our-ace-experience

[our-ace-experience]

Can I be aegosexual and apothisexual at the same time?

- 🍁

aah sorry for the long response ! i accidentally deleted everything i had written so gave up

apothisexual: someone who is asexual and sex-repulsed

aegosexual: people who experience a disconnect between themselves and the subject of arousal

absolutely. sex repulsion doesnt define whether or not you want to have sex, or whether youre sex positive or negative or how you feel arousal

[our-ace-experience]

Hi there, fellow asexuals and other tumblr users! This is a callout post for the tumblr user @/a-boy-who-likes-boys (link to blog). Please share this post and block them!

TL;DR: This user was being aphobic and extremely mansplaining.

I became aware of this person thanks to @arlosworld91 and anonymous who notified me about a community post (link to community post. TW for mentions of sex, aphobia and strap-ons) @/a-boy-who-likes-boys had responded to. The people involved in this conversation were users: @/a-boy-who-likes-boys , @arlosworld91 , @aidens-ocean-galaxy and OP @/denerturee . Here are all of the screenshots of the conversation:

As you can see, they are massively showing off their uncalled-for knowledge, in terms that might make the average person confused. So I will put it simply: "Asexuality is just a social construct and not a valid sexual orientation. Asexual people simply choose to be that way and asexuality is fake and invalid."

Stay safe and be proud!! - Jasper <3

[our-ace-experience]

Thanks!! Do you think I should ask any of the other people involved or do you reckon I should just do it?

Hi its @our-ace-experience

I was just wondering if I could make a callout post about @/a-boy-who-likes-boys on my asexuality blog? I won't tag them in it.

And if so, would it be okay if I screenshotted some of your conversation with them in the community to share?

Yes that’s absolutely okay ^^ you have my full permission <3

[our-ace-experience]

https://www.tumblr.com/our-ace-experience/773175338918346752/does-whatever-happened-in-here

Sorry I sent that in a moment of annoyance the account the-boy-that-kisses-boys

It’s just one of those things that makes me hate being ace

oh, was that the guy that was like?? idk trying to scientifically disprove peoples sexual orientations? i didnt fully understand what they were going on abt but they seemed livid and idek why because there didnt seem to be any big problem

wait i just reread it okay

umm so, they were treating arlosworld91 like an idiot and kinda mansplaining. and like i mentioned, trying to disprove asexuality and saying its not a valid orientation etc etc. yeah, they seem like an ass

i get that, when people act like theyre way superior to you and just say that youre not valid like?? thats gonna suck. i hope youve blocked them?

i hate it when other people try to make you insecure just for being you

[our-ace-experience]

And note I wasn’t in the conversation I saw it.

got it

[our-ace-experience]

I don't know if it's a common thing, but I sometimes feel like one of the trusted adults I'm supposed to be able to say anything to is trying to find "loopholes" in my asexuality sometimes. Like, it's not something she's actively trying to fix, and she is an ally (although she still has a long way to go, but she's trying her best!), but if I bring up anything remotely related to my liking of any form of sexual content, she'll almost jump on it, or take the occasion to remind me asexuality is a spectrum. I personally know sexuality is something fluid, and I may change labels in the future, but it's annoying at this point

ugh yeah my mum does this. "sex has always been a thing" "when i was your age i didnt have sex" "your feelings will change"

grr no. just let me identify this way. so what if i find out something new later on in life? this is me right now, and i dont need fixing

[our-ace-experience]

Does whatever happened in here: https://www.tumblr.com/communities/mlm-community/post/773135668682571776/hi-mlm-community-i-have-a-question-for-you-guys

Count as hating being ace, honestly have left that community (there were other instances of the same person being kinda insensitive so yeah)

right anon, im just gonna say it. there are nine people in that very complicated conversation and i really don't know who or what youre talking about.

if you were able to explain a bit more, in another ask pr dm, that would really help. this is a safe place and im not gonna judge you or act differently.

so my questions:

what person are we talking abt specifically

by hating being ace, do you mean acephobes or asexuals that feel negatively about their identity despite being unable to change it?

[our-ace-experience]

Asexual culture is going on a fellow consenting adult ask box, hit the anon button n type the most filthy thirsty thing about a mutual favourite celebrity, just to see if they're gon engage with or be terrified (you feel 0 sexual urges for them, you just doing it for the laugh).

Disclaimer: I do this, cuz I'm from a fandom where thirsting for our fav is extremely common, so while this applies to my case, might not be all the others. Do this ONLY if you know it's safe/won't make the person you sending that to uncomfortable.

— 🇧🇷

.

[our-ace-experience]

I'm soooo tired of how people on here treat disliking sex. I've seen so many posts or comments where somebody calls people who don't want to hear about sex all the time or want it to be filterable on their feed or whatever "immature" and have seen so many people be like "its okay, you can grow up and realize sex is something people do" when its just someone who doesn't want to hear about it 24/7. I know people fuck and suck, and I dont care that they fuck and suck, I just don't want my dash to be a bunch of horny posts, lusting posts, sexual posts, etc. I have the proper tags filtered, but a lot of posts show up anyway. it's gotten to the point where I'm tired of hearing sex jokes because they're just EVERYWHERE. even when go into spaces that have rules against sexual content, I still see people lusting everywhere.

to be extra extra clear: I don't care people have these feels and post about them. I'm just annoyed that they still show up on my dash when I've filtered so many sex type tags, and in areas I presumed would have less of that because it says there would be less !!!!! and I'm also tired of being treated like I'm immature or whatever because I don't want to hear about people fucking all the time. augh

this doesn't go for every single tumblr user, obviously, but generally I see attitudes like this floating around a good amount.

nono anon youre EXACTLY right hun. sexual content is really forced on here. the porn bots alone... they just tag their posts with trending tags and nothing else. you cant avoid it.

and i HATE infantilising, just for being asexual. lets go through all the people who might not want to have sex (ever or regularly: asexuals, abstinent people, people with health restrictions, minors, married people (especially with kids), elderly people, divorced people, people with other priorities, people that are paranoid or scared of sex and the repercussions, people with sexual trauma. and its not like minors dont have sex. i know people who im prettyyy sure had sex in year 7/8 in high school.

its just sex. do you constantly feel unbearably horny? no u dont, that would be awful. you feel it SOME of the time, often beyond your control. so if i cant control feeling turned on and i never feel turned on, whats the big deal? its my body?

[our-ace-experience]

like what if i'm just an ace demiro monoromantic after all because i really never did feel romo attraction to more than one gender and the capacity for romo attraction my tertiary attraction probably doesn't count

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[our-ace-experience]

i suddenly feel huge impostorism about not being bi enough. i've known i was ace since forever and realised i was bi+ while in the monog relationship i'm still in today, not by actually being romantically attracted to people but because i realised i could technically picture myself with a partner of any gender (i know the potential for attraction to more than one gender is a definition of bi). once i admitted that to myself i actually started feeling physical attraction to people, thinking i wasn't ace after all for a bit. everything fell apart when i learned about other kinds of attraction and realised the physical attraction wasn't sexual but sensual, more in a "i'd make out with this person" way than a hugging and cuddling way because the last 2 are romantic to me. that's also when i realised i'm on the aromantic spectrum because i only ever experienced romantic attraction to one person who ended up being my partner to this day. and now here's the thing. my bi attraction has become less defined kinda? it's less about kissing now and more just feeling drawn to someone based on appearance but it feels like more than what people describe as aesthetic attraction? the attraction i feel is also not really anything i feel an urge to act on, it's just there. idk maybe that's because i'm in a monog relationship so my brain shut itself off from that. when i feel that attraction it does feel decidedly queer/bi though idk. i'd also feel like a liar calling myself biromantic because despite the potential for attraction definition i've only ever felt romantic attraction once towards one gender. i feel like i'm not bi enough and like i'm just holding on to this identity even though it doesn't actually belong to me, like i'm just making it into more than it is because what if it's always been nothing more but aesthetic attraction, not actually me being bi, what if the queer feelings about this attraction are just me trying to convince myself i'm bi when i'm not.

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[our-ace-experience]

If you don't have a partner, it's just a hypothetical

[our-ace-experience]

for reall 😭

im myrsexual (an identity where you identify as more than one ace label.. personally im aegosexual, apothisexual and cupiosexual together 👍) so I do THINK about s3x, but anytime anything like that happens on tv, internet, fan fics, I get really disgusted and feel lightheaded and awkward..

That's sooo real omg

especially when the fanfics tags just say fluff and then BAM theyre fucking ohh theyre fucking

cool labels, i bet they soiund nice to say dude

[our-ace-experience]

Learning that sex is more about trust than attraction after realizing I wouldn't mind trying things with my QPP if they're comfortable with it too, having a whole ass existential crisis about it (with most adults I confide into making me feel completely invalidated), and when talking about this crisis with a not professional adult of the school, instead of saying "maybe you're not ace/somewhere else on the spectrum", they just says "That's normal, it's really more about trusting the other person" and everything clicked

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[our-ace-experience]

im myrsexual (an identity where you identify as more than one ace label.. personally im aegosexual, apothisexual and cupiosexual together 👍) so I do THINK about s3x, but anytime anything like that happens on tv, internet, fan fics, I get really disgusted and feel lightheaded and awkward..

That's sooo real omg

especially when the fanfics tags just say fluff and then BAM theyre fucking ohh theyre fucking

cool labels, i bet they soiund nice to say dude

[our-ace-experience]

I have a couple of asks to answer at the moment but I'm feeling really exhausted at the moment so I might not respond for a while, thanks for your patience <3

[our-ace-experience]

Even as an asexual, I really appreciate classic paintings and statues showing nudity. There's just a sense of normalness- hardly any of them are meant to be seen as sexual. I think it's beautiful to see all of these different body types represented so beautifully. That person is just chatting to their friend. That person is picking flowers. That person is welding a weapon. None of those things are inherently sexual or arousing. But they are often portrayed as naked.

Sure, seeing genitals even in art sort of grosses me out, I don't like seeing that stuff at all. But seeing the entire human body represented in such a casual way makes me feel so much better about it.

I also think it helps to make people more confident in their bodies. You must have seen those statues of Aphrodite, Goddess of Love and Beauty. With her stomach rolls and smallish boobs, I have heard so many stories of people saying "Wait. She looks like me! We have the same body! I'm beautiful!" (have you seen the original Tumblr post about this?). Seeing yourself reflected in these beautiful intricate paintings and statues, its so magical.