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personal reflection by kayla

Our group decided to do our final project on dating culture in South Korea. Throughout our research, I learned a lot of fun and interesting things about romance and what it means to South Koreans. The thing I found most interesting was the differences between South Korean and American culture when it comes to love. I always think it's interesting to hear how other countries do things, because it allows me to step out of my own cultural bubble. I also thought it was interesting just how much romantic love is important in Korean culture. It's something that others can observe easily through different Korean media, but through our research, we could see how deeply romance is engrained into society. However, I already knew that S. Korea places a very strong emphasis on connection, community, and familial love. So, the same attitude being held for romantic love makes sense. What I didn't know, however, was how Koreans are bold when it comes to some aspects of dating and more passive towards others (https://www.90daykorean.com/dating-in-korea/#rules-of-communication-in-korean-dating). For example, in America, it's common to go a couple days without talking to someone after a date, out of fear of seeming desperate. However, in S. Korea, it is common to text someone immediately following a date. If interest fizzles out, it's typical for one person to ghost another instead of blatantly stating their disinterest. In Korean society, that is considered impolite. In America, however, it is frowned upon to ghost someone without reasoning. For Americans, communicating and clearly stating intentions is a big deal when it comes to dating. Lastly, Americans don't usually text or check in with their partner all day. In South Korea, couples usually communicate from the time they wake up until when they go to bed, even if the conversations aren't exactly exciting. It is customary for couples to check in at various times of the day and inquire or talk about their day, their meals, etc.. This would be okay in America for maybe the first couple weeks of dating. Eventually, though, it would seem clingy or even boring. For example, if your girlfriend texts you to check in throughout the day every day, it can be perceived as clingy and Americans tend to prioritize their individuality. Of course, everybody is different, though. What may be "clingy" for some, is endearing for others. Overall, I learned a lot from researching this topic. As a younger person, talking and learning about love and romance is fun and exciting, so I'm glad I got to do this project!

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personal reflection by mya

The topic my group chose for our final project was the Korean dating culture. Honestly, this was not something I could have thought of alone. Although it was a bit of a surprising topic for me, I had a fun time researching and learning about the dating culture in Korea. Personally, I believe that many aspects of "how to love" are similar in a plethora of countries and societies. For example, we learned that many Korean couples like to wear matching outfits. However, this is also something common among couples in other countries, including the USA. In contrast, South Korean dating culture is also unique in its own ways. It surprised me how popular blind dates were when I started my research. In K-dramas, they happen sometimes but I figured people met their partners through organic interactions instead of set-up ones (unless they were a part of a family that needed them to do so). There are also some aspects of Korean dating culture that I don't particularly agree with; such as, many companies not allowing idols to date and the public's reaction when they do. According to an article from Independent (https://www.independent.co.uk/asia/east-asia/kpop-karina-lee-jaewook-break-up-b2522034.html), "K-pop idol Karina and actor Lee Jae-Wook.. parted ways following a massive backlash from her fans." It's very sad and annoying to me that many adults don't want idols to act as people and instead treat them as literal idols. They get so immature and possessive that they seem to forget everyone deserves a chance at love. Karina even had to apologize to her fans after they "accused her of 'betrayal' which I consider appalling. For idols and those put on a pedestal, dating is seen as them not being mature. I think this is a toxic side to the Korean dating culture. Aside from our actual topic, the preparation for the project itself was interesting and pleasant. My group members and I were able to divide the work so no one person was shouldering too much. As a result, it made the atmosphere light and productive. Overall, this was a very educational project and the topic was extremely interesting. 

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cultural information: videos

What’s the Dating Culture Like in South Korea? - KExplorer

The interviewer is asking Koreans questions about the dating norms in South Korea. He is inquiring about things like the usage of dating apps, PDA, dates, and differences and similarities that they have noticed between the cultures in S. Korea versus other countries. Many of the participants give answers based on their personal experiences and observations. The general consensus is that, in romance, Koreans tend to be more conservative when it comes to physical affection, especially in public, however, in terms of defining relationships they have a more carefree approach. They tend to define their relationships first before getting to know each other more deeply. However, S. Koreans aren’t a monolith and the participants displayed that through their differing answers and opinions to certain questions. 

Find Your Ideal Girl Using Only Her Phone - Pixid 

This video features a form of 소개팅 that is popular in Korea lately. It is more like the American form of blind dating in the way that you date multiple people at one time. However, it is different in its own way, because they date based on certain characteristics without seeing the other people in real time. In this specific video, a man is dating multiple girls based on the content of their cell phones. Through each round he eliminates girls until he ends up with a few left, and then he talks to them face-to-face. Finally, he discovers more about them through the contents of their phone until he follows the girl he would like to talk more with the most and they decide to get coffee together after. 

How Koreans Couples Do PDA - Refinery 29

Koreans display their relationship status in other ways besides (minor) physical affection. A more common form of PDA is 커플룩, or matching outfits. It’s common to dress in identical aesthetics from head to toe with matching or coordinated colors. It is a symbol of relationship status that is one of the more obvious forms of PDA. In this video, a foreigner is meeting with different couples and talking about their aesthetics as a couple. The different couples have vastly different aesthetics ranging from vintage to modern. Both couples seem very sincere, and dressing up is a fun way to not only display their relationship to others, but have a nice thing to do together. 

Koreans React to Valentine’s Day in U.S. VS Korea - OSSC

In this video, Koreans watch two different Valentine’s Day vlogs, one in S. Korea and the other in the U.S.. The vlogs document the different happenings on Valentine’s Day in their respective countries, and the participants discover and comment on the differences between the two countries. They discuss how the holiday is perceived in S. Korea versus the importance of it in the latter country. Comparisons are made on how the big displays of love in the U.S. are uncommon in their own country. They express their envy and shock at the vast differences between the two countries and comment on how Valentine’s Day isn’t as widely celebrated as it is here, as it is exclusively between couples in South Korean culture.

Going on a Date - Queenie Queen

This video is a typical “date vlog” between two friends. It’s more common for Koreans to find cute activities they can enjoy together for dates rather than a typical dinner date. In the video, they go to an amusement park and do typical date activities: riding coasters, eating lunch, feeding each other, and taking pictures. They also take the time in between rides to talk and relate to each other. Although they are only friends, their date still has some light romantic air to it because their date is a real bonding experience and a bit intimate.

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Culture: Images + descriptions

Blind dating practices are very common in South Korea between families, matchmaking agencies, etc.

Many Korean couples don’t like to show as much PDA as western couples would (though among the younger generation, this is starting to change).

Couple outfits are very popular in South Korea and many stores still matching colored items in different styles.

This is another example of a couple outfit that many young and older people alike will wear with their partner.

There are many bridal shops and photographers that will offer engagement photos for couples in traditional wear.

Many photography places that offer engagement and wedding photos have packages for more modern attire, so couples can choose.

This is a photo of the female and male lead from the K drama “Crash Landing on You” who got married after they filmed. It came as a suprise to many and is a good example of how many Korean celebrities are not allowed to date (mostly idols) and some prefer to keep their growing relationships private.

Photo booths are common and popular in South Korea. Not only are they popular between couples, but many friend groups will also use them.

Simple, intimate dates (such as cafes and picnics) are popular among couples.

Instagram and Youtube have grown in popularity for couples to share their experiences and milestones.

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personal reflection by loanni

My group’s topic for our final project was Korean dating culture. I personally enjoyed researching this topic and found the dating culture to be quite interesting and unique. Like my group and I noted in our reflection, the pursuit of love and romance is a central and very visible aspect of South Korean culture. I’d argue that in the United States we similarly hold romantic love and the pursuit of a romantic relationship in high regard; our society generally thinks of marriage as crucial to a fulfilling and complete life, whether we individually believe that or not. What, to me, makes Korean dating culture unique, however, is its “structured and standardized” nature according to Laura Senior Primo in her article. There are seemingly so many rules and procedures to dating, like the “3 date rule” where couples decide whether or not to be exclusive after about three dates. Or “unwritten” rules like the perilla leaf debate; would you let your partner help someone else pick up a perilla leaf with their chopsticks? This was a question that sparked lots of discourse amongst K-netizens, so much so I even remember BTS discussing it on an episode of their program Run BTS. In comparison, we have a much more casual, implicit approach to dating in the U.S.  without any particular timelines. Only well into the relationship do partners confess their love to each other, and it’s not very common for people to be as explicit with their intentions early into the relationship either. There are positives and negatives to both styles of dating, but I’d prefer a partner that explicitly communicates their intentions and desires as is common in Korean dating culture.

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third dialogue: tutorial

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third dialogue: demo

A: 자기, 이 커플룩을 좋아해요?

B: 네 근데 이 옷이 너무 비싸요…

A:괜찮아요. 저한테 사 줘요.

B: 사야 돼요? 

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second dialogue: tutorial

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second dialogue: demo

A: 저… 케일라씨 멋있는 친구 있어요?

B: 네 있어요! 사진이 있어요. 

A: 이 친구는 예쁘네요!

B: 내 친구랑 소개팅을 할래요?A: 네, 고마워!

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first dialogue: tutorial

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first dialogue: demo

A: 여보세요? 저 마야 인데요.

B: 마야 씨… 사랑해요. 저랑 사귀실래요?

A: 아… 미안. 안돼요.

B: 왜요?!

A: 우리 이미 사겨요!

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vocabulary cards

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cultural information: our understanding

In more modern times, South Korea is a very romantic country. Dating is a relatively new concept, developing more thoroughly during the 1960’s. According to Primo’s article, during this time there was a shift from a “Confucian family model” where marriage was a means to social and economic stability, to a marriage and family structure based on love matches. Romance is sought through two different avenues: 인만추 and 자만추. 인만추 is the pursuit of a romantic partner through 소개팅, a blind-date that is usually set up by a mutual friend, or through a matchmaking service, and is a very popular way to meet a romantic partner amongst younger people. 자만추 is the process of meeting someone through natural or casual encounters. After the initial meet, Koreans enter the period of 썸, the first 3 dates before getting to know each other more deeply and becoming exclusive. It is customary after the third date, to decide if both people would like to officially be in a relationship, usually through a ‘love confession’. Love confessions are one of the most important aspects of dating. It is the explicit statement of your feelings and intentions towards another person. Socially, there are many things for couples to participate in. 커플룩 is a popular tradition amongst partners and is characterized by matching clothing and aesthetics. It can often be clearly seen in public and popular dating spots. PDA, or 스킨십, is also fairly popular, despite the conservative image of South Korea. Romantic holidays are also important for couples. Valentine’s Day is when women express love to their partner and  a month later, men express their love on ‘White Day’ (화이트데이). Another romantic holiday, love confession day, is held 100 days before Christmas, on September 17. Singles are encouraged to confess and express romantic interest towards another person. So, as clearly displayed, it is not uncommon for the pursuit of love to be a priority for many Koreans. Romance is an important aspect of Korean society and stands to be one of the more visible expressions of Korean culture, widely acknowledged by the rest of the world.

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cultural information: articles

“The hidden rules and structure of Korean dating” by Laura Senior Primo

The author explains dating in South Korea is a relatively new concept that started to develop in the 1960’s. Their professor at Yonsei University asserts modern dating culture was borne out of a deviation from the “Confucian family model,” where marriage is a means to social and economic stability and romantic love and connection isn’t required. A direct result of the shift to a marriage and family structure based on love matches is therefore dating. The author cites these origins as one reason why Korean dating is generally a very “systemized practice.” Another reason is societal division by age and gender; the author claims people tend to hang out with people of the same sex, creating “little opportunity for spontaneous meetings,” and making way for 인만추 dating where people meet through 소개팅 (blind dates). Lastly, the author discusses 썸, similar to the “talking stage” in western dating culture. (Note these norms were borne out of, exist in, and serve a very heteronormative perspective on love and dating; being socially confined to same-sex spaces would not hinder queer relationships, for example.)

“Navigating the minefield of dating in Korea” by Ellie Goodwin

This article offers an overwhelmingly negative take on dating culture in South Korea from the perspective of foreigners. The author notes several barriers to foreigners forming long-term relationships in the country, such as pervasive toxic masculinity and a lack of sexual education that together result in experiences of dubious consent. Additionally, the author notes that when foreigners in relationships speak up against offensive or inappropriate attitudes from their Korean partner, they’re usually met with immediate dismissal; they tend to get a response that’s some form of 'well, in my culture it's OK, so it's fine.’ Goodwin directly quotes many such experiences and exemplifies these negative dating experiences are compounded for foreign and/or nonwhite women. Foreign women are generally fetishized by Korean men (foreign men are fetishized too, but not nearly to the same extent obviously) while women of color and black women in particular can be perceived as more promiscuous and sexually experienced than Korean women. One response highlights the dichotomy of dating as a (femme) foreigner in South Korea: "meanwhile going on dates with Korean men just feels very unbalanced with two extremities ― you're either seen as a sexual experiment or immediately caught up in a very intense relationship." 

“Inside South Korea’s Competitive Blind Dating Culture” by David D. Lee

Lee’s article discusses a particular dating practice under the category of 인만추 dating: using matchmaking agencies, dubbed “marriage information companies.” As the name suggests, these companies match their clients with potential marriage partners according to several criteria besides looks and personality, such as “education, profession, income, and family background.” Lee highlights competitive marriage information companies servicing an uber rich Korean clientele. These companies have stricter, more exclusive entrance rules like income requirements and multiple rounds of interviews, with requirements differing between male and female clientele. The author asserts using matchmaking agencies is a pretty common practice across social class, however. The societal/family pressure to get married and exhausting your own social circle for blind date opportunities are two reasons Lee proposes for the high demand for marriage information companies.

“Study Abroad Series: Dating Culture in South Korea” by Chelsea Nguyen

In their article, Nguyen discusses a few of the most visible aspects of South Korean dating culture from their study abroad experience. First they note matching clothing, or 커플룩, is very popular and can take the form of identical items of clothing or items that resemble or compliment each other.  Contrary to the country’s conservative public image, Nguyen notes, public physical displays of affection are also popular. In addition to Valentine’s day, a day reserved in Korea for women to confess or show their love to a partner/crush; White Day (화이트데이) is celebrated, and men take on the role of confessing and doing big displays of affection. Lastly, Nguyen discusses a kind of group date popular among younger generations, 미팅; it’s a relatively laidback outing where a couple invites some of their single male and female friends to mingle. 

“Quirks of Korean dating explained (1) Love confessions, a rite of passage for all couples” by Choi Jae-hee

This article gives a small window into love confessions as a part of Korean dating culture. According to Choi, love confessions are a crucial step to starting a romantic relationship. They mark the transition from the 썸 stage - the “talking stage” where the relationship isn’t exclusive or clearly defined - to an exclusive, explicitly romantic relationship. The author notes there’s even a love confession day in Korea where single people are encouraged to express their romantic interest and make a move. The holiday falls on September 17th, 100 days before Christmas, so that if a pair successfully couple up on that day, they can celebrate their 100 day anniversary on Christmas day.