rays-haven

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so can we start hunting down white liberals now or what

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Reminder that “processing trauma” doesn’t just mean “talk about the traumatic shit that happened to you” (especially if you aren’t ready to do that yet). It also means:

Giving yourself time, safety, and rest. Letting your brain learn how to feel safe again by giving it a safe place to rest and recover. Rediscovering the feeling of peace is a fundamental part of recovery.

Examining your day-to-day feelings. (Not just your feelings about what happened in the past, but the way you feel just in general, day-to-day.) Observing and understanding your present emotions, the things you are struggling with, the things that are getting easier, recognizing the good, the bad, and the gray.

Identifying triggers, brainstorming ways to avoid them, and having a gameplan & coping skills for when they can’t be avoided.

Identifying goals, concrete or otherwise. (E.g. my goal is to have more good days this month than last month, to have fewer days spent in bed, to have fewer moments of panic, to be a little happier and feel a little more safe.)

Mapping progress

Talking about your fears & negative feelings is important. But you can start by talking about your desires & hopes for the future. In therapy, you get to choose what to talk about, and how far the conversation goes.

Reminding yourself that you are working to overcome obstacles specifically because there are good things waiting ahead.

Recovery is a journey, and everyone carves a slightly different path. You don’t have to follow step-by-step instructions, as long as you learn how to keep moving forward.

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Reblog if you think asexuality is a legitimate sexuality.

I'm trying to prove something.

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A landback legal primer for landowners - (credits on slides, not mine)

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them: you don’t watch game of thrones?? really? how come?

me: 

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PSA for Switch owners

The latest 11.0 update means that Google Analytics is a thing on the switch and turned on. What that means is that Nintendo has a deal with Google to share with them your data for advertisement purposes.

To turn it off

go to the eShop

go to your profile where your funds and account info is

go down to the bottom of the page

there you will see “Google Analytics Preferences”

select the Change

select “Don’t Share”

Please spread the word. Really shitty of Nintendo to just quietly start allowing Google to spy on users for advertising.

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Seeing terfs demonizing Elliot Page coming out and saying "we lost a lesbian" is an important reminder that terfs target trans men with their rhetoric too. They don't exclude one group in specific when it comes to trans people, they legitimately think being trans is a danger to everyone involved.

Cis lgbt are encouraged to reblog this.

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If you can’t reblog this, unfollow me now.

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a lot of us are working from home now, pretty abruptly. it’s hard, and especially if you’re like me, a sudden lack of structure coupled with really harsh self-expectations/a tense or unforgiving temperament is really challenging.

i started working from home fulltime this year, and my stop it series is a set of doodled observations i’ve made about the obstacles, bad habits, and unhealthy expectations i’ve found myself running into as i adjust. i hope maybe they can be helpful to other people too!

please check out the linked tag bc i have further observations/clarifications on these in the captions of the individual posts, but i figured it’d be good to finally dump all the notes i’ve made so far into one place. 

and a final note on what i’ve run into as i get used to working from home: it is a really really difficult balance for me, bc on one hand i really NEED a lot of self-discipline and productivity assists to get things done and make enough money to survive. but on the other hand, a loooooot of productivity advice/motivation/tools out there are really heavily keyed into capitalism and the concept of productivity as self-worth, and it’s easier than you think to slide into destructive thinking because you’re trying to keep yourself on track. do what you have to do, but make sure that the measures you take to try to make home employment work and get things done are always abt helping yourself do what you need to do without strife, not wringing as much work out of yourself as possible.

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Btw beware if you see these lesbian flags 

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Listen up. There is literally an app that can help you avoid self harm and I don’t know why we aren’t talking about it.

Calm Harm can be tailored to your needs and will provide strategies to help you get past those crucial moments of wanting to harm.

It’s also totally FREE.

once again, it’s called CALM HARM

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My fav trans writer just made this on her Twitter so I thought I’d share.

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I know that I'm a very small blog and therefore this will probably not reach many people, and even less those who need it the most, but I wanna say it anyway.

It's generally seen as a bad thing when someone "can't decide" what their orientation, be it sexual or romantic, is. Other people, both straight and members of the LGBTQA+ community, tend to label these people as "fake" and "attention seeking snowflakes". And it might be true that some of them are like that, and they are assholes for turning being LGBTQA+ into something... meaningless. But the majority of us, we just don't know the terminology, we're just finding it out as we grow and realising some terms fit us better than the ones we thought before.

When I first came out, I genuinely thought I was bisexual. I only knew the most "basic" sexualities. About a year passed and I discovered there was something called pansexuality, and as I read into it, I realised the description fit me much better than bisexuality. Around the same, however, I started realising that it still wasn't as simple. Off I went, not really thinking about it, but looking around to find out more. That's when I discovered the Ace spectrum, and the difference between sexual and romantic orientation. I chose the term demisexual and turned pansexual into panromantic, thinking that was it. Oh, but it wasn't, although it was very very close. Some months later, I stumbled upon an Instagram account that explained the different types of asexuality. And there was one that caught my eye - Gray-A. Similar to demisexuality, but not the same. That's where I'm at now. Panromantic Gray-A. But who knows, maybe as time passes, I'll find an even better suiting term.

What I'm trying to say is, orientations are incredibly complex. And only now are we finding words to describe them. Of course some people will need more time to figure themselves out, trying out different names. I don't see a single reason to shame us for not being sure about ourselves. After all, this kind of thing is the business of only the person it's about. It's no different then figuring out what your dream career is. You might try being a tour guide, a barista, an IT person, only to realise that all you ever wanted was to be an artist. And no one will shame you for trying out different things, they will usually praise you.

If you are struggling to find yourself a label, it's okay. You might not find it now simply because it doesn't exist yet. And that's. Totally fine.

And to you, who put us down: leave us the fuck alone.

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To every closeted person visiting family this weekend, your pronouns are valid, who you love (or don't love) is none of their business, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

You are not a waste of space.

You are wanted.

You are beautiful the way you are.

Remember that there are people who know you for who you are and love you anyway.

Stay safe out there everyone. ♡ Ray

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Anti anxiety.

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Please reblog, this is so important.