santiana86

[santiana86]

Usually one of these just appears, then the rest kinda falls into place. I dont control it it just appears like a prophet receives visions from an angry god, but this time its about a kobold with a gun

[santiana86]

What Are Your Opinions On Harry Potter's Magic System

"system" is a strong word for that situation

[santiana86]

That was a whole ass hero's journey i love it so much

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

[santiana86]

Growing up, we were always supposed to be the ones to understand our father. He was the one who's allowed to throw a tantrum when he's agitated, and we were supposed to just know what things triggered him. When he blew into a rage we were supposed to just endure it, and after it was over mom would come to us to calmly explain what made him do that, and to never do that again.

We were supposed to just understand that he has had a horrible life, and that's why he can't be blamed for his reactions. We were told the details, the exact details if mom knew them. I could recite my father's whole life story from memory, in linear order, listing every single horrible thing that ever happened to him, in such exact detail that my therapist has asked me how I even know such things, or if I'm just speculating. I'm not speculating. I know what color the handle of that shovel was, because my father told our mother, and she told us.

My children will not live like this. They will know fucking nothing about what my life has been. It will not be their job to understand me better than I understand them, they will not understand me like I understand my father. They will not grow up fearing the shadows of the past that lurk at every corner, I will not bring the horrors with me into that house. They won't have to know how fucking bad life can be. They will hear of it later, some of it, in parts. When they're grown, older than I am now.

My children will never fucking learn why their father freezes in terror at the sound of dropping keys.

[santiana86]

Pls reblog if u vote :)

If yes, let me know what colors

If no, what colors would you do?

[santiana86]

Maybe i need to be put into the household pet division so i can be called pretty and nice and get a little ribbon maybe thatll fix my problems

[santiana86]

gonna dox the pope

[santiana86]

Wtf wheres the cat its just a plant

[santiana86]

He make an big steppy :)

Your daily dose of cat memes

[santiana86]

I reblog the Lucky Potato to bless the like 8 people that follow me with good luck

[santiana86]

Adorable i love this

From my Hanamusa AU! A lot of people wanted a Jessie and Ash heart to heart. Extended dialogue under the cut!

Jessie: Listen, I know this is weird for both of us. I wasn't trying to fall in love with your mom.

Ash: Ugh you're making it weirder-

Jessie: I KNOW I DIDN'T LIKE HOW THAT SOUNDED BUT PLEASE LISTEN. I know you still don't trust me either and that's understandable. I was a massively successful, evil villainess after all

Ash: That doesn't help your case

Jessie: But that's behind me now. And I promise, I would never do anything to hurt Delia.

Ash: ...I get it. Mom deserves someone to be there for her. Must be lonely here since I started my journey.

Jessie: You could stand to come visit her more. I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

Ash: She does seem happy. And that's all that matters to me.

Jessie: You're a good twerp, kid– I mean, a good kid, Ash.

Ash: Y'know, you seem happy too!

Jessie: W-well of course I am! It's... nice. To be a part of a family. I care about Delia a lot, and I care about you too. Especially after all this time.

Ash: Thanks, Dad

Jessie: DAD??? Oh god I'm gonna puke.

Ash: Mom's already "mom"! You can't be mom too!

Jessie: I do NOT wanna open the can of Orthworms that comes with being your father.

Ash: Fine, what about "Mother"?

Jessie: NOPE!

Ash: "Ma"?

Jessie: BAD!

Ash: "Mum"?

Jessie: WORSE! Please just call me Jessie, this conversation is over!!!

[santiana86]

They really did just say fuck it bisexuality 2: this time its personal witchy

Your turn sister 🤝🏽

[santiana86]

Spider girl as messy room introvert just kinda tracks honestly. Like i can totally see her looking up from her newest edm single shes been working on bc we were gonna like hang out or something. Im getting underground artist in a not really mainstream genre that has a kinda solid fanbase vibes here. I have no fuckin clue why this makes sense or even if it does to anyone else but like thats what im getting from this and i love it so much

I think you guys liked the Fluffy Spider Girl

[santiana86]

These picture generating prompters have no shame…..

[santiana86]

All im saying is we could have it again yall just be naming your kids larry and shit

[santiana86]

To the like 4 people that follow me, vpn up this shit scary as fuck

Farewell online privacy

[santiana86]

No it isnt god is dead its the tiny little wizards in the camera, theyre transmuting the circles into squares bc squares are cooler 🙄 also they cant swim and thats why cameras dont work underwater