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A demon simply called The Brother. It doesn't have siblings or any family, and it's ambiguous whether that creature itself is even male at all. It just keeps turning everything and everyone into broth.

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sherlock girl trying to hit on me: hey ;) i noticed the thin indentations calloused into your fingertips. you a bassist? me: that? oh thats from opening pistachios

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I THINK I AM GOING TO CUT MY HAIR

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see when people try and nitpick me because i call my dog "my dog" when it's technically "the family dog".......well first of all i still call my brother "my brother" and not "the family boy". although maybe that should change. second of all sorry i'm still thinking about the family boy. btw i fell asleep while making this post last night and i think you can tell

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The secret to a long lasting relationship is finding someone who hates leaving their comfort zone and then wiggle your way in there. You wiggle your way right inside their comfort zone and then you're there. By the time they notice you're there, they'll just sigh like "oh great, now there's a creature in here", but they don't want to move out of their comfort zone, and tossing you out of there would now alter the air pressure and constitution of the comfort zone too abruptly and it would pop like a bubble.

That's how you keep a relationship. You weasel your way inside someone's comfort zone and make yourself an essential component of it, so now they, too, will have to make sure that your dumb ass stays in there. Their comfort zone now has a fucking creature in it, and it's not going to be the same comfort zone if the creature isn't there.

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I am so sorry you had a traumatic childhood and it made you stupid on line. I was raised as a lotus flower and I smell like vanilla all the time

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i hauve a cold

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It’s el muchacho monday

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A cooking show where every episode, the chef gets possessed by the ghost of a random person of another era, who then proceeds to cook something that they personally enjoyed as a meal while they were alive.

It remains unclear how, regardless from the historical time and place, every single "guest star" seems to have a full understanding of what a cooking show is, and also how to operate a modern kitchen. While there is no overarching plot, different context clues heavily imply that the host chef is somehow a very easy person to possess, and there are so, so many souls from all eras of human history who would love to hop in to experience the pleasure of getting to cook one more really nice meal.

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These posts are cousins to me.

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this will be the year I finally convince everyone to abandon New Year's resolutions in favour of Yule Boasting, the clearly superior tradition

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The best thing I've ever seen while driving was when I was racing across Idaho on my roadtrip to get home when suddenly my gps out of nowhere tells me that I can save an hour and a half by taking a detour. I had no idea why. I was in the middle of a pretty rural part of the state and twilight was setting in and the road looked clear, but holy shit, 90 minutes? I had no idea how or why this detour would do that but I took it anyways and got off the main interstate onto a frontage road.

About 2 minutes of driving later revealed VERY abrupt traffic backed up for miles. I had gotten off the interstate at the exact right and last moment. Everyone was pissed off and angry, so it seemed new. And here me and like three other cars were, racing past and completely skipping the traffic they were suddenly stuck in. There was no movement. Only traffic. I could feel their envy as I drove by wondering what the fuck was going on.

I fully expected there to have been a huge accident. Something like a head on collision. But then about four miles down the road, I see it. A tipped over truck, and thousands upon thousands of tiny brown potatoes still rolling across the road.

The driver was outside, his head in his hands, looking very much alright but appropriately stressed out, and behind him was miles of angry traffic caused by truck tipping over and dumping thousands of potatoes onto the asphalt. A potato spill. In Idaho. The state only known for potatoes. It still makes me laugh thinking about it.

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im not christian but i do believe in the power of prayer. for this reason i keep a little homonculus in a dog crate under my bed which i have raised as a devout catholic. whenever i want something in my life to change i poke him with a stick and he clasps his grubby little paws together and starts chanting in latin. his prayers always go through because he has never known sin

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cruelty is so easy. youre not special for choosing it

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I'm trying out something I am calling Drunk Dishes.

You see, I get drunk and I do all the dishes.

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which of my household appliances am i most closely related to