restlesstsukiriver

[restlesstsukiriver]

My boy Ash finally won his first major league conference, I’m so proud 😭

Here he is with all the badges and awards he collected along the way

[restlesstsukiriver]

American Girl stories were the best tbh

[restlesstsukiriver]

We Have Your (insert name here)

This started out innocently enough, and then I…kind of went overboard. Enjoy.

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Kidnapper: We have your son.

Bruce: Which one?

Kidnapper: Which…? Um…black hair, blue eyes-

Bruce: *tired sigh* You’re going to have to be more specific. 

Kidnapper: P-pissed off, super snarky–

Bruce: More 

Kidnapper: M-more?

Bruce: More specific than that. 

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother.

Dick: OH NO

Dick: OHNONONO WHICH ONE!?

Kidnapper: It doesn’t matter, which one. You have twenty-four hours to–

Dick: IT’S DAMIAN ISN’T IT I CAN TELL BY THE SOUND OF HIS BREATHING DAMI DON’T WORRY I’ll BE THERE IN FIVE

Kidnapper: …

Kidnapper: *to his partner* He says he’ll be here in…in five?

Kidnapper 2: Or what? The kidnapping’s free?

-

Kidnapper: We have your daughter. 

Barbara: ….

Kidnapper: I said we have your–

Barbara: Yeah, I heard you. You have Cassandra. You’re calling me from the basement of a club in the Diamond District called the ‘Lucky Blue’ and I can tell you your date of birth, social security number, and bank account PINs right now. Are you sure you’d like to play this game?

Kidnapper: Wh–

Barbara: Oh, and by the way, you are gravely mistaken. You don’t have her. She has you.

Kidnapper: *disconnected screaming*

Barbara: Heh. That’s my girl. 

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother. 

Jason: Cool. Tell him I said ‘hi’. 

Kidnapper: …

Jason: *hangs up*

Kidnapper: …

Kidnapper: He says…um…’hi’…

Dick: Oh, sweet. Did you say hi back? Please tell me you said hi back.

Jason: *kicks down the door*

Dick: Hey, bro!

Jason: *sighs*

Jason: *cocks gun* The things I do for you freeloading–

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother. 

Steph: My BROTHER brother, or my boyfriend brother? Or do you mean my boyfriend brother’s boy-slash-friend brother? Or do you mean my not-quite-dad’s son brother? Or my new brother who is sort of terrified of everyone? Or–

Kidnapper: *hangs up*

Kidnapper to Tim, who’s tied to a chair: Do you have…anyone else we could call?

Tim: Would you like to talk to my boy-slash-friend brother, my oldest brother figure, or my not-really-related-but-still-kinda-sorta-little brother? If they’re not available you can try my brainy sister, my bad**s sister, my punk sister or my lesbian aunt. Or–

Kidnapper: I will pay you to just…leave.

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother.

Damian: Sorry, I don’t accept returns.

Kidnapper: …

Damian: *hangs up*

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother.

Tim: Oh, sweet. You can take his ransom out of the $50 he owes me.

Kidnapper: I don’t und–

Tim: Jason? If you can hear this, I’m cutting you off. No more begging me for cash to buy tamagotchis off the internet.

Jason: *through his gag* IF YOU LET JAY JR. STARVE WHILE IM GONE–

Tim: Oh, and just a tip: remember to use a few extra layers of duct tape. He’s a biter.

Kidnapper: I–

Tim: *hangs up*

-

(Cass got to the kidnappers before they even picked up the phone.)

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother. 

Duke: Man, how can I ever thank you?

[restlesstsukiriver]

ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES (1993) dir. Barry Sonnenfeld

[restlesstsukiriver]

one little detail i love from the novel is that when crowley is in his flat waiting for the apocalypse he starts trying to stress clean. but everything is already organized so he can't. that's so stupidly adorable i can just imagine him in the bookshop and in a moment of distress organizing aziraphale's books and being like. "IT'S CALLED THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM YOU ASSHOLE WHO RAISED YOU"

[restlesstsukiriver]

*gesturing to the crow perched on my shoulder* the invitation said we could bring a plus one

[restlesstsukiriver]

If that doesn’t say ‘suck my dick, Nazis’. I don’t know what does

[restlesstsukiriver]

My Magnum Opus

[restlesstsukiriver]

flowershop au where, after Danny’s accident, the Fentons’ ghost hunting business is shut down. they decide instead to go into flowers, where they make their mark selling a rare specialty flower: blood blossoms.

[restlesstsukiriver]

Hashirama must have been so frustrating in his time. Like, he was THAT powerful. Could probably crush me to pieces with his arms and well-built torso. Then he has the fucking nerve to look both hot AND adorable? Both when he's happy and when he's mad and serious? Why. He's too strong. Why wasn't he nerfed. How can any shinobi not face that and go "Yes, take me."? Sure, he'd probably interpret that as "Joining my village in the name of peace!" and not a come-on, but still. It's totally unfair.

Madara i think you’re projecting.

[restlesstsukiriver]

★ DEMON SLAYER CORPS | THE NINE PILLARS ★

[restlesstsukiriver]

sparknotes social media part 2

(part one)

[restlesstsukiriver]

[restlesstsukiriver]

One Piece chapter 956

[restlesstsukiriver]

–

based on these passages from the odyssey and the aeneid (and i think it might have happened in the iliad too, though i can’t remember where):

athena and aphrodite know EXACTLY what matters and that is HEROIC BIMBOFICATION!

[restlesstsukiriver]

Berkeleymews dump

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