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Zelda: Hey Link? Do you think you can turn the lamp off?

Link: I would if SOMEONE wasn't so insistent on being afraid of the dark!

Zelda: I'm not afraid of the dark!

Link: No, you're not.

Ganondorf: I AM!

Zelda: Wha— but you're the king— and the monsters all— WHAT?

Ganondorf: Link said there were monsters in the dark.

Zelda: YOU ARE THE MONSTERS IN THE DARK!

Link: CHILDREN BEHAVE OR I WILL TURN THIS CAMPSITE AROUND!

Ganondorf: WHATEVER! YOU'RE NOT MY REAL LINK!

Link: *GASP*

Zelda: Link, he didn't mean it!

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Atlas Soldier: HALT! You're all to be taken in immediately for—

Yang: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold that thought.

Atlas Soldier: Wait wha—

Yang: GUYS! GET OFF THE DAMN PLANE! WE HAVE TO GO CHANGE OUTFITS AGAIN!

Atlas Soldier: Are you fucking kidding me!?

Yang: Shh, you're loud. You know how rude that is? This is a very important tradition we do and we— BLAKE YOU BETTER CUT YOUR DAMN HAIR!

Blake *still on bullhead*: BUT I DON'T WANNA!

Yang: TOO BAD, IT'LL MAKE YOU LOOK HOTTER!

Atlas Soldier: Fuck it. Ironwood can deal with this shit.

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Ashe: Oh for Bob's sake— what're YOU doing here!?

McCree: That's really neither here nor ther—

Hanzo: Excumst the fuck me! Who is this!?

McCree: Did you just say "excumst" instead of excuse—

Ashe: You're fucking one of them animes now!? You really HAVE changed!

McCree: I feel as though that's an offesnsive way to describe the Japanese people—

Hanzo: And what does that make you, "bumpkin"?

McCree: Alright that one was kinda accurate—

(Shouting match ensues)

McCree: How ya been Bob?

Bob: *shrugs*

McCree: About right.

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Yang: Have you ever stopped and thought: "is what I'm doing a justifiable reaction to the current situation"?

Ozpin: You obviously weren't paying attention to the movie-memory.

Yang: And?

Ozpin: Of course I don't!

Oscar: {PLEASE LET ME OUT OF HERE IT SMELLS LIKE OLD COFFEE}

Ozpin: Ignore the body slave.

Weiss: The what!?

Ozpin: Oscar, I meant Oscar.

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Kirishima: What do you think happens when I light this on fire?

Izuku: It'll probably burn.

Kirishima: Should I do it anyway?

Todoroki: Probably not.

Kirishima: But I like really wanna do it.

Izuku: ...

Todoroki: ...

(Four minutes later)

Aizawa: Does anybody want to explain how the entire dormitory caught fire in what was not even five minutes?

Kirishima: I've been told that things on fire burn.

Aizawa: I'm expelling you.

Kirishima: Totally fair enough.

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McCree: You believe in magic Winston?

Winston: Magic and spirits are all fantasy.

McCree: Explain the brothers.

Winston: A projection of light emitted by vibrations that cause people to hallucinate as though they're seeing mythical creatures.

McCree: And the monk?

Winston: An outward exertion of his internal processor similar to that of Angela's staff.

McCree: ... Rat?

Winston: That's —

Junkrat: ALL ABOARD THE BOOM BOOM TRAIN!

Winston: Science hasn't gone that far yet.

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Jaune: Oh fuck.

Ruby: What?

Jaune: Here we go again. Another fucking season.

Yang: Try and think more positively!

Jaune: Easy for you to say! Everyone doesn't hate you!

Ruby: I think you're pretty neat!

Jaune: Yaaaay.

Ren: You're quite popular in Chibi.

Jaune: NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT CHIBI!

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Bakugo: ...

Kirishima: ...

Bakugo: ... Aw dude what the fuck do you have a boner right now!?

Kirishima: Shut up don't look it makes him nervous!

Kaminari: Hey guys does this look infected to you?

(Kaminari drops pants)

All: ...

Bakugo: Still hard now?

Kirishima: Well I didn't LOSE the erection.

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D.Va: *sighs* Ugh, I'm so tired.

D.Mon: Does that have anything to do with your horrifying diet of energy drinks and chips?

D.Va: Pfft! No, what would that even have to do with it?

D.Mon: Wha- Are you serious!? Half of these bags of chips have been opened already and are just laying on this table!

D.Va: And?

D.Mon: WE FIX GIANT MECHS IN THIS ROOM! DO YOU KNOW HOW UNSANITARY THIS IS!?

D.Va: ... Yes?

D.Mon: Why do I love you?

D.Va: My good looks and charming personality?

D.Mon: Oh shut up and eat your dirty table chips.

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Yang: I don't see what the big deal is!

Blake: Of course you don't! You never do!

Yang: Oooohhh, eat my ass!

Blake: YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SIT STILL LONG ENOUGH!

All: ...

Jaune: Kinky. Inappropriate given that we're being gunned down by terrorist-furry hybrids, but kinky nonetheless.

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Jaune: Uh oh.

Weiss: That's becoming a much more frequent part of this journey.

Yang: We should come up with something new to say when terrible shit starts happening!

Jaune: Uh, guys?

Nora: Oh! Oh! What about... "BOOGLE"!

Blake: That's ridiculous, it has to be something we can keep saying without getting annoying.

Jaune: Guys! Uh oh!

Ruby: Boy Jaune, you really wanna keep it that huh?

Qrow: What about something like uh, I dunno "Shit dicks"?

Ren: No no, we can't afford it with the amount of children we fight around on a daily basis.

Jaune: UH OH!

Yang: No Jaune, we're changing it and that's final!

Jaune: *turns around to look at all of Salem's faction and Salem herself*

Jaune: *sigh* Shit dicks.

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Hanzo: Help! There is another intruder in my room again!

McCree: Hun, are you sure it ain't the mirror... again?

Hanzo: Absolutely positive! This person is much too ugly!

McCree *walks in to see Hanzo hiding from the mirror*: Oh Lord Almighty.

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Yang: Blake? What are you doin-

Blake: SHHH shh shhhhh!

Yang *whispering*: What?! What's going on!?

Blake: *points*

Yang: ...

Yang: ... Blake?

Blake: What!?

Yang: That's a chihauhau.

Blake: AND?!

Yang: It's in a dog wheelchair.

Blake: The wheels make it faster!

Yang: Wow you have to get over this.

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Brigitte: Papa? What's your problem with Reinhardt?

Torbjorn: Well...

(Flashback)

Torbjorn: It's official! Meet the newest member of the family; Brigitte!

Mercy: Congratulations!

Ana: Such a cute child!

Morrison (muttering): Oh god another one.

Reinhardt: Ahh! This one will be a lesbian for sure!

Torbjorn: You don't know that! If that happens, I'll pull out my eye!

(Present day)

Torbjorn (slowly rubbing eye patch): ... Err a story for another time.

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Qrow: Alright fuckos and fuckettes! We're off on another adventure completely on foot!

Ren: Why can't we just take a plane?

Qrow: Hey man, I don't ask why I'm not invited to kids parties so you shouldn't ask about this!

Ren: The only difference is that we know why you're not allowed at parties and it makes complete sense.

Qrow: ...I liked it better when you didn't talk.

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Winston: Hmm...

Hammond: ...

Winston: ...Mm...

Hammond: ...

Winston: ...

Hammond: ...

Winston (flips chess board after losing): GODDAMNIT! SIX TIMES!

Emily: You're right, this is weirdly entertaining.

Tracer: Isn't it?

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Jaune: Are you sad?

Qrow: I'm not sad, this is just my morning happy face.

Ren: It looks sad.

Qrow: It may be slightly sad.