prices-beard

[prices-beard]

I Can't Stay

Fiancé!Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x 141!reader

Reader witnesses Johnny's death and tries to shut herself back out.

Warnings: Main character death, swearing (?), blood

It was supposed to be a safe mission.

You were all supposed to go home, and you and Johnny would go back to planning your wedding. And then you didn't all make it home.

Previously, Johnny had a chance to take out Makarov once and for all, but Price stopped him. Now, you won't ever let that go.

You all stood in the warehouse as you were surrounded by Russian troops, everyone's hearts racing wildly. You glanced to Ghost, who you were partnered with, like every mission, and he nodded curtly. You backed up, leaving Johnny, Price, and Gaz out of your sights as you rounded the corner to another room to find the rest of the Russians.

Suddenly, an explosion sounded. You and Ghost both stopped in your tracks, a sinking feeling of dread weighing down your chest. You heard a body hit the floor and a desperate plea of Price's voice calling out to you over your comms. You and Ghost sprinted back to where you were previously, and you stopped dead in your tracks when Johnny's body was sprawled out on the floor, blood leaking from his temple.

You shook your head, immediately dropping to your knees next to him, desperately trying to stop the bleeding. You finally glanced down at his face, and his beautiful blue eyes, once mischievous and full of life, were now foggy and half-lidded. "Johnny, come on, baby, gotta- gotta open your eyes," You begged, frantically wiping the blood from his face. You glanced up with wide eyes as Gaz's voice rang out above you.

"C'mon, Reaper, we gotta go," He muttered, tugging on your arm.

"No." You sneered, ripping your arm from his grasp and gently brushing a hand over Johnny's blood soaked face.

You cried harshly as you held as much pressure to his head as you could, but it was no use. Ghost's gentle hand on your shoulder pulled you away from him, and you sobbed and thrashed violently as he grabbed you, dragging you away from him. "No!" You screamed. "Let go of me! Need to- need to help him," You cried.

"Shh... Reaper, enough. Gonna get us all killed," He whispered gently, placing you back on your own two feet once you were far enough away.

You turned to look at him, fear and anger coursing through your body like a current. "Where's Makarov." You demanded coolly.

"We don't know, Reaper," He shook his head, keeping a firm grip on your arm. "We've got to go but I swear to yoY we'll find him and bring Johnny justice once we get out of here, yeah?"

You shook your head, ripping your arm from his grasp and running off toward the sound of someone besides your group. It was stupid, and you could have died, hell, you should have died, but you didn't. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, you hadn't decided. You sprinted hard, your pistol raised as you tried to find whoever it was. You glanced around wildly at the empty room, when a sudden blast knocked you off your feet.

Ghost winced at the sound and sight of the explosion, immediately turning to find you. As he started to run toward the burning building, Price's hand gripped his arm firmly. "No." He ordered. "I'm not losing three of my men tonight,"

Ghost shook his head, bringing his fist down on to Price's wrist. Price grunted as he did, his hand instinctively loosening his grip. Ghost pulled it away, springing into a run toward the building that was engulfed in flames.

You laid still on the floor, ears ringing loudly as you closed your eyes, the flame licking your gear. Suddenly, someone grabbed you, lifting you from the floor and away from the fire. Your head was still buzzing from the explosion and the impact of it hitting the ground, your vision blurred significantly. You could feel the firm grip on your body, fingers digging uncomfortably in the fresh burns on your skin.

Ghost emerged from the building, Gaz flinching as part of the building collapsed behind them. He fell to his knees, placing you on the ground gently as his chest heaved, the smoke inhalation causing him to struggle. He coughed harshly, glancing down at you as Gaz and Price surrounded the two of you, Price doing everything he could to wake you up as your pulse slowed and your chest stopped rising.

He cursed and stripped off your burnt and partially destroyed vest, as well as your jacket, leaving you in a compression shirt as he started CPR. When it did nothing after thirty seconds, he cut off the compression shirt, hoping getting the tight material from your body would help. He continued his attempt, sighing in relief as you shot up, coughing wildly. He ran a soothing hand down the back of your head, helping you clear your chest.

You sat up, looking around wildly. You coughed hard, turning your head to spit up whatever phlegm and smoke was lingering in your throat. Your chest heaved as you sat there, staring at the burning building. "Where's Makraov."

Price shook his head, tucking a strand of burnt, mangled hair behind your ear. "Gone, Y/n. He's gone."

You stood next to Ghost and Gaz, Price next to Ghost. You all collectively stared out at the city below you, Price's hands gripping the urn that held what was left of Johnny tightly. You zoned out, the gentle fall breeze blowing your hair softly from your face. Your fingers itched to twist around and fiddle with his tags and your engagement ring that rested in your pocket as you stood there, motionless and silent. Gaz started to say something and his stuttering, slurred voice snapped you out of your trance. "I'm leaving." You muttered, backing up toward your car. Price glanced over, handing the urn to Ghost before walking toward you. You shook your head, backing away like a frightened animal. "Have to go, price," You whispered, watching as his weathered, calloused hands reached out toward you.

"Stay. Please," He pleaded, gentle hands reaching out to hold your biceps.

"Can't," You muttered, shaking your head. "This- this is why I don't stay." You choked. "Every time I stay I get hurt. I- I don't wanna get hurt anymore," You cried softly, letting him surround you. You laid your head on his shoulder, the tears flooding your eyes and wetting his sweater.

Your knees buckled out from under you and you were now solely held up by Price's strong arms. You sobbed harsh, ugly cries, desperately trying to get in a good breath. Your chest heaved, your lungs burning at the lack of oxygen. You could feel a headache setting in, but it couldn't compare to the headache Johnny must have felt when Makarov put a bullet through his skull. You started to babble nonsense, pleading with anyone who would listen to wake you from this nightmare. You could faintly hear Price's soothing, melodious voice trying to calm you down, but nothing was working.

Eventually, you sat down on the cold, firm ground, the grass tickling your fingers. You stared blankly at the horizon in front of you, watching as the sun set in silence. You knew you wouldn't be able to stay.