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I Do Recall

By Ryan Branson:

I do recall a time when I was cheerful A small kid with lots of friends Parties and sleep-overs frequent Happy to be alive, no desire to flee

I do recall a time when I was bullied A physical condition I could not control Physical and verbal abuse frequent My self-esteem and self-worth broken Not one friend to help, no one to call

I do recall a time when a disease nearly murdered me Food and drink my enemy Self-worth tied to a number on a scale My body aching, beginning to fail

I do recall a time just now Strong and determined to help others Happiness, healthfulness and recovery prevail

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5 Ways to Talk to Your Parents About Body Positivity

By Kim Drastal--Parents, the people who nag us to clean our rooms—but also the people who hold us when we cry. They may frustrate or anger us, but in the end, we love them and they love us. Parents are vital in creating your home and living space, and in determining whether or not it’s a body-positive space.

If your parents still have a ways to go in terms of body positivity, here are five ways you can open an important conversation:        

1. Be honest.

I can tell you from personal experience that even though these are the people who have raised you from infancy to adulthood, your parents cannot read your mind. In the past, I have been guilty of getting frustrated with my parents for comments they make or actions they take that I find triggering, and then getting frustrated at them for not knowing that I’m frustrated.

That, as you can imagine, is not even slightly productive. So, when approaching your body positivity discussion with parents, try your best to be as open and honest as possible. I know how hard it can be to advocate for yourself or to talk about your feelings, but the more information you give them, the more they can try to improve or help.

Also, try not to start the conversation by throwing accusations out. This conversation is focused on you and your feelings; blaming your parents for doing the “wrong things” will not bring about a solution but it may create tension.

2. Try your best to be understanding.

As children, we may believe that our parents are superheroes who can do no wrong and will make everything right. But like everyone else in the world, your parents are not perfect. They weren’t given a rule book on how to be good parents, so, as you mature, they are constantly learning how to interact with you. That being said, sometimes they don’t realize when they mess up.

While they may think that commenting on your weight is motivational, you may find their comment extremely triggering. So try to put yourself in their shoes before having the conversation. Take into account their feelings about their own bodies, their relationships with their parents and their life experiences.

When you begin to talk to your parents about body image, listen to what they have to say. This should be a two-way conversation, one in which you help them to understand your feelings, but you also empathize with their feelings. Your parents love you unconditionally; they are not trying to hurt you intentionally. Regardless of what is said in your conversation about body positivity, keep this in mind.

3. Give them specific pointers.

Before talking to your parents, try your best to record some situations in which their actions or words negatively affected your body image. This list does not have to be extensive; it should focus on the things that are the most triggering for you. After compiling the list, start to brainstorm solutions. For example, if one of your parents keeps magazines that encourage dieting or weight loss on your coffee table, and this really upsets you, ask if instead they can read a magazine that focuses more on healthy cooking. This takes a lot of stress off of your parents, who might not know what to do as an alternative.

4. Reminders are key.

Everyone forgets things, even things that we should remember, like where we put those keys. So even after your talk about body positivity, they may accidently make a triggering joke or comment. This isn’t because they weren’t listening; it is more likely that they simply weren’t thinking. So instead of giving them the silent treatment, speak up. Remind them about the things that you guys talked about regarding body image. It can take a little while for people to modify their behaviors. Don’t let all of the small mistakes build up—you might just end up exploding at them. Try to stay calm and keep the conversation going.

5. And in the end comes acceptance…

If your parents make a conscious effort to improve, that is great. Ultimately, some people cannot be changed. Sometimes, our parents may have body image issues as well, and as much as we want to change that, we can’t. Try to seek out other body-positive role models such as an aunt, a cousin or a friend. Allow yourself to be upset if your parents do something that negatively affects your body image, but then remind yourself that you are still body positive, and that cannot be taken away from you.

I can tell you from first-hand experience that after having a conversation with my parents about body image, they were extremely understanding and helpful. They made conscious efforts to promote body positivity and to follow some of the “guidelines” I gave them.

I spent too much time being frustrated with the two most important people in my life, rather than starting the conversation on body positivity. I found that opening up to parents can be therapeutic for both parties.

Body positivity is now a continuous point of conversation in our house and that has been one of the greatest things for my recovery. The conversation may be tough to begin, but it is worth it!

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Proud2Bme Poll: 75% of Readers Feel Pressured to Alter Their Appearance in the Summer

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5 Easy Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself

By Hilary Smith--We take ourselves for granted far too often. Our personal well-being and our needs tend to take a backseat to the needs of others. Speaking from experience, I can say it is much easier to care for others and make sure that they are happy than it is to cater to exactly what would make me happy. Why it that? Because taking care of myself feels selfish. I tell myself that if I take care of myself before others, they will suffer or they will be sad. How is that fair?

Frankly, this logic is nonsense. When we do not take care of our needs and wants, we are not being kind to ourselves. I know that if I do not take moments for self-care, I cannot fully care for others. This is what is not fair. It is hard to tell myself that I am just as important as the next person. But I am. And once I accept that I deserve kindness, especially from myself, my happiness will transfer far more easily to those I wish to share it with.

It only takes a few simple tweaks in our daily lives to make sure we are being kind to ourselves. If we can implement five ways to be kinder to ourselves, our positive outlook on life and ourselves has the potential to skyrocket! Here are five simple ways to be kinder to yourself:

1. Look in the mirror and say (either out loud or to yourself) one thing that you appreciate about what you look like in that moment. Whether it’s superficial or not, that moment will prove that you are worthy of a compliment.

2. Buy yourself that coffee you’ve been craving all day. Or the brownie. Or that item in the shop window you know you would rock. In the words of Parks and Rec employees Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle, “TREAT YO’ SELF!”

3. Cut yourself some slack. We would never criticize our friend if he or she made a little mistake like spilling a glass of water on the table, but we beat ourselves up over the smallest things. If you make a simple mistake, laugh it off and chalk it up to a moment of comic relief.

4. Detach from social media. Whether it is for an hour or for a day, removing ourselves from the online world allows us to stop comparing ourselves to other people and what they are doing in their lives. Remember, social media allows a person to post what they want the world to see, which usually just includes the good, not the bad or the ugly. Giving ourselves a moment to separate from the virtual world reminds us of what we love about our lives.

5. Step outside and simply breathe. Often, we take for granted that we have the capacity to rejuvenate our minds and bodies by doing an act as routine as breathing. By filling our lungs with air, we remind ourselves that we are worthy, and that is one of the kindest things we can do for ourselves.

I say that these are five simple ways to be kinder to ourselves, but being kind to ourselves is one of the hardest things we can do. I am a self-proclaimed people pleaser, but I don’t have to please people 24/7 or I will burn myself out. Once I accept that I need to be kind to myself first and foremost, my capacity and ability to be kind to others will be better than ever. So I will end this post by being “selfish” and reminding myself to be kind to ME: I wrote these five tips mainly for myself. But please, join me on the journey of being kind to ourselves!

Header image courtesy of youaremyfave.com

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Quirky, chubby, bossy, outspoken, clumsy, weird girls can absolutely achieve professional success, wonderful friends and fabulous love.

Dear KJ: How Can I Be a Body-Positive Role Model for Young Girls?

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Note to self. 

Originally posted on my Instagram: @maxine.sarah.art

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Dear Chase: Does My Boyfriend Have an Eating Disorder?

Chase Bannister is the founder, senior vice president and chief strategy & clinical integrity officer for Veritas Collaborative, a specialty hospital system for the treatment of eating disorders in a gender-diverse and inclusive environment. He is credentialed as a certified eating disorder specialist by the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals and is a licensed clinical social worker. Chase combines clinical and executive expertise to nurture a spirit of meaningful collaboration and carries a zeal for advancing public awareness on eating disorders.

My boyfriend seems really concerned about his appearance and is afraid of looking unfit. It's like he works out all the time now. Should I be worried and if there's something wrong, what can I do?

First, thank you for expressing concern about your boyfriend. It’s so important to speak up and ask questions when you are worried about a friend’s health and wellbeing.

Unfortunately, we are bombarded with images and messages in our society that suggest there is an ideal body shape and size. As a result, many people struggle with body image concerns and turn to physical activity as a way to change their shape and control their weight. For some, physical activity and related behaviors that are often viewed as healthy may get out of control.  

You may want to suggest that your boyfriend speak to a mental health professional if he is experiencing or has recently experienced any of the following:

Significant weight change: If your boyfriend has gained or lost more than 10% of his body weight in the past few months, this paired with other symptoms can be a sign that something is wrong.

Psychological distress about the way his body looks: You mentioned that your boyfriend is afraid of looking unfit. If he pays consistent attention to his perceived flaws, if his weight and the way his clothes fit impact his mood on a regular basis or if you notice changes in his social interaction because of the way he thinks he looks, you should suggest that he seek support from a mental health professional.

Changes in the way he eats: Your boyfriend may be experiencing disordered eating if he has rigid food rules, is restricting or bingeing, has anxiety about food making him fat or he has foods that he can and cannot eat. Disordered eating can be a symptom of a mental health problem.

Exercise as an obligation: Physical activity can be healthy for the body. However, there could be reason for concern when exercise becomes a “have to” instead of a “want to” type of activity, when someone experiences guilt and anxiety because they missed a workout, when their strict adherence to working out begins to affect their daily lives in a negative way or when exercise is used to compensate for the food they eat.

The idea that working out can be unhealthy is counterculture. Many people receive positive feedback from friends, family and even medical providers when they lose weight or adhere to a regular exercise program. Most people don’t realize that when exercise and eating get out of balance, a person’s health can be compromised. Talk about your concerns with your boyfriend and encourage him to speak with a mental health professional or medical practitioner if he feels he is losing control over his eating and exercise habits.

And remember: bodies come in all shapes and sizes. It’s important for all of us to appreciate our bodies for the strengths and abilities that they have!

For additional resources, check out these tips on how to talk to a friend who may be struggling with an eating disorder and this fact sheet about the symptoms and health consequences of compulsive exercise.

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I wish I could tell myself to just wait, to not try and rush into doing things, or being someone, or being something.

That’s What She Said: An Interview with Izzy Whiteley

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The Dark Side of Princess Culture

By Ariel Beccia--Cinderella. Snow White. Rapunzel. Sleeping Beauty. These are the characters many of us grew up with: we watched their movies, played with their dolls and even wore their costumes. Of course, the Disney craze continues today.

The soundtrack of Frozen has topped the charts for months, toy store shelves are filled with Tinker Bell-inspired tutus and tiaras and Cinderella was still one of the most popular Halloween costumes in 2015. With Disney princess merchandise raking in approximately $3 billion globally each year—with products ranging from makeup to snacks to clothes—it is clear that princess culture is a mainstay of modern girlhood.  

So what? Is the princess craze simply innocent fun for girls, or is there meaning behind the obsession? Some parents claim that Disney narratives are “safe” for young viewers, while others go as far as labeling certain characters as role models for young girls. However, there is a growing backlash against princess culture, led by parents, psychologists and feminist scholars who question the underlying messages contained in the stories. After all, what are the effects of spending a childhood immersed in the world of Disney?

Unfortunately, the answer to this question may reveal the dark side of princess culture. According to a study done at Brigham Young University, girls who play with Disney princess toys are significantly more likely to internalize gender stereotypes than are girls who play with other toys. And, as lead researcher Sara M. Coyne explains, girls who adhere to gender stereotypes often limit themselves in activities and/or behaviors through life. Additionally, the study found that Disney princesses are often a girl’s first exposure to the thin ideal, meaning that girls as young as three or four may internalize society’s narrow definition of “beautiful.”

The findings of this study make sense. What does it take to be a Disney princess? Culturally normative beauty, a wonderful singing voice, a loving demeanor and a prince to pine over. When a girl’s world is infiltrated with this ideal, of course “princess” becomes a life goal. And while career trajectories certainly change, there are lasting influences when you grow up dreaming of tiaras. Princess stories recount tales of romantic rescues, passionate kisses and unlimited ball gowns, reinforcing the stereotype of passive femininity. When girls aspire for Prince Charming and a pretty dress, they are cutting themselves off from a whole range of opportunities, ones that aren’t defined by physical appearances or powerful male figures.

More recently, Disney movies have challenged the princess culture. In Frozen, the defining relationship is between two sisters, not between princess and prince. Tiana, the first black princess, follows her dream of owning a restaurant through her own hard work and determination. Merida from Brave challenges gender norms by rejecting an arranged marriage and focusing on things that matter to her, like archery and family.

However, despite the improvements, these characters still exist in princess culture. The Princess and the Frog has been criticized for reinforcing racist stereotypes and in Brave, just before her coronation, Merida received a makeover that magically slimmed her down and smoothed her hair. Ugh.

So should we protest Disney and prohibit girls from engaging in these stories? Honestly, I don’t think erasure is the answer. For one, there is nothing inherently wrong with princess femininity. Some girls love wearing pink and having tea parties, and that’s great. Also, it opens the door to having open and critical conversations with girls at an impressionable time in their lives.

Watch Sleeping Beauty and talk about why Aurora was sleeping throughout the movie. Encourage creativity and individuality during a princess-themed dress up (taking notes from my newest role model). By teaching girls to be their own heroines, we can recreate princess culture, and that is magical!

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I live for girls realizing their worth, demanding the respect they deserve and cutting off anything that brings negativity into their lives.

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The most important aspect of your recovery is that you remember that your life is worth living, that you are worth living for, and that your eating disorder has exactly the opposite agenda. Eating disorders kill. They are not to be taken lightly, and they are never to be dismissed.

Dear Melody: Will My Boyfriend Ever Support My Recovery?

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It’s easy to see all of these bikini body ads and think that our own bodies are hideous in comparison. We’ve been conditioned to think these bodies are normal, but in reality they’re a tiny fraction of the body types out there (and most of those ads are digitally altered anyway).

Proud2Bme Poll: 56% of Readers See 'Bikini Body' Ads 10+ Times a Day

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9 Ways to Combat Society’s Obsession with Bikini Bodies

By Annie Stewart and Danielle Lowe--Oh, summertime. That glorious time of year when the days are longer, the sun is shining, fresh fruit is in glorious abundance andddd swimsuit season is in full swing. Every season has its challenges for those battling negative body image, and this is indeed one of the challenges we all face in these warmer months. All throughout the year, we receive messages about our bodies—what they must look like, what they must consume and how many calories they must burn. It’s not easy to fight back against these messages that are all around us, but it is possible. So here are nine ways to fight back against bikini body pressure this summer:

1. Don’t allow society to tell you what body type you have to have in order to wear a certain type of swimsuit.

The only way to change society’s norm is by wearing whichever swimsuit you want with whichever type of body you have. But also, don’t pressure yourself into buying an extremely revealing swimsuit that is popular now, if that’s not what you truly want. There are tons of bathing suit designs and color schemes for every type of swimsuit. -Danielle

2. Exercise at your own pace.

When exercising, it is important to ask yourself: “Why am I doing this?” Is it because you genuinely want to or is it out of guilt or shame or because you think you “should?” One of the best ways to combat the bikini body pressure is to not engage in activities just because you feel like you “should.” Living an empowered, body-positive life means engaging in activities that make your body feel good and that you find enjoyable—and that may vary from person to person. -Annie

3. Practice mindfulness.

Our bodies can crave different kinds of foods depending on what time of year it is—and that’s okay. Listen to your body, practice intuitive eating and eat what feels good to you. I must add one last essential point to this, though: this is an issue that can vary from person to person and should be discussed with your treatment team, particularly a registered dietitian who specializes in eating disorders/disordered eating. -Annie

4. Make a list of body affirmations.

When you feel the pressure to look “perfect” on the beach, write down a list of body image affirmations. It’s not about how your body looks —it’s about what your body can do. Some examples of body affirmations are, “My body was not designed to be defined by a measurement.” Or, “My body is already perfect because of what it can do for me.” Or, “My body will take me to beautiful places no matter how it looks.” -Danielle

5. Dress for yourself.

Let’s be real—we wear less clothing in the summertime. Legs, arms, shoulders, etc. are exposed, so it’s natural to feel a little self-conscious when the temperatures rise. And the beach, pool, etc. are where we wear the least amount of clothing. This is where ED can increase his attacks—telling you that you need to look good in your summer attire and there’s only one way to look good.  It wasn’t until I was eighteen that I began to feel comfortable wearing shorts. Not only that, but the very thing that I used to be so ashamed of (my muscular legs) is what I am so proud of today. My legs and calves are muscular, reminding me of the game of soccer I fell in love with at five years old, and how my incredible legs have run up and down soccer fields, climbed mountains and swam in oceans. I am proud of them because they are my in-the-flesh reminders of hard work, dedication and strength. Moral of the story: dress for YOU, not for any one else. Wear what makes you feel comfortable and never apologize for it. -Annie

6. Ditch Photoshop and Instagram filters.

Social media can be such a harmful thing for those struggling with body image issues and eating disorders, because it is so easy to compare yourself to others. Often, only the thin ideal is shown on social media, and even those pictures are often Photoshopped and altered to look more socially acceptable. Posting photos or statuses about showing off your natural, unfiltered body will inspire others to be proud of their bodies too. -Danielle

7. Have a bo-po buddy!  

It is so important to have a buddy or two whom you can confide in when you feel less than kind toward your body. Talk to this person about what you’re feeling, go out for a meal with them or go to the beach together. Throughout my recovery, I have learned that even having one person to confide in when struggling with eating disordered thoughts is enough. Simultaneously, I have learned to be cautious about whom I share my struggles with, so make sure you feel completely safe and validated with that person. -Annie

8. Appreciate nature’s beauty!

There are few things that make my spirit come alive quite like nature does—and this time of year is the best time to take advantage of it. Spend time in the great outdoors—hiking, exploring, enjoying a picnic at the park or simply absorbing the beauty of our incredible world. When I am surrounded by either the grandeur of a mountain or the stillness of a lake, I am reminded of just how wonderful our world is, and how insignificant my struggles suddenly feel when surrounded by such beauty. When I am having a bad body image day, it helps me tremendously to spend some time outdoors. Give it a try and let me know what you think. -Annie

9. Boycott products (and people sometimes) that support the bikini body obsession.

Put down magazines and stop clicking on articles titled, “10 Ways to Have a –insert celebrity’s name- Body This Summer!” Most likely, they’ll be filled with disordered ways to lose muscle quickly, or they won’t even make you lose weight or tone your body at all. Sometimes, friends will also think they are “helping” you by encouraging you to engage in unhealthy habits. It is important to separate yourself from what other people are doing and to do what is most healthy and recovery-oriented for YOU. -Danielle

Cheers, friends, to a glorious summer, one I hope and pray will not be bogged down by negative body image. Focus on YOU and your recovery, focus on intuitive eating and exercise, surround yourself with those you love and take advantage of our beautiful Earth. Breathe out the negative and breathe in the positive. Remember, half the battle is your thoughts; change how you think and you will change your world. 

And also remember, we are all in this together. We may not know each other’s stories, but take comfort in the fact that we are standing with each other, supporting one another and fighting for a world in which our worth is not based on how we look in a swimsuit, but comes instead from the the intrinsic worth of our hearts and souls.

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6 Ways to Decolonize Body Positivity

By Palmer Hipp--I believe all humans have unique backgrounds, experiences and body types, and because of this, body positivity should be fluid. I define body positivity as the acceptance and representation of all body types.

But if you type “body” or “body positive” into Google, many white, heterosexual, privileged females appear. I often think the body positivity movement resembles a white feminist movement in that people with disabilities, transgender individuals and people of color are seldom represented. If they are, they’re often categorized under the binary of “real” men or women. There is rarely a diverse depiction of race, ethnicity, gender, age and sexual orientation in the mainstream media. This, simply put, needs to change.

Decolonization broadly refers to a shift in how you view the world. Breaking norms institutionalized by power systems and years of white infrastructures, challenging labels and destroying binaries are ways to reclaim one’s body. As an advocate for self-love, I believe we must create a place where the marginalized are valued for their differences. When we can reimagine body positivity as a universal concept, people may begin to accept their past and love their present in order to create a better future.

Here are six ways you can help decolonize body positivity:

1. Educate yourself.

Learn about races, genders, ages, sexual orientations and disabilities. Acknowledge what makes you stand out, and understand why some may have different beliefs from yourself.

2. Learn about your background.

Find what makes you, you. Decolonizing means defending one’s culture, their history and their family values.

3. Listen

Hear what people have to say, understand their stories and struggles. To be a good ally, you must listen.

4. Leave the idea of “real” women and men behind.

There’s no wrong way to be a woman or man. One size, race, age, ability, gender or sexual orientation does not make anyone more “real.”

5. Give compliments not based on physical appearance or gender.

You never know where someone is on their journey to body positivity, and these compliments may not be interpreted as intended. Sam Dylan Finch gives great examples of common body positive phrases that exclude people:

Instead of, “Your body is already perfect,” say, “Don’t let society tell you that your body makes you less than others.”

Instead of, “All bodies are good bodies,” say, “All bodies have value. All bodies deserve care.”

6. Challenge the status quo and speak up!  

The body positivity movement should be for everyone, but let’s not ignore the fact that many are left out. Those who have the power to speak need to have the strength to advocate for those placed in the shadows. Do your part in publicizing, uplifting and encouraging the voices of people who are marginalized. Challenge the definition of beauty to represent everyone. Encourage more appropriate language, and challenge words that do not represent body positivity.  

Decolonizing body positivity is necessary in reclaiming and restoring body positivity. Together, we have the power to represent all bodies and all voices.

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The Best Moments from Beyoncé’s CFDA Speech