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I BOTH LAUGHED AND WINCED ST THE SAME TIME

baby i’ve got half finished wips you couldn’t even imagine

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“Wouldn't it have been lovely if we'd met before?”

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Thinking about that one time I made an entire completed fan fic that was based on the Panic! At the Disco album “A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out” and the characters were the trolls and kids from Homestuck. Each chapter was based on every song and was titled the same song title it was about.

Unsure if it was on the flash drive I lost on the bus or on my Dell laptop that had the video card go bad in which I can no longer access. Either option saw the loss of a number of fan fics that are now lost media.

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Hey, Tumblr, I have some rants.

Boy howdy, how do I start this? With an old fashioned Otto style and by apologizing.

I really hate ranting. I do.

But my boss who is so sweet, and I do not deserve, is back at it again.

She approached me today and told me that her son had been seeing his girlfriend for over a year and she came out as asexual. Her words I’m quoting.

And I said, you know, how glad I was for her and really glad for them both and that I hoped they continued to be together. And I genuinely do, I adore seeing people in love and having a deep emotional connection. That’s what I’m here for. And this was all find and dandy until she said the next part.

She went on to say that this girl said that she hadn’t experienced any sexual attraction before, but being with my boss’s son made her feel attracted to him in that way.

And this was fine.

And I replied back with perhaps she was demisexual. But either way I was still really glad his girlfriend came to this conclusion. That I was glad for her that she found someone willing to be with her despite what her orientation was. And it was what my boss said next that I didn’t think about a few minutes after she said it and too long to reply.

She said that her son’s girlfriend, having come to realize her deeper feelings for the son, was proof that orientation was fluid.

And at first I was like. Yeah, okay. I can see that. In some cases I’m sure it is and I support you all that this applies to. You’re doing great, you.

But I can’t help but feel that she was aiming that at me. Like, because her son’s girlfriend realized she did feel sexually attracted to her boyfriend, my boss even going so far as saying she’s sure they’ve been intimate, that I could also change over time.

Believe me, I have tasted infinity but it’s just not the cup of tea for me.

And in that moment of realization, I thought how do I tell her that it doesn’t always happen that way? How do I tell her that some Ace people will be intimate with their partners, but they’re not into it, they’re doing it because they love their partner and wish to make them feel good? How do I tell her that some aces want sex but they’re not attracted to it or the person they’re sleeping with in that way?

I know a lot of you will say, just tell her! And that’s easier said than done. I am not a confrontational guy. And I can’t really make a stand for myself well. Keep in mind this is the same boss that wanted to set me up with someone, but hadn’t because I was ace.

I know she means well. That she doesn’t know much about the ace spectrum. But it’s so hard to bring it up to her when literally none of my conservative coworkers know I’m ace or even queer. Truthfully, I think a lot of people would hate me if they found out. And I need to keep my job.

But, despite all this, this boss is truly the best. She’s a good friend. I trust her. But she just makes me want to grind my teeth on aluminum foil when she unintentionally jabs at me like that. I love her dearly, but ouch. If that is indeed the case.

Anyway. TLDR, goodnight, tumblr.

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Boy howdy, do I hate venting on here but I am livid. TLDR and trigger warning for narcissism, gaslighting, and abuse.

I cannot STAND when someone tries to tell me something I already know involving my job or passion.

I understand constructive criticism. I understand trying to be genuinely helpful. But when you’re a narcissist gaslighter that needs to be right every GOD DAMN time on EVERYTHING you do, I do not accept it.

I have been writing stories since I can remember. The one thing I took serious in school was learning how to write correctly and how to be a better writer. The one thing I’ve always wanted to be was a writer. An author. A creator of art.

But if you’re going to try and tell me I’m wrong on a simple grammar question only to back track and explain it correctly to make me look bad, I will NOT take that lightly.

Just because you stopped using big words because the people around you didn’t understand what you were saying so you dumbed yourself down to fit in. Just because you couldn’t break the cycle and understand that you could live the life you wanted, even if it meant making your family unhappy. Just because you decided you needed to have kids and pose as the perfect parent just to cut others down. Just so you could show off your children’s talents, to flaunt us off to make yourself look good. Just because your head is so thick and you believed the American dream. Just because you want to be waited on hand and foot, be respected and treated like royalty, only to have the accountability of a small child. Just because you get pissed off that people treat you like a toxic person because you can’t accept that you are. Does not give you the right to belittle others.

Just because you refuse to change for the better, does not grant you the freedom to pick at my flaws and treat me like I’m always wrong.

But you will. You will continue to do so.

And I don’t mean you, the reader, I mean my offender.

I know how to stop this. I do. But it’s easier said than done and there’s things here that I love too much to let go. And until then I can only do so much.

Essentially, please do not sit there and tell me how to do my job or my passions. My dreams. They are not yours to control. If you wanted this, then you should have pursued them yourself.

I’m sorry I didn’t come out like you wanted. I’m sorry I’m the wrong gender. I’m sorry you can’t completely control me anymore. I’m sorry I came out queer. I’m sorry you had to have me. I’m sorry I made your life miserable. I’m sorry I didn’t make you proud genuinely. I’m sorry.

And I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I’m venting. Because there are bigger problems out there. People are dying. People are suffering. There are much worse things happening and I’m sitting here, privileged, venting about a problem that seems so minuscule to others.

I’m so sorry…

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To all Palestine supporters 🫂🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

We still need less than 720€ to reach our short term goal of 27k€ 🚨🚨

Your donations are important for our survival🙏😭

Please help me reach our goal as soon as possible 🙏🫂🇵🇸

We. appreciate your help ❤️🙏

❤🤍💚🖤

I’ll definitely signal boost this and do what I can as far as donations! Keeping you and all in my prayers!

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Happy Ace Week!!! 🖤🤍💜

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Update

(do people read these anymore?)

Anyway, Hey, Tumblr. You’re surprisingly still one of my favorite places.

Where do I even start? My job still takes up a bunch of my time. And I want to be creative.

Um. This is too early and way too late so I’m a bit tired, forgive me.

But any who. Yeah, my job that I thankfully have is still taking up my time but it’s allowing me to be where I am. I still have no WiFi and that’s really hard on my end to publish works that doesn’t involve my phone, mostly my writings.

But also I’ve been painting! If you follow my art account, I’ve been painting a butt ton of Squidward lol. And this is due to the holiday season is coming very soon and too fast. Essentially, I bit off way more than I can chew but what’s new? I’m bad at time management.

But anyway, I’m hoping by next year I’ll get some crap put together and be able to put more stuff out. Honestly, after I do these paintings lol. They’re time eaters just as well but worth it!

Thanks to all who read this and I hope you all have a great day.❤️

- Otto

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Chillin’🍂

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HEY!! MY SNEAKY SASQUATCH FIC HAS REACHED OVER 200 HITS!!🎉

I know that’s such minuscule numbers compared to today’s figures but it means so much that my silly little fanfic has been read over two hundred times!

Thank you all so so much for this! I hope to get more works out in the coming year!

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I just reada really good fic but halfway through I realized "oh shit this is really familiar.... didn't I write something like this once?" And as I kept reading I kept predicting what happened next and the further I went the more convinced I was that they'd ripped off my story-

like, copied the ENTIRE plot and re-written it, just better than I had? The characters were more fleshed-out than mine were, and the POV was more interesting, and the pace made more sense- but it was MY STORY?

So close to the end I was like "holy shit.. do I message them? Ask if my story inspired theirs? Should I be angry? Flattered?" Cause their tags and description didn't mention me AT ALL, which, sure, it's fanfiction to begin with, but if you're using my work than at least credit me as inspo, right? Just to be courteous?

But I get to the end of the final chapter, and it's not finished, and I'm kind of disappointed cause I never finished my story and I was really immersed in their version now and had been looking forwards to seeing how they tied up my loose ends- so I scroll to the bottom to leave a comment, and.

It's MY URL.

IT WAS MY STORY THE WHOLE TIME.

THE ONE *I WROTE*.

In *2013*.

And FORGOT ABOUT

BECAUSE I WAS SO INSECURE ABOUT MY SLOPPY, SHALLOW, AMETEUR WRITING

And I'm just sitting here now staring into space thinking about every shitty story I've ever written now like

IT WAS ALL GOOD?

IT WAS GOOD THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME??

I'M A GOOD WRITER?????

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Rainy 🌧️

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Reblogging because this also happened to me😔

Hm. I wonder how many names this scammer is gonna go through before people catch on. Went from Doreen Munyendo to Caroline to Mary to Anne to Doreen Nanjala. Will the real scammer please stand up ?

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I was reading a note tacked to the board at work out loud and the coworker next to me turned to me, shocked, and said, “you can read cursive!”

Like, lol

I know I’m pretty stupid and can’t read a lot of shit but surprisingly cursive is one of them lol

But also it cracked me up at the thought that cursive is now almost like it’s own language where some people can read it and others can’t. Amazing.

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Recently binged Star Trek TOS and wanted to make a background for myself :))

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Oof I felt that

Especially if it's smut.

Takes me 3 times as long to edit and revise.

For ace-related reasons?

Mmmmaybe....

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buckaroos stay trotting