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In my ongoing quest for the perfect framework for understanding haters, I created The Disapproval Matrix**. (With a deep bow to its inspiration.) This is one way to separate haterade from productive feedback. Here’s how the quadrants break down:

Critics: These are smart people who know something about your field. They are taking a hard look at your work and are not loving it. You’ll probably want to listen to what they have to say, and make some adjustments to your work based on their thoughtful comments.

Lovers: These people are invested in you and are also giving you negative but rational feedback because they want you to improve. Listen to them, too. 

Frenemies: Ooooh, this quadrant is tricky. These people really know how to hurt you, because they know you personally or know your work pretty well. But at the end of the day, their criticism is not actually about your work—it’s about you personally. And they aren’t actually interested in a productive conversation that will result in you becoming better at what you do. They just wanna undermine you. Dishonorable mention goes to The Hater Within, aka the irrational voice inside you that says you suck, which usually falls into this quadrant. Tell all of these fools to sit down and shut up.

Haters: This is your garden-variety, often anonymous troll who wants to tear down everything about you for no rational reason. Folks in this quadrant are easy to write off because they’re counterproductive and you don’t even know them. Ignore! Engaging won’t make you any better at what you do. And then rest easy, because having haters is proof your work is finding a wide audience and is sparking conversation. Own it.

The general rule of thumb? When you receive negative feedback that falls into one of the top two quadrants—from experts or people who care about you who are engaging with and rationally critiquing your work—you should probably take their comments to heart. When you receive negative feedback that falls into the bottom two quadrants, you should just let it roll off your back and just keep doin’ you. If you need to amp yourself up about it, may I suggest this #BYEHATER playlist on Spotify? You’re welcome.

** I presented The Disapproval Matrix to the fine folks at MoxieCon in Chicago yesterday, and they seemed to find it useful, so I figured I’d share with the class. It was originally inspired by a question my friend Channing Kennedy submitted to my #Realtalk column at the Columbia Journalism Review.

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25 years of fighting for change. 25 years of access hard won. 25 years of disability empowerment. 25 years of so very much, and yet not enough.

As we celebrate the 25th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act, let's all commit ourselves - everyone of every ability - to even greater progress in the next 25.

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#LoveWins.

America should be very proud.

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This is refreshing.

It's just a wheelchair

Ok so I’m going to prom with a friend of mine and he’s in a wheelchair and it’s really starting to piss me off how people are reacting. Like, they think they’re being nice but I constantly hear stuff like

“Oh that’s so sweet of you!”

“He’ll never forget that night”

“People are gonna be so impressed that he got a girl like you to go with him”

And these are supposed to be compliments but you know what, they’re fucking patronizing. As if I’m only going with him as a favor because he’s in a wheelchair. Nobody knows how smart he is or how much he can grate on my nerves. Nobody wants to ask how we know each other or what he’s majoring in. Every fucking time it’s just

“Aw. How did it happen?”

“Has he always been in the chair or was he in an accident?”

And you know, I don’t know. You know why? Because it’s none of my fucking business so I’m not going to ask even if I’m curious myself. He’s a human being people, stop acting like he’s a charity. 

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Get engaged and join CareerACCESS as we host a Twitter chat where you can share your stories, thoughts, and ideas about the barriers created for people with disabilities by current Social Security policies.

Date & Time: Monday June 1st, 1pm-2pm EDT Follow us on Twitter: @ourcareeraccess https://twitter.com/ourcareeraccess

USE THESE HASHTAGS DURING THE CHAT: #SocialSecurityReform #CareerACCESS

With the 25th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act upon us, the time has come to speak out the importance of Social Security reform!

[photo of Twitter logo and CareerACCESS Twitter handle @ourcareeraccess]

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All the LOLz.

(Text of one sign posted on street pole reads - "To the individual who stole the bike previously here: If you have a shred of decency you will return it with a new lock and reevaluate your life choices."

Text of sign below that reads - "Hey bozo, It's illegal to lock your bike to a handicap pole. Check with the city for your bike. They probably removed it so it would not block a wheelchair accessible van.")

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I've discovered my new favorite thing and I NEVER leave home without it. It's a cell phone charger that plugs into my power wheelchair!

Yes, seriously. Click here to read the specs because you need the Cripple Concepts USB charger in your life, basically right now.

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Have you seen the Beware the Chair campaign about osteoporosis? I'm having none of it. Monitoring health is extremely important but harmful portrayals of disability are not the answer to raising awareness for anything.

And I'm tired of it. Aren't you?

"Stand up to osteoporosis. Before you can't." I'm here to tell you that I'm sitting down, but I'm still on board with the prevention of osteoporosis. These two concepts are not mutually exclusive. And I, for one, have grown weary of having an aspect of my existence constantly used as an ominous prop or symbol. My wheelchair is a source of mobility and freedom, not something to be regarded with dread. So this is my PSA, and it's one I hope society will finally hear: fight disease, prevent fatalities, but please, stop rejecting part of who I am on your mission to get there.“ [read more]

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"Please, don’t give any of yourself away before you accept yourself. Learn to embrace your disability as another part of what makes you, you. Learn that just because you’ve got a body with scars and curves and a wheelchair attached to your butt, does not mean you’re not beautiful just as you are – your brain, your body, every part of you.

I won’t lie to you: Life as a disabled woman will continue challenging you to the core at times. Know that even in the hardest moments, you have so much to offer the world. Stop doubting yourself. More importantly, stop believing that you will only be validated and whole when someone looks at you with romance in his eyes.

Remember the pain of heartbreak is an experience not limited to the disabled world, nor is the joy of reaching your dreams. If there’s a day, a week, or a month when it feels like you just don’t fit and nothing is right and everything is wrong, know that you are far from alone in this world." [read more]

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The Disabled Girls Talk Podcast is back in action! Maddy Ruvolo and I keep it real about friendship and disability in our newest episode.

Disabled Girls Talk Episode 3: Friendship

The full transcript of this episode can be found here. The wonderful Access Intimacy essay mentioned in the episode is here.

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Finally! The new Apple update includes racially diverse emoji and families beyond “man and woman.” 

All we can say about this is :D :D :D 

Source: Mic

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"Turning societal prejudice against yourself, and against those whose lives may be much the same as yours is all too common among disabled people. We are bombarded by social cues demanding we minimize our disabilities to try to make people forget we’re disabled at all. But just because disability might make someone else uncomfortable, doesn’t mean we should be uncomfortable with it ourselves." [read more]

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You know I detest inspiration porn, so this is an important read.

This year, two Super Bowl commercials featured people with disabilities. Why was one generally inoffensive, while the other caused backlash from members of the disabled community?

Y’all, I just published a Buzzfeed community post talking about inspiration porn and Super Bowl commercials and realtalk I am SO FREAKING SCARED of negative comments and people not understanding my whole point.

I would love for some of my lovely disabled followers to share and post (ideally with your own commentary/thoughts) about why you think inspiration porn is damaging. I’m just afraid right now and I need support.

Thanks in advance! I love you all!

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LOL.

If famous writers sent Valentines …

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This is how you advocate. Doll Diversity Isn't Just Child's Play.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGRZwWCfkio#t=385

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Sisters, Eva and Melissa Shang, imagine a world where girls with disabilities matter. They discuss the importance of representation of disabilities in children’s toys and the power of kindness.

I say: Love how the elder sister is promoting self-advocacy and the young girl with a disability is a fabulous change-maker as demonstrated by her advocacy.

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This is awesome - a disability sensitivity training video turned into GIFs. Video is linked.

Video

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Today and every day, Dr. King's reminder resonates. We cannot fight against the injustices facing one group without also fighting to protect the civil rights of all who face injustice and oppression. {Image: White text on a black background that reads: "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr." wordsiwheelby.com}