phaymos

[phaymos]

4th of July

I'll be 10 months post op. Which feels FUCKIN WILD and also totally normal to say. I'll try to make some kind of update then

[phaymos]

Mylo is here and sorry as ever.

I haven't abandoned this blog, I still think about it all the time and feel guilty af for not updating as much as I had planned but y'all if I could put the last 9 months into words, you would all implode reading it.

I haven't done any more of the binder giveaways that I wanted/meant to because quite frankly I don't know where they are. I had like 4-5 unused binders I had no use for but I moved about 4 times in the span of a summer and I have no idea where half the things I own are. And I've felt like shit about it all this time. I know half of you probably only started following me for binder giveaways and I totally understand and feel like I let people down. But I don't even know where my own head has been half the time. I don't know if anyone is ever still here, still reading, still cares.

Too many things to count have happened to me in the last year and if anyone cares to hear or talk about it, my messages are always open. I'll try to post more updates because I do have plenty to say, plenty of advice to give, I have jury felt so shitty, guilty, stressed, depressed, and at my wits end to do anything about it.

Sorry I haven't been around but I am here

[phaymos]

How did Care Credit work for you with top surgery? Did you get surgery and then pay them back?

Well! Here's how it should have worked: Payment for my surgery was due 10 days beforehand. I drove to my surgeons office 10 days before my surgery (It should be noted that when you use CareCredit, you APPARENTLY need to go in person) and paid the bill. CareCredit is literally a credit card for medical usage so when you sign up and get approved, you get a credit card from them in the mail in idk 7-10 business days with however much you were approved for on it. So I went in, they said hey that'll be $7,248 (my credit limit was $7,300) And swiped my card. card. They ask what payment plan you would like, and show you a pamphlet with all the options. I don't remember exactly but it was along the lines of like.. $300 a month for 3 years, $180 a month for 6 years, etc etc. There are a few different options and they'll go through them with you, but you can also check it out on care credits website. Personally I picked $178 for 72 months, I'm pretty sure. At that point I would get a bill every month for that set amount of $178 and I could either pay online or on their app.

[phaymos]

I LOOK LIKE THIS now !!!

[phaymos]

Also today is day 100 post op!!!

[phaymos]

92 days post op

I experience no pain, except some occasional quick shooting pains in my nipples and incisions which I can only chalk up to being nerves reconnecting.

But yesterday a little kid punched me in my chest and grabbed almost my nipple and I felt like I was Going 2 Die™

[phaymos]

I think this information might be somewhere else on your blog, but also idk if afterwords the answer would have changed but, how much did the medical/doctor costs of your top surgery amount to? (No stress on an exact amount, an approximation would be great!)

Hey! So altogether it was, $5,000 for the surgery group, $1,355 for the facility fee, and $893 for the anaesthesia fee. That came out to a total of $7,248

[phaymos]

Guess what today is!!

11 weeks post op, y'all. I started writing this post at 8 weeks though and got.. Very sidetracked so bare with me. Everything still feels pretty much the same as it did at 8 weeks, with some minor changes that I’ll note.

Pain- it’s pretty much not a thing anymore. I mean… Maybe 5%. I can kind of not reach my arms above my head still. It’s weird, sometimes it feels totally fine and easy, and sometimes it feels like my body is being ripped in half. So I just kind of reach really slowly and carefully if I need to and avoid stretching all the way if I can. I can sleep on my side or on my tummy completely now. Every once in a while I just need to adjust a little bit, but it feels pretty natural. There are a few spots near the center and ends of my chest that still feel kind of sore to the touch and swollen. So beyond ready for that to be over 😒

Nipples- are pretty much 100% pink, healthy and super great. My left nipple has this weird spot in the middle that is white and dry and BOTHERING ME TO NO END. From what I’ve read, this is kind of normal and I can just keep it hydrated by putting some vaseline on it. But if anyone has any other suggestions, please share. I feel like something is gonna get caught on it and rip my nipple off or I’m gonna pick at it or something equally terrible and it’s just the worst thing about it all at this point.

***TODAY at exactly 11 weeks, that dry spot finally went away 😄😄😄 I can’t really say if it fell off or went away because I was putting aquaphor on it everyday but. It’s gone!! My left nipple is totally and 100% pink and so so soft. I’m very proud of it 😂. My right nipple has a small really small dry spot like the other one but.. I’m not as worried about it at all.

Sensation- some sensation in my actual chest has definitely returned. That being said, the area near my scars and most of the area in my chest towards my armpits is still pretty numb. Sometimes my girlfriend touches my nipples and I don’t have a fuckin clue, I really just don’t feel it at all. If I touch it I can kinda feel it, but I’m thinking that’s a trick because I’m looking at it so my brain is saying hey something is touching you, you can feel that! I can’t lmao, I can’t feel my nipples but I have faith in them. They’ve come so far 🙌

Scars- I haven’t done much in the way of scar treatment. The scar strips I bought weren’t long enough, so I had to cut them up so they would fit the entire length of my scars which was a pain in the ass. Then I was suppose to be able to wash and reuse them, but they wouldn’t stick back on 😑 I also have some bio oil though, which I have used all of one time. Personally, I think my scars are still pretty thing regardless. I would like to use some scar treatment more because they’re really red right now, but they don’t seem too stretched at least.

***At 11 weeks now, I still,have done anything for scar treatment BUT! I have noticed my scars aren’t as red, and in a few spots it seems like they’re much lighter than everywhere else. I do wanna try some treatment and see if it helps but.. I think I scar pretty well and everything is at least flat scar-wise so again, not too worried.

Appearance- like I just said, my scars are pretty red which is the best but also doesn’t bother me much. It’s still only 8 weeks so I know there’s a long way to go. I have other scars that I never took care of whatsoever that are now 100% white. Also like I said, I still have some spots that are pretty swollen. At least that’s what I hope and that’s what they feel like. I don’t feel totally great about that but, hoping it’ll keep going down over time. I guess it’s kind of a good thing. I’d rather have a little bit of puffiness than looking concaved.

Overall I feel fucking amazing. I haven’t gone anywhere shirtless yet because I haven’t had any reason to lol, idk if I would feel okay with it right now cause of the rest of my body. But even just being out in public in a shirt feels amazing. I wore a white shirt the other day. It had a little bit of graphic print on it but otherwise. A white shirt???? I haven’t worn one in years cause it felt so ugly. I can wear almost anything and I feel 👍👍👍 I can run now and jump and the freedom feels SO unreal.

[phaymos]

Have a collection of me and my newly found nip slips and healing chest because I’m shit at updating and worse at communicating 👉

45 days post op 🙌🙌

[phaymos]

Day 31 post op (today is Sept 7, day 34 but the picture is from a few days ago) Gotta admit, I'm not feeling very photogenic lately! Hence the 3 day old picture.. Which I also don't feel GREAT about. I'm feeling kind of pudgy, not a bad thing of course, but not something I feel good about on myself. Also the lighting isn't great. Whatever. My point here is, if you're getting top surgery, it will probably be an amazing and possibly life changing experience for you, but don't expect it to be the be all end all in fixing everything. I feel amazing about my chest. There are no boobs there, and I feel great in shirts I never liked myself in before. Regardless of a little swelling, I am as flat as I could wish for and really it looks and feel exactly, if not better, than I hoped for. But sometimes I still don't feel good about myself! So it's okay! It happens! Doesn't mean top surgery was a waste of your time at all. But here's my new chest! A little over 1 month post op 😁

[phaymos]

Day 31 post op

This past weekend was 1 month post op, I should say some stuff!

So, hm let's start with my terrifying nipples.. They're not terrifying anymore! They're pink! My right one was already pretty much 100% pink about a week ago, but my left nipple is like 98% pink now too which is super cool. They're mostly looking like real nipples, and not like bloody, scabby, creatures of Satan. As far as sensation goes, I can kind of feel them?? They were so so so very hypersensitive, and still kind of are but less so. Everything on Earth hurt them and felt like they were being ripped off. A mild gust of wind. A butterfly kiss. I mean honestly I felt like someone was sharpening a pencil inside of my nipple all day. Now it's only every so often. But anyway, I think when I touch them I can actually feel them a tiny bit? Still too soon to tell, but we'll see. I guess I should still be putting Vaseline on them daily, but really even when I don't, they don't dry out and they're super soft.

I can't totally put on normal shirts at this point. There's a little bit of discomfort when getting it over my head, but if I put it on the right way, I can mostly avoid that. On the subject, my range of motion is still not 100%. I mean I can pretty much move around freely and do almost everything, but I can't reach above my head.. Which is a little weird because about a week ago I did it a few times and felt totally fine. I can still do it now, but it feels like my body is being ripped in half so.. Let's wait on that a while longer. Luckily my girlfriend doesn't mind grabbing things for me me things on high shelves 😬

My incisions are 99% scab free, which is awesome because they're also starting to look kind of dark pinkish and I'd really like to start using some of the scar stuff I bought for them. Not that I mind having scars, I mean if they never 100% disappear I'm sure I'll be fine, but it would be great if they didn't look red and angry forever yanno.

OH. JESUS CHRIST. The weirdest thing is happening to me by the way. I don't know if it's even surgery related, but honestly it must be, I haven't done anything else out of the ordinary?? Right around the end of my left incision, near my armpit, it feels like there's...... String??? Running vertically down my ribs. We thought maybe it was some stitches that moved around? But first of all, it's going straight down, like a completely straight line. Second of all, it's like... Easily 4 inches worth of "string". Plus I went to a walk in clinic where they were able to do some xrays, and they said everything looks normal (not that I totally and completely trust them). But the next step is to contact my surgeon and ask if he knows what might be up. There's no sign of infection or anything at all and it doesn't hurt when I touch it. Though it hurts when I stretch that side of my body. It's so weird. I touch my ribs with my fingers and I can just feel this thin wormlike thing on the inside of my body. Uhh.... Anybody???? Know what this is??

There's still some soreness in parts of my chest, only if it's touched. And there are still some spots that are clearly swollen or have some fluid left in them or something. Incision lines still look a liiiiiittle wrinkly too, but that goes away more everyday.

I think that's about it. All in all, still VERY satisfied with how I look. I wish the swelling would go down, but other than that I'm happy af. I got dressed in front of my open window last night and didn't feel like I needed to cover up (though I did forget for a moment). OH and speaking of, ever since I've been able to actually touch my chest, I keep forgetting I don't have boobs lmao. Like other night, I went to grab one for some reason and was just like.... 😮😮😮. Wild. It's like something's missing but not in a bad way yanno. Like being poor for a long time then all of a sudden having money and forgetting you don't have to eat ramen every night anymore. I'm feelin' it. And now that it's getting colder (kind of) I can wear long sleeve shirts... I didn't get to do that all last fall/winter. I felt so uncomfortable. I just wore a t-shirt and a hoodie everyday. Like 90% of my clothes haven't been utilized and I'm looking forward to actually wearing my clothes that I like.

Okay. I think that's all. Sorry I haven't updated in so long, I really can't even explain how hectic things have been. We moved, like 3 times basically from house to house to house to house and spent the entire weekend shopping for house stuff, setting things up, cleaning, packing, moving blah blah blah. But now I'm in my new apartment, almost totally moved in, right up the street from my girlfriend, just like we wanted. Feels real good 👌

Uh, if I missed anything or anyone has specific questions feel free to ask!

[phaymos]

Parts of my incisions, (especially at the ends, near my armpits) feel hard when I touch/press lightly on them.. is that normal? Also when does that go away? I'm nearly 3 weeks post op, for reference.

[phaymos]

Day 19 post op

Yesterday and Monday absolutely kicked my ass.. Or, my chest. I did a total of about 12 hours of driving between the two days, 14 hours of taking care of infant twins, apartment hunting, and a visit to my mom. Honestly, stab me. I took some Tylenol, so it probably wasn’t as painful as it could’ve been. The worst part was my seatbelt and babies endlessly rubbing against my nipples. Holy shit. I’m surprised they’re still attached tbh. The lifting wasn’t even that bad, that’s getting easier every day. My my nipples, and a good portion of the middle of my chest are VERY hypersensitive, so everything that rubs against it pretty much feels like sandpaper. But. I’m okay and now I have 5 more days to just relax and keep healing before I have to get back to working full time 👍 In other good news, when I went to see my mom, we visited with some of her friends. She apparently told them I had surgery, which I figured she wasn’t going to because they would act really weird about it and think I was stupid or something idk. Not that it would’ve mattered, their opinion of what I do with my body doesn’t really affect me. But they weren’t weird about it at all. They were actually.. Really happy for me and supportive about it. They just kept saying how awesome it was that I was able to do this for myself and how good it was gonna be for me. My moms best friend said she could already tell a difference in me, like I looked happier and more like myself. Everyone in my life is accepting and happy for me having surgery, I am so 🙌🙌🙌 it's nowhere near what I expected.. But it's so nice. I can stand up straight and feel good about it.

[phaymos]

Do you know of it's okay to still wear a binder/chest compressor at this point after DI top surgery? Like basically past the first week when they take it off/third and fourth weeks and on?

I've heard people say they wore theirs for up to 4 weeks, and even more. I think the general consensus is that more compression was better than less because it helped with healing and made things more comfortable/less sore. HOWEVER, ask your surgeon about this. They may have different instructions, and they would know best.

[phaymos]

That's a 7 Thousand Dollar Nip Slip™ 👌

[phaymos]

Day 17 post op!

Lighting isn’t great, but here ya go. First picture is my chest of course, second is my left nipple, third is my right nipple.

I thought the right nip was gonna be my problem nip from the start cause it was bloody and looked.. Not totally attached? But it was the first one to turn pink and first to be scab free so. Sweet 👍

If anyone could tell me when my chest will stop being so lumpy and swollen and my incisions will stop being so scabby and wrinkly, that would be super.

[phaymos]

Day 16 post op night edition

Uh yeah also I have to work tomorrow and the next day lmao. I wasn’t suppose to go back to work until the first week of September. I’m a nanny, and I typically work with infants and toddlers so obviously there’s a lot of lifting and energy required. But I got a new job since I’m moving out of state at the end of the month, and they want to do a couple days of a trial run sort of thing before I start “officially” on the 28th.

So, that’s nerve wracking. Because I feel a lot better but I also know I’m nowhere near 100%, and I’m barely past 2 weeks post op. But what choice do I really have, I need a job ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and I didn’t tell them I was having surgery because I’m not required to and I was worried they would give the job to someone else, thinking I wouldn’t be able to recover in time or something. I know I can do it. The kids are preemie twin infants so they’re tiny. They won’t be in danger or anything, I’m just gonna feel like a sack of shit at the end of the day.

Oh. Also I haven’t moved yet, which means driving. I’ve driven a little bit. And I mean a very little bit. Technically I was cleared to drive once my drains were out/once I felt I could move my arms enough to drive safely. I can drive, it just feels like shit. And going to this job means 2 hours of driving each way. Plus 7 hours of working with 6 month old twins. Two days in a row.

So like… I’ll let y'all know how much I wanna die after all this.