ragingtabbycat

[ragingtabbycat]

hair on ears = bad

Been feeling pretty stressed lately for no real reason. Get a hair cut. Feel much better. I was over stimulated... All the time... Because my hair was to long and touching me in irritating ways... Fuck me.

[ragingtabbycat]

Been feeling pretty stressed lately for no real reason. Get a hair cut. Feel much better. I was over stimulated... All the time... Because my hair was to long and touching me in irritating ways... Fuck me.

[ragingtabbycat]

You have an aroace friend or loved one. Here are your options:

You could do some emotional labour, dig into your own assumptions and biases. Try to understand me as a person, and how who they are colour's their experiences, relationships and attitudes. Or... You could outsource that emotional labour to them and they have to yield all of my emotional needs to yours. They have to explain themselves over and over again, and stop relationships from falling apart. But it doesn't matter because the only relationships that require work and compromise are romantic and they don't do that so it's actually fine.

Some allo people have no empathy for what the aroace experience is actually like

Someone just texted me “being aroace seems like a pretty good deal” after putting me in a position where I had to reject him for the third time. After being out to him about being aroace for years.

Do you think it feels good to have to reject people? I know being rejected sucks and being in a position where fundamentally you will be rejected sucks. Doing the rejecting also sucks. It fucking sucks when the person in question knows it’s a hopeless pursuit, when they know it could never happen. Thanks a lot for putting me in a position where I have to reject you again. Where I have to be empathetic and tactful because you are my friend and I like spending time with you. I’m sorry but at no point did you ever have any empathy for the position you put me in. I have to play the mediator, the balancer, I have to put everyone else’s emotions above my own. I don’t have this ‘vital’ human experience, I don’t have this specific complex bag of emotions that comes with romance; therefore I don’t have my own complex emotions about people and relationships. He doesn’t respect my identity. He thinks maybe if he confesses enough, I’ll want him back. He doesn’t get that I just am not like that. Stop giving me the emotional burden of the exchange. He lets everything out, and I have to do all the emotional labour. He did all this knowing the outcome and now we are both unhappy and uncomfortable. If he was even a little bit empathetic of me, he’d get that everyone else, also thinks this way. So many people think that they are the ‘one’ that I might just like. People put me in this position over and over again thinking that they are special that they are different. “Being aroace seems like a pretty good deal” only if you’ve just been rejected and feel bad about it.

The actual aroace experience of a complex balancing act of trying to build the relationships you want without leading people on. Keeping everyone at arm’s length lest they fall in love with you. That sinking dread knowing that someone is growing attracted to you and they are going to try something about it and it will make things awkward, it will fuck the friendship up at least for a little bit because they’ve moved into some ‘higher’ state of relationship and you haven’t. Knowing they want something that you just can’t give to them. I want deep friendships but everyone just sees them as a stepping stone to ‘something more’. Being ‘friendzoned’ is a bad thing. I have one genuine deep emotional friendship, that I trust completely, that there isn’t this fear that I am going to have to reject them at some point. I want a network of strong friendships, and I can’t have that, but you can’t have your romance with me either, so I guess we’re both miserable. It sucks being the designated empathy machine, it sucks having to reject people over and over again.

I constantly have this attitude, from multiple people, that being aroace is optimal, people think that the worse thing that could ever happen to someone is rejection and heartbreak. They don’t stop to think from my perspective, being rejected is a rare occurrence anyway, it only happens when you ask, when you take a step forward. This is my life, this is my existence. I have to do this every day. This isn’t even covering the social expectations that you defy just by being aroace. I’ve sorry, but if you think “Being aroace seems like a pretty good deal”, you have never even considered what it might be like from the other side. People have this attitude that being aroace is a lot more flexible than it actually is, at least in my experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I like being aroace, it is who I am. But attitudes like this make me want to scream. Cause being aroace doesn't suck, but how everyone treats you for being aroace certainly does.

[ragingtabbycat]

sometimes finding aromanticism in media isn’t literally about aromanticism… sometimes it’s about the deconstruction of love as a concept and the subversion of its perception as inherently humanising. it’s about the decentering of romance as a driving force in the narrative. and also sometimes it’s about love being central to the narrative but in a way that defies all traditional categorisations of romantic / platonic / anything else. it is the secret third thing yet so much more and less at once. the point is aromanticism is everywhere for those with eyes to see

[ragingtabbycat]

Also another note you can't really tell them how selfish they actually are by doing this. Because you're the bad guy. You just rejected them. It is your responsibility to maintain civility and fix the relationship. And I can't just not be friends with him because I am rapidly running out of friends and we made expensive group plans, and so many of my friends are also his friends and everything would implode.

Mans didn't even think. "I'm going to do an action that I know won't go the way I want it to and could potentially unravel our group travel plans and the friendship group as a whole, but that isn't going to happen because RagingTabbyCat can fix it, she always does. It's not like she wants the friendship group to unravel, it is all she has."

Fuck you actually that was 100% a dick move but I can't tell you that because not calling you a prick is a fundamental step in not letting things fall apart. But you don't even realise that do you?

Some allo people have no empathy for what the aroace experience is actually like

Someone just texted me “being aroace seems like a pretty good deal” after putting me in a position where I had to reject him for the third time. After being out to him about being aroace for years.

Do you think it feels good to have to reject people? I know being rejected sucks and being in a position where fundamentally you will be rejected sucks. Doing the rejecting also sucks. It fucking sucks when the person in question knows it’s a hopeless pursuit, when they know it could never happen. Thanks a lot for putting me in a position where I have to reject you again. Where I have to be empathetic and tactful because you are my friend and I like spending time with you. I’m sorry but at no point did you ever have any empathy for the position you put me in. I have to play the mediator, the balancer, I have to put everyone else’s emotions above my own. I don’t have this ‘vital’ human experience, I don’t have this specific complex bag of emotions that comes with romance; therefore I don’t have my own complex emotions about people and relationships. He doesn’t respect my identity. He thinks maybe if he confesses enough, I’ll want him back. He doesn’t get that I just am not like that. Stop giving me the emotional burden of the exchange. He lets everything out, and I have to do all the emotional labour. He did all this knowing the outcome and now we are both unhappy and uncomfortable. If he was even a little bit empathetic of me, he’d get that everyone else, also thinks this way. So many people think that they are the ‘one’ that I might just like. People put me in this position over and over again thinking that they are special that they are different. “Being aroace seems like a pretty good deal” only if you’ve just been rejected and feel bad about it.

The actual aroace experience of a complex balancing act of trying to build the relationships you want without leading people on. Keeping everyone at arm’s length lest they fall in love with you. That sinking dread knowing that someone is growing attracted to you and they are going to try something about it and it will make things awkward, it will fuck the friendship up at least for a little bit because they’ve moved into some ‘higher’ state of relationship and you haven’t. Knowing they want something that you just can’t give to them. I want deep friendships but everyone just sees them as a stepping stone to ‘something more’. Being ‘friendzoned’ is a bad thing. I have one genuine deep emotional friendship, that I trust completely, that there isn’t this fear that I am going to have to reject them at some point. I want a network of strong friendships, and I can’t have that, but you can’t have your romance with me either, so I guess we’re both miserable. It sucks being the designated empathy machine, it sucks having to reject people over and over again.

I constantly have this attitude, from multiple people, that being aroace is optimal, people think that the worse thing that could ever happen to someone is rejection and heartbreak. They don’t stop to think from my perspective, being rejected is a rare occurrence anyway, it only happens when you ask, when you take a step forward. This is my life, this is my existence. I have to do this every day. This isn’t even covering the social expectations that you defy just by being aroace. I’ve sorry, but if you think “Being aroace seems like a pretty good deal”, you have never even considered what it might be like from the other side. People have this attitude that being aroace is a lot more flexible than it actually is, at least in my experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I like being aroace, it is who I am. But attitudes like this make me want to scream. Cause being aroace doesn't suck, but how everyone treats you for being aroace certainly does.

[ragingtabbycat]

"Being aroace seems like a pretty good deal"

Sweet summer child, you have not thought about this beyond not feeling the sting of rejection have you?

Some allo people have no empathy for what the aroace experience is actually like

Someone just texted me “being aroace seems like a pretty good deal” after putting me in a position where I had to reject him for the third time. After being out to him about being aroace for years.

Do you think it feels good to have to reject people? I know being rejected sucks and being in a position where fundamentally you will be rejected sucks. Doing the rejecting also sucks. It fucking sucks when the person in question knows it’s a hopeless pursuit, when they know it could never happen. Thanks a lot for putting me in a position where I have to reject you again. Where I have to be empathetic and tactful because you are my friend and I like spending time with you. I’m sorry but at no point did you ever have any empathy for the position you put me in. I have to play the mediator, the balancer, I have to put everyone else’s emotions above my own. I don’t have this ‘vital’ human experience, I don’t have this specific complex bag of emotions that comes with romance; therefore I don’t have my own complex emotions about people and relationships. He doesn’t respect my identity. He thinks maybe if he confesses enough, I’ll want him back. He doesn’t get that I just am not like that. Stop giving me the emotional burden of the exchange. He lets everything out, and I have to do all the emotional labour. He did all this knowing the outcome and now we are both unhappy and uncomfortable. If he was even a little bit empathetic of me, he’d get that everyone else, also thinks this way. So many people think that they are the ‘one’ that I might just like. People put me in this position over and over again thinking that they are special that they are different. “Being aroace seems like a pretty good deal” only if you’ve just been rejected and feel bad about it.

The actual aroace experience of a complex balancing act of trying to build the relationships you want without leading people on. Keeping everyone at arm’s length lest they fall in love with you. That sinking dread knowing that someone is growing attracted to you and they are going to try something about it and it will make things awkward, it will fuck the friendship up at least for a little bit because they’ve moved into some ‘higher’ state of relationship and you haven’t. Knowing they want something that you just can’t give to them. I want deep friendships but everyone just sees them as a stepping stone to ‘something more’. Being ‘friendzoned’ is a bad thing. I have one genuine deep emotional friendship, that I trust completely, that there isn’t this fear that I am going to have to reject them at some point. I want a network of strong friendships, and I can’t have that, but you can’t have your romance with me either, so I guess we’re both miserable. It sucks being the designated empathy machine, it sucks having to reject people over and over again.

I constantly have this attitude, from multiple people, that being aroace is optimal, people think that the worse thing that could ever happen to someone is rejection and heartbreak. They don’t stop to think from my perspective, being rejected is a rare occurrence anyway, it only happens when you ask, when you take a step forward. This is my life, this is my existence. I have to do this every day. This isn’t even covering the social expectations that you defy just by being aroace. I’ve sorry, but if you think “Being aroace seems like a pretty good deal”, you have never even considered what it might be like from the other side. People have this attitude that being aroace is a lot more flexible than it actually is, at least in my experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I like being aroace, it is who I am. But attitudes like this make me want to scream. Cause being aroace doesn't suck, but how everyone treats you for being aroace certainly does.

[ragingtabbycat]

Some allo people have no empathy for what the aroace experience is actually like

Someone just texted me “being aroace seems like a pretty good deal” after putting me in a position where I had to reject him for the third time. After being out to him about being aroace for years.

Do you think it feels good to have to reject people? I know being rejected sucks and being in a position where fundamentally you will be rejected sucks. Doing the rejecting also sucks. It fucking sucks when the person in question knows it’s a hopeless pursuit, when they know it could never happen. Thanks a lot for putting me in a position where I have to reject you again. Where I have to be empathetic and tactful because you are my friend and I like spending time with you. I’m sorry but at no point did you ever have any empathy for the position you put me in. I have to play the mediator, the balancer, I have to put everyone else’s emotions above my own. I don’t have this ‘vital’ human experience, I don’t have this specific complex bag of emotions that comes with romance; therefore I don’t have my own complex emotions about people and relationships. He doesn’t respect my identity. He thinks maybe if he confesses enough, I’ll want him back. He doesn’t get that I just am not like that. Stop giving me the emotional burden of the exchange. He lets everything out, and I have to do all the emotional labour. He did all this knowing the outcome and now we are both unhappy and uncomfortable. If he was even a little bit empathetic of me, he’d get that everyone else, also thinks this way. So many people think that they are the ‘one’ that I might just like. People put me in this position over and over again thinking that they are special that they are different. “Being aroace seems like a pretty good deal” only if you’ve just been rejected and feel bad about it.

The actual aroace experience of a complex balancing act of trying to build the relationships you want without leading people on. Keeping everyone at arm’s length lest they fall in love with you. That sinking dread knowing that someone is growing attracted to you and they are going to try something about it and it will make things awkward, it will fuck the friendship up at least for a little bit because they’ve moved into some ‘higher’ state of relationship and you haven’t. Knowing they want something that you just can’t give to them. I want deep friendships but everyone just sees them as a stepping stone to ‘something more’. Being ‘friendzoned’ is a bad thing. I have one genuine deep emotional friendship, that I trust completely, that there isn’t this fear that I am going to have to reject them at some point. I want a network of strong friendships, and I can’t have that, but you can’t have your romance with me either, so I guess we’re both miserable. It sucks being the designated empathy machine, it sucks having to reject people over and over again.

I constantly have this attitude, from multiple people, that being aroace is optimal, people think that the worse thing that could ever happen to someone is rejection and heartbreak. They don’t stop to think from my perspective, being rejected is a rare occurrence anyway, it only happens when you ask, when you take a step forward. This is my life, this is my existence. I have to do this every day. This isn’t even covering the social expectations that you defy just by being aroace. I’ve sorry, but if you think “Being aroace seems like a pretty good deal”, you have never even considered what it might be like from the other side. People have this attitude that being aroace is a lot more flexible than it actually is, at least in my experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I like being aroace, it is who I am. But attitudes like this make me want to scream. Cause being aroace doesn't suck, but how everyone treats you for being aroace certainly does.

[ragingtabbycat]

I just re-read that scene to get a quote and it was no where near as graphic as I remember. I guess I had a potent imagination.

drawing my magic circle wrong and accidentally protecting the entire world from demons Except the inside of the circle and getting torn to shreds instantly

[ragingtabbycat]

Anyway that's how my high-school mates started sacrificing people to the wish version of a fictional ice demon

drawing my magic circle wrong and accidentally protecting the entire world from demons Except the inside of the circle and getting torn to shreds instantly

[ragingtabbycat]

This reminds me of a book I read as a kid where one of the villains tried to summon the ice demon Golgoth to bring forth eternal winter. The spook messed with the words in the ritual so that Golgoth would be summoned inside the protective circle and the villain didn't notice. Mans got frozen solid, shattered, then thawed out. I vividly remember the description of his eye in a goopy sticky pile of blood.

This book changed me. It may not have been entirely age appropriate.

Anyway, because I don't read phonetically properly my brain just kinda makes things up, so I read it as Golgalath. Then in middle school and high school, I would jokingly sacrifice my mates to Golgalath in a ritual circle of school bags. This then became a thing my friends started doing and become some kind of hazing ritual almost.

drawing my magic circle wrong and accidentally protecting the entire world from demons Except the inside of the circle and getting torn to shreds instantly

[ragingtabbycat]

We did something similar in high-school. Instead my lab partner was 1) rationally scared of radiation 2) really like to commit to the bit, 3) didn't really care about the unit or how his actions would affect other people. He then decided it would be funny to act like he was so scared of radiation he felt he needed to stand on the other side of the room for the entire lab so I had to do it myself.

Very fun to talk to my friend who is a safety officer cause every conversation is like, "Yeah I got exposed to radiation accidentally as an undergrad cause they forgot to put the lead lined box around the sample we were testing. When I worked at 3M the fume hood stopped working but they didn't tell us so the room filled with solvent fumes and I got so high I almost passed out" and they'll just get this thousand yard stare and go "uh huh, yep, okay."

[ragingtabbycat]

Is it possible to get an even slightly larger rock tortoise if I put the slightly larger rock tortoise back in the vending machine?

Perhaps rock tortoise scaling glitch unlocked

I approach the vending machine and pull a small tortoise made of polished rock from my pocket. I insert the tortoise into the vending machine.

you receive a slightly larger rock tortoise

[ragingtabbycat]

Marinette and Adrien going to the gym together as a couple because they realised it was a common interest unaware of their rivalry

Ladybug and Chat Noir flexing for each other to show their akuma battle gains. Them trying to out-flex each other. Them going to the gym to get bigger gains. Gabriel Agreste on the floor, sobbing, wondering why his son doesn’t have the twig physique anymore.

[ragingtabbycat]

I have ADHD, and organising has always been a challenge for me. I've been trying to sort my shit out and I'm so frustrated by how have been completely set up for failure.

I have three drawers for all non hanging clothes, with no internal dividers at all. My shirts, pants, underwater, bathers, pjs, excersie clothes, hoodies and work uniforms all have to go in three drawers with no internal division. How is anyone meant to maintain that? Let alone someone with ADHD. As soon as I open or shut my draws everything soups together even if I tried keep it sections. It's just as much energy to maintain as it is to take everything out and put it all back in. Every single other person in my house has more drawers more division. To top it off I have about half the clothes volume of anyone in my house. The drawers struggle to shut. I don't even have an unreasonable amount of clothes. I wear most of the clothes day to day, except the seasonal stuff that I do wear. If I can't find something, which happens alot because it is clothes soup, I have to dig around so it becomes even soupier.

Of course I can't keep it together it's quite possibly the worst system ever.

[ragingtabbycat]

Me vibrating myself into a plasma while I wait for a friend to finish it. She's just read Draekora, and then took a break to read other books.

I'M COMPLETELY NORMAL ABOUT GRAEVALE BTW

[ragingtabbycat]

Bone Saints

I wonder what the first men of the church to find prehistoric bones thought. What went through their heads as they gazed upon bones that defied all reasonable expectations? Femurs the size of a man. Knuckles the size of a woman’s fist. Teeth the length of an arming sword. What else could such things be but

Holy?

Divine, biblical?

Some bones were attributed to monsters. To the Antediluvian Giants, or to the fearsome gauls that crashed against Rome, or to the serpents that God had to lay low. That last interpretation isn’t far from the truth: What else is a meteor if not an act of judgement, whether cosmic or ordained?

But some bones were closer to human than monster. Large, yes, and old, and heavy, and all these other descriptors, yes- but the knuckle of some great raptor looks remarkably similar to the knuckles of that peasant boy taken by a stray arrow. Put the two side by side after the crows have had their fill and you can almost imagine the knuckles belonged to the boy. Maybe, given enough time, and food, and space, and fervor, and, and, and- maybe he could become that which those men of the cloth believed they had found.

Saints.

It sounds comical, knowing what we know about the suspected shape of the creatures whose bones the soil turned skyward. Scales and feathers, razor teeth and wicked claws and vibrant colors garbed in church white. A halo suspended atop a gore stained head. Gold capped teeth set in the jaws of an apex predator. But what else could they think?

What else could these bones, these relics stained and fossilized and carbon dated by millennials of age be, if not.

Well.

I wonder if human is the appropriate word. After all, is not the goal of every saint a separation of humanity? To shed one’s flesh, to slough off sin stained and forgiveness scented skin in favor of wings? In favor of fire? 

Did those first men ever ask themselves, 

“Where are the wings? Where is the fire?”

“Why is it here?”

The church reburied the bones of these Newly Found and Hastily Named Saints in the graveyards and catacombs and holy sepulchers of worship and prayer. Right across from the peasant boy who no one remembered, killed by the pox that had ravaged his town, found gutted and naked by the side of the road. Was he a saint, in the end? Did he feel the presence of the Bone Saints, lying next to him? Or was it all dark?

I wonder- if it all ends like they say, fire and brimstone and all that, will the Saints get one last chance to see the world? 

There, look honey! It’s Saint Peter, right next to Saint Nicholas!

And Saint Stegosaurus!

And Saint Mammathus!

Would their halos fit their heads?

Or is Saint-hood a “one-size-fits-most” situation?

[ragingtabbycat]

“Ah sorry I’m just dumb” (having ADHD my whole life has meant that I’ve been criticised heavily for making mistakes that come part and parcel with the condition. Even the people I love most in the world have chastised me for mistakes that I spend much of my life worrying about and trying to avoid. It’s much easier to tell you I’m just a silly guy than explain to you that no matter how much effort, how much thought, how much stress I put into avoiding these same mistakes, I will keep making them over and over again. My brain is structurally built to thwart me throughout it all.)