poetmusings

[poetmusings]

I’m aware I’ll never be the favorite cousin, for as long as I will live. why? my older cousins are much more successful. my younger cousin is much more cute. pecking order hates me and so do I. I hate me too.

[poetmusings]

if you ever feel lonely, you just might be. in the depths of the night when all is calm, the loneliness creeps up on you. you want it to go away, but it's hold is warm.

[poetmusings]

she's drinking again. she does it to sleep, i know. but now she's awake and doing it and actively staying up. i don't want to see what she does when she's awake. i can't stand this.

[poetmusings]

school is exhausting but you know if you tell the teachers they wouldn't care. if you tell your counselor they'd say that's just how the world is. is school meant to make you this sad? it's not about learning anymore, it's about getting good grades and trying not to feel the crushing weight of assignments.

[poetmusings]

you try so hard to not be like your parents. yet, in doing so, you become just like them. you see yourself in the mirror but you don't see you. you see your parents. the combination of the pain you've faced at their hands and the pain you've caused others. you aren't you anymore. you aren't.

thinking about the spn ending again

Because despite doing everything to not become his father Dean dies following the path John paved for him

[poetmusings]

is it selfish to want to be heard?

[poetmusings]

your always tired. always in a mood because everything is so exhausting.

but because you're always like this, your teachers don't care or notice if you're even more so than usual.

you want them to ask, care, let you have a moment of assurance that your thoughts and feelings matter. but you won't get it. because you're always in a bad mood so what else is new?

[poetmusings]

~ introduction post ! ~

hello! you can call me poet. if you are following me from my main blog then you probably know my real name but for safety reasons, even if you do know my actual name, please call me poet on this account.

here is some info about me;

i go by they/she pronouns, preferably they/them but not opposed to she/her.

some of my kins are mikan tsumiki, nagito komaeda, jane doe (ride the cyclone), madoka kaname, coraline jones, crona gorgon. hopfully a full list will be made eventually, no promises.

i am 99% sure i have anxiety and am autistic. don't baby me. but also, PLEASE use tonetags if your text might be interpreted wrong.

if you know who i am irl, you can bring up this account irl but please do not openly tell others about the account. i might actually cry at you.

if you are here to hate on any of my kins, interests, etc, leave. i wont post too much about them but i do not need that negativity.

here is some info about the account;

you are free to reblog, like, comment, etc as you please. feel free to say 'real' and such in the comments.

this account will include these things; mommy issues, school issues, life issues & overall depressing thoughts. there will NOT be anything sewerslidal or s3lf h4rm. if you send any of that stuff i will block you because i love you but i do not want to see that.

poetsmuses will be the tag i use for vents. not poet will be for things i repost that i relate to. and not vents is for things that are not vents.

[poetmusings]

your mother loves you. and you know it. in fact- she's very co-dependent on you. but when you ask her for anything, she calls you lazy.

are you lazy or are you just drained? drained of being expected to be her caretaker when your just a kid. and even if you were an adult, you wouldn't want your whole life to be watching over someone else.

you can barely take care of yourself.

[poetmusings]

when your mother wants you to get a job and learn how to drive and you understand why. but then you ask her what she would do to be a mother then, and she doesn't answer. because deep down she can't offer you love and support, she's only able to do the bare minimum. you understand where she's coming from, you do. but you wish that she could say that she'll always be there for you, even when you are able to do those things on your own.

it's not about her doing things for you. it's that once you do these things on your own, she'll stop being there for you. she can't offer you love and support because she's sick of you. you know it.