queenazreala-blog

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To Cherish Akello

"Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong." -Donna Ball 6 months down the line and i give myself a round of applause for having been such a good mother thus far, i dont think i would have learned to trully appreciate my Mother and My Aunts effort and strength to raise my cousins, sister and i. Being a single parent is nie a pap and vleis no lies and i dont wish this curse upon any woman. I never missed a hospital appointment, not because my pregnancy was complicated but because the life in me had no part in the sins commited by us and he deserved not only life but my love and so much more. There were days i didn't even have money for taxi, but i had to make a plan, i had to get there even if it meant me walking there. Ive always been selfless and I guess my baby was even more lucky to have me as a mother cause even before i knew him i had made the decision that i would give up my breath for him. I named him Akello it means to "Bring forth" translated "Put First" he was born on the 18th of June 2016, weighing 3kgs.10 fingers and toes that ran away with my heart. I had never seen such beauty, and at first glance i realised that i had never known love until i met this little man. He made all the struggles worthwhile, even if i didnt have a home to take him too or food in my stomach it would all not matter just aslong as i had him. He was the calmness in the middle of a storm, he became my sanctuary, my happy place and beacon of hope. A miracle worker, a blessing and Gods greatest gift to me. As much as it hasnt been easy raising him, constantly having to force his father to be in his life, even if its not financially. He calms and soothes me, i wonder if i ill ever be enough for him, just when i think of releasing the anchor that is his father, i ask myself if he would want me to give up on this man or give him just one more chance. What i think is best for him, he could see it otherwise when he comes of age. He has countless men and woman in my family who love him to heaven and back, but that will never replace the piece of him that longs for his father. I love raising him, i love bathing him, feeding him 4 times a day, i love him waking me up at 6am to play. I love him scratching my face and jumping on me, this are memories we create, we are writing the chapters of our beautiful love story. But without the help of my sister and mother, the encouragement from my family i wouldn't have enough strength to carry him through. When people see us, they see just me and him but behind us stands a looong line of support, an unbreakable link that has provided for my aunts and now provides for me. Love, hope and strength the link is made of. Akello is blessed, so are we blessed to have Akello, this is just the beginning and so far, so good! Like any other good mother i would love for my son to grow up with both parents, to grow up in a healthy environment where he will never have to feel lost or confused, but things dont always work out the way we want them to, hence we make use of what we have but that dont mean that im giving up, i continue to work towards giving him what he deserves. I will not settle for this life, when there is an even better life waiting for us. For now will continue to fight for my plates, fight over the remote but more importantly Love, Protect and Have Fun with every second we spend together. An unconditional love that has now found a home in a son!

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Cause i choose too 😊

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The Good Man

“ The reward of the Good Man is to be allowed to worship in truth” Good Men are indeed all around us. We pass them on da streets, in da malls and the corridors at work. Most we can’t see because we don’t know what a good man really looks like. He usually isn’t flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads. He might not wear a suit or push a BMW. He might not have a “body like Vin Diesel with a Brad Pitt face and a David Beckham Ass 😆. But as you grow wiser and mature,You realize that it’s better to find someone who’s got your back than someone who turns your head. A man who will not make you question your position not even for a second. He wont agree whole heartedly with everything you say. He doesn’t just tell u what you want to hear, but utters words that are true and uplifting, afterall this good man is for you not against you. He admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same. A good man is not going to meet every item on ur checklist, dont discourage him or render him useless, for he too is a human with frailties n faults mixed with all of his wonderful, strong attributes. He yearns for your love, respect and admiration. He needs to feel that you don’t live too “catch” him doin something wrng so u cn declare, “Aha! I knew you were a dog!”.Dhow’t judge him by TV standards(.Bold n da Beautiful.).Noone lives that fairy tale and if they do, it didnt come easy. You will miss out on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that our men are no good. We have to many men in the world for us to give up because of one or few who hadnt yet learned how to be Good Man

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Celebrating "ME"

"The Only person who can pull me down is myself, and i am not going to let myself pull me down anymore -C.Joybell" Its a New year, no "new year resolutions" or "new year, new me" announcement, this year i have decided to set even bigger goals for myself, to challenge my way of thinking and doing things, work on the being that is me. Dont get me wrong, i am not a wreck or on the brink of jumping of a cliff. I have just come to fall in love with grooming the Queen that is me, i have fallen in love with challenging myself, it excites me i guess, and i must add that realising the hidden talents and potential that lie within me are both amazingly shocking and refreshingly rewarding! I look back to draw strength and motivation not to weep over things/people that where lost and words that where never said! Me does not allow me to burden her with bitterness and fury, it doesnt bring me any closer to the person that i want to be, the person that i was MEANT to be. I left behind all that was not for me and brought with me all that was for me! 10 Days into the new year and i couldnt have been any happier and excited! Im not saying its too late for you, NO, NEVER, IT IS NEVER TOO LATE to look out for you! I realised that when i finally let go off all the things that i shouldn't be holding onto, i am making space for even better things to come my way, i pray every night for blessings and light, i speak kind words upon myself, son and life, great is he that lives in me ne. I have never lost, i have only learned, had it not been for the decision i took to take control of myself, actions and my life. I would never learned that when we actually silence our minds and our mouths, we gain so much knowledge and wisdom. I should actually thank my son for living in me! When else would i have learned to love myself so? Where else would i have learned to appreciate my own strength and ability to rise above everything. When else would i have learned to celebrate the being that is me?. My journey has only begun, a story that was once written will be re-written. And some of you might not even need to rewrite yours because you are content with how your story goes. I salute you for having risen above it all My Queen, we find hope and draw courage from you👑.. As some continue to search for their parts, some lay foundations to theirs and some admire their beautiful work, we are reminded to never forget the person that is "ME" and with every chance we get, we must celebrate "ME" for who are we without "ME"? What makes Them happy and not ME is not for us.

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I love you, But I just love myself more❤️

"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too." I'm personally one of those people who have bad luck when it comes to relationships, either I find out that he already has a partner, he just wants to have sex or just simply a fuck boy. Mind you me I'm a hopeless romantic, the kind of girl who loves wholeheartedly, I will not call a guy out on his misbehavior cause I just think "your a grown ass man and you should know better" but I had to learn the hard way that not being a "nag" gives a man the green card to act a fool and treat you like one. I can't call a guy every 2 minutes asking him where he is or who his with, I'm not that kind of girl. I can not for the life of me shout, I hate people who nag so i refrain from being that person, I don't ask to tag along at every chance I get cause frankly I love my space! I will not go through a mans bank statement and start questioning him about the 2 cents that was sent to a mysterious account.. I trust a man who has not given me a reason not too, the type of man I get into a relationship with is the type of man I feel I can rely on and trust but sadly the devil is a liar. I find myself a hundred times bitten because of my "benefit of the doubt", my "trust and "love". Take Guy A for instance, we where High School Lovers, on and off though, we would meet in awkward spaces and I ended up telling myself that it was fate (yes I believe in such) Guy A is what I would call a pathological liar, his lies are too obvious but I loved Guy A, he was romantic, so good in bed we actually made a baby, great cook too. But Guy A had a tendency of saying he would do something and never do it! Guy A was unreliable and I knew that but I always gave Guy A the benefit of the doubt, that maybe just maybe he might come to his senses and realize that all this was to tiring and stop, that he would eventually stop this childish nonsense and see that it was all uncessary. Hai maan I don't think url understand what I'm talking A About. Let me break it down- Guy A is the type of guy with a straight face say "There is no shoe" when you are both looking at it, you will start to question ure own sanity! But Guy A never changed, till this day! So Guy A and I broke up. After some months I moved on, not necessarily moved on but got back with an ex. Guess what X was just what I needed, loving, romantic, funny nje he was my cushion, saying all the right things at the right time. X and i where ready to take on the world Bonny and Clyde vibes, mxm oho X and I get into a small altercation and I feel that maybe X and I are not on the same page and I should get him upto speed. I tell X that I'm done with games, I'm tryna mold myself in the Queen that I am, Start and Grow my business, Raise a gentleman and Live and if I'm to have a man by my side, I need that man to be FOR me and not against me, he needs to carve me into a better person and I him. In short I want a serious relationship! I'm guessing X wasn't ready cause I don't see him anywhere. I must say I missed X, i still do, I wanted to text and call him so bad! He never texted or called me just so you know. I gave him my most delicate possession, my heart, and he squeezed and squeezed it till he couldn't squeeze no more, and trust me sister I felt the pain, every bit of it. At times it hurt so much, I couldn't help but cry, begging God to bring him back. And I knew that at any second I could take all that pain away, if I would just call him and speak to him. But no the Lord knew what I needed, and it was not X. I needed a revelation, I needed to at that point remember what it is i was worth and what I deserved! I as much as anyone deserved to be loved, cared for and highly respected, I know what it is I want and that was not it! I shouldn't have cried about it, nor should I have been apologetic because when I told him what I wanted THAT was me! and if he couldn't take me as I am, If he couldn't be the man that I deserved than i shouldn't have even for a second thought about being the woman that he wanted, which was not me! I shouldn't have thought of removing my crown to settle for being a slave. I shouldn't have wanted to settle for less than what I deserved. I have since then learned not to be silent about my pain, because they will hurt me and say that I enjoyed it! •I learned than that God will give me only what I need! That I should never for any reason ever lay down my Crown to please a fool, •That God doesn't give me the strength, to go back to same thing that broke me! I have accepted that I will never be every mans cup of Tea, but I will be one mans Glass of Wine, i remain hopeful, still ever so loving, refusing to be bitter about my past because nothing just happens and what didn't kill me has only made me stronger! I Love X but I just love myself more As I sip on my cup of Tea

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How do you respond to people who say you've always been "that kinda girl". The girl next door... bitchy... the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?

In all the years I've had people call me names and say things about me that I didn't even know, I came to realize that a person who doesn't know you always has so much to say about you, lol you even come to find out things about yourself that you didn't even know. But what they think they know and the person that I am are two completely different people. That's why they call these things opinions! It's an opinion they have about you! And frankly you shouldn't make it your problem, it's none of your business for that matter. You stay true to yourself, you know your worth. In most cases yes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but what other characteristics does the tree bare besides Growing apples? It's got roots that grow underneath the ground, roots that make it unshakable and hard to remove, it grows leaves, by the way apple tree branches are hard to break off.. etc. there's nothing new here people with bad intentions will always find something wrong to point out no matter how much good u do! You can't please everyone, your not every bodies cup of Tea and dats just something I have learned to happily live with. So in short I don't respond😄 hope that answers your question

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When we realized that nobody was going to give us the Power and made the decision to TAKE IT! 👑❤️

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Enemies:The friends I thought I had

“I raise up my voice—not so I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard…we cannot succeed when half of us are held back.” ―Malala Yousafzai

Just yesterday I was showing appreciation to a fellow Queen by the name of Phumzile Sibanyoni, now this Queen I have never personally met, she’s a Facebook friend by the way. But from what I could make out from her timeline and how other queens responded to her, I could tell that she wasn’t just Phumzile- she was a Queen who uplifted, motivated and encouraged other Queens, she was a daily reminder to whoever was watching that “you need to get up and go���, that u have risen before and you should continue to do so". Now this Queen doesn’t feed of the misery of fellow Queens but embraces their achievements, she opens herself up to an even brighter Light and supreme blessings.

We can not continue to batter or celebrate the fall of our fellow sisters and expect to succeed in all that we do, we are envious beings nje vele thina that I know. But does that justify the extent we would go to, to just see a fellow Queen fail?

For as long as I can remember, my Grandma always said that “Do not do what your friends do, cause you never know their true intentions for you” and I never did, I always did what I wanted to do. The same friend that offers a shoulder for you to cry on, is the same friend that shares a table with your enemies. They are so wicked that they will even go to the extent of cursing the person who is spreading this rumors when this person is actually them. In a group of 5 woman discussing another woman’s business not even one will stand up and say “ that’s enough” cause imnandi mos lendaba right?.

Scenario no 2, this is the worst one even, women fighting over a man, isende, dick! lol I’m not a man snatcher I can’t stand being second best. Now this girl who was at home was told that I was with her man at a pub and mind you me this man was there with another girl and I was just standing with them. The girl gets her friend to call me, and the smart friend does (see the stupid things we make our friends do and we calls ourselves friends?) she shouts and curses, I’m not a rude person so I won’t hang up on her instead I listen and tell her that I’m not dating the guy, eventually the lady now takes the phone and decides to speak to me herself, I tell her the same thing I told her friend and eventually she gives up and hangs up! Lol noticed that I didn’t tell her that her man was actually with another woman? It wasn’t my place to tell her that, nor was it her friends place to tell her that she saw her man with a woman. Worst part this girl was pregnant, as a stranger in that 60 seconds I was able to note the stress I would cause her if I argued with her or told her the truth and yet her own friend couldn’t do that? She couldn’t put herself in her shoes and think of what damage her actions could cause her friend and the baby? What a great friend she has. Some woman will even go to an extent of stabbing you baba. When do we decide to let our dignity and pride surface? When do we make the decision to walk away from things that don’t make us any better than what we where the day before? When do we rise up and confidently say “this is not me”?

Many Queens have displayed their courage and strength, allowing themselves not to be bullied by another woman or man. Take Queen Kumbuza for example famously known as Mavetana, she not perfect, like any other she’s made mistakes and she’s yet to make more.

“I was once talked about left, right and center, but I never bowed down to anyone, I remained confident and held my head up high, hence today I’m still standing” ~ Queen Kumbuza

The fact that this Queen made the decision to rise above your battering does in no way give you the right to continue to do so, expecting her to rise above it once again like any other Queen, akere leri o tlaba strong but who are you to test the extent to which she can take your beatings and carry ure insults on her shoulders?

Acknowledge that a man who truly loves and cares about you would never put you in any situation that could cause you harm or degradation. You will only be as great as the friends you surround yourself with, Know your worth dear Queen, Know that your light will not be shortened by lighting anothers candle. Rejoice in the efforts of our fellow Queens, and Appreciate their Will to rise above everything else. Support and lend a helping hand to those who need it. Displaying bitterness and envy towards another woman only shows your weakness, you don’t only speak of the other woman but you speak of ureself.

Be beautiful, be strong, be graceful, ambitious, selfless and know what you want. And if according to the world it makes you a bitch then so be it! Because the thing we woman have to learn is nobody is going to give us the Power, we have to TAKE IT! And we have to refuse to be walked and spat on! Refuse to be bitter about another woman’s perfect ending and work on creating your own.

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Embracing our Vulnerabilities

Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.“ Brenè Brown

For months I sat with this idea of starting a blog or writing a book about the hardships that woman are faced with on a daily, and not forgetting the good times we shared and blessings bestowed upon us. But the fear of being ridiculed, judged, talked about and painted with a brush that doesn’t match my Tan gets the best of me each time, because to open myself up like this leaves me vulnerable. But then again so does falling in love. my story is not just a story it is nothing new to what many have been through, most of us have seen it, some experienced it and some yet to walk through it! The aim is not to leave you in tears, or feeling sorry for me or the people involved, but to leave u in aw and shock of how great our God is, how strong woman can be and the aim is for you to acknowledge your power, strength, will , courage, for you to admire the Queen that you are and celebrate the being that is you!

This blog is about the Rise of a Queen, the courage and strength we continue to display on a daily, our unshaken fists of glory, the scars that we keep hidden and celebratory smiles, our continuous Faith in a higher power, one that is greater than all of us and the endless rod of Hope that once more just one more time this too shall pass, we WILL survive and through it all we WILL Rise!