sabrinadepestre-blog

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We write for the same reason that we walk, talk, climb mountains or swim the oceans — because we can. We have some impulse within us that makes us want to explain ourselves to other human beings. That’s why we paint, that’s why we dare to love someone- because we have the impulse to explain who we are. Not just how tall we are, or thin… but who we are internally… perhaps even spiritually. There’s something, which impels us to show our inner-souls. The more courageous we are, the more we succeed in explaining what we know.

Maya Angelou on why we write. Also see Joan Didion and George Orwell on the same. (via explore-blog)

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delicious ambiguity.

“Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” ― Gilda Radner

If there is one thing I can take away from my experiences in 2012, it’s that nothing is ever set in stone.

Everyone has the ability to create their own path, set their own rules and cause a raucous that can help shape the future of their lives.  Defining what I want in my life isn’t easy, it’s not always clear, and at times it isn’t fun, but it’s the beauty of having the power to be the pilot in every move I make that makes my life fruitful.

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challenge accepted.

“You gotta go through pain, in order to become you.” – S. Carter

Snowboarding is much tougher than skiing.

I could’ve gone the easy route and rented skis, but I chose the snowboard instead, out of fear.

No crutches; just me and the board, carrying my own weight to make my way down to the bottom of the hill.

After 20+ falls, a class three laceration (I’m making it sound a lot worse than it is) ¼ inch above from my right eye, and countless soon-to-be bruises, I learned how to snowboard.

Trial and error, learning from my mistakes on previous runs, and adjusting accordingly helped me cruise through what turned out to be my final trip down the slope.  With only one* fall at the top of the hill, I felt accomplishment, satisfaction, and exhaustion all at the same time.

The feeling of achievement superseded every bump, bruise, scrape and scar; and personally, I don’t think skis** would’ve given me this same feeling or pain.

The fun was – and will always be – in the challenge.

*this does not include exiting the ski lift, which I mastered in falling off of EVERY TIME. **at least not on the beginner slope [smile]

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push.

The possibility of something great happening at the end of the moments when I’m feeling out of focus is what drives me. That initial thought of opportunity that gives me a rush all over is what drives me to keep pushing.  Pushing to write more, pushing to share my thoughts, pushing myself a little more over the edge (hello CrossFit!), is what I long for. Ideas can come from anywhere.  It’s when you pay attention that these thoughts come to life and your focus becomes clearer. Visualizing this feeling, relentlessly, makes it become a reality.  Understanding that being in the present is what matters, helps steer you in the direction that you’re supposed to be going in. keep pushing.

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modern marvel.

“I know the modern world would look strange to him… there ain’t nothin’ to be afraid of… marvelous, (Marvin) modern marvel.” – Mos Def

"You need me" isn’t a new declaration, but it’s something that I haven’t heard directed, specifically to me, in well…ever. It took me a minute to gather my thoughts when someone told me this for the first time because 1. I realized that it’s kind of true and 2. I’ve never been on the receiving end of this statement before. During my tenure at my previous job, I’ve always felt that people needed me to conduct their job.  I felt that they depended on me, and this is one of the reasons why it was difficult for me to resign.  I was afraid to leave because I felt that I was a crutch for these people.  If I left, it meant that they would no longer know what to do; they would no longer know whom to lean on. Now hearing, “you need me,” means something more.  I know not to depend on anyone but myself; however, in this transition that I’m going through, I’m learning that it’s okay to have someone to guide you.  I also know that I should lean on just enough to listen to the point that it resonates and allows me to reach my potential, and not to rely solely on this person. For reasons that I probably will never be able to describe into detail, the basis of this statement has a deeper meaning.  A lot of people get stuck in this mindset that they are confined to what people give them.  People are so dependent on a safe job, a safe school, loans, steady income, benefits etc. that it’s hard for them to make a decision on why to leave this security, this crutch that they rely on so much.  It’s not “normal” to do what I did – or what many people have done, as far as leaving a comfortable job - but I realized that I began to get stifled and that I needed to get out quickly. It’s somewhat of a catch-22.  It’s comfortable to have someone or something to fall back on, but at the same time, it shouldn’t be your go-to source for personal improvement or development.  You’ll never get anywhere if you depend on a crutch.  Digging deep into who you are, on your own – by learning from your trials and tribulations – will allow yourself to achieve and do great things.  It’ll allow you to be that ‘modern marvel’ to someone else, because you’ve experienced the ups and downs.  You’ll be able to inspire others to realize what they’re capable of doing, on their own. When someone tells you "you need me," listen to him/her.  They may be on to something that you can't see just yet.

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write away.

Thoughts and ideas are so much clearer when you write them down (shocker!).  I can spend all day – literally – in bed thinking of all the things I want to do, and dreaming of what would happen when and if I actually do these things.  But what I noticed (hello light bulb) is that nothing will or does get done unless I physically write my ideas down Even then, it’s a bit of a struggle to get motivated to actually do these things.  I have countless pages, notes and files in journals, my iPhone, and computer that I have yet to go through.  Eventually I’ll go over these pages of random thoughts and see if I can compile it into something worth doing.  But, at least I have something written down. It’s one thing to write stuff done.  It’s another thing to actually do and put these thoughts into action.  Making this a habit can not only push you in the direction that you need to go in, but help you focus on accomplishing whatever it is that you want to do. Write away.  Clearer thoughts lead to a clear vision.  A clear vision leads to a clear path that can – and will – allow yourself to actually execute your idea.

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what I've learned, thus far.

Spending time alone - specifically on a plane for countless hours with no access to internet/phone/distractions - is the greatest time to reflect. As the year winds down to a close, I took some time to dig deep into what I've learned over the past eleven months and here's what I came up with:

Life is simple.

You don't need a ton of money to travel.

Pay attention to things and people around you.

Get rid of clutter - donate/sell anything you haven't used in six months.

Make conscious decisions based on what feels right to you, not based on what others say.

Read blogs/articles/books by people who share your desires.

Inspire those who inspire you. (taken/stolen from the great Coach Riley)

Don't get too high, don't get too low. Stay in the moment. (taken/stolen from LBJ circa May 2012)

Over thinking decisions and over analyzing them leads to doubt and uncertainty.  Go with your gut and initial instinct.

Be honest with yourself and with others.

Listen to DMB "Sweet." Repeatedly.

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just be.

More often than not, when I'm with friends, the topic of conversation that always comes up is the concept (or state) of being. Being at peace.  Being in the moment (and staying there). So many things can appear when you're in this state of mind - this constant appreciation for what is around you, and what you have.  For me, this is when I'm most comfortable. Imagine an entire culture with this mindset. A culture that values things for what they are, a culture that appreciates now, a culture that is entirely dedicated to showcasing who they are. Through their foods, their art, their music - and being able to share that with others.  From what I've experienced, this is what Buenos Aires is in my eyes. No one seems to be in a rush, yet the streets are full of life.  From the parents waiting for their kids alongside the school walls to the couples on every other corner displaying their love for one another, there is commonality among everyone.  They are truly loving the moment - and it's contagious.

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get free

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - E.M. Forster

Prior to June 2012, I had the notion that quitting had a negative connotation. Whenever I heard of colleagues or friends quitting, I always had the impression that this person had given up. It wasn't until I actually quit my job that I realized that quitting wasn't such a bad thing after all. In the months leading up to my resignation, these factors were in my head: deviating from something that was comfortable - an exciting career, a beautiful apartment, a close circle of friends who I trusted. The thought of leaving all of this behind was scary. I began questioning myself to see if I was actually making the right decision. I was hesitant for months to even bring this up to my direct manager, not so much because I was scared of what he would say, but because of the fact I didn't want to let him or my colleagues down. The day I sat down with my manager to discuss how I was feeling about my position at the company, and eventually resigning, was the day I actually felt free. This is when I knew I was making the right decision, without even having the slightest notion that I was letting anyone down. The support from colleagues was everything that I needed to reassure myself that this was something that I needed to do. Reflecting over this period in my life - four months later - I'm realizing that quitting also means having the opportunity to be set free. To be able to have the freedom to choose where to travel to next, to choose which direction my life can go in, to just have a choice to do whatever, is liberating. Quitting my job was one of the best decisions I've made, thus far. In the short time-frame that it's been, I've gotten the chance to see more family than I have in the past five years. I've traveled and have experienced the beauty and humility that is Senegal, the inspiration that lies within the concrete jungles of New York City, and am currently absorbing the sweet serenity of Argentina. It's through these experiences that teach me more things about myself, while also meeting some incredible people along the way that inspire me daily. It's an addicting desire - the desire to continuously want to know more about myself and others - that drives me to continue to explore. What's tough is finding the courage to be able to just let go of what's comfortable, to be able to live purposely. Once the courage is there, everything else falls into place.

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the beauty is in the struggle.

The good thing about failure, is that there is only one way out of it: fighting and finding your way back to the top, to make it above water. Sure there's bumps and obstacles and distractions to keep you from staying afloat, but in order to even be able to tread - you have to go through this process.  The struggles, the doubts, the unanswered questions - are all part of the journey.  That's the beauty of it.  Being able to overcome these distractions, to allow yourself to have a clearer mind, allows your conscious to be free. It took me a while to realize this. In the past, I've always had a mindset that failure was not an option.  I had an all or nothing approach.  It wasn't until recently that I realized that this was the main reason why I always felt so much pressure when I wanted a specific outcome from what I was working on.  If I wasn't happy with the result, I'd automatically sink.  Sink into depression, more doubt, more uncertainty - and I'd lose focus on what I actually wanted in the first place. It's tough to get out of that mindset, but once I allow myself to be okay with failure being a part of this journey, everything becomes that much clearer, and I'm able to breathe.

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lean in.

There's something liberating about diving into what's uncomfortable. More often than not, I find myself pushing my limits just to see what I feel at the moment when: 1. I have to make a tough decision or 2. do something that I've never done before. Sometimes I hesitate and stroll back to what's comfortable (and safe), but what I've noticed is that when I stay in this "comfortable" place I get stressed, anxious and irritated, and I have this feeling of being unfulfilled. In these moments are when I lean. I lean forward, over the ledge, into this weird, awkward, uncomfortable place - something that is completely foreign to me - because I've learned that each time I lean, I gain a sense of self-accomplishment and confidence that I didn't know existed beforehand. This experience of stepping into the unknown is enticing, addicting and pleasurable, and every time I experience this, I learn something about myself. Doing the unthinkable, having awkward and uncomfortable conversations, trying something for the first time - are all characteristics of leaning in. I encourage you to try it, especially when it feels strange.

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fly high, stay rooted.

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so it begins.

Whether or not this entry will resonate with you, I feel the need and want to share my thoughts with you. I consider this entry (and day in particular) the beginning of the next chapter in my journey of discovery, and I want you to experience this with me. Today begins the first set of my travels, by visiting my best friend and biggest supporter, my brother, Pierre.  There is no greater feeling than spending quality time with those I love, admire and respect; so to say that I'm excited for what's to come, is an understatement. For the past couple of months I've been feeling such at peace with who I am and who I'm becoming. With obstacles along the way: no job, no source of steady income, and no definitive idea on what I want to do just yet, I've been learning to accept things as they are. Rather than allowing frustrations and depression overcome me, I'm understanding that I can only control the effort I put forth into really digging deep into what I want to accomplish. Although I'm not quite there yet, I'm truly understanding the process that it takes in order to get there, with the first step being patience. Prior to quitting my most recent job, I envisioned myself living in Brooklyn with a job within two months of quitting, that I would only work temporarily to pay bills.  Things didn't necessarily go as planned. I got caught up searching and applying for dozens if jobs within the week of hearing back from a rejected offer from an employer in NY that I had interviewed with. I was panicking. Panicking because I wanted to be settled in NY so badly without really understanding why I wanted to be there so quickly and what I really wanted to do when I got there. I was depressed and frustrated for a few days - actually about a week - from the fact that I didn't have a job, nor was I residing in NY within my ideal time frame  I felt like I was letting all my friends and family down because I had told them my plans, and to see it not actually come to fruition was frustrating. After that initial phase of depression, I realized that this "fall back moment" was the perfect time for me to pursue other options. I began to dig deeper into researching and reading articles and blogs of people who inspire me - the expats, the Seth Godin's, the elite and successful entrepreneurs (in my eyes) - and connected with one person in particular that gave me the extra push that I needed to, in essence, wake the f up and figure out what I'm actually here on this earth to do. Or at least which direction I should go in. The value of retaining and keeping relationships is key, and I am thankful for those who have stuck with me throughout this odd phase of my life - this phase that is completely foreign to me.  Although I am still "searching" for what it is I want to do next, I'm constantly reminding myself to be patient and to communicate with those who I trust to bring along with me on this journey.  Something as simple as staying in contact with a friend can make or break your vision to do what you truly love to do. It's amazing how simple everything is, especially when you have guidance (by  researching) and someone who you can confide in who understands this path of discovery because he/she has been through it as well. For the the longest time, I'd say two years, the majority of the people I spoke to about quitting my job and moving to NYC all had worried looks on their faces, all while congratulating me. That's when I knew I had to make that jump. The handful of people that supported me during the frustrations I had that involved things beyond just working at my previous job, made it that more reassuring that I needed to change the course of my life. I do agree with the majority that this leap that I took was indeed crazy, but I knew deep down inside of me that there was more to my life. I knew that there was more for me to offer and give to the world. Any chance that I got while working my 50+ hr/wk job to read an article on entrepreneurship, empowerment, overcoming fear, etc., was leading me more and more to the fact that I needed to get the hell up out of the office environment.  Fast forward to now, where I have so much time to do my research and read as many articles that inspire and motivate me, I can finally grasp all of the possibilities that are right in front of me. I'm using this freedom of not being tied to a job that sucks every mental and physical energy out of me, to allow myself to explore as much as possible, within the parameters of my savings account, which to be completely honest, is not that big - but just enough to take advantage if this opportunity. This opportunity to travel. So I consider this - today - the beginning (or continuation) of making sacrifices to really dig deep into my soul, to see and do things that I've never done and have only dreamed about. Am I excited? Hell yeah. Am I nervous? Not at all. As much as this makes me cringe a bit in my soul, the phrase: "It will all work out" makes so much sense. It's the comfort of having that someone, or something - that constant in your life - to push you in the direction that you're supposed to go in, but saying things that you don't necessarily want to hear. You accept the criticism because you know deep down that it will be beneficial to you in due time, because he/she has been through it as well. Allowing myself to be fully immersed in the exploration of who I am and who I want to be, has already opened up opportunities that I have never imagined would exist. Being open to what's possible has been such a mental workout in the sense that I am constantly being tested and being pushed to do things that I never thought I was capable of doing.  The time that I'm training my mind for what's to come, without knowing the results, is the ultimate gift to myself. Having the world in the palm of my hand is such a great feeling. Similar to having a blank canvas in front of you or a beat without lyrics. I am capable of creating and doing anything I put my mind and effort to. The world is yours. This is just the beginning.

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"It will work out" I heard this phrase on numerous occasions since I left Miami, 50 days ago, to this day. I admire those who have said this to me, and I believe it because I know they have been through "trying" times as well. They've all worked hard and are now showing signs of progression and success. I trust their judgments, I appreciate their feedback and opinions and I use them as a blueprint for myself and my path. I'm enjoying each day to its fullest and learning that patience is the forefront of success.

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Balancing reflections #release #write #journal #explore #pen #paper #afterdark (Taken with Instagram)

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Fitness (and CrossFit)

Fitness can be described as many things.  I typed, “define fitness” into Google to try to get a distinct definition and the web defines fitness as: - The condition of being physically fit and healthy - The quality of being suitable to fulfill a particular role or task - An organism's ability to survive and reproduce in a particular environment All of the above definitions kind of describe fitness, but to me, fitness is the ability to use your physical capacity in various ways, across multiple aspects of your every day life in order to survive.  The more “fit” you are, the less likely you are to get sick, be at risk for disease and injure yourself as you do daily activities.  In my opinion, in order to achieve fitness, you have to actively be willing to train your body physically (and mentally), while maintaining a healthy diet, continuously. My journey with fitness started when I was very young.  Ever since I can remember, I have always been involved in some type of sport or physical activity.  I have been a part of teams in gymnastics, tumbling, swimming, soccer, basketball, track & field, adult kickball (yes, kickball is a sport) and as a child, I was always exploring my neighborhood by bike, rollerblades and the attempted fails of skateboarding. Maybe part of this is due to the fact that I grew up with a bunch of boys, and always wanted to play whatever the guys were playing, but I absolutely loved (and still do) doing anything physical and pushing myself to the limit, and overall winning and achieving goals.  I realized at a young age that I couldn’t get that same rush playing with stuffed animals or dolls.  (Tomboy to the core!) Being active has always been a part of me, and with each activity, I’m always trying to do my best. If I were involved in a team sport, I would try to contribute as much as I could in order for the team to do (and get) better. As I got older, I needed to fill the void of no longer being a part of a sport.  I started working out more at local chain gyms.  It was kind of fun, I was getting a decent work-out, but I got bored.  I started off by going 4x a week, and towards the end of my year contract with the gym, I hadn’t stepped foot inside in the final month of the contract.  Physically I felt fine, but I had peaked.  I couldn’t tell if I was getting stronger, fatter, leaner, etc. (aside from the occasional times I stepped on a scale), I couldn’t see any changes, and I really reconsidered if what I was doing was actually worth it.  I talked to friends that were trainers, and they helped tweak my routine in the gym, but I was still bored.  I felt that I was wasting money each month and not getting the results I wanted.  I would find it more gratifying to run outside with friends, and/or do plyometric type of movements within the confinements of my own household than to be at the gym. Then I tried CrossFit for the first time, and just like that, my life changed.  A good friend of mine who had been asking me to join her in a class for MONTHS convinced me to try it out with her.  Prior to this class, I had doubts on what CrossFit was.  I didn’t want to get bulky, I didn’t want a drill sergeant to be screaming at me, I didn’t want to spend the money… all of these excuses I kept telling her to why I didn’t want to do it.  It wasn’t until a few months later, I saw that my friend had gotten noticeably leaner, was more energized and was glowing. I had asked her what she did to look the way she does, and she just said CrossFit.  I was sold. The first WOD, what the CrossFit community calls the “workout of the day,” that I did was one of the most humbling experiences I’ve encountered.  Being what I consider somewhat fit and in shape, I thought that I’d breeze through this workout.   By the end, I had no clue what I had just one, but I knew that I loved every minute of it, even when I thought I was going to die.  However, I felt great.  Maybe it’s a little masochistic, but I was hooked. Conveniently soon after my first workout, there was a box (what they call a gym) opening up a few miles from where I lived, and a good friend of mine was going to be the head trainer. January 10th, 2011 was the first day I officially became a member of the CrossFit community.  To this day, it has been the best investment I’ve made thus far. CrossFit, in my opinion, exemplifies what it is to be and stay fit.  From its various work out programs, to the emphasis on constantly chasing virtuosity, to the focus on community engagement, they do it all.  CrossFit is the core program that has changed my life for the better, and the fact that literally anyone can participate in it, drives me to share my experiences with others.  It’s completely scalable wherein anyone can participate and all of the movements are functional, meaning that these movements are used in everyday life. I recognized early on in my life that I love to stay active, and being able to fill the competitive void that I was missing for so long with CrossFit and fitness has been the driving force in my personal achievements not only in fitness, but in life.   The fitness and health industry is constantly growing, and I’m fortunate enough to have the opportunity to be such a part of an incredible community that is growing just as fast.