oncewhenweweregods-blog

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

theo thomas // hypnos

“He shook his head and smiled at Sebastian’s words—it was a huge, unfaltering grin that stretched too wide to be anything but ridiculous. His brother raised an eyebrow; he knew Theo was good at shaking things off, but he never quite understood how he was able to smile so brightly when he made it so painstakingly obvious just how incredibly lonely he was.”

- excerpt from once, when we were gods part iii: of sleep, of death, of spells

photo credit

promotional character pictures 7/13

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

siobhan walsh // hestia

“She was the best of them - in every life, and in every situation.”

- excerpt from once, when we were gods part vii: of forgotten gods

photo credit

promotional character pictures 6/13

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

kennedy williams // hekate

There were times when the wind picked up and she could just barely make out whispering voices. They chanted to her, called to her—

Hekate, Hekate, Hekate!

Perhaps there was a time, long ago, when the name would have meant something to her. But through the years, she learned to just walk a little faster and turn her head away from the wind.

 - excerpt from once, when we were gods part iii: of sleep, of death, of spells

photo credit

promotional character pictures part 5/13

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

sebastian thomas // thanatos

“He wanted to rip out his heart and replace it with flowers. At least the illusion of beauty and happiness was better than the reality that those were things he would never truly experience.”

- excerpt from once, when we were gods part iii: of sleep, of death, of spells

photo credit

promotional character pictures part 4/13

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

valerie okafor // persephone “Nothing scared her more than the fact that she was completely hammered on the floor of a dirty bar and had no idea what to do next.”

- excerpt from once, when we were gods part ii: of bows, of flowers, of darkness

photo credit

promotional character pictures, part 3/13

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

The Addition of the Gods in “Once, When We Were Gods”

(This post may be geared more towards my religious followers, but obviously everyone is welcome to read this to gain a better understanding of why I have decided to write a novel that includes the gods)

If you have read the description of my novel, you will know that the novel is centered around the past lives of the gods. The first parts of the novel involve regular people, who just happen to be the reincarnations of the gods, but this is not revealed to the characters until much later.

Those who have begun to proof-read the novel for me have asked, “Why involve the gods when you have a perfectly good novel without them?”

It is true that the novel could be left without the gods - but that would take away from the point entirely.

What point is that?

Many believe the gods are dead. Those who do not practice a polytheist religion, who are not educated about the religion, have no reason to believe the gods exist, or have ever existed. Even those who do follow such religions, such as myself, may sometimes find themselves at some point in their practice thinking, “Where are They?”

It is not uncommon to feel as though the gods are not present. It is not uncommon to not be able to see them.

But, really, you do see them. And that is what I try to get at with this novel.

These reincarnations - they are, entirely and utterly, the gods.

Their presence can be subtle. It can be small. It can be easy not to notice.

But Apollo - he is there, in the clumsy fingers of a beginning guitarist, or in the voice of a beautiful, experienced singer. He is the light streaming through a crack in your curtain and reminding you that the sun is there.

Look into the eyes of your pets, and you can find Artemis there. Listen to the struggles of a young girl trying to find herself - whether she is struggling to find herself in terms of sexuality or in purpose - and you can hear Artemis whispering encouragements in between the wisps of wind that blow by.

Persephone is in the youth trying to find their independence, in the first shot of vodka that you were told you were never allowed to have.

I see Hades in a graveyard caretaker that has more respect and appreciation of death than is accepted by most of society.

Thanatos is the silent flap of a butterfly’s wings, and the anger in a boy’s eyes as he tries to feel something he is told not to feel.

You meet Hypnos when your head hits the pillow after a long day of work and you instantly flutter into a peaceful sleep.

Hekate is the darkness of the night, where witches young and old run free and cast their spells.

Athena and Poseidon are in the words of a friendly fight, even if their own competition for Athens was not completely friendly. Athena is the tired frame of a hardworking teacher, and Poseidon is in the waves that crash onto shore with a determination found only in the god of the sea.

I see Hermes in the sad eyes of a homeless man wandering to find shelter, and Hestia in the arms of those who welcome him or offer him money for the night. 

The married couple who bicker constantly only to shut each other up with kisses? Hera is the breath they take when their lips finally disconnect and they look at each other with more love than they ever thought they could have for each other.

Can you hear Zeus in the clap of thunder during a storm? Can you see him in the raindrops that land on your windshield as you drive down the road?

The gods are everywhere. 

That is why I included the gods, even if I could have left them out entirely and still made a completely comprehensible novel about simple people, doing simple things.

But I cannot leave them out - because they are the simple people doing the simple things. They are in every part of life, whether you can see them or hear them.

The point of my novel is that the gods are not dead - they are ever-present. 

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

Hi, I just wanted to say I'm very excited for your book!! I am also a Hellenic polytheist and I'm very excited to read a book by someome who actually worships the gods and not butcher them for their entertainment. 💜💜

Thank you so much for your excitement! I hope that through my portrayal of the gods, I do not butcher Them. Their portrayal in my novel (not in Their reincarnations, but in the scenes where They are Themselves) is based mostly on my interactions with Them and They present Themselves to me, so I hope that if it differs from how They interact with other followers, people will understand. I am happy to hear from a fellow Hellenic polytheist and I am so happy that I can (hopefully) provide you with good reading material once my novel is published!

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

Importance of Representation

Every statement that I make is from my own experience, and my own opinions. I do not believe that everything I am about to say is true for everyone, or even that it should be true for everyone.

***

When it came to my own sexuality, I was always confused as a kid. I grew up Catholic, and I would listen to priests and parishioners speak about how wrong it is to be gay, that it is a sin, blah blah blah.

Obviously, I believed it. I was gullible like that. If someone told me something, it had to be true.

Every show or movie I watched was the same: white, straight main cast. It was normal. It was constant. Still, I would look around at my friends, the ones who definitely were not white, the ones who spoke with accents from different countries, and I would think, where are they in the things I watch?

I do not remember much from my childhood (shoutout to repression of traumatic events, whoo!), but I do remember watching my favorite television shows and movies and not recognizing the characters in all of the people I interacted with on a daily basis.

Is television a lot different now than it was, say, fifteen years ago? Absolutely, and not at all.

When I was younger, I did question why there were not any main black characters, or any main Indian characters, or why all of them seemed to come from America. But I never really dug into those question - I never actually understood why I was questioning it.

As I got older, I recognized more and more the lack of racial representation in the media. It was pointed out to be by a friend of mine who had immigrated to the United States from Haiti. She was complaining one day, rightfully, that all of her favorite American shows lacked one important detail: non-white main characters.

She told me about her niece, who was only one years old, and her fear that she would never be able to relate to the characters in a television show because these shows would not demonstrate the things she would go through. The shows she would watch as a child would not tell her about racism, or about what she would deal with - they would only narrate the lives of the white main characters.

I feel incredibly under-qualified to speak more on this, as I am white, but I do understand the importance of representation of POC, and I also understand the representation of immigrants in the media.

My family came from Portugal, from a less-than-decent life there, and sought out opportunity in America that they did not find in Portugal. They came here for a better life for the next generations of our family, and not only did they struggle to make it here, but they struggled once they got here.

They struggled to learn the language, to be taken seriously with thick, foreign accents - to get jobs with foreign names. It was not until they changed their names to their “English versions” that they were actually called for interviews.

My aunt married a man, a doctor, who once told her that he throws away applications if he cannot pronounce the name.

Where is all of this leading to?

The fact that I don’t see enough of this shit in the media.

The fact that I can’t find enough shows about immigrants, about foreign people, or even just with foreign people in the main cast. 

The fact that maybe - just maybe - if my mother had watched an American show when she was seventeen and afraid that featured even just one main character that went through the same struggles as her, she would feel a little less alone.

People do not understand the importance of representation. I have complained about a television show not having enough POC, and I have been told, “there’s a black guy as the main character - how is that not enough?!”

Seriously? One main character is black, and that is somehow supposed to be enough?

How many POC do you think are in just America alone, and yet every character in a lot - if not most - shows/movies is somehow magically white? Because white people never interact and form bonds with POC and therefore they could not possible be a main character?

In response to that reply, I always think, what the actual fuck?

Of course, things are getting better. There are more POC as main characters in television shows, more shows and movies featuring people who came from other countries (has anyone watched One Day At A Time?), etc.

But until people are adding POC into shows and movies for the reasons that they should be added, and not just to “temporarily please” viewers, we will get nowhere.

Now, onto gay representation...

This is where I relate to the most. As said before, I struggled with my sexual orientation, like, A LOT. 

I hated myself. I hated everyone else. I was just angry all of the time as I fought with myself over being gay, over accepting that I was gay. 

I hid it from everyone until my Sophomore year of high school. What helped me accept myself and tell my mom via a game of hangman?

One of the gayest shows (in my opinion): Glee.

Before I even came out as gay, I earned myself the nickname Santana from some of my friends who had also seen the show. Was it because they viewed me as gay? No. It was because they viewed me as a bitch.

But that is probably what made it easier for me. The show did not focus on Santana as some super-butch, super out-there lesbian. They did not classify her under any stereotypes, and they certainly did not make her identity easy for her (I mean, it took her three years just to come out to her closest friend, and we all know she suffered with figuring herself out long before that).

They made her casual, and they made her angry. That was something I was definitely able to relate to (especially now, but that it an entirely different story which I will get to shortly, since apparently I am going to share every damn detail about my gayness with you).

When she came out, her grandmother turned away from her. But still, she found strength from the acceptance of her friends, and even though she still was not completely okay with everything, she moved forward.

Watching her story made me more comfortable. I saw someone like me - an angry, lost teenager refusing to accept something that she already knew was true until she was pushed by her friends.

So, I told my mom, and the rest is kind of history, although I regret coming out to my mother by playing hangman and making “Mom, I am gay” the words for her to guess.

(Three years later, though, it turned out my mom is gay, too! Holy shit!)

Anyway, my point of bringing up Glee is that I saw myself in a character. I was able to accept myself because of a gay character that was part of the main cast of a television show.

And there was so many shows and so many characters that help other people struggling with their identity. People will tell me sometimes, “I don’t see the point in adding so many gay characters everywhere - we know they exist, we don’t need to push it.”

Well, maybe “pushing it” is what kept little Jimmy from overdosing on pain pills he found when he was fourteen because he found out, from television, that there are people like him, that there are people going through the same issues as him.

(Yes, that is a true story about a friend of mine and, no, his name was not Jimmy.)

The last little bit of representation I am going to talk about here is neurodivergence. 

I grew up with a severe anxiety disorder, but that is not something I am going to get into, because I would much rather get into a personality disorder - specifically, antisocial personality disorder.

I asked all of my coworkers once what they thought of when they heard the term “sociopath” (I would have used the term ‘antisocial personality disorder’, but as you will see from their response, the media has left everyone uneducated on the topic). Almost everyone replied with things like “murderers” or “psychos”, except for one of my managers who majored in psychology and actually understood the disorder.

Something I do not discuss often is my issue with lack of empathy and a seemingly “inability” to connect with or care about most people. I do not experience empathy. I experience sympathy only when around the few people I actually care about.

I was “unofficially” diagnosed with ASPD (professionally, but “unofficially” as in it was one session, I was classified as a non-threat, and I was told that I did not have to pursue therapy as treatment because I was fine with my diagnosis, and therefore I did not see that psychiatrist again). How this psychiatrist was able to “diagnose” me in one session, I am not sure (well, I may be, but that is not something I am going to get into).

Anyway, that short-lived therapy session was about two years ago.

What did I think after it?

Holy shit, I am going to end up killing someone. I am a fucking psychopath.

Was I actually going to kill someone? No, what the fuck? Was I a psychopath? By definition, no. 

But I was afraid of what I believed I would “turn into” because of everything I had seen in the media. I was led to believe that because I was being grouped in with people who were diagnosed with ASPD, I would grow up (even though, technically, I was already “grown up” - but let’s be real, eighteen is not grown up to most people) to be some horrible serial killer, even though I had never even thought of killing someone.

(Also, fun fact: loving animals and being empathetic towards animals apparently does not “count” according to the psychiatrist I saw.)

ANYWAY, fast forward to about six months later. My dad and I are talking and he mentions some show called Person of Interest. I look it up, read the description, and think, Sounds gay, no thanks.

Fast forward two more months. I am on Tumblr and find a list of shows with gay main protagonists. I see Person of Interest listed, with the character name Sameen Shaw. 

Being the gay asshole I am, I put the show on Netflix, but only started on the first episode that Shaw makes her appearance.

Axis II personality disorder? Am I watching what I think I am watching? A character with a personality disorder that is otherwise labelled as violent?

Okay, so maybe Root and Shaw are incredibly violent during the show, but I am ignoring that part while I write this.

They both, like me, suffer from issues with empathy. Of course, Shaw is a bit “higher” on the spectrum, a bit more “broken” if that is how you want to word it, but the fact of the matter? They both lack empathy one way or another.

And yet, they are the heroes. They are the ones that save lives. They are not the enemy, they use violence because it is necessary (for Root, let’s assume we are talking about when she starts actually working with the team, not when she was an assassin). 

The show never gives them “redemption” from their personality disorders. The writers do not have some character arc where Shaw seeks forgiveness for having ASPD, where she thinks that she is completely broken from it, and that she needs to be fixed, and Root even says it.

The show gave me something that made me feel safer about myself, that made me realize the stigma surrounding people with ASPD is mostly wrong, and there are so many other disorders (anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, just to name a few) that deserve this kind of beautiful representation, because people with these disorders DESERVE to see main characters that they can relate to, that they can find strength from.

Representation is not something that show creators/writers should consider a “gift” to their viewers.

Representation should not even be representation at all. It should just be.

Because the real people are POC, LGBT+, and neurodivergent.

Shows are not meant to be real, obviously, but the characters should be. The characters should reflect the people that watch them.

Representation is important because it gives the viewers someone to relate to, because it makes the characters real. 

I feel as though this goes without saying, but this is obviously the same for all types of media - novels, comic books, movies, etc.

And this is why I will make damn sure that whenever I write, I will include characters that people can find themselves in, because I have experienced firsthand just how important that is.

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

caterina garcia // artemis

“’I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore! I feel - I know - that I’m meant for something more than just sitting around my apartment, studying to get a degree that won’t get me where I know I’m supposed to be. The only time I feel like I’m doing something right is when I’m running this damn path - when I feel the wind brushing through my hair, when I feel dirt kicking up on my legs behind me, when I’m among the trees. I just don’t know what any of it means.’”

- excerpt from once, when we were gods, part ii: of bows, of flowers

photo credit

promotional character pictures, part 2/13

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

nicholas garcia // apollo

“Helios and I do not pull the sun into the sky, and still it rises, every day, without fail. We are no longer needed by this universe; it has adapted without us.”  - excerpt from once, when we were gods, part vii: of forgotten gods

Photographer: Anita F. Model: Jordan Wasko

promotional character pictures, part 1/13

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

Something pulled and twisted inside of her, and she placed the paper back down where it had been before. Her hand touched the sunlight that streamed down onto the paper, and she felt the same rush she had gotten when she touched Alex. Deep within her bones ran something old and powerful, something that screamed at her—I exist, I exist, please remember me.

excerpt from once, when we were gods: part i

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

The deer watched her curiously, eyes following every slow movement that she made. She took another slow, careful step forward and then stopped, trying to figure out why everything around her felt so familiar. As she reached her hand out in front of her, the deer stepped up to her, placing its forehead right against her palm. Something shot through her—a memory, a feeling of running barefoot through the forest among the deer, calling them her family and companions. For a short moment, her bones rattled with divinity, burning under her skin and threatening to tear her mortal flesh apart. However, as quickly as it came, it left, and she could feel that divinity seeping back out of her bones and dissipating into the air as the deer fled from her suddenly.

an excerpt from once, when we were gods, part two

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

once, when we were gods is an upcoming, six-part story that unfolds the lives of the reincarnated Greek gods as they struggle to remember their divinity.

the novella follows three college students plagued by nightmares that find comfort in each other; two roommates that help each other discover themselves in a way neither expected; a graveyard caretaker and a bartender that continuously meet under strange circumstances; twin brothers who go on a road trip together in an attempt to gain back the understanding they once had of each other and run into a girl who claims to be a witch; a lawyer and a marriage counselor who struggle to piece their marriage back together; and two teachers who battle each other for a coveted tenure position.

photo credit

[oncewhenweweregods-blog]

About the Author

Anita F. is an aspiring author who is also currently working on a Hellenic book of prayer called DEVOTIONAL that consists of over fifty prayers and a photography book called Phobia that captures common fears. She is also a devout Hellenic polytheist who draws a lot of inspiration in her writing from the gods that she worships. Born from an immigrant mother, she understands the importance of featuring the representation of POC in her literary work. Being gay, she also aims to provide an enormous amount of LGBT+ representation in her work, which is apparent in her upcoming novel once, when we were gods.