purpleflyingoat

[purpleflyingoat]

If this is what it feels like to know someone is dying, I don’t want to actual grief. I can’t survive this now. He won’t make it and neither will I.

[purpleflyingoat]

How do I explain this except in Pain?

My dad’s dying.

We all know it. He’s been in bad health and our insurance can’t afford the best.

And really, it’s a brain tumor. What do you think is going to happen?

A miracle. Something. Please.

He drove me to school every day.

He cooked me breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Even when he didn’t support my interests, he still let me to pursue them (which was enough).

He still tracks me, 3000 miles away, just to make sure I’m safe.

He’s been there this entire time.

And soon he’s not.

[purpleflyingoat]

every day i’m shocked that not everyone had access to tumblr as a child. as i sit in my humanities class, i’m baffled that people don’t understand the hierarchy of needs. how people can do things without monetary incentive. how janitorial jobs and administrative jobs don’t have to be hierarchical. what where you doing on the internet as a child? not reading communist theory?

[purpleflyingoat]

i keep forgetting that people didn’t have the same internet exposure as me. like you weren’t exposed to radical leftist beliefs at 11? you didn’t read queer theory for fun before high school? wild.

[purpleflyingoat]

i will never get over the fact that sororities don’t throw parties. you’re saying that The Sole place where women get to be themselves, surrounded by supporting women, and the best events hosted are formals? etiquette lessons? where are the ragers? the animal houses?

[purpleflyingoat]

i’m rushing a sorority and it just reminds me how much it sucks to be a woman. frats do fun events! trampoline park! poker night! outside bbq! rock climbing! we do coffee dates. trips to the farmers’ market. bonding in the school’s old gym. when i say “i want to be a man” i mean “i want to host the party, not go to them” i mean “i want to do dangerous activities” i mean “i want to have fun and be free and not be confined to the goddamned soft and feminine events that sit opposite of men”

[purpleflyingoat]

i’m leaving and

Everyone is rushing to say goodbye

but i will never go

if they ask me to stay.

silence answers

so i walk away

[purpleflyingoat]

how does a daughter stop hating her mother?

i can’t stand her presence but every time she talks to me about college (bc i just started) or getting a job (bc i’m looking for one) or study abroad programs (bc i mentioned it once) i know she just wants to talk to me. because she cares about me. because she loves me

[purpleflyingoat]

I don’t hate my body. I don’t.

My stomach folds hold in my organs;

my hair keeps me warm in winter;

my stretch marks prove that I grew;

I am the combination of thousands of ancestors that looked just like me.

But when the 20th pant doesn’t fit;

when skinny bodies are the trend;

when my hips touch the armrests of every chair;

I can’t help to doubt.

[purpleflyingoat]

so to hot to handle just came out with a new season and...are these people serious about needing to have sex with people they just met? is this a real feeling people have or should I start considering demisexuality again?

[purpleflyingoat]

FINALS TIME

and i’m here on tumblr instead of studying for them 🤪

[purpleflyingoat]

I hate thinking about my parents’ mortality. If they died, would I cry? Laugh? Celebrate or mourn? To make myself cry, I used to imagine my dad dying. Now, I don’t even blink an eye.