ophelius-is-tired

[ophelius-is-tired]

Might one day base a character off Mr. Example because he's cool but not anytime soon lol

Posting this mostly for myself so I can compare it to my future character sheets

[ophelius-is-tired]

Posting this mostly for myself so I can compare it to my future character sheets

[ophelius-is-tired]

Fanart of Ben Drowned based off an AU of mine

[ophelius-is-tired]

Cresta - Prologue Part Two

TW - Illness

Pa was almost always at the lake. His fishing rod was practically an extension of his arm. He'd go out when the sky just started to lighten and then he'd sit there with his little radio until the sky was full of stars.

Overtime the dock became worn from the constant use and its dark vibrant wood grew dull and faded.

Mom, however, didn't like the summer. She hated bugs, especially flying ones. Her worst fear was being stung or bit by one of them.

She stayed inside while Pa, Maria and I were out at the lake having fun. One time we tried dragging her outside with us but she locked her legs around her rocking chair, holding herself down and just kept on knitting, completely unfazed by our struggling.

We eventually gave up and went to help Pa sort out his fishing equipment. I think that was the very same summer that Mom got sick. I guess if we'd tried again in a few weeks we could've gotten her up and taken her outside but I'm glad we didn't. She would've hated it.

Cresta - Prologue Part One

TW: Drowning

When I was younger I used to play pranks on my sister, Maria. She always fell for them, no matter how old we got. My favorite one to play was at the lake. I'd jump in and swim around for a bit. After a while, if I was bored - I was almost always bored back then - I'd begin to float. I'd wait for Maria to look away and then I'd roll my eyes back and make my breathing subtle. When she finally looked back at me she always panicked, running to get Pa. I wonder now, as I sink deeper, what will Maria do when she finds me like this?

[ophelius-is-tired]

Went to the dollarstore and I got rainbow loom and the nostalgia of casually cutting off circulation in your fingers to make little bracelets is intense

[ophelius-is-tired]

Love how my brain went from I want to implode, I have infinite rage everything will burn to and no don't change the subject, because you're my favorite subject real fast within seconds

[ophelius-is-tired]

It's 5 am and I'm pissed off about how shit and inaccessible trans healthcare is

[ophelius-is-tired]

Also since I'm already pissed off and venting

Seriously being a trans guy is great sometimes but urgh I also sometimes want to bash my head into the nearest brick wall until I'm literally dragged away from it (my fiance would probably be the one dragging me which is part of why I don't play matchmaker with my skull and bricks) but urgh! Shit is so fucking annoying. My fucking family doctor intentionally prolonged, dodged and avoided getting me a GD diagnosis for almost my entire teenage years, even though I begged with him to put me on testosterone or at least hormone blockers - and now that I'm an adult the dude is retiring leaving me with some random ass doctor he trained who may very well put me through the same run around bullshit his ass did. Everybody insists on calling you your legal name so you get to either suck it up and try your best to bear it when it comes to dysphoria or get zero medical treatment until your name is changed, and even then they may insist on using feminine nicknames or some shit! Going about self referral where I live - which is the only option for most people because doctor's literally do not fucking care or simply lack time or knowledge or both - is hell, the waitlist is huge because there's only one goddamn clinic and yet queerphobes are still whining when guess what? Nobody is transitioning and if they are their lives are still hell! - So what more could the fucking phobes really want at this goddamn point? Our hearts and souls on their dinner platter? Like ffs.

Oh and don't get me started on after you transition legally. If you don't change your healthcard to the sex or gender you're working on transitioning to even if your name is changed they'll still call you by the wrong pronouns! How do I know? They do it to my fiance all the bloody time! Everytime I see or hear it I feel like I'm going to explode. And most people would say I'm overreacting but if somebody is coming in for a testosterone shot each week with their name legally changed with a very clear request on his patient profile to call him by "he" and asks you to call him a "he" it shouldn't be that fucking hard to at least muster a goddamn they instead of slapping she on him because you don't agree with or dislike the fact that he's a disabled gay unemployed transman. The amount of prying into stranger's business completely unrelated to the medical services that doctors provide just because they're older than and want to make comments about other people is insane. Like please kindly consider doing your job and leaving us alone you do not need to know if my fiance is still in college and why he's transitioning and what he does in his free time so you can tell him what he should be doing with his education and with his employment status and shit! He can pay his goddarn bills and if he fucking can't I fucking can, poke him with a needle and let us be on our merry fucking way, goodbye, adios, au revoir, genuinely I'm done with the fucking around - its getting really fucking hard to walk in there with a fake fucking smile and a thank you after they're done their stupid interrogations. He comes in every week, this is not small talk, it is very clearly you wanting to know details you don't need to fucking know because he has a cane, he's transgender and he comes in for testosterone. Fucking nosy around somebody else's business for an hour we have lives to live.

Back to my old family doctor because I am still fuming about that guy - he was great /s

Bro really was like I know you're super depressed, you got PTSD, you've got a really unhealthy anxiety disorder just playing parasite in your brain - sucking the energy outta you, really bad Gender Dysphoria that I refuse to diagnose, possibly misdiagnosed BPD, probably some good ol' ADHD and OCD and more than likely a good couple layers of Bipolar or some other disorder - you wanna know what I'm gonna do kiddo? Throw you on drugs, up them super fast and then have appointments with you where essentially your mom and I talk about you like you're too young to speak for yourself - you are 17 but who fucking cares, am I right? And I'm gonna try to bribe you that if you take these drugs that cause you panic attacks, bad paranoia and may have thrown you off a cliff towards literal fucking psychotic symptoms - you might be allowed to take testosterone or hormone blockers ^-^

But only if your current mental illnesses go away - completely and only if that happens will I maybe possibly if I'm in a good mood consider considering allowing you to transition.... maybe! It just depends on how I'm feeling in a year... or two years! Or maybe never! Who knows! Now go take this huge dose of meds that I'm upping like once a week even though you're reacting really shit to it but you're "behaving" better for your mom and having less episodes (aka reacting less to her intentionally triggering your anxiety and PTSD because you're too fucking delusional to function) ^-^

Love being a dude with fucking abnormal ass periods/s

Like the fucking thing will be gone for the entire summer and then I'll have plans around my birthday in early October and it'll be like yeah... yeah about that.. guess what bitch? I'm staying for the foreseeable future. Look, see? I already packed my suitcase and I'm moving back the fuck in.

[ophelius-is-tired]

Love being a dude with fucking abnormal ass periods/s

Like the fucking thing will be gone for the entire summer and then I'll have plans around my birthday in early October and it'll be like yeah... yeah about that.. guess what bitch? I'm staying for the foreseeable future. Look, see? I already packed my suitcase and I'm moving back the fuck in.

[ophelius-is-tired]

Cresta - Prologue Part One

TW: Drowning

When I was younger I used to play pranks on my sister, Maria. She always fell for them, no matter how old we got. My favorite one to play was at the lake. I'd jump in and swim around for a bit. After a while, if I was bored - I was almost always bored back then - I'd begin to float. I'd wait for Maria to look away and then I'd roll my eyes back and make my breathing subtle. When she finally looked back at me she always panicked, running to get Pa. I wonder now, as I sink deeper, what will Maria do when she finds me like this?

[ophelius-is-tired]

WIP Go Brr