screamingavacados

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also like: *bangs pots together* SOMEONE BE FRIENDS WITH ME PLEASE IM HORRIFICALLY LONELY

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can someone just give me a magic pill that fixes all my health issues instantly thanks

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burying my head in the sand isn’t working well enough someone distract me with fandom stuff and add more sand quickly, please I beg

[screamingavacados]

how the fam find out Jason's still alive

Dick, looking through old photo books: aw, it's such a shame Talia didn't tell B about you until recently Dami, I'd have loved to see photos of you as a baby

Damian: ? I can get baby photos if that is required in this family

Dick: what, how? Talia doesn't seem like the baby-book kind of woman, no offense.

Damian: She was not, however after my brother was brought out of the Lazarus pit he was given a few old cameras in an attempt to make his mind focus on something not harmful to himself and settle down. He took a lot of photos of our family during his training.

Dick:

Bruce:

Both, simultaneously: your what now?

-later-

Damian, walking into the room with an old box: Alright so I broke into his current safe house while he was working and took one of the boxes. I believe these should suffice for your 'baby books'

Bruce: hold on you broke into his- your brother lives in Gotham??? there's a trained league assassin working in this city and you didn't tell me? Damian we need to talk about your habit of withholding important infor-

Dick: Bruce.....

Bruce: -mation. what?

Dick: look at the.... photo...

Bruce, leaning over to see a photo of Jason Todd holding baby Damian up at the head of a meeting table like in the lion king, red smear on his forehead, while Ra's Al Ghul stares at them both from his seat looking Tired Of Jason's Shit™:

Damian, peering at the photo: yes, Todd got quite good with the timers on those cameras, he took many a photo holding me like that. I believe it was a special campaign designed to get on grandfather's nerves enough that he'd agree to watch the movie with us.

Bruce:

Dick:

*screaming*

bonus:

Tim: you know some of these photos are actually really good, like the angles and tones you used

Jason: you steal Robin, I steal photography.

Tim:

[screamingavacados]

Jason Todd's brooding internal monologue is regularly interrupted by him forgetting where he is and walking off the roof of whatever building he's currently on.

[screamingavacados]

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Batman isn’t the only one fiercely protective of his Robins.

Jason’s death led to the Rogues turning against the Joker—especially Harley. By then, she had already realized the extent of his abuse and had left him. So when she learned that her favorite Robin—a tough Crime Alley kid—had been beaten to death by her ex the first time she wasn’t around, she went ballistic.

Once, a newcomer held Nightwing at gunpoint and tried to unmask him on live television. When Harvey Dent saw how close this was to his own hideout, he knew he couldn’t let it slide. He wasn’t blind or foolish—he knew exactly who Nightwing was. The first Robin. A ray of sunshine—badass yet kind. Harvey took only a second to recall how that same little Robin had once helped him through a dissociative episode, choosing to assist rather than arrest him. And that was enough. The newcomer was never seen again.

As much as Damian disliked how close Catwoman was to his father, Selina adored the little kitten. He was honest, fierce, and compassionate in his own way. She loved that he shared her fondness for cats and animals. So when the shelter Damian volunteered at was attacked by Black Mask’s goons, Selina made sure that by the end of the month, Roman wouldn’t have a single piece of art left in his collection.

Eddie could hardly deny that his favorite Robin was the third one. After all, that particular little bird not only respected him as the Riddler but could also solve all his riddles effortlessly. So when a few goons rudely barged into their monthly riddle session, Eddie was not amused. He made sure they knew it.

Consider this your warning: Do not harm the Robins. Unless, of course, you fancy some trouble with the Rogues.

[screamingavacados]

all monasteries feel a sense of foreboding on those days. eventually a batchild will check *their* monastery

Bruce really wants to heal his relationship with Jason.

You can't even imagine how much he wants it.

Problem is, despite all of his denials, he really has problems with emotions. He tries to do something, but pretty much everytime he makes everything worse. He tries again and again, but it looks like his son is only getting more and more far from him.

But one night, idea comes to his mind.

They are on the roof, he, Dick and Jason, and Dick asks him about how he can start his own adrenaline any second. And Jason looks at him, because he had the same teacher from Germany, and probably he just want to know, would Bruce lie to his own son or not.

Bruce remembers how Jaybin laughed, about how everytime, on every question about his skills he gave the same answer.

He looks in eyes behind the mask and says.

Monks.

And while Dick groans, he hears a little mechanical psh, and he hopes it was a chuckle.

From that day, the game is on.

How you can use bow with eyes closed?

Monks.

How you know every acupuncture point on Martian body?

Monks.

Where you learned to choke people with piano string?

Russian spetsnaz.

But he was recruited from Tibetan Monks.

Bruce answered only on second question. Other? Jason.

Batfamily, league, outlaws. Everyone is hating and trying to find this monastery, where you can learn apparently everything.

And one time, Bruce an Hood are closed in warehouse, they can't breakout, and there is gas everywhere, and theirs gas masks do not work.

And after two hours, they are out, like it was nothing. Dick asks how?

And the real answer, is that Bruce can hold air up to an hour if he moves, and three if not, thanks to atlantian training, and Jason after Lazarus Pit and strange training with LoA can use himself to separate gas from air.

They look eyes in eyes.

And in one voice.

Monks.

That night, you can see Red Hood and Batman running from furious Nightwing.

If you try to listen, you can hear laugh of criminal mastermind of Crime Alley.

And if you can see in dark? You will see a little, barely more than nothing, smile on the face of the Dark Knight of Gotham.

[screamingavacados]

Headcanon that Jason just kidnaps his siblings instead of asking them to hang out sometimes.

Sometimes he does the normal abduction thing and other times he has his methods.

Dick: Jason sneaks into Dick’s apartment in Blüdhaven at 3 AM, throws him over his shoulder, and drags him to his motorcycle. Dick wakes up mid-ride, half-conscious, groggily mumbling, "Jay, what the hell—?"

- Jason just shushes him and tosses a burger into his lap. "Shut up and eat, Goldie. We're bonding." (Jason, allowing his big brother to ruffle his hair? Nooooo, absolutely not...)

Tim: Jason straight-up drugs him asleep him when Tim refuses to take a break. He wakes up in Jason’s apartment with a cup of coffee and a sandwich waiting for him, while Jason sits on the couch reading a book.

- “You looked dead on your feet, Replacement. Either you napped willingly or I made you. Guess which one you picked.” (Jason totally doesn't rake a hand over his lil bro's hair during this time)

Steph: Jason knows Steph is a wild card when it comes to hanging out, so he has to be a little sneakier with her. He'd show up at her place unannounced, pretending to just be casually passing by, and in one smooth motion, he'd grab her and yank his little sister into his car or bike before she even realizes what's happening. (He totally doesn't do this in time with hard school, noooo)

Damian: Jason scoops him up mid-battle and just walks away with him. Damian kicks, bites, and yells, "UNHAND ME, TODD!" but Jason holds him like an angry kitten.

- They end up at a rooftop picnic with Alfred’s homemade food. Damian eventually eats while grumbling about Jason's “barbaric methods” but secretly enjoys the attention. (Jason maaayybe ruffles his hair a lot.)

Cass: She just lets it happen. Jason shows up, gestures toward his bike, and Cass just hops on without a word. They go on long road trips in comfortable silence, getting ice cream at 2 AM and scaring off criminals for fun. (Jason totally doesn't take the time to help her with her speech-)

Duke: Duke gets fake-napped. Jason tells him, "Be outside in five minutes," and when Duke says no, Jason still shows up, grabs him, and hauls him into a car.

- Duke just sighs and texts Bruce: "Jason's 'kidnapping' me again. Back later." (Jason totally doesn't get the names of school bullies from him and uses them, noooooooo)

Bruce knows this happens. He just sighs and lets it happen because, honestly? It’s Jason’s way of showing love. And at least the kids are getting along.

Jason kidnaps his siblings because it's his way of saying, "You're important to me, and I'm gonna drag you into ridiculous situations whether you like it or not."

He also, however, does it to Bruce.

In fact, it might be one of his favorite things to do, just because Bruce is always so serious and “responsible.”

Jason thinks it’s hilarious to force Bruce to take a break. He just shows up at the Batcave, probably with some kind of overly complicated plan to "kidnap" Bruce without him realizing.

Step 1: Jason would distract Alfred with a "Oh, just a quick check-in, you know, 'cause it’s been a while.’"

Step 2: He would wait for Bruce to get fully immersed in some case files and then sneak up behind him, tap him on the shoulder, and when Bruce turns around, Jason’s already got him in a headlock, pulling him out of the chair like, "Get up, old man. We're going to a diner. No arguments."

Bruce would protest, of course. He'd probably try to get out of it with his usual grumpy “I’m too busy” routine. Jason might fake-sigh and act like he's just trying to help Bruce loosen up, reminding him, "I know you think you’re invincible, but you still need to eat, Batman."

And if Bruce insists on not going, Jason would just drag him anyway. He might even grab the Batmobile for a joyride (he's always wanted to), making Bruce sit shotgun while Jason drives like an absolute maniac (Jokes on both because Bruce taught him to drive-)

Bruce would probably be scowling the whole time, but Jason would know his dad is secretly enjoying it, even if he won't admit it.

Eventually, Bruce would probably give in and get his grumpy little “dad” lecture—“You’re so reckless, Jason—” but Jason would just smile and be like, "Whatever. You’re welcome.”

Jason totally doesn't like it when his dad just ruffles his hair at some point.

[screamingavacados]

living for this artists rendition, wheeze your way through that asthma attack jay you got this

what if jason was asthmatic, like imagine him beating some crook and suddenly he stops bc he has forgotten the inhaler

…

something like this

[screamingavacados]

you know what would be funny is if they were doppelgängers and swapped universes, and then just pretended to be each other until they managed to get back

Silly batfam/spiderman crossover idea

So, you know how sometimes in pre-identity reveal and reunion fics, Jason uses the alias Peter Todd? And you know how there are a lot of fics about Peter Parker in Gotham? What if there was a fic where there somehow ends up being a misidentification incident where the batfamily confuses the two "peter"s?

This is not a fully developed concept and may not make sense it just showed up in my thoughts and I wanted to record it.

Lemme know if you know of anything similar to this.

[screamingavacados]

two options I think which are

OLD HAHA-!

and

old. holy *fuck*?

You know that thing of how sometimes parents and older siblings will be like « Remember when this happened? » but it was before the younger siblings are born? like before their time?

I think it would be really funny if it happened for the Batfamily. And it also really puts into perspective how long the original trio (Batman, Nightwing and Oracle/Batgirl) have been vigilantes for.

Obviously, ages in comics are mostly up to headcanon when it comes to how specific you wanna be but picture a 28 year old Dick in the Batcave with the rest of the Bats, talking about random things as they wait for a Scarcrow toxin to be analysed.

“Yeah, I remember the first time he ever gassed a building. That was what, 2001?”

“2000,” Bruce replies from where he’s sat at the Bat-computer, “20 years ago.”

“Holy shit, yeah, we really struggled with that at first, huh?”

And everybody comes to a halt because 20 years is a long time ago. Even Cass and Jason would have only been 3 or 4 at the time.

And it just keeps happening the more the older members keep talking about the times before Bruce adopted the rest of them.

[screamingavacados]

this man? Grading essays? He might never hurt a kid but he would FIND their old teachers and make them REGRET incompetency if he has to read the same spelling mistake ONE MORE TIME. It’s mostly exaggeration but also it prickles at him.

I see the vision with english teacher Jason. However I don't see Jason, as he exists in mainline, having a real job.

[screamingavacados]

i think the rest of the bats probably forget that Tim actually has a full time job. like an important one. they probably text him all the time like ‘wanna help me with this case’ and Tim’s like ‘can’t sorry I’m in Germany for the next 3 days’ and then all the kids are talking for the next week like ‘wow Tim’s probably in some deep shit with this international case he’s working. can’t imagine what he’s dealing with rn’ and then the week after Tim’s at the manor for dinner and Dick’s like ‘so tell us all the gory details of the case in Germany!’ and Tim just looks at him lost.

‘what case’

‘the reason you had to go undercover in Germany and couldn’t join me and Jason’s stakeout!’

‘i never said i was undercover’

‘why the fuck else would you go to Germany?’

‘business convention’

‘…’

‘…i had to give a seminar- you guys know im a CEO right?’

‘well BRUCE never had to travel when HE ran the company-‘

‘BECAUSE BRUCE WAS SHIT AT HIS JOB THATS WHY A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD HAD TO TAKE OVER’

and Bruce is sat at the end of the table just slightly offended.

[screamingavacados]

oh lmao yeah he relates to kakashi for sure. But like he’s defensive about it

Jason Todd would be an anime fan who got into anime through Naruto and will forever swear it's the best anime while Tim is the anime fan who gave up on Naruto before Shippuden and every time Jason talks about it he just gives his older brother a horrible side-eye

[screamingavacados]

Jason Todd would be an anime fan who got into anime through Naruto and will forever swear it's the best anime while Tim is the anime fan who gave up on Naruto before Shippuden and every time Jason talks about it he just gives his older brother a horrible side-eye

[screamingavacados]

the idea that jason stils has slight memory gaps from when he was robin and before he died makes me laugh because it would be like--

jason: *talking about how he just called bruce dad for the first time again while in full red hood gear and in front of commissioner gordon* it was horrible. I'm never going to recover, dickie. the embarrassment was too much dick: *not even looking up from his phone* can't be worse than that time when you were 13 and professed your undying love for wonder woman in front of diana, who bruce hadd been about to introduce you to jason: *having a heart attack* can't be worse than the time I WHAT

[screamingavacados]

What shows I think each of the Batfamily would watch if they were normal people (I'm totally not projecting)

Tim: the easiest one to choose, I just KNOW that guy loves A series of unfortunate events (Also, he is the founder of the Batman fandom)

Jason: i know that he loves Brigerton and Killing eve

Cass: me and the gang love Princess tutu and Pretty cure

Duke: i want to think that he likes Arcane and Voltron

Barb: she and her dad watch Brooklyn 99 when they can

Alfred: He sees soap operas (but what he really loves to watch is Nailed it when no one sees him)

Steph: my girl LOVES Cobra kai

Damian: he likes to hide it but he knows every episode of Wild Kratts by heart

and regarding Bruce and Dick, I can never fully figure them out, whenever I think something I think it's ooc or idk