piscesline

[piscesline]

Dear the little old me

I just realized how long I had been cruel to myself, looking back and seeing all of those things that I let myself endure just for the sake of everyone else, maybe because I was so afraid to lose people or to be left behind or to be replaced easily. I have a thousand curse and I thought that people wouldn't use them against me but in the end they did; leaving me devastated and with a remembrance of trust issues and so from now on I couldn't really let my guard down anymore because the last time that I did it taught me to never again. I wasn't told that people could actually be that vicious even to the ones they claim to love and have taken the oath to never hurt, no one told me that humanity could be as cruel as that. To the little old me, I apologize on the world's behalf for putting you through the fires of hell which you didn't deserve, all you ever wish for in return of your genuine love was another sincere heart as yours yet you are given cold blooded ones that only does you harm, I want you to know that you deserve none of the things that people put you through and that if I could guard you from all those things then I will definitely do it, without hesitations, without a thought in mind. I've always dreamt of telling you how proud I am of you because no one ever does that for you, you deserve so much better in this life, you're a good person and you've been through a lot of things that just made you even stronger, there were pills that you had to swallow even though it's hard, there were lessons that you are forced to learn in order to survive, because all your life you've only been surviving instead of living and now that you are finally living little by little, I hope that you wouldn't let anyone have the power to destroy everything that you worked hard for; I hope that you'll learn to walk away the first time that you sense something that isn't right, I hope you'd walk away not only because of you but also because of me, me who fought so hard to get you where you are right now, me who fought and put myself on the line for independence without the guilt, please remember me when you think of sacrificing something because of a person. I hope that you'd make a decision not for you but for us and I trust you with every fiber of my being that you're going to choose the best for us. Remember me when you are struggling, remember our conversations, because you are loved, loved by me and with that you doesn't need any other types of love that require you to sacrifice yourself again. Real love does not require you to put yourself on the line, true love wouldn't be asking for your sanity and self respect. I hope that you will not let another person ruin us again, now that we're whole once again, please promise me one thing, just one thing, please never let them in like how I let that person in. We've learnt our lesson and this time let us know what our worth is. We are the prize, we are not just some kind of item one can acquire by lazing around, we are earned and not redeemed. You are worth pf all the good things in this world. If one couldn't then another will without a doubt will. That will be all for now. Remember that you are loved. I love you.

[piscesline]

Crocheted flowers

[Verse 1]

If the crocheted flowers you gave come alive,

Will they speak of your love?,

"My love's vocal but you're imprisoned in a sound proof room",

If the oceans are made of my sob,

will you swim in it?,

"I'll gladly drown and embrace death",

[Chorus]

The words you said traveled through my head,

we ended arguments with a face of mourning,

We're lovers in the same room but look more like strangers,

different group of friends and ways of beguiling,

and if the crocheted flowers you gave come alive,

will they speak of your love?,

they won't but I will,

I did,

you're blind folded by your desires to see,

[Verse 2]

They didn't warn me we'd get here too soon,

the voices in my head,

love and hurt reciprocated,

it's time to walk away they said,

but to walk away is to abandon our promises,

the fostered hatred killed hesitations,

[Verse 3]

three months past our love you told me,

"The doves we raised, slowly was devoured by our sins",

what is agony, if not our love?,

it's unfathomable how you treat it as a piece of cake to speak the words ,

"love only visits me when you're at my porch",

but after you walked away,

did you achieved freedom?,

[Chorus]

Was I not worth the risk of love?,

we ended arguments with a face of mourning,

A crowded room but my ears was captivated by your voice,

handcuffed,

different group of friends and ways of beguiling,

and if the crocheted flowers you gave come alive,

will they speak of your love?,

they won't but I will,

I did,

you're blind folded by your desires and sin,

[Verse 4]

I spent every last bit of my love to you,

but it didn't cure your hunger,

you're asking for more,

but I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to tell you that's all I've got,

now nothing's left for me,

but my dreams of you,

[Verse 5]

you starved me,

but said I was asking for too much,

I was exhausted after 3 months of carrying the weight of us,

we're sleeping on the same mattress but the wrinkles on your side of the bed is missing,

your hair buzzed cut,

did I heard gunshots?,

[Chorus]

My love unheard like my prayers,

ended conversations with a face of mourning,

We're once was lovers in the same room but now are strangers,

Our group of friends said its time for grieving,

and if the crocheted flowers you gave come alive,

will they speak of your lies?,

I never lied,

I've spoken every word,

but you're living in a sound proof room,

[Bridge]

When your lips painted me your love,

was that true or were you a deceiver?

When your hands graced, ventured, and draw on my body,

was the lie on it the shiver?,

Are the stolen and exchanged glances,

just a rumor that gone around?,

Will the crocheted flowers come alive

and tell me you're just asleep and sound?,

My lips were not a deceiver,

it simply died from the lack of your contact,

I'd never lie to your feather like skin,

I was just abandoned with our sins,

my hands was once blessed by a saint,

now I'm at the wake of our love, restrained,

I am wide awake,

yet dreaming of the man you'd be in cloud nine with,

[Outro]

If my blood is the medicine to your cure,

I'll gladly cut my throat for you,

"Always on my pit of death",

"never on the moment I'm still breathing",

"I wasn't worth saving",

You are,

I wasn't fit for a savior,

Date: May 3rd 2024

Author: Avalon/piscesline

Dedication:

This piece of poetry lives inside the heart of two individuals whose love discontinued by a reason only them are aware. The past lovers are having the conversation they never had. This is to the dearest friend of mine, your story of love inspired me.

[piscesline]

Immortalized she became,

by the paintings on the museum walls,

by her artifacts preserved on the halls,

her name written by the shore,

the people shall never forget,

the ethereal woman they once witnessed,

their eyes dazzled and blessed,

as she walked past them with her silhouette,

[piscesline]

I made you immortal with my words.

[piscesline]

With the songs I wrote about you, I am imprinting you to the surface of the earth, your life will leave a mark that no one could erase. I tattooed your image on the surface of my rugged paper.

[piscesline]

My name

{Verse 1}

The way I envisioned you in my mind,

the once so clear and detailed image,

now stained by your sins,

the way the light kisses the surface of your skin was so vintage,

but after I was ravaged,

you've gotten farther away from my village,

{Chorus}

I'll carve my name into your heart,

so anyone after me will have to know my name,

you'll look for pieces of me in everyone you'd meet,

I'll leave a mark into your skin,

a tattoo made by my lips,

your mind will be full of my image,

letting a stranger in,

you'll never have the courage,

never in a thousand years,

{Verse 2}

You left footprints into my lawn,

now the fog is embracing you,

you're fading into the darkest hues,

the once clear image of you,

turned blurry,

now I'm here left to worry,

{Verse 3}

That this might not be for us,

This isn't the lifetime for us,

this lifetime is where we built each other from our broken stones,

just so someone could live on us,

a tapestry of each others life,

{Chorus}

I'll carve my name into your heart,

so anyone after me will have to know my name,

you'll look for pieces of me in everyone you'd meet,

I'll leave a mark into your skin,

a tattoo made by my lips,

your mind will be full of my image,

letting a stranger in,

you'll never have the courage,

never in a thousand years,

{Verse 4}

The lights flickered,

I heard screaming,

but my mouth was shut,

a little later it stopped,

the room turned pitch black,

a beam of light entered through the door,

haven't we been here before?,

{Verse 5}

I was left to wonder,

were we building each other for another?

and to fall apart?,

are we wasting time?,

or maybe this is a crime,

fate's the officer,

we're the offenders,

{Chorus}

I'll carve my name into your heart,

so anyone after me will have to know my name,

you'll look for pieces of me in everyone you'd meet,

I'll leave a mark into your skin,

a tattoo made by my lips,

your mind will be desperate for the sound of me,

Anticipation will later kill you,

your heart will burgeon until it explode,

never in a thousand years will you find my eyes again,

{Bridge}

you slept in your soft king sized mattress,

while I suffer all alone there on our bed,

now I gotta watch you from a distance,

watch as you grow,

fulfill the dreams we once made but now all alone,

ask our friends if you ever talk about me,

wander through the places we used to live,

fill the checks on the boxes of our bucket list,

but now only with your memory,

{Verse 6}

after the war I've gone through,

I thought you're an ally of me,

but I saw you on the battle field,

sword on your calloused hands that once draw hearts on my body,

then you're infront of me ready to swing your sword,

as if we've never kissed in the storm,

{verse 7}

million cuts on my body,

wounds healed by the sea,

scars left to remind me,

You were once mine,

{Chorus}

I'll carve my name into your heart,

so anyone after me will have to know my name,

you'll look for pieces of me in everyone you'd meet,

I'll leave a mark into your skin,

a tattoo made by my lips,

your mind will be desperate for the sound of me,

anticipation shall kill you,

your heart will burgeon until it explode,

never in a thousand years will you find my voice again,

{Outro}

And now,

everyone you'd meet shall know the name of me,

you'd look for my pieces in them but I don't live on anyone,

but I'll leave you my name as a scar,

a souvenir and remembrance of what you had,

you'd be wishing on the shooting stars for another chance,

serenade me with a guitar,

but when I'm still there you were immobile,

Author: Piscesline/Avalon

Date: 5th of March, 2024

[piscesline]

Broken Bridge

{Verse 1}

I felt cold sitting on the floor,

hair swept by the breeze,

still wanna be called as his,

I watched from a distance,

the remains of the bridge we once crossed paths on,

now I'm on my porch dreaming of the good times,

when you were still mine,

{Chorus}

Can we still fix this more?,

put cement on the floor,

bricks slowly turning into ashes,

cracks evident on the pavements,

is the bridge broken?,

will it crumble any minute and fall into the mad river?,

will we be on the opposite sides?,

I don't know how to swim,

do you?,

{Verse 2}

My hands,

they used to be so warm,

till the winter came,

you walked away,

now I'm missing your arms,

like our broken fate,

{Verse 3}

I was never supposed to cross the other side,

yet you pushed me here,

you made cracks on our bridge,

without even knowing it,

I did my best,

I bought some bricks,

hoping I could fix it again,

{Chorus}

We can't fix this anymore,

putting concretes on the floor,

bricks turning into ashes,

evident cracks on the pavements,

the bridge is broken,

it crumbles as it hits the flowing mad river,

was swept by the current,

now we're on the opposite sides,

I couldn't swim with a broken leg,

now its up to you I said,

"would you walk away?",

"would you make me stay?",

{Bridge}

This turned into a broken Bridge,

we're on the opposite sides,

wishing we could cross the line,

but the river is cold,

the water mad as it flows,

I couldn't stay here anymore,

I know, you know, we both know,

Your voice hid beneath the flowing stream,

I couldn't comprehend a thing that you're speaking,

You could've done something before the bridge crumbled,

but you believed it was fine,

yet look at us now,

{Verse 4}

Day and day passed,

seems like seconds in your arms,

the cracks grew bigger,

the river grew wider,

our bridge couldn't adopt to this drastic change,

{Chorus}

We can't fix this anymore,

putting concretes on the floor,

bricks turning into ashes,

evident cracks on the pavements,

the bridge is broken,

it crumbles as it hits the flowing mad river,

was swept by the current,

now we're on the opposite sides,

I couldn't swim with a broken leg,

now its up to you I said,

"would you walk away?",

"would you make me stay?",

{Verse 5}

I've told you the bridge will fall,

but you put cottons up your ears,

assumed I'm just ruining things,

Blame you for the cracks,

{Bridge}

This turned into a broken Bridge,

we're on the opposite sides,

wishing we could cross the line,

but the river is cold,

the water mad as it flows,

I couldn't stay here anymore,

I know, you know, we both know,

You're voice hid beneath the flowing stream,

I couldn't comprehend a thing that you're speaking,

You could've done something before the bridge crumbled,

{Verse 6}

I was alone fixing our bridge,

its crazy to think that you'd help me,

after you fixed yourself,

my hands covered with cement,

Craving to touch your face,

but I don't wanna ruin it,

{Chorus}

We can't fix this anymore,

putting concretes on the floor,

bricks turning into ashes,

evident cracks on the pavements,

the bridge is broken,

it crumbles as it hits the flowing mad river,

was swept by the current,

now we're on the opposite sides,

I couldn't swim with a broken leg,

now its up to you I said,

"would you walk away?",

"would you make me stay?",

{Verse 7}

We are together building this,

every brick, every concrete,

we mold them into this,

the foundation we put our blood on,

they were supposed to be unbreakable,

yet look at us now,

demolished and crumbled,

left with only a wish,

witness the bridge from the day it was built,

{Chorus}

We couldn't fix our bridge,

put concrete and cement on every edge,

the vain of your words,

the shame on my face,

nothing beats our broken bridge,

{Outro}

The once flowers hugging our bridge turned into molds,

It travels through the foundation,

embracing it like it was its own,

I've long forgotten about our home,

Now she's sitting on the cobblestone,

Author: Piscesline/Avalon

Date: 28th of February, 2024

[piscesline]

Swept by the wind

{Verse 1}

I am a green paint on a can,

painting the sky with cyan,

then you came and it turned turquoise,

a perfect color a perfect couple,

now I'm looking at it yet hearing noise,

a loud pitch black darkness on the canvas,

{verse 2}

I can't see past my furry,

beyond everything we've been through,

I only see someone who brought terror to the dinning table,

tears in my eyes,

pain in the heart of a genuine love,

{chorus}

lips craving to grace the every surface of your golden skin,

to teeth and throat thirsty and yearning for your blood,

a series of untamed love,

turned into a river making sob,

from comparing you with the dawn,

to burying you in my lawn,

fondness and adoration to rage and fury,

love letters I wrote you on the shore,

to the death threats I sent at your back door,

where did the times go?

after the memories was trimmed,

were we swept by the wind?,

{Verse 3}

Have you noticed the change in my tone?,

once was talking so gingerly,

accompanied with streaming tears with trembling in fear,

transitioned into a no hint of remorse animal,

every word spoken cuts deeper than your sharpest knives,

can you see me as yourself now?,

{Verse 4}

Tell me how do I run when I've got this metal ball chained on my foot,

memories too heavy to carry yet too light to to let go,

Love I was imprinted on,

a tattoo made to last forever,

now I'm begging all the gods to erase it,

{Chorus Version 2}

Shatter me a million more,

curse my name opposite to your swore,

break your solemn promise of love,

I'd take a little more stab,

till I ran out of blood,

still wondering why were we here?,

once in the midst of eternal love,

now in the middle of my midas touch,

where did the times go?,

after the love I hid,

were we swept by the wind?,

{Verse 5}

you turned a blind eye into my bleeding wounds,

I sleep beside you every night,

we're not neighbors but you keep the curtains closed,

Im here next to you not at the next door,

there's no point for the blinds,

I've already heard about your clandestine

crimes,

{Verse 6}

I'll let you put scars on me a million more,

endure things that'll make me sore,

put my heart on the line,

a million little more times,

{Bridge}

And if you had known how much I yearn to scream and shout at your face,

words that only a criminal could say,

be as remorseless animal as you,

hurt your frame and be free of the shame,

break things and break down while begging to you,

to just say something I'd get pleasure and clue,

like they did in the movies,

You'd definitely thought I was insane,

thereby I am evil leaving your favorite shirt a stain,

after getting trimmed by the sin,

were we swept by the wind?,

Author: Piscesline/Avalon

Date: 16th of April, 2024

[piscesline]

Rehab

{Verse 1}

When you look in the mirror I wonder who you see,

her or me?,

her who took the knives from you,

endured everything for the hope of one day you'd change,

{Verse 2}

or do you see me?

the one she turned out to be,

I've waited for ages but I was drained for pages,

now you hate me for being insane,

but have you seen how I took that pain?,

{Chorus}

I became a rehab, your rehab,

hanging fire for your change,

tattooed me with your blood, wound, and scars,

nothing kills me more than the months that felt like years,

I'm turning you into better slowly,

but its killing me gradually,

the crime of loving you till it kills me,

turned me into a prisoner of you,

chains made out of my own love,

the forever longing for your change,

turned this love into an endless rage,

{Verse 2}

You're looking at me with the eyes only her could see,

I am a stranger to you,

yet we're sharing beds,

you're throwing knives yet expecting breads,

ignoring the bloods that I shred,

{Verse 3}

I'm a moth attracted to your flame,

I got too close, I was burnt, I love the pain,

even after turning into ashes I was asking for more,

{Chorus}

I became a rehab, your rehab,

hanging fire for your change,

tattooed me with your blood, wound, and scars,

nothing kills me more than the months that felt like years,

I'm turning you into better slowly,

but its killing me gradually,

the crime of loving you till it kills me,

turned me into a prisoner of you,

chains made out of my own love,

the forever longing for your change,

turned this love into an endless rage,

{Verse 4}

I am your shadow,

so why are you scared and furious of me?,

I am your mirror,

don't you like what you see?,

I am the sea showing the reflection of you,

soft enough to save you,

deep enough to cleanse you,

I could drown you but I was the one killed,

{Bridge}

I was lost while wandering in your soul,

tripped over a thousand times,

thorns on the road instead of stones,

you gave me sword for the war,

never an armor,

when I came back after being your savior,

knocked on your door but you can't recognize me anymore,

you're looking for the girl you sent off to the war,

she became a rehab,

she took a thousand stabs,

you put bandage,

nothing will undo the damage,

now you've lost her, I lost her,

She's gone, she's forever gone,

{Verse 5}

Honey, now you're asking me as if I was a stranger to you,

"where did she go?",

"is she here or no?",

you thought the war was for the show,

you lost her here yet you're looking for somewhere else,

too blind to see her footsteps,

tracing back on me,

{Chorus}

I became a rehab, your rehab,

hanging fire for your change,

tattooed me with your blood, wound, and scars,

nothing kills me more than the months that felt like years,

I'm turning you into better slowly,

but its killing me gradually,

the crime of loving you till it kills me,

turned me into a prisoner of you,

chains made out of my own love,

the forever longing for your change,

turned this love into an endless rage,

{Verse 6}

Do you really think that I wanted to lose her?,

way too damaged to embrace you the way I did,

when will you realize?,

I am your worst fear than dynamite,

couldn't see her anymore in my eyes?,

{Bridge Version 2}

I grew tired of dancing with you in this storm,

we've got different rhythms and steps,

back hurting, feet aching, body dying,

yet you couldn't notice,

you're way too deep into the music,

eyes closed, dancing with my lifeless frame and body,

you're scared of the man in the mirror,

{Chorus}

I became a rehab, your once loved,

hanging fire for your crime,

tattooed me with your blood, wound, and name,

nothing kills me more than the days that felt like years,

I'm turning you into the man I dreamt,

but its killing me gradually,

the crime of loving you till it kills me,

turned me into a prisoner of your youth,

chains made out of our love,

the forever longing for your change,

turned this anticipation into an endless shame,

{Verse 8}

I closed my eyes,

kept everything inside,

while the wind kisses my face,

like you'll never did,

{Outro}

She's forever gone,

Shes forever gone,

forever gone,

Author: Piscesline/Avalon

Date: 19th of march, 2024

[piscesline]

ROUTINE

{Verse 1}

What they said was true,

promises are just words in the end,

but they're also words that keeps me awake at night,

wishing you could've made me stay after that fight,

not just let me cry till you crossed the line,

wishing god to stop my heart for a moment,

Maybe then for a second the pain will go,

for a second I won't love you, no,

{Chorus}

This love became a routine,

this connection became a burden,

I'm carrying twice my weight,

I woke up and kissed your face,

like I was made for it,

I spoke just to make a conversation,

Every word doesn't hold a meaning anymore,

now I'm here crying on my bedroom floor,

wishing you'd do something more,

{Verse 2}

I learnt to love you with blood on your hands,

my blood,

I let the beast knocking on my door in,

like it was his right,

fed him with my bare hands,

turning a blind eye on his fangs,

{Verse 3}

I don't wanna teach you how to love me,

I want you to find it out yourself,

I don't wanna be a book on the shelf,

waiting for my turn to be read,

Even though little that I know it'll never come,

{Chorus}

This love became a routine,

this connection became a burden,

I'm carrying twice my weight,

I woke up and kissed your face,

like I was made for it,

I spoke just to make a conversation,

every word doesn't hold a meaning anymore,

now I'm here crying on my bedroom floor,

wishing you'd do something more,

{Verse 4}

I miss the flowers you'd give me after you got back from our garden,

I miss the random little gifts that I'll see waking up in the morning,

I miss the love letters you wrote for me,

where did they go?

were they devoured by the cold?

{Bridge}

you're full of words but never action,

I'm full of wounds but once was your kisses,

the love that once was promised,

became a routine for fancies,

the love that started conversations,

Is the love that fostered rusts on hearts,

eyes filled with anticipation,

the coffee left on the counter,

got cold like the weather,

the wall between us reversed after years of removing every brick,

lying on my tomb getting sick,

{Verse 5}

I've been picking up pebbles,

just waiting for you,

hoping that you'd notice,

so I didn't have to say,

that baby this isn't a game you could play,

there's no respawn,

don't know what are the cons,

don't talk to me on that tone,

{Verse 6}

You said you knew me all too well yet you told me on that fight 'how was I supposed to read your mind? ',

you don't have to,

it's in my eyes,

{Chorus}

This love became a routine,

this connection became a burden,

I'm carrying twice my weight,

I woke up and kissed your face,

like I was made for it,

I spoke just to make a conversation,

every word doesn't hold a meaning anymore,

now I'm here crying on my bedroom floor,

wishing you'd do something more,

{Verse 7}

And you said "we're always like this, fighting and cursing each others name",

in your head I'm tryna' blame you but in mine I'm tryna' tell you how this feels,

{Verse 8}

piercing each others heart with knives,

but why are your's sword this time?,

the pain for asking for the better,

eats the soul gradually,

{chorus}

This love became a routine,

this connection became a burden,

I'm carrying twice my weight,

I woke up and kissed your face,

like I was made for it,

I spoke just to make a conversation,

every word doesn't hold a meaning anymore,

now I'm here crying on my bedroom floor,

wishing you'd do something more,

{Bridge ver2}

I'm stuck here at the library,

looking for books that could help me,

make you realize that you're loosing me,

without a word escaping my lips,

I'm crumbling,

help me pick my pieces up,

that you shattered without noticing,

cause you were past asleep,

when you kicked me by your feet,

I was a glass of champagne that you left on the aisle table,

{Verse 9}

The candle that we struck,

keeping the fire even with our nails,

we knew its about to die,

slow melting hurts the eyes,

{Outro}

nothing could make me go,

unless you open the door,

Author: piscesline/Avalon

Date: 25th of February, 2024

[piscesline]

All i wanna do is sit here with you, talk for hours while the sunset kisses the surface of our golden skin then ill be wishing that we'll forever be sixteen.

[piscesline]

I wanna kiss you in secrecy, like its our last, and taste the bloody sweet flavor of your lips on mine.

[piscesline]

I hope you'd never lie

[piscesline]

The time you lied about her, was the time you lose a part of me.

[piscesline]

I may not admit it to you but, i am scared about the future. I am afraid of the possibility of you finding someone better, someone who could truly and deeply understand you and provide you things that i couldn't. I am afraid of the thought of you being owned and loved by someone other than me. I am terrified of you walking away and leaving me here, alone with the promises we made.

[piscesline]

Start of a new season

I think that i just found the safest place for me here on earth. After years of keeping these thoughts to myself, i think that now i could finally share it with the world, even though i know that not many people could definitely see this or be aware that these blogs exist, but still its so good having a place where i could share the catastrophic events of my life. without any certainty that one could read this id still keep going.