rebellious-light

[rebellious-light]

I used to blame the universe for my pain,

“Why did she come as a blessing, then leave like a stain?”

I was at peace, but she left me so cold,

Laughter faded, as fleeting moments unfold.

I know deep down I’m learning to see,

That everyone deserves love, the way they feel free.

They’re not evil for turning away,

But good for the lessons they teach me each day.

Loving’s not like begging for change,

I don’t need to plead, it’s not something strange.

The right one will cherish the love that I give,

I just need to open my heart and let love truly live.

ZS

[rebellious-light]

lies for oneself

I was in love with her smile, her laughs, and her angelic voice she made me happier in ways that I didn’t know but she wasn’t the right one for me

she was caring, loving and have this particular way of saying she loves me through her, I finally remember how it felt to be loved but she wasn’t the right one for me I accepted her with all her flaws, mistakes, and all the things that hurt me I never did asked for anything more than loving tenderness but she wasn’t the right one for me now she has gone and left me all alone all dried up with love and no heart-piece left to give all I can say to myself is that “she wasn’t the right one for me”

ZS

[rebellious-light]

i woke up at 3 am yearning for you i forgot that it's not easy to talk to you even if i wanted to i know that i made this how it is right now because of me but baby, oh how i wish that you would just come back and see

i know nothing can ever be perfect from the getgo every time in awhile we just need to work it out please please could you just believe that it is so? i just don't want you to fill your head with only doubt

you say that you still love me but do you really know the meaning of the things you say? no love can be erased in a matter of weeks but you kept me guessing for days and days

can i just ask for one request from you today? why don't we try to take a leap of faith and do what your heart tells you to do but please, don't lie to me and tell me the truth

[rebellious-light]

way up in the clouds we see the majestic and elegant dance of reflections of light never would've thought that there's a storm brewing beneath for nothing can penetrate to the deep glooming and dark skies

all the people can see the smiles and laughters few can see the troubles that fogs one's mind and further few have the ability and care to listen with their heart about the darkness within yet no one could fully understand all the feelings that are torn every day with the words spoken

just like an albatross that can soar up in the blue we all just live our lives alone and there's nothing we can do i know i should be grateful for the grace of the rays of sunlight but deep down, those rays cannot reach the abyss of my night

[rebellious-light]

one thing

i thought i had everything a man needed to be happy but why do i sometimes feel so weary i should smile and laugh and be merry but why does it feel so hard and always makes me feel sorry?

i feel not enough i feel i am just no good and no one can see it through i can never show this true me to someone that wasn't with me in the rough because they just can never understand and feel the same empathy as someone that came from above

i guess this is the bane of me to be someone that can never feel enough of everything i guess nothing or no one can ever make me happy cause the source of it can only come from one thing: me

[rebellious-light]

i thought i was the one that needed healing from another person. i thought i was the one that hurt so much that i tried to find someone to feel wanted to feel needed to feel that i matter in this world

but then, there you are, your profile on this yellow app i guess it's not wrong either to be on a dating app i mean we're not really a thing either but never did i thought i'll find you again here

it's your old profile with new photos all the negative things are flying through my mind i guess you're trying to find someone that's better suited for you someone that is loving someone that is patient someone that can help you someone that is close

i guess that guy was from this app maybe i feel used and awful i guess it's really is my fault to have hopes again nothing is ever going to turn the way you expect love is among those things

i thought you're the one i thought you're the person that's going to be with me all my life but baby, you just want to have fun i see that and you always only want the best things but all the best things always comes with a baggage and you don't want that

i guess i'm just a person left cold at a station  with all my baggages and nowhere to go maybe i'll just sit here alone maybe someone will find me and help me but either way, now, i am back to be alone

[rebellious-light]

jadikanlah aku sebagai selimut yang kau pegang erat disaat kau tertidur nyenyak, menemani saat kamu bermimpi di alam indah, memeluk erat dengan kehangatan yang menghindari dinginnya malam, bahkan mengusap segala air mata yang mengalir dari mata indahmu

jadikanlah aku sebagai rekorder yang kau ucapkan kata-kata mendengarkan segala cerita dan keluhan yang ada di hari mu, memberikan ketenangan dari semua yang kau luapkan pada ku, hingga memutar ulang segala hal yang kamu ingin dan butuh dengar

jadikanlah aku sebagai rumah yang kau pulangi dan tinggali, menyediakan kenyamanan yang membuat mu ingin selalu disini, memajang segala kenangan yang mampu membuatmu tersenyum selalu, dan menjadi saksi akan bagaimana insan yang berdua mampu bahagia di dunia

[rebellious-light]

the sun rises in the east and i wake up with a smile that ceased never have i thought that my life would ever be different than this hollow, lifeless, and with nothing i would miss

just like the sun at dawn, your yellow boon changed my life forever on with a smile and laughter so angelic, i thought i had died and moved on into an epic

i had kept and run from my life like a marathon but i had never felt joy and loving so full just from your message beyond, even far in the land of the rising sun, you are and will be my favorite number one

[rebellious-light]

Another universe

In another universe maybe we didn't fight, words didn't flying out of our mouths and shot our hearts In another time and place, maybe we were mature enough to see the light. see each other's faults and forgave them rather than argue to be right In another life maybe our hearts didn't grow hard and cold, still wrapped in love's warm bold embrace

Now, in this universe, you're just some name that I see in my screen your voice never heard, and your face never seen Now, in this time and place you're with some who loves you, laughing and dining with all that your heart desires Now, in this life, we're just something that could have been, always just be a maybe, but no longer together and happy

[rebellious-light]

“Life went on without you. Of course, it did. Of course, it does. It was just an ending, not the end.”

— Lang Leav (via quotemadness)

[rebellious-light]

sick sick sick,

sick of all the distraught from this epidemic

break break break,

break all the bonds until you're full of heartaches

sick sick sick,

sick of all the government's lies and tricks,

kill kill kill,

kill any signs of rebellious will;

die die die,

let the morals and thinking of the youth die,

live live live,

live to only work so you can survive

no no nothing,

nothing of you is of matter to the government,

you're only just another puppet in this capitalistic entity

there's only two you can do,

be gone, or fight them until they're gone

ZS

[rebellious-light]

Happy birthday!

Why, thank you!

[rebellious-light]

In the midst of joy and pride, in all of the laughters and smiles in all direction of sights, just words and figures being thrown upon all over and over, I didn't realize everything had gone wrong before, I hadn't seen her

Just words, just talk, and not even the right kind of it. I didn't want to know, I didn't ask, oh why must we have ears to hear? I guess I still am just as fragile as before, Though light upon light I tried to rebuild, yet it was destroyed by the mere sight of days of yore.

I saw a figure, yellow and bright, and a smile as lovely as one could wish for, I heard a voice, so confident yet playful, and a voice i heard everyday but none ever more. and by that the news of a new contender for that heart of yours. By only that, that could ever shatter my mind into pieces I could never hope to find for.

Heaven only knows that I still could never remove you from my heart, Just like the lingering shadow in the corner of my room, you always haunt and stay until the night is dark and none could ever see. I’ll forgive all the lies that you told that won’t be with another person, just go there and be happy

But could I at least have a request? Just like all the others, to help me, to help you, If you could never be the one to stay forever, could you at least leave me be so I could be better? ZS 15 September 2019

[rebellious-light]

Old Acquaintances

how are you? how you've been? we never really meet each other since we're sixteen, but I guess we never really talked the way conversation should even be.

well I always saw you in the halls and canteen, well I know that you never really seen me or anything, I was just a nobody, a loser, a weirdo.

I know people sees me differently now,not that kid who played chess and lurks in halls, but deep down I know, I'm still just the same kid as before

I know it should be easy to typed in your name and say "Hi", but sometimes I just ask myself "Why?" Why do I still feel that I'm still not in the level to even talk to you?

ZS

[rebellious-light]

Truth

The truth has shown it self many times,

but I never really could understand its signs.

I should have just open my eyes and see what lies in front of me.

A bare inexplicable love, but not for me.

I know that the truth will set you free,

and I know that the truth is what I had expected it to be,

but I guess I still want my illusion,

for it is better than the thing called "rejection".

I must say thank you to all the ones that hurt me before,

because I have become stronger and tougher than days yore.

But still, it still hurts just like before,

and I'll remember it forevermore

ZS

[rebellious-light]

Never Vair

Why do I always love, but truely rare to be loved?

Why do I slaved away for the joy of others, yet no one never give a damn about me?

Why do I always love and care for you, but you always never care anyway?

Why do I want you to always be mine, yet you always want to be in the arms of another?

ZS

[rebellious-light]

b y e

I must let go of everyone and everything,

because all of it is just a miniscule spec

in the grand scheme of things

i must let go of want and want and wanting,

i still am not a perfect human being,

i still hope and want that everything could always be mine

i must let go of my love and feelings,

for even if you care and say love and such things,

i still could never give everything that you want me to

i must say goodbye to this everlasting,

i must destroy myself to be reborn from the ashes,

o why must i wander far from that heart of yours

ZS