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The secret ingredient to keeping your man focused and interested in your relationship. Click Here

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The secret ingredient to keeping your man focused and interested in your relationship. Click Here

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Get Free good advice for a good and long relationship help. Click Here

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10 Best Valentines Gifts to Give

World over in February young couples celebrate Valentines Day with laughter and promises of undying love. The celebration knows no barriers and whether 4 or 80 years old, people with hope treasure the phrase “Will you be my Valentine.”

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Mid- Feb heralded in ancient Rome, the coming of spring and even in pre-Christian times people celebrated a “fertility” festival with great joy. Much later the festival celebrated on Feb 14th was in honor of St. Valentine who is believed to have signed a letter to his beloved on his death bed as “from your Valentine.”

Red hearts, beautifully wrapped chocolates, balloon bouquets, and so on flood the markets and most young men are in a quandary as to what will make a “memorable gift.”

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Here are a few ideas to set your creativity rolling:

1. Abandon all ideas of dinner in a crowded restaurant where couples will be jostling for space. Plan a special “time for two” either on a patio over looking a garden or on a boat sailing down a moonlit river or sea. Choose to pack a picnic basket with foods that triggers off memories. For example perhaps the two of you had enjoyed chocolate donuts one day, or a pizza with toppings both love, or a cookie specially baked by you. Take along music or compose a song to sing to her. Serenade her like knights used to on bent knee.

2. If you have gathered many pictures or video clips of your time together then put together an album with specially written captions and a witty heading. You could even say “this gamine grimace enchanted me,” be original and let your imagination and sense of humor take wing.

3. If you are going to be away on Valentines Day meet online for a special chat. Make it a cyber date — the World Wide Web will close up the distances.

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4. Avoid the run of the mill activities and plan to go to an amusement park or fair. Have a rollicking time on the roller coaster.

5. If you know of a movie she has been dying to see –get it and plan an evening enjoying the film.

6. If she loves gizmos get her a digital camera or video phone.

7. Don your apron and chef’s hat and cook a special meal.

8. Pamper her by gifting her a session at a spa she loves.

9. Plan a weekend get-away and take her somewhere special.

10. Pot a special plant for her. One that will grow and bloom along with your relationship.

Valentines Day is special so consider something unique. Most people will not have the spirit of adventure in them and try something different. They feel safer going with the crowd and presenting their love with cards, red balloons, hearts cut out of red paper or fabric, Godiva’s chocolates, or a dinner in a favorite restaurant. Dare to be different and you will be remembered. Get Free good advice for a good and long relationship help. Click Here

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7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true that you don’t have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.

I’ve discovered, in the 35 years that I’ve been counseling couples, 7 choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a successful one.

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TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF

This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat yourself with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.

For example, instead of getting angry at your partner for your feelings of abandonment when he or she is late, preoccupied and not listening to you, not turned on sexually, and so on, you would explore your own feelings of abandonment and discover how you might be abandoning yourself.

When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one’s partner for one’s own unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship problems, learning how to take loving care of yourself is vital to a good relationship.

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KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ACCEPTANCE

Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is the essence of a truly spiritual life. We all yearn to be treated lovingly — with kindness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance. We need to treat ourselves this way, and we need to treat our partner and others this way. Relationships flourish when both people treat each other with kindness. While there are no guarantees, often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. If your partner is consistently angry, judgmental, uncaring and unkind, then you need to focus on what would be loving to yourself rather than reverting to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. Kindness to others does not mean sacrificing yourself. Always remember that taking responsibility for yourself rather than blaming others is the most important thing you can do. If you are consistently kind to yourself and your partner, and your partner is consistently angry, blaming, withdrawn and unavailable, then you either have to accept a distant relationship, or you need to leave the relationship. You cannot make your partner change — you can only change yourself.

LEARNING INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING

When conflict occurs, you always have two choices regarding how to handle the conflict: you can open to learning about yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the conflict, or you can try to win, or at least not lose, through some form of controlling behavior. We’ve all learning many overt and subtle ways of trying to control others into behaving the way we want: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, and so on. All the ways we try to control create even more conflict. Remembering to learn instead of control is a vital part of improving your relationship.

For example, most people have two major fears that become activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment — of losing the other — and the fear of engulfment — of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately protect themselves against these fears with their controlling behavior. But if you chose to learn about your fears instead of attempt to control your partner, your fear would eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually — by learning instead of controlling.

CREATE DATE TIMES

When people first fall in love, they make time for each other. Then, especially after getting married, they get busy. Relationships need time to thrive. It is vitally important to set aside specific times to be together — to talk, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintained without time together.

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GRATITUDE INSTEAD OF COMPLAINTS

Positive energy flows between two people when there is an “attitude of gratitude.” Constant complaints creates a heavy, negative energy, which is not fun to be around. Practice being grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Complaints create stress, while gratitude creates inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.

FUN AND PLAY

We all know that “work without play makes Jack a dull boy.” Work without play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together, and when humor is a part of everyday life. Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of life. Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy.

SERVICE

A wonderful way of creating intimacy is to do service projects together. Giving to others fills the heart and creates deep satisfaction in the soul. Doing service moves you out of yourself and your own problems and supports a broader, more spiritual view of life.

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If you and your partner agree to these 7 choices, you will be amazed at the improvement in your relationship!

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7 Warning Signs That She is Not Interested in You Anymore..

To break up a relationship is a harder decision when we talk about a long term one.

In most cases when woman is no longer interested in a relationship she doesn’t want to be the one to end it. But even when she is already made the decision to break it up, she will take some time to give you some signs to prepare you, before she tells you.

The secret ingredient to keeping your man focused and interested in your relationship. Click Here If you feel that something is going wrong it is time to take a closer look at your relationship. Here are seven warning signs she is no longer interested:

1. This is probably the most classic subtle signal of all: her life become too hectic. She hasn’t picked up the phone for a few days and when she does, she is busy and pretending that she doesn’t have time to met you. This isn’t necessarily a sign that it is over, but if you are used to meet her frequently then there is something wrong.

2. Eventually, when she decided to spend some time with you she keeps looking around to find something to do or someone else to talk to. However, when a woman is interested, she puts in the effort by giving you her full attention.

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3. She’s secretive and no longer wants to tell you where she has been or who was on the phone.

4. Don’t forget that women love to talk. If she doesn’t ask you questions and shows no interest in what you have to say and when you ask her questions she limits her answers to “yes” and “no” she has a problem. Can it be the relationship with you?

5. Is she causing arguments over stupid little things? If nothing you do or say isn’t right anymore and all that goes wrong is your fault you can start to worry.

6. She refuses the presents you make. Women love to get presents, so if she turns yours down, she can feel guilty because she is thinking to break up with you, especially if you know she was about to buy that thing for herself.

7. She talks about divorce or break up of other people relationship, as a positive thing. Maybe a friend of her just has braked up with her boyfriend and now she is doing much better.

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In the game of romance, few things are black and white. Most of the points above are assumptions based on commonly used techniques. There is room for interpretations and misunderstandings but all this can make you wonder if everything is ok and discuss the problems you might have.

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7 Clues That Your Partner Is Cheating On You..

Cheating is the worst form of destruction to your relationship or marriage; it is already considered a betrayal of the vows they took when they got married. The discovery of the act of cheating by the other half can either break the marriage or make it stronger depending on the strength of their love for one another.

Cheating generally means that you are not fully satisfied with your current partner or you feel that something is missing in the relationship. If you were completely in love and happy within your relationship, why it might happen that your partner have an affair?

Trust is a big reason, not of your partner, but yourself. Probably for some time you have sensed something is different or questioned the change of behavior in your partner.

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Nobody deserves to be cheated on, no matter what state your marriage is in and if you believe your partner is having an affair now is the time to check it out and do a little investigation just to be sure.

Start by looking for the obvious things such as a change in the way your partner dresses, a sudden desire to look good, a change in work patterns, an unusual interest in the gym, secrecy over phone calls or emails, a loss of intimacy in your marriage, lack of sexual interest or distance between you that never used to exist. In the worst case you may spy her.

A cheating wife can cause much emotional trauma, not to mention the harm it could cause a family.

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Here are some important clues that might help you to find out if your partner is having an affair.

1.Changes in appearance and attitude. She has a sudden preoccupation with her appearance. She is more interested on how she dresses; go often to a hair salon and even to gym, even if this wasn’t her main priority before.

2.Lessened intimacy. If in the past you used to share everything with your wife and then suddenly she seems distanced and clams up when you try to discuss intimate things, it could mean that she has already distanced herself emotionally and mentally from you. She is suddenly frigid and loses any interest in doing anything with her husband.

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3.She’s being secretive. She’s no longer sharing her daily events with you. She might avoid you because she feels guilty. Don’t get paranoid and suspicious, ask her if everything is ok and tell her she’s been acting differently lately.

5.Less arguing and fighting. She used to get angry if you didn’t want to come out with her and her friends, but now everything you do is all right by her. Once upon a time, your every move had to be premeditated, but now all the small things you used to mess up aren’t enraging her. This could be a good thing, but you wonder why she no longer cares.

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6.More phone and internet. In the last time she speaks a lot at the telephone using a low voice or whisper on the phone and hangs up quickly. Maybe she set up a new e-mail account and doesn’t tell you about it. Watch out because she might buy a cell phone and doesn’t let you know. Ask her if she is being true with you and if she becomes accusatory then it is obvious that she is cheating you.

7.She’s always late. In the past she never came home late but now this happens more and more. Her explanation is that she had to stay more at the office because she has a lot of work to do. Or she goes to the store and comes home four hours later. This is really a reason to worry.

Cheating spouses often look and act guilty, give a general feeling that something isn’t right. They try and avoid meaningful conversations, keep everything at a general and non intimate level.

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6 Ways To Get Your Ex-Back In 3 Days

We make relationships to enjoy life. Even it perhaps a lot of sacrifices to keep a relationship and to make it work, many of us prefer to make these sacrifices just to have near the person we love and like to spend time with.

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Sometimes it happens that a relationship ends even that there is still love between the partners. This happens when one of the partners makes some regular mistakes and has a bad behavior towards the other. But usually the one who is guilty for ending the relationship are men who figures out too late how much it cares about the other and wants to change only after lose her.

There is nothing worst that being dumped by the one you love and believed was “the one”. Trying to get a woman back in to your life is difficult. If you lost your true love because of you and really want to get her back, don’t desperate. Your situation is not necessarily hopeless.

At some point in life, we all lose something that we really wish we held on to — in this case, you lost your love and you need to get your ex back. Getting back together with your lost love is not about “getting” them back or even relationship repair. It’s about wining them back. Winning them back implies a few important things semantically. It implies effort from your part.

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First off all call her and tell her that you really want to see her. If she wants to take lunch with you make it so your ex notice that you are changed, that you thought about why did she leave you and she had right because there are many reasons why she left. Apologize sincerely.

If she doesn’t want to talk to you by not picking up the phone when you call her, just surprise her by waiting in front of the office where she works and offer to walk her home when her program in over. But before assure that she is not having a boyfriend yet, because it might happen that someone else is waiting for her so your chance is ruined.

Act like you just starting dating, make her feel special. Be honest, and tell her that you still love her. Use the past to your advantage and let her know that anyone deserves a second chance, that things will be different now. Do not stalk her; she might think that you are very desperate. Just tell her that you are ready to make your relationship a priority in your life.

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If you can get a date with her, be positive, laugh and smile. Make her feel good. Subtly touch her when she’s talking. You must raise the level of attraction between the two of you, if she still loves you; you know that she has a weakness towards you.

If she didn’t fall into your arms after your date don’t give up. Call her often and just tell her how you feel. Also you can make something special for her, like sending flowers and buy her gifts. Don’t forget about anniversary and birthday.

E-mail her and let her know that you are available any time if she wants to have a date with you. Also assure her that you don’t frequent another girls and she is the most important for you.

Be yourself, show her that you don’t play games and your intentions are very serious. Also, don’t be jealous if she had a date with another guy if she is now ready to get back with you and renounce to the other guy.

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With this ways, a little luck and your personal charm you can get your girlfriend back faster than you think.

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5 Ways To Keep Romance Alive — On A Budget..

Just about everyone agrees that a nice dinner and a good bottle of wine at a quiet, intimate restaurant will set the mood for romance, but have you seen the price tag? Not everyone can afford to spend big money on romance ever time, but a bit of creativity can get the same results without breaking the bank.

While most people know about ‘his and hers’ items like bathrobes and towels, there are a number of other items that can be enjoyed together as ‘couples’ items. Try getting matching T-shirts with cute sayings on them. Have matching his and hers overnight bags, coffee mugs, bicycles, cell phones, cars, holiday ornaments, tennis rackets, rocking chairs and even matching carved pumpkins on Halloween.

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Surprise your partner by making the ordinary a little more special. If he or she is enjoying a good book, remove the bookmark and replace it with a note that says, “I bet you’ll never guess where I’ve hidden your bookmark.” If they always turn the TV on when they come home from work, tape a note on the television that says, “Wouldn’t you rather turn me on?” instead.

Making important memories is one way to be romantic on a budget. Challenge your partner to remember the most romantic kiss that you’ve seen in a movie. This will lead to some discussion about romantic kisses and should enhance the mood. As a surprise, buy that movie one day and try to recreate that special romantic kiss! Keep it in a special place and re-watch it whenever the mood strikes. If you can’t agree on the single most romantic kiss, go ahead and create a top five list. This tip works for anything. The top five most romantic songs. The top five most romantic movies. The top five most romantic books. You see the pattern. Make sure to go ahead and buy the books, songs, movies or whatever so you can use them in the future.

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If you want to plan the ultimate romantic evening but funds are low or you simply don’t want to have to leave the house, shut down the electricity and imitate a power outage (it’s up to you whether or not you tell him or her!). You won’t have any distractions or heat, so it is up to both of you to keep the other warm and entertain each other.

It’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t enjoy an Oreo cookie. Take an Oreo (or generic version of one), scratch the top of the cookie until smooth and then scratch a heart and your initials into the smooth surface. You can also make your own cookies and create personal messages. Another version is to make your own cupcakes and frost them with special messages in red icing. You can also give your spouse a true treat and track down a box of his or her favorite Girl Scout cookie.

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These 5 simple ideas are sure to warm up any relationship. Don’t be afraid to try simple tips and changes to “routines” to spice things up without having it cost a fortune!

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5 Tips To Make Her Respect You

Respect is one of the basic human values. As it applies to people, is defined as an attitude of admiration or esteem for a person. This feeling is generally a result of a person’s achievements. While all people deserve respect, not many of they receive this.

Everyone wants to be respected by others but not all of them get it. It’s important to first define who a respectable person is before giving respect to him.

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First of all you have to keep in mind that in order to demand respect, you will have to treat others with equal amount of respect.

‘Respect’ is just a word, but what it means and what it distinguishes for us can make all the difference in how we observe ourselves and others — as well as how we relate to future possibilities and choices.

Many successful relationships have been built around different political or religious believes, but it all boils down to respect. They are based on the belief that both partners are equal, that the power and control in the relationship are equally share. In a relationship, respect means to listening each other, valuing each other’s opinions, and also understanding the other’s emotions.

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If you want to make you respectable by your girlfriend, here are some helpful tips which may use.

1. First of all it is very important to have self respect. Treat yourself with respect. If she sees that you don’t have any respect for yourself she might consider that she doesn’t have to show you either, because it is not important to you at all.

2. What you give is what you take. Show respect if you want to be respectable. Everyone wants to be admired and appreciated. If you show your girlfriend that she is important to you, you’ll be easily in their good graces. Be attentive, give compliments, and make her feel comfortable with you and content. Simply admire the person you are with and listen carefully when she talks. So, she’ll love to spend time with you.

3. Relax. Women think men are mediocre because they have a boring personality. So, when you have a date with her relax and have fun so she will feel great with you, because if she finds you boring you may get dumped. If you make her feel good she will respect you for the funny guy you are, being the person who can make her smile even when she is very sad.

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4. Don’t lie. We all now that women don’t like to be lied to. If she had caught you with a lie she will definitely not have any more respect for you. But, if she sees that you are sincere to her all the time, she will be proud of you and will show more and more respect for you.

5. Be confident and polite. Look into her eyes when she talks to you and make her feel that you are a person who can trust in. Show her that she can talk with you about any subject or problem she has and can count on your help. Don’t forget to be polite, this will bring a reciprocal respect.

When you are in a relationship you must be treated with respect, which means your girlfriend must act like this:

- lets you feel comfortable being yourself

- is able to admit when she is wrong

- is willing to compromise

- respects your opinions, feelings and friends

- tries to resolve conflicts by talking honesty

- accepts when you’re saying no at things you don’ t want to do

So, take a deep look at your relationship and watch out if your girlfriend is making all this things for you and if not you should try this tips to make her respect you.

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5 Secret Ways to Show Your Love to Your Partner

There are many ways to express love to your partner other than quoting the actual words “I Love You.” Usually the fire in relationships dies down after a while and the feeling of your heart pounding with the excitement of being with your significant other is not felt nearly as often, or even at all.

So, how do we get back that love, passion and warm feeling that wraps around us and penetrate our thoughts in the beginning of a relationship?

Many say actions speak louder than words so below I have listed 5 secrets of seduction to help you show your partner how much you truly love them:

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1. Flirt

This is a light-hearted seduction with the intent of conveying love! Why not send a sexy text message or email while you are at work? This reminds the other person that you are thinking about him or her. It also increases the intensity of love so that you actually look forward to seeing each other when you return home from work.

2. Candles

According to Feng Shui, the seduction candle is red and the ingredients are musk, patchouli, pine, cedar and juniper. This secret of seduction can put back the romance in your relationships. Why not fill your room with scented candles and turn off the lights just to relax in each others arms? The extra effort goes a very long way!

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3. Food

It is said that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” however this is also thought to be the secret of successful seduction of women too. Show your love by setting up a surprise dinner for two. Add flowers, soft music and incense to create a seductive love nest. Aphrodisiac foods such as oysters, chili, chocolate, figs, honey and walnuts are said to aid in the stimulation of your loved ones hormones.

4. Love Letters and Poems

Why not leave a love note for your loved one? This can be posted in the bathroom or kitchen before you leave to work. You could also leave a nice love poem under the pillow so that your partner finds this at night before bedtime or first thing in the morning. Or send a hand written love letter to their work address. This will stir up the feeling of love in the privacy of your bedroom as well as in your relationship. Inspiration can be taken from music or love poem books.

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5. Get Away

There can be a lot of distractions in your relationship such as work or children. There are many short vacations available for the weekend or just for a day. You may arrange a trip to the Health Spa or a Hotel so that you are in a different environment than usual where you can both relax and concentrate on each other.

Using the five techniques above to show your significant other just how much you truly love them will certainly spice up your love life, strengthen your relationship, and keep you and your partner happy for years to come!

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5 Irresistible Ways To Make Women Fall For You

“I don’t get it!…”

“I’ve a nice car. I’m accomplished. My A-List CV make the next guy look funky. I even wear the latest Armani! Why doesn’t she flip for me? Why am I always alone??”

STOP!

How many times did you pound the dashboard of your Corvette bewailing this persistent question?

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The avenue to Romance is littered with roadkill hearts and unrequited love.If you think you’re unique in your loneliness, think again. There is enough dashboard pounding out there to start a global orchestra of dire distress.

But don’t despair. Before you spin out of control, deploy the airbags fast. These strategic maneuvers should cruise you back on track:

1) Dress to Kill — all the time: No I don’t intend that you wear $5000 suits to the grocers or the Rolex to walk the dog. What I want you to do is is to dress decently each time you hit the streets. Dab on some cologne. Be neatly shaven. Gentlemen, women are everywhere. If you dress with flash only at the bar or the party, you’re missing out on 95% of eligible women. Some of the best relationships were forged during chance encounters at the bus stop.

2) Bedroom Eyes — When exploring new relationships with that sexy stranger, intensify the eye contact. Lock deep into her pupils. Let the rest of the world disappear even as a horde of supermodels troop by. You will naturally thrill her with the attention as she experiences the tendrils of growing attraction. Ethnologists have a term for it, the copulatory gaze. Get your eyes even sexier by enlargening your pupils; Dr. Hess concluded that dilated pupils are far far more attractive to women. How does one get the pupils popping? Simply gaze at the most alluring parts of a woman’s face and fill your mind with loving caring thoughts. Your pupils naturally grow, endowing you with irresistible eyes.

3) Visual Caress — Get your eyes to do some facial travelling as you chat. Linger a bit on the nose, traipse across those lashes and rest upon the lips. Drink in her facial features as though you were admiring the Mona Lisa. She will delight in the attention!

4) Easter Eggs — Stumped at having nothing to say? Listen carefully for easter eggs as you talk. These are unusual words or phrases that she utters. Ask her to expound on it. Say “What’s the story behind that?” or “How do you feel about that?”. Women love to be probed for their opinions and their feelings.Gently bring out her emotions with sensitive open-ended questions.

5) Keep it Adrenaline Charged — Men talk facts: stock figures, bill payments, and boring engine specs. Women are different. They delight in FEELINGS TALK: how the new dress takes them to 7th heaven, how that special meal got them all giddy with ecstasy, how their shopping expedition drains their deepest problems away. Leverage this by steering away from facts talk. Pick out emotionally charged subjects and ask her how she especially relates to them. You’ll be her new confidant!

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I know what you’re thinking. It’s all common sense! That’s true, but ask yourself this: how many of you actually practice this? Be honest.

Get out there and be the man women loves. Use your common sense!

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5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them..

As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories — overt control and covert control.

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Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

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RESISTANCE

Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled — of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance — withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination.

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When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant — which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled — the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.

NEEDINESS

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.

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EYES ON PARTNER’S PLATE

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

All relationship killers come from fear — of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.

The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.

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A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.

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5 Important Details Developing Rapport

Let us take a peak at the basics of developing rapport with others.

In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask questions, have a positive, open attitude, encourage an open exchange of communications (both verbal and unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and share positive feedback.

Here are important details on each step:

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1. Ask Questions

Building report is similar to interviewing someone for a job opening or it can be like a reporter seeking information for an article.

Relax and get to know the other person with a goal of finding common ground or things of interest. You can begin by simply commenting on the other persons choice of attire, if in person, or about their computer, if online, and following up with related questions.

For example, in person, you could compliment the other person on their color choice and or maybe a pin, ring or other piece of jewelry and ask where it came from.

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In online communications, you could compliment the other persons font, smile faces or whatever they use, mention that the communication style seems relaxed and ask if he or she writes a lot.

Then basically follow up, steering clear of topics that could entice or cause arguing, while gradually leading the person to common ground youd like to discuss.

2. Attitude

Have a positive attitude and leave social labels at home (or in a drawer, if youre at home). Many people can tell instantly if you have a negative attitude or if you feel superior. So treat other people as you would like to be treated. And give each person a chance.

3. Open Exchange

Do encourage others to share with you. Some people are shy, scared or inexperienced in communicating and welcome an opportunity to share. So both with body language and verbal communication invite an exchange. Face the other person with your arms open, eyes looking into theirs gently (not glaring or staring), and encourage a conversation with a warm smile.

4. Listen

Be an active listener. Dont focus your thoughts on what YOU will say next. Listen to what the other person is saying and take your clues from there, while also noting the body language.

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For example, if the other person folds his arms and sounds upset, you may need to change the subject or let him have some space and distance; maybe even try approaching him later on and excusing yourself to go make a phone call (of head to the buffet table or somewhere to escape).

On the other hand, if the other person is leaning towards you, following your every word and communicating with your as if you were old friends, BINGO. Youve built rapport!

5. Share People like compliments

So hand them out freely without over doing it. Leaving a nice part of yourself like a compliment is a good memory for the other person to recall — numerous times. Thats good rapport. But do be sincere! False compliments arent easily disguised.

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Will You Survive a Relationship Breakdown?

Relationships connect us in this world with each other. We have many kinds of relationships-parental, sibling, friends, professional and love. We go through many phases in all these relationships. Ups and downs are part of our life and our relationships. Most of us can bear break down in most of the above relationships except those of love. Why? Who will survive a breakdown in romantic relationship and who will get shattered? Let us discuss.

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The higher the attraction, the higher will be the shock. The closer you are, the break up will give you more shock. It is very simple equation. But let us remember that life is not made of equations and emotions do not behave mathematically. So it all boils down to personality. There are some who expect the relationship to break sooner or later. They are pessimists and call themselves practical. These people are never surprised if the relationship breaks. They may wonder about the reasons but will not suffer trauma.

On the other extreme, we have some people who believe that they are made for each other and that the relationship, the loyalty and the faithfulness will last for the life and if possible beyond. This is the vulnerable class. If by bad fate, they are ditched by the partner, they will suffer very bad trauma. They will never believe that this could ever happen and all their life they will spend wondering how it happened. Their faith in their partner is absolute. They trust their partners most and for them the shock of the broken trust is unbearable. They need psychiatric help. Hopefully with professional help they may recover. But at times the trauma is uncontrollable. They lose their faith in life and everyone else. The betrayal kills their inner core and the will to carry on. If you are one such type, please go into any relationship with the awareness that your partner may not be as honest as he/she looks.

Relationship is a beautiful feeling and a wonderful experience. One tends the relationship as one cares for a tender plant. One gives ones whole being to the relationship. The breakdown therefore becomes unbearable. Sometime I feel that the world is for people who are practical and never allow their heart to rule over their mind.

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Women! Get More Love By Giving Less.

Any woman can attract a better quality man or inspire the man she has to give her more love, affection and romance, by learning the truth about Overnurturing.

What is Overnurturing? It’s doing too much in a relationship. Giving too much. It’s the reverse of how a relationship works best for a woman.Giving is what men are supposed to do. Women are supposed to receive the love, affection and gifts that men give, and then give love and affection back to them. Though many of us have caught onto this, it’s challenging to stop doing what we’ve always done, what we’ve been told is the way to do things, and to fly in the face of the fallout we fear. So I’m going to tackle one little issue — Nurturing.

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Nurturing is masculine. If you want to get what he wants to give, stop nurturing your man.

Radical as this sounds, try it. Stop doing. Stop giving. Stop massaging your husband’s feelings. Stop helping your date do the relationship thing and let him flounder until he figures it out. He will.

This whole concept of nurturing is a dilemma for most of us. We think of mothering, nurturing, caring for our young as a feminine aspect of ourselves.

It isn’t.

Nurturing and caring for others may be a female trait — Motherhood is female — but it’s still about action! Nurturing is about doing. Giving. Your energy goes out of you and toward or into someone else. When you give, you are acting from a masculine energy place.

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We are so accustomed to the idea of nurturing being feminine, we get confused. We think being loving to our men is nurturing them. Massaging their bodies, minds and spirits. There is nothing wrong with the idea of nurturing — it’s the form our nurturing takes that causes so much difficulty. We are all composed of masculine and feminine (yin and yang) energies. We move through them fluidly at our best, and are stuck in one or the other at our worst.

But most of us are stuck at one extreme or the other. We either give too much all the time and then find ourselves resentful all the time, or we go the other way and make ourselves emotionally unavailable to our dates, our husbands, our boyfriends, and every man we meet.

Too often, our nurturing energies are perceived by men as mothering. Our actions seem intrusive. We seem to be judging them and finding them coming up short — otherwise why would they need taking care of? On the other hand, they love attention. Don’t we all?

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To strike some sort of balance when we are all so mightily out of balance, I’m asking you to pull back to zero. To at least imagine pulling back to zero. The baby steps you actually take may seem huge. When you stop doing for your man what he doesn’t need you to do, yet has grown accustomed to your doing, may resent your not doing, and will certainly find himself relieved that you’ve stopped doing, things may get messy before they get better. But they will get better.

This is all about Overfunctioning.

What does Overfunctioning and Overnurturing look like?

You come to the door the moment he gets home and ask him how his day went. You offer to massage his neck, his feet, his back because he looks so tired (even though you’re just as tired.) Or you give your date directions to your house before he asks. And you invite him in and offer him something to eat or drink without even knowing what he has in mind for the evening. You offer to cook him a meal when he’s barely taken you out to a decent restaurant. You offer sex to your husband, without being asked, and even if you’re not in the mood, because you figure you should. You ask him how he feels, and demonstrate concern for his feelings and moods.

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This sounds nurturing, but it’s not. It’s mothering. Nurturing a grown-up is giving him what he wants, not what you think he needs. Nurturing a grown-up is not tolerating what you don’t want. Not tolerating him treating himself badly or carelessly if it’s damaging to you or his relationship with you — this means smoking, eating badly, not working, never leaving the house.

And you do it not by telling him what he needs to do and helping him do it, but by telling him how angry it makes you feel when it’s happening. Or telling him how good it feels when he does something that makes you happy. Let him figure out how to take responsibility for making you and the relationship happy — on his end of it.

This is feminine energy — the expression of honest-to-goodness feelings. All the caretaking and fixing and doing and massaging and concern is masculine energy in action, and it will get you nowhere near what you want.

Try it the feminine way. Stop nurturing a grown-up man, and start expressing your feelings moment by moment. The first time is scary — but then, you’ll see — you’ll wonder how you ever loved any other way.

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