having a drink with you somewhere nice." His hand trailed down the center of Johnny's chest to his stomach. "Not fighting. Just living."

Johnny watched him closely. Simon stilled, and Johnny gripped him by the wrist, moving his hand lower so he could feel how hard he was through the soft pants he wore.

As Simon leaned forward to place his lips against Johnny's neck, he wrapped him in his other arm, holding him close. "What about this? Did you imagine this?"

He slowly moved so their hips were pressed tight against each other. He was gentle, his hands easy. Simon was still unsure, he guessed they both were. He lingered against Johnny's neck, breathing in the smell of his clean skin and the steady, healthy beat of his heart.

"No, Johnny. I couldn't have imagined this."

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Ghost: I need you to blah blah blah blah Soap: *staring longingly* Ghost: Are you listening to me?

Soap: Simon, I don't feel seen by you. Ghost: *staring into space with a bottle in his hand* Soap: Are you listening to me?

Ghost: I love you. We should leave together. Soap: *Eyes at the sky, unseeing* Ghost: Please, Johnny. Ghost: I'm ready now. Ghost: Are you listening to me?

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its not inexplicable to me. i could explic it.

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Hey there! I discovered you on AO3 and I couldn't find you on bsky or twt so I made a tumblr account just to say, wow you draw just like how you write!!! Your ghostsoap First Time comic on AO3 felt really realistic too and made me wonder, when and how do you think ghostsoap would say that they love each other for the first time?

💀💀💀💀❤️❤️❤️ thank you @lazyelegant... and I'm sorry you're here..

I am... in the cringe school of they never NEED to say it out loud/they're ALWAYS saying it with every thought breath and action - but here's Ghost saying it, and here's Soap:

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Part 4 - Blind Soap and Wounded Ghost/Soulmates

AO3 whole fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50092006

Johnny has been temporarily blinded, Ghost had a private room to deal with his wounds until Soap gets moved in. Ghost has the mark of a soulmate appear.

TW: Injury

Part3:

“They said you’re well. Leaving soon.” Price sat across from Simon at a small table in the cafeteria on a lower floor of the hospital.

The man had been around, Simon felt guilty for feeling so alone, knowing there was at least one person that cared for him.

“If things stay steady.” He sipped his tea, he looked out the window, and he wished to be back in his room. With Johnny.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” Price had half a smile when Simon looked back at him and the accusation wasn’t unkind. And it wasn’t unknowing.

“How could you tell?”

“It’s my job to tell.” He shook his head. “It happened here? You were always a magnet for horrible coincidences.”

“I’ll do you one better.” Simon never looked back at his captain. “He’s back in my room right now. We were bunked together.”

--

Johnny still couldn’t see. Not fully. A bit of light recognition had found him and hope carried him in the form of Simon’s words. That he could see. That the injury to his eyes must not be permanent, must not be a scar. But the science wasn’t perfect and when he was alone he wavered.

And he knew Simon was leaving soon. Simon never said it but he heard the nurses and doctors speaking to him about his future plans. He was healed. He would go home soon, and then to rehab, and then back to work and Johnny would just lay there, by Simon’s window alone.

He’d been a mess of emotion in the days after their bond was revealed. He couldn’t hold it against Simon for keeping it secret, he thought he probably would have done the same. And it gave him great insight into the man he couldn’t yet see.

They spoke a lot. Johnny marveled at how his voice began to sound different with use. How it held a warmth with him that he hadn’t heard when he spoke to others. Johnny knew Simon’s CO had come to visit him that day and that he met him downstairs rather than rub it in Johnny’s face. It made him sad. He would have liked to meet someone else that knew him.

He could hear Simon walking down the hall a long time before he reached the room. His gait wasn’t perfectly even, and especially light from years of covert work, but it was familiar to him. It made him feel safe. His life as he knew it was over but he felt anchored to the other man. He felt a possibility of something more. He turned to face him as he entered, and Simon didn’t bother stopping on his side of the room. He came to Johnny’s, taking his usual place in the chair beside his bed. It had remained empty of visitors, but he took it easily.

“How was it?” He asked.

He swore he heard Simon shrug. “Fine. As to be expected.”

“He has work for you?”

Simon chuckled. Johnny found he’d like to bottle the sound for later. “He won’t tell me anything until I get a medical all clear.” He cleared his throat. “And a psych eval.”

Johnny laid his head back against his pillows. That meant he’d told his Captain about the bond. Anyone who wanted to fight with a soulbond had to be assessed separately, to determine if they could properly focus, if they could continue to make decisions that benefited the team as a whole.

“Ah, I’m sorry.” He breathed. He had managed to ruin Simon’s grand return.

Simon didn’t sigh. He didn’t say anything for a moment, but he stood. Johnny could hear him move closer. Stand at the edge of his bed. “Now why would you apologize for that?”

Johnny shifted, uncomfortable. He could imagine their dynamic if all were well, but he was so weak like that. He wasn’t afraid of Simon, but he felt so much less. “It’s the mark, isn’t it?”

Simon shrugged again, and his hand found Johnny’s arm. Like it had the first night he comforted him. It had become common between them. “Sure, but the mark isn’t your fault, John. It just is what it is.”

Johnny groaned again and pressed his hands to his eyes. He knew it was a bad habit but damnit he wished he could see. “When?”

Simon loosened his grip, running his hand up Johnny’s arm. “When what?”

“When do you leave?”

Simon let go of him, walking toward the window. Making Johnny’s stomach drop against all his preparedness. “I’ve been meaning to talk with you about that.”

Johnny was better, his body healed. The scars he’d left on Simon were no longer loud and achy. And he was amazed by how the man had gone from not wanting to chat to wanting to know everything about him. They’d both found the prospect of a mate to be terrifying, that they were the wrong men and the wrong souls to burden another and the universe had seen that truth as an opportunity. Johnny had learned little of Simon’s past, only that he had been through some truly horrible things, losses, and that he didn’t like being seen.

He supposed that was why they had connected at all. That inhibition was meaningless to eyes that couldn’t see. And he supposed Simon would go back to his life, that Johnny would become one of the marks on his to-do list until he could function. He could imagine the man coming to see him a couple of times a week, smelling like winter and the city and bringing him something he missed from the outside. It didn’t feel like enough.

He cleared his throat. “Okay.”

Simon stayed facing the window. Johnny could hear the path of his voice off the glass and the wall and indirectly to his ears. “I’d like to take you with me.”

Simon knew it was quite a proposition. He had lived alone his entire life, even when sharing his home. Even as a child, with his family, he had been isolated. Ostracized. He liked working with a team, but Johnny was the first person he wanted close. It was under his skin.

He turned and looked at him. He knew Johnny knew he was watching him. He dropped his shoulders, his unseeing eyes widened a bit and Simon felt he might have misjudged things. He was deathly afraid of rejection, but they had only gotten closer. He swallowed. That didn’t change that he was never going to force anything on him. Especially not when he felt so vulnerable.

“Simon, that wouldn’t make any sense.” Johnny sounded like he was trying to be logical.

He turned to face him. “Why’s that?”

“I…” Johnny half-laughed, the forced smile crinkling the corners of his blue eyes. “I’m like a child. I need everything done for me.”

“That’s not true.” Simon said, softly. He knew Johnny was perfectly capable, but he wanted to help him.

“You would have to pick my clothes, make my meals. Anything I needed to go out for, I can’t drive. I can’t walk to the train. I can barely do anything.”

Simon watched him carefully. The wheels in his mind turning, but his shoulders lowered, already defeated. He knew the feeling, he knew what it was like to be less than, to be impatient with yourself and a process you couldn’t rush. But he also knew him to be resilient, he’d noticed that about him in the very beginning, weeks before, and he knew him to be kind and incredibly intelligent. He was the missing broken piece of Simon, he fit his jagged edges perfectly and if Johnny could be his warmth and gentleness and patience, then Simon could be his eyes.

“It’s such a small price, Johnny. You think I can’t handle picking your clothes? Cooking for you?”

“No, I know you can.” Johnny mumbled.

“You could stay here, longer than you need to, alone. Or you could go back up to Glasgow and stay with your family, hours from the doctors you need to see and with no privacy. Or you can stay with me. Here in the city. Close to your appointments and anything else you might need.” Johnny’s eyes just searched, he looked distraught by the idea of any of the options. “You need to be out walking, getting some fresh air. You need space to take care of yourself. You need a bed that fits.” Simon motioned to the hospital bed. Johnny wasn’t as large as Simon but large enough to be uncomfortable. “You need a real meal.”

“I’m aware of what I need.” He turned his face toward Simon. “But I can wait. Until my sight is back. Then we can talk about living arrangements.”

Simon walked closer to him, not touching him. Not begging. Yet. “I don’t think this is good enough for you. I want you with me.”

Johnny laid his head back. “You’re going to leave.”

He shook his head. “Not for a long time. I have months of rehab still, and even then I can tell Price doesn’t want to send me out. Maybe I lead remotely for a while, I don’t know.” Maybe I retire. The thought surprised him and he swallowed.

Johnny would go back to work, too, eventually. He wanted to, anyway. “What if my sight never comes back?”

He was waiting for that. He knew Johnny thought it would be temporary, Simon caring for him. That it must be the reason the older man would ask. But he didn’t need Johnny’s eyes to feel he had all of him.

“What if?”

Johnny ran his bottom lip through his teeth, frustrated. It was what Simon wanted, really. To get his truth out of him however he could. “A soulmate is supposed to provide. It’s not fair.”

“Losing your eyes is unfair, you’re right.” Simon shook his head. “But you provide more to me than I think you realize. And leaving you here would be so wrong of me, Johnny. They don’t care about you. They don’t know what you need.”

“And you care about me?” Johnny didn’t turn his eyes toward Simon, but they were open, searching again.

“Yes.” Simon said quietly. “I know I’m not the most heartfelt person, I’m not used to feeling close to someone, but the feeling is undeniable….to me. If it’s not for you, Johnny, you must know I would never force you to do anything, that’s not what I’m here for–"

Johnny blinked. It was one of the longer strings of words he’d heard out of the man’s mouth. And he understood. The connection was real, he couldn’t deny it anymore than he could deny his own blindness. It wasn’t just a feeling, it was whole truth. Very nearly tangible, like a scar. And he hadn’t meant to make Simon feel like he was being rejected.

He thought of how gentle he had always been, a hardened, broken, stealth killer of a man and somehow Johnny had been born on the wrong side of his walls. The inside. And he knew Simon was protective of him. He knew he cared. Those weren’t things a man like him could fake. But he didn’t want to become a burden. He didn’t want to have to beg for help, for small kindnesses. He’d always been able to care for himself. To figure it out. He couldn’t imagine forcing that wedge between them so early, it would devastate him.

“You’re not forcing anything, Simon. I know that.” He swallowed. “It’s undeniable to me, too, it’s….it’s science. It’s real. And I want it, you don’t have to worry about that but…but you’ll grow tired of me. It might seem sweet now, to have to lead me around like a lost dog, but it will become a burden.”

“Your eyes will come back, Johnny.” Simon touched him, then, emphasizing his words. “You’re no lost dog. I don’t see it that way.”

“They might not.”

“Fine.” Simon shrugged. “I don’t want to be seen anyway.”

Johnny laid a hand over Simon’s where it rested in its usual place on his arm. His cast was off, his wrist healed, but Simon was still careful with him. “I’d like to see you. I hate that I can’t.”

“You see more than most.” Simon breathed. A painful admission, he could no longer hide.

“Maybe we make it a trial period. Give it a week. See if it’s something you can stand.”

“I think you underestimate my tolerance.” Simon spoke so softly. Johnny wanted to go home with him. He wanted to lie beside him for real. Feel more of him.

It wasn’t something they’d spoken about. Being physical. Neither of them needed it, he supposed, they were cemented in place, that could come when it felt natural. If it did. Plenty of soulmates remained platonic, though it wasn’t something he could imagine.

The thought made him realize they had plenty to talk about. They needed to be alone and he didn’t have much desire to wait.

“I don’t want you just to tolerate me.”

“Trust me, Johnny. I won’t be. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do, believe me. And I don’t pity you. I just want you there. I’d like to sit somewhere comfortable together. I’d like to take you to dinner.”

The last words were like an afterthought but Johnny wanted the same thing. He reached for Simon’s face. Also not an uncommon gesture between them. It was affectionate but it also gave him an idea of who stood beside him. His strong jaw and soft lips and long lashes. “I’m going to talk to your doctors today. I’m supposed to be discharged at the end of the week. I need to go home and make sure it’s livable. And then I’m coming to get you.”

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18th century embroidery.

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Soap: I've never loved anyone like I love you

Ghost: I've never loved anyone

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Johnny and Simon get betrayed Simon: Meet me at the church Johnny: You left me? Simon: I'm used to working alone

Wedding day Simon: Meet me at the church Johnny: Always Simon: You'll never be alone

One KIA Simon: Meet me at the church, Johnny Simon: You left me Simon: I'm alone again

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Request from azraexess! Thanks so much 🥰❤️

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Alejandro Zambra, Ways of Going Home (translated by Megan McDowell)

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Simon "Ghost" Riley: It's been a few years, I guess I should say how I feel Johnny "Soap" Mactavish: You've gone soft, old man Simon: I could leave all of this behind, you know. For you. Johnny: I would never ask you to. Simon: That's why I love you. Johnny: *chuckles* And I love you.

*a breeze takes Simon's cigarette ash, and his breath*

Simon: I'm sorry I was too late, Johnny. I wish you were here. Johnny: So do I.

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Be Buried With Me

Snow fell there. It was cold and quiet. He was old, he'd been through plenty, and he'd always handled it alone but he'd had to stay and make sure proper arrangements were made.

They were all still trying to put themselves back together. The pieces he'd crumbled into were small

and jagged, and it was a difficult journey.

Simon was on the porch of the small, isolated house, looking out. The snow was so quiet, it softened the sound of everything, even his thoughts.

Even the footsteps joining him.

"Here."

A familiar hand offered him a steaming mug and he

gladly took it, cradling it to warm his own.

He was hiding there, with Johnny. They needed the enemy to believe he was dead and he needed a bodyguard. He needed a guide. His whole life had changed.

They hadn't spoken much since Simon got there, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. Simon was used to being alone through the aftermath, he was just glad Johnny was beside him. He was glad the pieces of himself he needed to repair were because he'd failed, the bomb had gone off, but at least he hadn't lost his team. His only family. His Johnny.

"How did you do it?" Johnny spoke from beside him. "How did you come back after the world believed you were buried?"

Simon looked at his hands. "The world didn't care about losing me, Johnny. But it will miss you. No one was looking for me. I didn't even have a funeral." He glanced over at the only human being that had convinced him he still was one. "I did my best, though, not to forget who I was before that. It's won't be a resurrection, it's just a diversion."

Johnny nodded. "Well, I'm glad to be buried with you for a bit, Simon."

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Request from LeoandLancer! Thanks 🥹❤️

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Deployment

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Come a long way