psychedelicvanillabean

[psychedelicvanillabean]

Kamloops, BC

[psychedelicvanillabean]

[psychedelicvanillabean]

Am feeling extremely conflicted and confused lately. Recently (about a year ago), I had come to the conclusion that I am a lesbian. I'd read the masterdoc, I'd re-evaluated my past, and everything seemed to make sense. And even more recently, after seven years of self-speculation, I've also come to the realisation that I am in fact demisexual. But that's where things start to get complicated. Because all this time, when I thought that I was just experiencing comphet---which I very well could have been---I am now struck with a crush on a guy. (It's also worth mentioning that I have bpd, so that also plays a factor on how I categorize my feelings towards others, which lately has been extremely confusing.) But when I really think about things, he's the only guy I've ever actually wanted to be with... all the guys in the past just don't compare.

Unfortunately for me, he has a crush on someone else, and I can't just confess my feelings to him knowing that he's focused on someone else, and also taking into consideration the major sexuality crisis I am currently experiencing. Because what if this is just a fluke? (On the demisexuality of it all, we are somewhat close friends, and I've been jumping through hoops to deny my more recent attraction to him.) And what if, my feelings are real, but they are fleeting? No point in telling a guy who you just came out to as a lesbian last time you spoke who's already crushing on someone else and who you may not even have feelings for the next day that you have a crush on him.

[psychedelicvanillabean]

thinking about the making of tatinof lil smooch moment again

[psychedelicvanillabean]

+

[psychedelicvanillabean]

2024 felt like at least a decade in phan time bc consider how much dust was fed to us roombas

we should feel blessed

[psychedelicvanillabean]

Redbubble

[psychedelicvanillabean]

concept: a pretty girl sits on my lap and we kiss and kiss and kiss

[psychedelicvanillabean]

When will my dads (dan and phil) return from the war (a well deserved christmas break) or at least write a letter with tales of times past (australasia photo dump on insta)

[psychedelicvanillabean]

character misses their shot and the villain goes "ha! you missed." and the main character goes "did i?" and then shoots the villain again while they're frantically looking around the room for what the hero could possibly have aiming for instead

[psychedelicvanillabean]

it's snowing outside and i cant help but think about them <3

[psychedelicvanillabean]

mirror selfie w/ a tall friend 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

[psychedelicvanillabean]

I feel like I’m getting shot every time I see these

[psychedelicvanillabean]

why is peace always the justification for violence?

[psychedelicvanillabean]

The fact that the creators of arcane, artists and writers, didn’t dumb/water down their work is what makes it a masterpiece. They didn’t take the audience into account when they created their art. They put their heart and soul into it. You rarely see that in todays entertainment.They took 8 (9?) yrs to make 18 episodes! Everybody agrees the artwork is beautiful, next level quality. But I want to assert that the writing is also. The difference in the way they are perceived is in the fact that the writers didn’t take into account the audience. They didn’t write an easy to understand story where motivation/actions are laid out step by step. They told the story they wanted to tell the way they wanted to tell it. They’re not trying to hold anybody’s hand or spoon feed us. That’s why so many ppl are complaining about ‘bad writing’. To be frank, it’s just going over their heads. Because you don’t have the media literacy, maturity or life experiences to understand a story doesn’t mean it’s bad, it means it’s too much for you. You literally just ‘don’t get it’.

[psychedelicvanillabean]

friendly reminder my ask box is open for advice, opinions, ask games, or just saying hi :3

I’ll include some of my current interests in the tags

[psychedelicvanillabean]

glorious evolution