savedbyamoose-blog

[savedbyamoose-blog]

“

you can dip your words in honey 
and sugarcoat your wicked tongue, 
but nothing can change your rotten heart
or change what you have done.


”

― poetry doesn’t make what you did pretty

[savedbyamoose-blog]

[savedbyamoose-blog]

Remember

I have to keep reminding myself that there's nothing else I could possibly say, that I haven't said already, to get you to understand how much you've hurt me. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.

So why do I want to talk to you?

How do I miss something so awful? Why when I saw you today did I have to force myself to look away so I wouldn't smile.

This isn't what marriage was supposed to look like.

What is wrong with me?

[savedbyamoose-blog]

It's not in vain

Today I helped someone seek shelter from domestic abuse. I brought her to the same non-profit, she got the same case worker, and she paused at the same line in the paperwork that I did:

Name your abuser:______________

"Do I have to write his name?"

I asked the same question just 2 months earlier. ...

It strangely was empowering to tell her "yes", the same way my friend told me yes. Even though it was emotional being there, there was power in that pen. There was power in today.

[savedbyamoose-blog]

[savedbyamoose-blog]

One day you’ll wake up and you’ll be so glad you didn’t settle for just anything, and you chose to wait on God’s plan.

[savedbyamoose-blog]

"The lingering impact of your conditioning starting to fade" 😍😍😍

That resonates

I can feel the lingering impact of your conditioning starting to fade, you are becoming nothing to me. I can’t wait until the day it stays that way

[savedbyamoose-blog]

[savedbyamoose-blog]

Today I was triggered

And it sounds so simple and stupid, but it matters. It matter because it shows you how deep psychological abuse buries it's seed.

Today in my meeting I had to add up the total cost of supplies I purchased for the cafe. And immediately after I was asked to do so I thought, you can't do this, you better double check yourself, you always got it wrong.

But I caught myself. I wasn't allowed to balance our checkbook because I always made a mistake. I was told I wasn't capable so I was always double checked and he ended up doing it anyway. But not today.

Today I am strong. I am capable. I am intelligent. I am independent.

[savedbyamoose-blog]

What about us? What about all the times you said you had the answers?

[savedbyamoose-blog]

"No one is a worse source of information about a woman than a man who is bullying her."

-Lundy Bancroft

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“I am often asked whether physical aggression by women toward men, such as a slap in the face, is abuse. The answer is: “It depends.” Men typically experience women’s shoves or slaps as annoying and infuriating rather than intimidating, so the long-term emotional effects are less damaging. It is rare to find a man who has gradually lost his freedom or self-esteem because of a woman’s aggressiveness”

-Lundy Bancroft

Unfortunately most men are not capable of empathizing, on any meaningful level, exactly how their actions affect us and traumatize us and cause us long-term emotional and psychological problems such as PTSD and anxiety.

MRAs will try to use the idea that women can hit men to minimize concerns about male violence, but they are ignorant to the fact that men are physically more intimidating and aggressive and dangerous than women.

It’s like getting bitten by a lion vs getting bitten by a house cat. The lion’s bite would leave you scarred and traumatized, you would remember the pain intensely, you would have nightmares about it, you would panic at the mere sight of a lion. But a house cat biting you would likely make you laugh, even if it did smart and scratch a bit. You will still play with the house cat. The potential damage is incomparable because a lion is a much bigger stronger predator than a house cat. By the way, there is absolutely no possible way you could turn the lion into a house cat as its basic anatomy is unchangeable…

[savedbyamoose-blog]

Leonard Ravenhill

[savedbyamoose-blog]

Keep going

[savedbyamoose-blog]

Feels today....

[savedbyamoose-blog]

“I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.”

— C.S. Lewis (via craigtowens)

[savedbyamoose-blog]

You deserve more than someone who only puts in *just* enough effort to keep you.