passiveagressivefas

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear junior flight attendant, My employee number is 600 digits lower than yours, so you don't get to decide where you work, I DO!! Yours, Passive-aggressive flight attendant

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear dumbass passenger, I don't know how many times I can tell you "If you need to go to the bathroom I can't stop you, but if you ask me first I have to tell you no, because the seatbelt sign is on." But, I really can't make it any simpler than that.

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear other flight attendant, Maybe next time the commissary agent in IAD forgets to give us not only ginger ale, but apple and orange juice as well maybe you should try and call them back like I suggested, especially since there were 45 minutes until departure time! Love, Passive-aggressive flight attendant

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear Other Flight Attendant, If I'm working in the back and I have time to cross seat belts (the correct way), pull the safety cards to the front, and close the window shades and you're so slow that i can get all the way from the back of the plane to row 5 before you meet it really is time to re-examine your life. Especially since I'm only a couple of months senior to you. And yes, I did just out myself as a regional stew. Yours, Passive-Aggressive FA

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear fellow Flight Attendant,

While I am more than willing to admit that I can be extremely lazy at times just please trust me after the third time I have to tell you that the coffee makers are, in fact, not working.  I tried to use them myself.

Yours,

Passive-Aggressive Flight Attendant

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear dumbass passenger,

I don't know how many times I can possibly tell you "I don't work for US Airways, I can't help you" before you get it, but, I DO NOT work for US Airways, I have no fucking idea where their gate agent is.  I think It's a pretty safe bet though that since you are on a US Airways flight that most likely a gate agent will show up when the plane gets there.

Yours,

Passive-aggressive FA

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear fellow flight attendant,

We’ve already told everyone that their cell phones need to be off. Was it really a good idea for you to be talking loud enough that all of my first class people could hear about how you’re on Facebook right now? Maybe next time you could keep it down a bit.

Yours, Passive-Aggressive Flight Attendant

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear non-revving mainline FA..

one more thing! Do you really think it was necessary to ring your call light after you heard us respond "cabin secure" and saw we were about to take off? and to find out it's because you wanted your jacket that you hung up in first class.... 

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear non-revving mainline flight attendant..

No need to come up to our galley to let us know you're a flight attendant for mainline! We figured it out when you told everyone around you, flashed your crew tags, declared our aircraft "tiny" and that you are "so glad you work on real planes", and when you decided to hang up your blazer in first class, taking our only hanger. 

And you wonder why we didn't offer you a bottle of water. Just following rules! 

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear Moronic Passenger,

When asked you if you would like anything to drink usually the appropriate response would be to tell me what you want to drink, not ask me "What are you offering me?"  Because at that point not only will you be receiving a drink but also a MASSIVE roll of my eyes as well as a healthy dose of snark, for being such a dumb-ass.

Love,

Passive-Aggressive Flight Attendant

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear Infantile Passenger,

I know that as a flight attendant I have many responsibilities.  But, believe it or not asking the person sitting behind you if they could talk quieter is NOT one of them.  You are both adults, so you two can figure it out.  Grow up.

Yours,

Passive-Aggressive Flight Attendant

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear Fellow Flight Attendant,

I know it must have felt like a good idea at the time, but was it REALLY necessary for you to ring the call button to have me make an announcement telling people that the seatbelt sign was on, and they should remain seated every time someone got out of their seats during service?  Maybe next time we should try something else.

Love,

Passive-Aggressive Flight Attendant

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear Dumb-Ass Passenger, I know this is confusing, so I'm going to walk you through this. If you ask me for just a "plain black coffee" I'm going to give you just a plain black coffee and then move on to the next row. If you want cream and sugar this DOES NOT constitute a plain black coffee. Yours, Passive-Aggressive Flight Attendant

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear Fellow Flight Attendant,

I am intrigued by the fact you decided it's alright to introduce yourself to every first class passenger, get to know who they are and find out what they do for a living.. before we secure the cabin prior to take-off. I'm almost positive that there will be plenty of time for that once we get in the air but you seem to be pretty set in your ways so.... 

yours, 

Passive Aggressive Flight Attendant. 

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear Captain Awesome,

It absolutely made my day when you made a 3 minute long announcement after turning the seatbelt sign off during our 5:30am departure flight.  It woke everyone up after I had already finished my beverage service.  And when people kept ringing their call buttons asking for drinks, I just couldn't have been happier.  We MUST do this again sometime.

Yours,

Passive-Aggressive Flight Attendant

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear Random Passenger,

I know that being a flight attendant I'm supposed to know where every gate in every airport in America is supposed to be.  But, I guess I'm a little rusty on the map of this particular airport, so, unfortunately, I have no idea where you're supposed to fucking go.  I am SO sorry.

Yours,

Passive-Aggressive Flight Attendant

[passiveagressivefas]

Dear Dumb-Ass Passenger,

I know that gate agents know everything there is to know, but it's quite possible they were wrong this time.  Believe it or not, this plane is in fact continuing on to Kansas City, NOT St. Louis.  Please gather all of your belongings, and kindly GET THE HELL OFF!

Yours,

Passive-Aggressive Flight Attendant