prettyflycatguy

[prettyflycatguy]

Now taking bets on how long it’s going to take my friend to notice this when she gets home from her honeymoon tonight.

[prettyflycatguy]

Friends, this was a wild ride and worth reading every word. This is right up there with Shiv Ramdas’ “lorry full of rice” story.

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

[prettyflycatguy]

[prettyflycatguy]

!ATTENTION!

Wally has important thing to show to you!

That's all! Hope you're having a nice morning/evening/night and remember to take care of yourself!

[prettyflycatguy]

Don’t you dare scroll past without saying Meowdy back.

[prettyflycatguy]

[prettyflycatguy]

It’s almost the 1st again.

[prettyflycatguy]

[prettyflycatguy]

Did not see a single one of those coming

[prettyflycatguy]

Every time I think Toby Toad has posted the best thing ever, they outdo themselves. Also the best comment ever.

[prettyflycatguy]

i feel like tumblr is sorely missing out on toby toad, this ladies pet toad that she sets up in little dollhouse setups for the most wholesome and cute content the web has ever seen

[prettyflycatguy]

Friends. About 2-3 weeks ago I went to the gas station and came across a shelf of kinda cheap toys. The most expensive thing on there was $4.99 and it was a plush keychain shaped like a pack of ramen. At the time I did not have the money but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. When I went in the other day, the toys were gone. 😭 Today I got gas and went in for a soda and a Randy Savage Slim Jim because my meager royalties arrived, and who should be by the soda machine but RAMEN-SAN!!! I ditched the slim jim and got this lil guy, who it turns out is hard as heck to find online. So YAY FOR RAMEN-SAN!!!

[prettyflycatguy]

WOMEN ARE MY FAVORITE GUY 💥

[prettyflycatguy]

[prettyflycatguy]

This literally happened to a friend of mine. He was staying in a hostel in Mexico, and one day he was on the toilet and part of the ceiling fell in on him. He looked up and there was a cat staring down at him.

He and the other students took care of her and got her spayed. Then he smuggled her back into the US on a bus over the border bridge in a duffel bag. I guess he must've gotten a really stupid sniffer dog.

She still lives with him and is like 15 now.

[prettyflycatguy]

Your daily dose of cat memes

[prettyflycatguy]

It’s my baby boy’s first birthday!!!! He’s survived FIP, made new friends, stole milk from his siblings, and still gets bosses around by his smaller sisters. Happy birthday Corporal Chub!!