peaceandloveontheplan3tearth

[peaceandloveontheplan3tearth]

sometimes ur hit in the head w/ a shitty memory so u gotta stop everything ur doing to squeeze ur eyes shut and force that shit back into its box like damn now is Not The Time

[peaceandloveontheplan3tearth]

I haven't been keeping up with my online journal. I need to get back on top of that, mostly because it did help me remember everything that happened in the day. Maybe tomorrow, not at work like I had been, but before I go to bed. Today, however, I just appreciate how much a healthier, heartier breakfast can help my mood. Really gotta sit down with the roommate and clear out our fridge and deep clean the kitchen so I want to actually be in there. I want to buy my own wax melter. I want a new dresser and new shelves. But right now, I'll work with what I have.

[peaceandloveontheplan3tearth]

8/25/2017, 10:06PM

Boy, I have not been on top of it lately. I've had a rough few days, which have started making me drop a bunch of my good habits. Damn period, I really have to find a way to get this under control for the future so I don't have to worry about falling apart come the end of my cycle. However, it's been looking up. Both my roommate and my best friend have jobs now. My roommate even found a sugar daddy, so heck yeah extra money. Work, however, has been stressful. The students moved back in so we were booked up the past few days, and even worse was the fact that I had to call off yesterday due to period cramps. Thing is, I only left my bed once that day and was either crying or sleeping. Another reason I need to get this under control. Today went better. I woke up around 9:00AM, and washed my face around 10:00AM. Played Fallout New Vegas most of the day, but also did some vacation planning with my friends. When I got to work, my favorite coworker had bought me my favorite Starbucks drink. I don't remember what time I clocked in, but it was before 3:00PM. Most of the day, I was cleaning or doing busy work to look like we weren't just sitting there, which was ridiculous. I'm still bleeding over here, we both are. I don't think I'm up to writing much more at the moment. I'm feeling like my willingness to be patient is dwindling by the day here. Maybe this vacation will help.

[peaceandloveontheplan3tearth]

8/19/2027, 9:29PM

I suppose it can't all be good days. I don't know what it is about today, it started fine. Got up at 9:00AM again, had breakfast around 9:30AM. I decided to skip my shower, which may have been my set off point. I don't know. Anyway, I had to drive my best friend to her interview at 11:00AM, which went well. After that, I had to drive my roommate all over town, which is starting to wear on me. Before we left, she acted like a teenager rolling their eyes at their mother when I suggested she get proper work pants for her new job. It only got worse from there, I tried to stay positive, but I had wanted to get some things done pertaining to our vacation and keeping my room tidy. I'll admit, I was fairly snippy. But my roommate acts like a child sometimes, and I've gotten to the point where I can't stand it anymore. Anyway, we got back around 1:45PM, and I had to both get ready for work and drop off my laptop with my best friend. Called work saying I'd be late, and she and I talked about my roommate. While I did see her point on things, I feel like my frustrations aren't being respected. I'm incredibly tired of my roommate thinking she can get whatever she wants just by asking or guilt tripping me, which no one, me included, wants to admit that she does. Didn't get to work until 3:15PM. It's been hell, playing musical rooms with the guests, and certain people complaining about the most mundane things to get a discount. I didn't get to finish my opening duties all the way until maybe 8:00PM. Once my manager and the owners left, I finally found the time to write this up. I don't want to go home tonight. But I guess I'll note how it goes tomorrow. I just feel pointlessly frustrated, and in my logical brain I know there's no reason for it. I suppose we can chalk it up to mental health issues, but that feels like I'm just shoving the blame for not feeling bad away from me. Ugh.

[peaceandloveontheplan3tearth]

8/18(19)/2017, 12:48AM

Again, almost forgot about this today due to work not wanting me sitting still like... at all. So very late night update before I forget. I woke up at my alarm, 9:15AM. I was still feeling tired so I got up, stretched, ate a very small breakfast of some yogurt, then went back to my room for a while longer. Didn't get to my shower til maybe 10:25AM, and I took some extra time after to do my face routine. (Side note, autocorrect is saving my life right now. I know I'm not spelling half this shit right at the moment, I'm dead tired.) Finished around 10:45AM, and took my roommate to her appointment at 11:00AM. Me, being the genius I am, forgot my phone, so I went home until she was done at 11:30AM. Once I got her, made my meal for work, and gathered my things, I then dropped her off at her new place of work so she could be put in the system and get a uniform. After that, I went to my best friend's house around 12:00PM. We had leftover pulled pork sandwiches, cherries, and I ate probably too many chips. Ah well, once wouldn't hurt me. I just can't get back in the habit of eating nothing but junk food. We watched Cinema Sins for a good hour before I left for work around 2:51PM. Work was uneventful. I should say, so many things happened that they all blurred together but nothing really stood out besides my bosses wanting me to "look busy". I think that's pointless, everything was already done when I arrived minus some sweeping, and I think customers prefer if someone is at the desk when they walk in. I certainly do. You see the uncertainty on their face when they first arrive, and someone there to immediately help them does wonders when feeling like that. Had the same lunch as yesterday, plus a granola bar. I forgot we had them, honestly. Left at 11:03PM. Went to my best friend's for a while and we talked about body hair. Stayed later than I should have, got home around 12:15AM. Brushed my teeth, flossed, got myself water, now here I am. What made me remember to write this was that I was thinking I should write down what I want to look up/start making time to do tomorrow. I want to make an avocado spread for my sandwiches. My roommate helped my make myself a smoothie and it was delicious. I want to look up how to do more. I also want to look more into options for a not-business-minded person to maybe find a partner to start a business. I can hardly keep my eyes open.

[peaceandloveontheplan3tearth]

8/17/2017, 10:25PM

So it's that time again. I almost forgot that I had this started up. It's been a fairly eventful day, and I already am starting to feel better about myself and my life. I think I want a new shampoo and conditioner, though. While the tea tree oil is helping my dry scalp, it makes my hair... I dunno. It has a not-so-pleasant feel to it. I woke up earlier than I planned, which was good, around 9:00AM or so. Milled around my room for I think thirty minutes? Caught up with my notifications. Had breakfast around 9:45AM? I don't quite recall the time, but I know I had yogurt and a bagel with cream cheese. Better than just cereal, I suppose. Started my shower around 10:00AM, got out about 10:15AM, and found a text and a voicemail from work asking me to come in an hour and a half early. I was a little annoyed, since I had a fairly set plan for the day, but money is money and I agreed. Called my best friend to ask if she still planned on accompanying us, only to find out she was sick. Poor thing apparently had stomach issues the night before, and was still feeling the affects. No matter, I worked out for about 10 minutes today, a little after 11:00AM. Around then, we made the plan to go to CVS (I'm starting to care a lot more about my skin health and wanted to get started on fixing it), then the Dollar Tree for some freezer containers. We're planning on making smoothies for our breakfasts. We swang by my best friend's place to drop off my laptop. We all discussed my roommate starting her new job, and all the benefits to it. I'm still skeptical, but if they're asking for her SS, then I'm fairly certain she's hired. Just hope she gets the hours she needs to stay on top of rent and utilities. We then headed off to Aldi's to buy groceries, got there around 12:20, and spent only about 18 minutes gathering everything we needed. The drive home was... fine at first. We thought we would get home with time to spare for me to try out my new makeup and cleanser things, but alas, we were stuck on the road home by construction for at least an extra ten minutes. (Maybe I'm overexaggerating? I couldn't see where the line of cars behind us ended, though.) I only had enough time to start my cleansing process, ask my roommate to make me lunch/dinner, and run. Made it to work at EXACTLY 1:30PM. Said meal the roommate made for me was really good. We picked up some dried apricots and mini muffins, and my sandwich was turkey, swiss, mayo and spinach on wheat bread. We got some avocados, but they weren't ripe enough to use. Hopefully one of them will be tomorrow, love me some fr e sha vaca do..... My manager looked surprised that I had the sandwich, asked where I got it. Like. Yes, I pulled a sandwich out of the void. I'm magic like that. I've been drinking a ton more water, which is good! I hardly drank any before. I'm feeling antsy though, maybe it's the eclipse. My best friend wants to drive over to watch it on Monday. Dunno if I can afford it, but I can try. I hope I can keep this want to do better up. I know I'm bad at this sort of thing, but I'm gonna really try.

[peaceandloveontheplan3tearth]

8/16/2017, 10:07PM, Feeling Kind Of Gross

My name is Cynthia. I usually go by Theia.

I’ve been reading a lot of self care things, and almost all of them suggested starting a journal. So that’s what I aim to do with this blog. I would start a handwritten one, but my handwriting is so god awful that I’ve never been able to keep one up for very long.

See I’ve already written a lot of this up but the app crashed so uh guess I have to remember what all I wrote. What’s funny is that so many of those guides said to disconnect, to turn off your phone and not look at any notifications. Problem is, I don’t think I’d be able to do that. The internet has always been a huge part of my life, even before I was ever on it full time like I am now. I maybe that’s an issue I’ll have to deal with later in life, but now it just feels very holier-than-thou to say you shouldn’t look at it all when you’re trying to take care of yourself. Sure, it works for some people. But not all. Not me. I get anxiety related to not being able to connect with people. Again, the reason I’m here.

So introductions seem odd, since I’m probably going to be the only one reading this. Maybe just some statements about where I am in life? I’m 21. I identify as female (I am cis), using she/her pronouns. I am at a bit of an impasse when it comes to my sexual orientation, which is too much to go into now. I work at an inn in a small college town in Ohio. I am not a student. I live with my roommate, who is currently kind of driving me crazy. She has a cat that kicks litter all over the bathroom because she doesn’t fill it past one inch. She also doesn’t pay for anything. I have been supporting two of us. I am about 165lbs~, but would like to at least get down to 150lbs for health reasons.

There are a lot of things I would like to do, one of them being budget a little better. I currently pay for everything for two people on one persons paycheck. Rent is $550, my phone is $150, my car is $150, internet is $65, and utilities are about $100~ a month. I can’t keep doing this. With groceries and other essentials added in, as well as helping her pay for what the cat needs, I do not have nearly enough.

However, thinking about this situation has lead to me becoming much more stressed than is healthy. I also want to start doing more things to help my body, to keep myself on track. One is fixing my sleep schedule. I want to start going to bed around 12:30PM, latest being 1AM. I want to start waking up around 9:15AM every morning. I know that, technically, it is healthier to go to bed and get up earlier, but seeing as how I don’t get off of work until 11:00PM every night, that is difficult. I have begun to set alarms to make myself do things that will help, like showering and brushing my teeth every day. I also want to begin washing my face more throughly, since my acne has gotten so bad it hurts. Once I get to the point where I can save up some money, I also would like to start experimenting with makeup and nail care. And fix my diet. Basically I’ve been a mess and I would like to fix it.

What else? I’ve been playing a lot of Fallout, both New Vegas and 4. I love those games. Oh, I’ll need to start being a little more affirmative with my best friend borrowing my laptop.

So, what happened today. I woke up, I think around 9:30AM (not bad!), milled around the internet for a while, then went to pick up my best friend for a hair appointment she had scheduled at 11:00AM. I thought it would only take an hour and a half, but she didn’t get out until about 1:40PM. In the time between, I ate a (very late) breakfast, and played some Fallout New Vegas. Helped a couple escape The Strip from one of the Families, the Omertas to be specific. I’m having some trouble deciding how I’m going to go about completing this game. On one hand, done wrong, an independent New Vegas could be a serious cesspool. On the other hand, Mr. House simply wants to destroy the entire Brotherhood of Steel because they don’t see eye to eye. I’m not sure if I agree with that. Anyway, I picked my friend up, grabbed my laptop from home, and she offered to buy us ice cream. Lord knows I can never say no to that, so we got medium cones. I got vanilla, she got swirl. We both got a ton of sprinkles. So we went back to her house, and I spent some time with her until I left for work around 2:40 due to traffic. School is back in session, so there were buses everywhere. After three months of near dead roads, it was a bit jarring to spend a good three minutes unable to turn out of the driveway. My clockin time was listed a 2:52PM, thanks to favorable traffic. I unfortunately stop keeping track of time while at work, but it was hectic. As I’m writing this, it is 9:51PM and I have an hour and nine minutes left until I leave, but luckily it seems to have died down. We have a lot of international students staying with us, most of which are quite talented at English. Being bilingual is an automatic way to gain my respect, seeing as how I never got the chance to learn a second language. One of our regulars, James, brought me some banana bread from the Bob Evans next door. I was a bit bummed that Dennis didn’t hang out longer tonight, but I think our friendship has gotten a bit of a splinter in it ever since he defended what our president said about what had been happening recently, with the return of the Nazis. I never thought we’d see the day. But I don’t like thinking about it. I know in a way, that is actually making it worse. Speaking up is important, and I encourage those with the gall to do so, raise your voices high. I’m sorry I cannot follow your example.

I think I’m going to have Taco Bell for dinner. We don’t have much at home and what I get is usually under $5. Hope my best friend doesn’t mind I bring food to her house when I spend some more time with her before heading home. I need to wash my hands. I also need to do the dishes. Two birds with one stone I suppose.