random0-0thoughts

[random0-0thoughts]

I let myself feel and now I want you more than ever.

All I wanted was to feel you on my skin.

How did you manage to go this deep.

[random0-0thoughts]

The need to feel needed.

I give so much.

I give and I give and I give.

If I can't make you feel comfort in my arms you're not worth my time.

I refuse to take because maybe then I'll take too much space like dada says.

Maybe then I could protect myself from the lonely scars you would leave behind.

Treat everyone like they will leave.

Nothing is permanent. Everybody leaves.

So when your with me I'll give you all my love. Listen to the stories you love to tell over and over again. Listen to the ways people hurt you.

I'll keep quiet and give because I can't take up too much space and I can't be dramatic or myself because then you'll leave. Be it because of me or distance you'll still leave and I will loathe how true I felt around you.

So when it's time for me to take. I hope it's not the one where it's my life.

[random0-0thoughts]

Am I actually done with feeling?

I got stood up.

I don't seem to care.

Well the only feeling im feeling right now is...

How could I possibly be so okay with this?

The same crybaby.

The same crazy overreactor.

The same girl with attachment issues.

The same girl that tries so hard to not feel.

Somehow worried she can't feel anymore.

[random0-0thoughts]

Half a day away.

You see the sun.

I see the moon.

Half a world away.

You're awake.

And I'm asleep.

The flashing lights lost their sparkle for a while.

Somewhere in-between the months you stopped texting.

The butterflies went away. As did the what ifs.

But my phone flashed again. Buzzed even.

It was you.

Hey you.

How are you.

I've missed you.

I love you.

Please stay.

Don't go away.

Hey you.

You've got me obsessed again.

Hey you.

I promise you everything. In another lifetime.

[random0-0thoughts]

I love you so much.

I wish I didn't.

Because now I know I'll push you away.

It all comes down to when?

[random0-0thoughts]

The things we do to live?

To stay alive?

To push the dark away?

To simply feel wanted.

The things we do.

They never fail to amaze me.

The scars. tattoos. piercings. food.

All executed so carelessly.

Hoping that there is something worth living for.

Worth feeling for.

Something that let's you live so death comes easy.

[random0-0thoughts]

truth or dare. you ask me a question and i pick dare. the truth is too heavy to fit anywhere but the tip of my tongue, and anyway i want you to think i'm brave. you ask me a question, and i think about saying truth. the truth is, i keep plucking ribs from under my skin to give to you. i keep giving you pieces of me, hoping you will love them. i give you the earrings you love on me. the stuffed bear i couldn't sleep without as a kid. the ugly, breaking heart sitting heavy in my chest. i keep giving pieces of me to you, saying "hold this, please. love this, please. tell me this is worth loving, please." and none of that is what i want to say or what you want to hear. so i pick dare. and you dare me to be beautiful. and so i spend the rest of my life bleeding, trying to be what you want.

chronicles of shapeshifting - parrish h.

[random0-0thoughts]

Who would show to my funeral if I were to die today?

If no one would.

Why must I continue to live?

If someone would.

Why must I wait for them to tell me?

Tell me that they do care?

Do they care?

[random0-0thoughts]

I thought I lost you.

Forever.

That was a long time ago.

But forever ago I thought you'd be mine.

Forever.

Yesterday you said hello.

I said I missed you my dear.

You smiled.

And there I saw it.

In your smile.

Forever.

You'll never let go.

I'll never let go.

You're mine.

Forever.

[random0-0thoughts]

I think I crave attention.

It's attention that keeps me alive.

It's attention that makes me want to die.

You love me. You love me not.

You love me. You love me not.

All I want is attention.

Attention equals love.

But that's not how it works.

Is it?

So nobody truly loves me.

They bear with me.

They bear with me because they know it might kill me.

The lack of their attention could kill me.

Too much could kill me.

Too little could kill me.

Am I too frail.

I am.

I'm only looking for excuses.

[random0-0thoughts]

You stepped into my house and said hello.

I served you a meal.

You brought your wife with you and she said hello.

I brought her a glass of water.

The conversation was effortless.

You uttered your loud never-ending thoughts.

I nodded.

"I can't stand them."

You said.

It was me you were talking about.

Only you didn't know that.

You didn't know I belonged with them.

I was one of them.

I was the queer.

Hiding.

The one that made you feel so uncomfortable.

The one that threatened you.

The one that shattered but smiled when

You said "I can't stand them".

[random0-0thoughts]

Perhaps it's the stolen stares.

Perhaps it's the secrecy.

Perhaps it's knowing how the one you love will never see you.

So you move on.

Move on to hurt someone the same way she did to you.

You don't want to hurt him.

Because he is perfect.

Kind, gentle, soft with all the beauty and more love to share.

For him all these things you lack.

Engulfed with fear of hurting him the way she did you still move on.

Move on because atleast someone cares.

Because maybe you're not lonely without her.

You're not lonely.

You're alone.

[random0-0thoughts]

I've found another.

He's kind and he wants me.

I could never read you my love.

I could never tell if you wanted me.

You told me you loved me yet I never felt it.

I felt immense love for you.

And perhaps that's what's making this new man so hard to pursue.

He's not you.

He isn't annoyingly confusing, tiring or even a tiny bit as imperfect as you.

And I don't know how to move on from perfection as imperfect as you.

You.

I hate.

You.

I love.

[random0-0thoughts]

Some nights

she smells like moon,

Other nights

the moon shines little brighter

as if it has her soul.

[random0-0thoughts]

Kiss me in the middle

of the forest

and on our way back

I'll tell every tree

about our love.

[random0-0thoughts]

I think if I were to tell you how much I cared you'd push me away.

You'd pretend like you didn't care at all.

You'd tell me how we've worked as bestfriends for practically our whole lives.

And maybe that's okay.

Maybe it's okay I lose you because you don't feel the same way.

Because I can't stand how someone else can make you happy.

How someone else will know you better than I.

How someone else will get to look into yours eyes and show you they love you.

Show you how much they desire to touch you.

Show you yourself.

[random0-0thoughts]

My hands.

Hold all my love.

To protect you.

To hold you.

To touch you.

To show you.

All with my hands.

It is the only thing I yearn for.

To share all this love crackling within my hands.

Is for you and only you.