olionheartedgirlo

[olionheartedgirlo]

What is Love? / Part 12

Short chapter, but I felt like it needed to end there. :)

Hope you enjoy!

---

“Have what in my bag?” You asked, genuinely confused by his remark.

“This.” Minseok spit out the word, his hand moving forward to throw something on the bed.

You stepped forward, looking more closely at the object on the bed. It surprised you, after all this time, to see a needle laying on the bed. The vial had the remains of a yellow residue on the inside and the cap was off the needles end. 

“You don’t have anything to say?” Minseok’s face was red with rage and his fists were balled tight, knuckles white from the strain. He grabbed for your wrist, pulling the sleeve of your sweater up roughly. “Did you do it here?”

“What?” You pulled your arm away, “No! No, I didn’t do anything!” You pulled your sleeve back down. “What’s the matter with you!”

“You really expect me to believe that? There’s the evidence right there, ________!” He hit the bed, making the needle jump. “I can’t believe I let you go out with them. I knew that something bad was going to happen.”

“It’s-It’s old!” Your eyes brimmed with tears and you scratched unconsciously at your arm through your sweater. You could feel time moving so slowly around you, specs of dust in the air, the shadows moving on the walls. And you could see Minseok yelling, but you weren’t listening, not really. 

“Look at me.” He took a step towards you, “Let me see your eyes.” You stayed staring at the window “Look at me!” His hand came up to your face, his touch gentle despite the reason for him touching you. 

The feeling of his fingertips on your chin pulled you from your revery. 

“I hate you.” You let the words slide out between your teeth. “Get away from me.” 

You didn’t know what you were doing but you were sure that you were not going to stay another moment longer. The door startled you as you closed it, the sound of your footsteps on the old hardwood floors mixing with the memory of the door slamming shut. 

Chanyeol came out of the living room, rubbing his eyes as though he had been sleeping as you came down the stairs. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, stepping in front of you. 

“Do you have your car keys handy, Chan?” You asked breathily.

“Uh, yea, but-” He stumbled on his words, unsure of what was going on or whether to let you have them. 

“It’s okay Chan. I’ll be back. I just need to go out.”

“What time is it?” His voice was groggy, and the question came out as a mumble as he walked towards his backpack, laying open on the floor next to the sofa where he had fallen asleep. He took his keys out of the front pocket, his hands fidgeting around them awkwardly. 

“It’s not very late, really.” You pulled the keys away from him gingerly. “Thanks Chanyeol.”

You wasted no time leaving the house, unlocking Chanyeol’s car with the fob. His car smelled like old fast food wrappers and juicy fruit gum. You let yourself sit for just a moment before turning the car on and starting down the winding driveway

In the house Minseok heard the car start and looked out the windows as the car’s high beams turned on. He raced downstairs towards the front door. 

“Where’s she going?” He asked Chanyeol, who was standing in the living room looking confused in his sleepy daze.

“I don’t know, man. She didn’t say.” 

———

You were raging. 

How could he think I would do that? After all of my work to get clean and he just stood there and accused me like that, you thought angrily. Above everything else that bothered you was the look of pure disgust on his face. 

You drove fast, headed for the highway, unsure of where you were going exactly. After all, it was around three in the morning. Not much was open outside of the city where the house was. 

Your phone rang.

Minseok, you guessed. 

You let it go to voicemail. 

You quickly came to the realization that you didn’t have anything with you. No clothes, no money, no drivers license. But you didn’t want to turn around, it was like telling him that he had won. 

You pressed on the gas, going well over 130km an hour. There was a rush of adrenaline taking over you and you didn’t want it to stop. You couldn’t let it.

��——

Minseok ran upstairs, grabbing the keys from the desk and took the stairs back to the front door two at a time. 

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to get her.” Minseok snapped.

“Let her just cool off, Min.” Chanyeol clapped his brother on the back. “I’m sure it will be fine when she comes back.”

“No way. We just had a huge fight and I don’t want her to do something stupid.”

“Well if you think she’s like that then you have bigger problems, man.” Chanyeol’s tone shifted to something much cooler than it had been. He moved to sit on the couch once more, throwing things lazily into his backpack. “I’m going to bed.” As he walked past Minseok, he made no effort to walk around, instead opting for checking Minseok’s arm. 

Minseok shook his head angrily, stomping outside and letting the door slam closed behind him.  He dialled your number as he got in the car; it rang seven times then went to voicemail.

“________, where are you? Come back right now. I’m sorry. I just freaked out. I don’t want something to happen to you.” He hung up, throwing his phone on the passengers seat. 

It shouldn’t be that hard to find you, right? Who else was out there in the middle of the night.

———

Thoughts continued to race through your head, a roller coaster of emotions filling you. 

The car beeped and you looked down at the dash to see that you were 60km until the gas tank was empty. You hit the steering wheel, letting out a long, frustrated yell. 

Why was this all happening?

You felt like you had been doing so well. 

Sure, you went into the club when you said you wouldn’t but that wasn’t that big of a deal.

You slowed the car, pulling over onto the shoulder of the highway.  

“I should have just checked the bag.” You muttered, letting your head rest against the steering wheel. You knew you would have to call him eventually but you wanted to wait just a little bit longer before doing so. 

You could feel the inside of the car getting brighter and you lifted your head up, looking out the rearview mirror to see two white beams of light coming towards you, and then slowing down, and then stopping, right behind your car. 

You pressed the lock button on the door, just to be safe. 

“________!” You recognized Minseok’s voice immediately. “Open the door!” He tapped on the glass and you looked towards him, hesitantly. 

You compromised by rolling down the window half way. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked.

“What are you doing on the side of the road?” He countered. 

You let out an agitated huff. “Chanyeol had his car running practically on empty.” 

“So…you were just going to sit here all night?”

“I was just waiting before I called because I didn’t-don’t- want to see you.” You crossed your arms, partially in defiance, and partially because you were cold. 

“Just get in my car.” He was already calling one of his brothers. “Hey, I know it’s late…” Minseok turned away from you, walking up the side of the road.

You sat for another moment in Chanyeol’s car, taking deep breaths before getting out. Standing next to the locked passenger’s side door of Minseok’s car, you waited for him to turn around and notice that you were freezing. 

The moon looked like almost a perfect circle in the sky. The full moon was coming, you had forgotten. 

Maybe that’s why Minseok reacted the way he did. 

You watched Minseok hang the phone up and slip it into his back pocket of his sweatpants. He stood on the edge of the road, so still, the headlights so bright you knew that he couldn’t possibly see you, even though it felt like his eyes were burning right through you. 

After a couple minutes he started to walk towards the car, getting in smoothly and shutting the door more forcefully than he really had to. There was nothing to say, so you didn’t say anything, instead, you turned your head to look out the window, head resting on the cool glass. You kept your arms folded over your chest to ward off the cold. 

Eventually another set of headlights pierced the night and Minseok started the car, doing a fast u-turn to head back towards the house. 

“Who was that?” Your voice barely came out in a whisper.

“Junmyeon.” 

You let out a huff of air.

“He was up anyways. Everyone is up.” It sounded like he was blaming you for that. 

“Maybe if you hadn’t yelled at me they wouldn’t be.” You scoffed. 

“Don’t blame me.” Minseok glanced between the road and you. 

“Well, you started it.” He started to talk but you raised your hand. “You went through my bag and found it and jumped to some stupid conclusion. You didn’t even let me explain or anything.” You were starting to get riled up. “Jesus, it’s like you’re pms-ing or something.” 

“Is that what you think?”

“Well the full moon is coming up, like tomorrow, and you’re being super irrational right now.”

“You’re really pulling that line on me? Don’t girls hate when guys do that?”

You started to laugh. Uncontrollably. 

“Yea…yea we do.” You took a deep breath to calm your laughter. “Fuck…I’m tired.”

“Me too.” Minseok reached over, his hand resting on your knee. “I’m sorry.” 

“I know.” You let your head fall back against the headrest. The feeling of Minseok’s hand on your leg warmed you. A sense of comfort washing over you and pushing all of the other feelings out of the way. 

The car was in the driveway now. Minseok drove smoothly towards the house. Swinging back into his parking spot. You unclipped your seatbelt, letting it fall away from your shoulder and back against the wall of the car. 

“I hate this whole mating thing, you know. I mean, I can’t stay mad at you about anything.” You couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of your lips and you started to open the door, turning away from Minseok, but he caught your arm, pulling you back to face him.

“Yea,” He said, his hand sliding up to your cheek, his face mere inches from yours. “It really sucks knowing that you’ve found the person you would do anything for.” He bridged the gap between the two of you, his lips moving firmly against yours, his tongue sliding, hot, into your mouth. 

“Tongue already?” You muttered, pulling away slightly. “You think you’re back in my good graces that easily?”

“Just shut up and kiss me already.”

As you kissed Minseok you could feel your body tingling from his kiss. But the part you could feel the most was on your left foot between your toes where you shot up earlier that night. 

[olionheartedgirlo]

I keep reading your 2 new chapters and my heart goes uwwwwuu🥺💛💚💜💛💛🧡💙💛❤️💛💚💚🧡🧡❤️💛💚🧡💛❤️❤️🧡🧡 every time

Thanks so much anon! This week I am finishing up a lot of work and over the Christmas break I’m hoping to do more updates. It makes me happy that at least one person has read the new chapters :)

[olionheartedgirlo]

What Is Love / Part 11

Exo as Wolves Masterlist

Here is part 11 to What is Love in my Exo as Wolves series :)

Please excuse any spelling mistakes/grammar errors, I did check it over but am in a hurry and wanted to get it up :)

Some mature topics in this chapter. 

--------

Things had become so picture perfect in your life. 

Almost too perfect. It was starting to get a little bit boring. Every day you had the same routine. You woke up with Minseok and he went to work. You went out to work on a project in the shop or sat and drew in the parlour. Then he would come home, sometimes for supper and sometimes later depending on how much he had to get done. Once he was home you would spend the night talking about his day and usually fall asleep watching a movie or a tv show.

It was all just so…mundane.

“I just need to change things up a bit.” You tried to explain. “I don’t know, maybe-“

“We both agreed that you shouldn’t get a job yet. It’s too much too quickly. I don’t want you to have any unnecessary stress.”

“I know. That isn’t what I was going to say.” Your hackles went immediately up.

“Sorry, what were you going to say?” You could tell he was trying to be sympathetic but you were past caring. Reiterations of this conversation had been happening for a few weeks now.

“I think I want to go hang out with some of my friends this weekend.” You kept eye contact with Minseok even though you felt like you wanted to turn tail and run from the conversation.

“Your friends?” 

“Yes. My friends.”

“The strippers?”

“What the fuck, Minseok?” You pushed your plate away from you, letting the stool scrape against the tiles as you pushed away from the kitchen island. “You’re such an idiot.” You scoffed out, knowing that even though you were down the hall he could still hear you.

As you made your way across the landing to your shared room with Minseok you could hear a muffled yell from the ground floor, followed by the sound of slamming kitchen cabinet doors. 

“Whats up his ass?” Jongdae laughed, closing his door behind him. 

“His own preconceived notions about strippers.” You huffed out, stomping away from Jongdae. You didn’t want contact with anyone, worried that you would take out your frustrations on the wrong person. 

You closed the bedroom door forcefully behind you, satisfied with the noise it made as it shook in the doorframe. The click of the door locking under your hand was the cherry on top. 

Stomping around the room, you pulled out clean clothes, stripping the ones you were wearing off and leaving them in a pile at the foot of the bed. 

“________!” Minseok yelled. His footsteps echoed down the hallway. “________, let’s just talk!”

“Why?” You yelled back, pulling your shirt over your head. “You clearly already have your mind set on what’s what.” You could see Minseok’s shadow under the door and tried to hold down a smile as he shook the handle. You knew it was spiteful but you didn’t care at this point.

The doorknob shook again.

“Let me in.” He said. 

“Or what?”

He didn’t even warrant that with an answer, instead opting for pulling the door off its hinges.

“Minseok!” You yelled, your pyjama pants falling out of your hands. “You broke the fucking door!”

“You didn’t really give me an option!” 

“Yea, your option was to not come in here. Seems pretty obvious to me.” 

“Why are you being so stubborn?” 

The war was on. This wasn’t the first time you and Minseok had had a screaming match and it wouldn’t be the last. His brother’s like to joke that the two of you were like a cat and a dog, and you felt like that analogy is mostly true. 

“I don’t know, Minseok! Maybe it’s because I’m just a stupid stripper!” You spit the words out, your hands starting to shake.

“You know I didn’t mean that!” 

“Then please tell me what you meant. I’m dying to know.” You wanted to sit down but you didn’t want the power to shift. At the moment you were standing two feet from Minseok, looking him in the eye. 

“I just meant-what I was trying to say was-”

“Mhmm.” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“Fine. Go see your friends. But I want to pick you up after and I don’t think you should be out really late.” He backed down, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Okay.”

“That’s all you're going to say? Just okay?”

“Thank you, master, for allowing me the privilege of leaving the property.” You mock curtseyed, turning away from him and grabbing your pants off the end of the bed in one fluid motion. 

“Don’t be like that.” He sighed, exasperated.

“Like what? You don’t want me to see people, and I only can if you chauffeur me around like my dad. I never leave the property unless it’s with you or one of your brother’s girlfriends to go shopping. I’m doing fine, Minseok. I’ve been clean for months. You can’t keep hiding me here like a pariah.” 

“I’m just trying to protect you.” He pulls your hand away from where it was scratching at the crook of your arm. “I just don’t want you to get around people doing bad shit and they try to make you do it…or you want to do it again.” 

“I need you to have more faith in me than that.” You let him hold your hand, his touch softening your disposition slightly. “I don’t need you to treat me like a child.”

“That’s not my intention.” He took a step closer to you, never breaking eye contact. “I love you so much. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” 

“I know.” You close the gap between the two of you, resting your head on his shoulder and your arms wrapping round his waist. You let out a sigh as he ran his fingers lightly up and down your back. 

“Do you still love me?” He asked with a slight laugh. 

You shove him away playfully. “Of course I do.” You start to put your pyjama pants on, but MInseok stops you.

“You don’t need to put those on.” He pulls you back towards him, letting you land on top of him as he falls back onto the bed. “You look so comfortable like this.” 

“Well you look a little too dressed up if this is going to be my attire for the night.” Straddling his waist, you unbutton his dress shirt slowly. “You know, I really like when you have meetings at work. You look very good in dress clothes.” 

“I think you look really good when you’re all dressed up too. But…I can think of another way you would look really good right now too.” His hand pulled your tank top strap off your shoulder. From there, Minseok moved quickly, flipping you onto your back so he was laying on top of you, your legs spread on either side of his hips. 

You felt like you stopped breathing.

Minseok’s breath was hot on your neck as he trailed kisses down towards your collarbone. A feeling that usually felt so carnal and right, was now making your stomach churn with anxiety. You had managed to avoid this for months, him being on top of you like this. Everything else you could handle, and you enjoyed, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom as you felt the weight of him hovering over you. 

His teeth grazed your skin, making you freeze, tensing up immediately. 

“What is it?” His demeanour changed instantly. He pulled himself up, holding his weight on his elbows, his face close to yours. When you didn’t answer, Minseok’s eyebrows furrowed together, a feeling of distress washing over him.

“I-I just…can you get off me?” Your breaths were short and fast, and you could feel the blood rushing to your head, making you dizzy. 

“What’s the matter, babe?” He settled back on the bed next to you, his hand stroking your cheek softly. “_________? Can you talk to me please? You’re starting to scare me.”

You tried to talk, but the words just weren’t coming out.

“Are you feeling sick? I thought things were all better.” He kissed your forehead. “Can I get you anything? I can get you some water if you want.” He started to get up from the bed, but you managed to grab his wrist in time, keeping him with you.

“Stay here.” You finally get out. “Stay here with me…it’s not from the drugs.” 

“What is it then?” He sat back down on the bed, pulling you towards him. You felt like a rag doll, letting him scoop you up onto his lap so your head was resting under his chin. 

You didn’t want to have this conversation. You never thought you were going to have this conversation with anyone and you especially didn’t want it to be with Minseok. Not with someone who loved you so much. You knew from these past few months how strong your bond was. You could tell when he wasn’t feeling good. You could always sense when something wasn’t right and you didn’t want to hurt his feelings. You couldn’t stand thinking about the potential of him feeling like this was a problem with him. 

And you really didn’t want to ruin a nice moment like this was supposed to be. Especially after the fight you had just had. 

It wasn’t fair. 

“You can talk to me, _______. You know that right?”

“I know…but I don’t want to. Not right now. It’s just too hard.” 

“Is it me?” 

Just like you had feared.

“No,” You look up at him for the first time. “It isn’t you at all. It’s me. Things have happened to me, in the past, and I just can’t forget them.” You let it all out in one breath. “When you lay on top of me…all of those feelings come back and I can’t stop them no matter how much I try to-I really am trying to let it all go.”

You watched Minseok’s eyes look over your body. 

“Did someone…hurt you?” He gulped down some air.

“I don’t want to talk about that tonight, Minseok.” You buried your face in his chest. “I’m tired and I just want to go to bed.”

“Okay.” He stood up, setting you back down before walking over to the opposite side of the bed, pulling back the covers. He came back over to the side you were sitting on, picking you up once more and placing you in the prepared spot. He motioned for you to lay down, pulling the covers over you once you were horizontal. 

You watched him take his shirt the rest of the way off, then remove his pants, folding them neatly and draping them over the arm of the chair in the corner of the room. He picked up the clothes you had left on the floor and placed those in the laundry basket. He didn’t look at you but you could tell that he was very conscious of you watching him. 

Finally, he finished tidying up, something he did nightly. Very clean compared to his brother’s varied states of cleanliness. At the same time as Minseok turned his bedside lamp on, his left hand reached up to turn the overhead light off, leaving the room in a warm comforting glow. 

He slid into bed next to you, sliding his arm under your neck for you to lean against his shoulder. 

You fell asleep just like that. 

———

You stayed quiet the next few days and MInseok let you, never trying to pry into what you were thinking or feeling. He knew you would let him know when you were ready to talk about it. 

In the absence of talking you had started to draw, almost obsessively, tearing through page after page of your sketchbook. The hours between when Minseok left for work and came home were all starting to blur together. 

“Hey,” He said softly, his hand resting on your shoulder as he came up behind you on the back porch. “I’m home for the night. Do you want to do anything?”

You closed your sketchbook quickly before Minseok could look at it. 

“I don’t know…whatever you want to do.” 

“Maybe we could just watch a movie?” He suggested, sitting next to you on the old sofa. “I know that I’ve been really busy the last few days and I haven’t really been around…by the time I get done with all of the phone calls and emails you’ve been asleep already.” 

You nodded solemnly as you listened to him.

“So…we can put a movie on. Whatever one you want, and maybe talk? About the other night.”

“Minseok…”

“Please, _______. I think we should really talk. You’re not acting like yourself.” 

“I think I just have to get out of this house for a night.”

“Well, then we can go somewhere-”

“I mean…I think I need to go by myself.” You breath was shaky as it left your parted lips. “I just need to tie up some loose ends I think.” 

“Tie up some loose ends?” Minseok sounded baffled. 

“Yea…I just want to see some of my friends from before.” 

“Like I said, you can go, but I really don’t think that it’s a good idea. I can still-”

“Please, just let me go on my own. I can drive myself. I will have my cellphone on the whole time and I’ll call you when I get there and text you the whole night.” 

“I-ugh…I don’t like this, ______.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “But fine. Go. I want you to have fun and start getting back to your regular self. You’ve been scaring me the past few days.”

“Thanks, Minseok.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek loudly. “I love you so much. I’m going to call my friend and see when she’s off tonight.” 

“You aren’t going to go at like midnight are you?”

“Whenever she’s off is when I’ll go!” You call behind you, running up the stairs to grab your phone and get changed. 

———

“Now, please, remember to call me when you get to the club. And please don’t go in.” Minseok, leaned down over you as you sat in the drivers seat of his sedan, his arms resting on the hood of the car. 

“I know. I promise, I will call. And the volume on my phone is up. If you try to get a hold of me I will hear it.” You smile up at him, puckering your lips to signal for him to kiss you.

He obliges, his hand moving behind your neck and his tongue running over your lower lip. 

“Just remember that I’m here.” He whispered gruffly. “I don’t want you to forget about me.”

“I could never.”

You didn’t take your eyes off Minseok as you closed the car door and started it up. The radio was on a rock and roll station and you turned it up, blowing Minseok a kiss which he returned from his place on the front porch. 

You were off for your first night on your own in months.

———

“Hey, I’m here.” You said into your cellphone. “I’m just waiting outside by the backdoor. I’m in a black car.”

“I’m just running a couple minutes late. My last dance went longer than expected, just come back to the dressing room, some of the other girls would love to see you!”

“I don’t know if I should-”

“Of course you should, silly! Come on back. I’ll only be another ten minutes.” 

“Uh, okay.” You turned the car off, hanging the phone up at the same time. You took a few deep breaths before getting out and walking purposefully towards the door. 

Walking into the back hall brought back a slew of memories from before you were clean. Before Minseok, and even after Minseok. Going out to eat with him, pretending to be normal before going home to your hole of an apartment and shooting up in the bathtub. 

The lights were too bright and the noises of the club were overwhelming even in the back hall. Girls ran past you in various states of undress, some waved to you and some you didn’t recognize at all. This place always had a high turn over rate. 

“Oh, _______!” Your friend ran towards you, pulling you off your feet. “It’s so good to see you. You look so good!” She held your hand, pulling you along behind her. “Come in the dressing room. Everyone is dying to see you.”

She was right. You were greeted by a chorus of old familiar faces. 

“It’s so good to see all of you,” You said as you made your rounds hugging people. “It feels like it’s been years.”

“That’s cause you’re clean now!” One girl yells from the back, the end of a belt strap in her mouth. She let out a muffled laugh and pulled tight, shooting a needle into her arm. 

Another girl had her foot up on the counter, a needle positioned between her toes. She looked back at you and smiled. You recognized her from when you worked here. She was new then. 

She looked so different.

Your phone rang. 

“I’m sorry, I have to take this!” You ran out of the dressing room and down the hall. Not wanting to answer until you knew that MInseok wouldn’t be able to hear anything. “Hello?”

“Hey, babe…you sound out of breath, are you okay?”

“Yea, I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m good. I was just calling to check on you…When you didn’t call me I got worried that something happened.”

“Oh, no. It’s all good. My friend just told me that she was going to be another ten minutes so I was driving around killing time. I just got to the club.” The lie came too easily.

“Okay, good. Well I love you. Let me know what’s going on tonight.” He sounded uneasy, but he was trying to cover it with a note of support.

“I love you, Minseok.” You assured him. “I’ll keep you updated.”

You hung up just in time for your friend to come barrelling through the door, a bag over each shoulder and a pair of platform heels in her hand. 

“I thought you’d never call again.” She stated as she climbed in the car. “Here, this is a bunch of stuff that you had left in your locker at the club.” 

“Oh, thanks.” You put it in the backseat to go through later. “I thought that they would have thrown it all out by now.”

“They were going to but I scooped it up just before Joey put it in the trash can.” She gave you a sincere hug. “I thought you might still want some of it.” 

“Thanks.” You held onto her for another moment. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too, girl. Now, tell me all about what you have been up to the last few months. You look like you’ve filled out a bit, nice rosy tint to your cheeks that is definitely not from blush…Are you still with that guy? What was his name again? Minseong…?”

“Minseok.” You smile fondly. “Yea, I’m still with him. We’re living together.” 

“_______! I can’t believe it. In all the time I’d known you, you had never been in a relationship and now here you are, so serious with a man!” 

“I can’t believe it either.” Her laugh was infectious, making you feel like you wanted to laugh with her. “Now, where are we going?”

———

You got home at two thirty in the morning, but, as you had expected, as soon as your car was in sight of the house you could see Minseok’s figure on the front porch waiting for you to come in. You parked and picked the bag up from the backseat along with some leftovers from your very late second dinner, meeting him halfway between the car and the house.

“I missed you.” He said, kissing you tenderly. 

“I missed you too.” You melted into him. “I am so sleepy. I can’t even believe I lasted this late.”

“Well let’s get you into bed and you can tell me all about your night.” He linked his arm with yours, guiding you into the house and up the stairs. Once you were in your room, you pulled off your sweater and jeans, appreciating the feeling of the air on your bare skin. 

“Go brush your teeth, babe. I’ll be here when you get back.” 

You smiled at him, putting the bag your friend gave you at the end of the bed and left, feeling like the night had been a huge success. You hummed as you got ready, brushing your hair out and putting it into braids for the night. 

When you entered the bedroom again you felt the mood shift. Minseok was sitting on the chair, his elbows resting on his knees, head dropped to look at something in his hands. 

“Min-” You didn’t know what was wrong, but you could feel the anger in Minseok and around him. “What’s wrong? What is that?”

“Why the fuck do you have this in your bag?”

[olionheartedgirlo]

pray for me

I have been sitting here all night literally just deep diving back into kpop and the wonders of dance practice videos. 

[olionheartedgirlo]

Hey i hope you're doing well, I've been reading your wolf stories and "I will possesss your heart" again and again for years. I always thought they were wonderfull and never got bored of them. No matter if you continue writing your stories or not, I hope you're always happy in life❤️

Hi anon. Thanks so much for this message! I am happier now than I have been in years and that has brought with it the inspiration to write again. Writing on Tumblr has always been a good outlet for me to work on things for my own creative writing and now that I am getting back into that I’m starting to rediscover the benefits of writing on here too! :)  I feel very out of the loop with everything and I don’t know if people even really read fan fiction for Kpop anymore, but nevertheless I feel like I will start writing on here again, at least for the time being. Then you won’t have to just read my past work over and over again.

Thanks again for your kind words <3 

[olionheartedgirlo]

I Will Possess Your Heart / Part 10

Well well well...my first foray into writing in almost 4 years? Glad to be back I think. I hope I haven’t lost my touch.

Enjoy everyone!

----------

“You want me to teach you how to be human?” You echoed, your brow furrowing as you pulled away to look at his whole face.

“Yes.”

“But why?”

“The humans I am doing business with are not very trusting of me and I believe that if I adopt some traits that are familiar to them they will let their guards down.” Sehun brushed a strand of hair out of your face absentmindedly, his eyes glossy with a far away look.

“Sehun.” You tried to draw his attention back to you, unsuccessfully. “Sehun,” You turn his face towards you. “It’s not a big deal. I will help you.”

“Thank you.” He lightly brushes his lips over your cheek again, sending a wave of tingles through your body.

“This is the perfect time for the first lesson then.” You got up, grabbing his hand awkwardly to stand him up beside you.

“Already?”

“Yes, already.” You sigh and he stares at you. You do it again trying to get him to understand. “Sehun, you need to sigh. When you’re exasperated, tired, relieved. There is literally almost no situation where sighing doesn’t make you look human.”

“Just a sigh?” He cocks his eyebrow.

“If you’re doubting my expertise you can find a new teacher.” You say, feigning curtness, you start to turn towards the door.

“No wait.” Sehun grabs your wrist to keep you near him. His grip on you is strong, it doesn’t hurt but it makes you feel a certain way you can’t put your finger on.

Fear?

His eyes are dark, nearly completely black when you look up at him. Only for a moment though and after that moment is gone it is like it never happened, but the feeling lingered subtly.

He stands straight, hands at his sides and takes a breath in, letting it out in a funny, exaggerated manner. When you don’t say anything he does it again. You have spent so much time around vampires for the last 500 years that you didn’t realize how accustomed you were to people not moving. Yes, your family all worked at maintaining their natural human traits to blend in with society, but very few vampires felt the same way, leaving you to be the odd one out.

“No, no, stop.” You shake your hands in front of you to exaggerate your need for him to stop. “That doesn’t look natural at all. You don’t have to take in air like you are going to blow up a balloon. See, just like this,” You take in a light breath through your nose, smelling Sehun’s cologne in the process. “Just a little bit.”

Sehun’s eyes flashed again, startling you.

“Maybe that’s enough for tonight.” You say, taking a step back. “You’re probably tired from traveling so much. You should rest.” He clears his throat, subconsciously testing out another human trait.

“I suppose you are right.” He agrees hesitantly. “I may lay down for an hour or so.”

“Have a good rest, Sehun.”

He walks you to the door of his room and you take in the carvings the oak, avoiding eye contact.

“________,” He steps in front of you, practically forcing you to look at him. “Goodnight.”

Sehun leans down to give you a kiss, but as he is about to touch his lips to yours you turn your head, his lips catching the corner of your mouth.

“I’ll see you later.” You slip around him.

Once you were outside of his room alone you felt like you could finally think straight, although you didn’t know what exactly to think about what happened in Sehun’s room. You really thought that things would be different. But nothing was different. He was still hot and cold and you had no idea why.

Why did he want you to come on this trip with him?

Maybe you shouldn’t go with him.

———

An hour turned out to be a day. You didn’t see Sehun again until the next day, and to pass the time you had joined Jongin again, pushing your confusion away and trading it for more first person shooter games.

A knock sounded on Jongin’s door and you both looked up in unison. People were vary rarely roaming around the halls this close to noon. Though no one slept for a full 8 hours, everyone seemed to take the day as their alone time, opting to stay in their chambers to rest mentally.  

“Come in.” He grumbled, annoyed at having been interrupted when he was so close to winning. He threw the controller behind him on the bed, cracking his knuckles.

Sehun stepped into the room, his nose wrinkling in disgust as he took in the mess. The boxes the tv and xbox came in where still on the floor, styrofoam and plastic packaging littered around them. Empty blood bags were also around, straws poking out, some had the dried remains of blood on the floor around them. His eyes finally came to settle on you and Jongin sitting together on his bed, the sheets pulled askew, making it look like you were doing more than just playing video games.

“I’ve been looking for you.” He says curtly to me. “Can we talk?”

“Um, sure.” You get up of the bed, handing your controller to Jongin. “Don’t exit out of the game. I’ll be back to kick your butt soon.” You force yourself to laugh, even though the pit of your stomach was feeling like a brick was weighing it down with nerves.

Sehun held the door open for you and you walked past him carefully.

“Clean this place up. It looks fucking disgusting.” He practically spit the words at Jongin and you flinch.

Sehun’s hand goes to your back leading you towards his room. His hand doesn’t feel soft on your back like it did at the party. Today it feels hard, like cement pressing into your lower back, cold and unfeeling.

Once the door is closed behind the two of you he separates himself from you, moving to sit in front of the fireplace.

“Are you going to come with me on my trip?” He asks, the fire’s glow in his eyes mesmerizing you.

“I told you that I would.” You answered cautiously.

“I just want to make sure. My behaviour has been less that ideal and I want to make sure it is what you really want.”

You were starting to get more than just confused now. You were starting to get angry.

“If you know that you have been acting childishly, why don’t you just stop and act like a normal person?” You question sharply. You straightened your shoulders. Sehun is just a person after all. Why shouldn’t you stand tall and question him as you would anyone else? Because you love him? That is all the more reason to question his decisions. His decisions now effect you more than anyone else.

“I don’t know how to stop myself.” He answers simply.

“Well that isn’t good enough.” Your hands are balled into fists at your sides to keep yourself from shaking.”I have waited for weeks for you to come home, while you’ve been all over the place, barely ever speaking to me, and now you’re here and it’s like…this. A disaster.”

He stays quiet, looking down at his shoes.

“What is this Sehun? I told you how I feel and you’ve told me you love me, but this is all just games. And I’m tired of it. You might not think 523 years is enough, but I am tired of being lonely and scared. I want peace and if this isn’t going to be it then I don’t want it. No matter how much I want you. I don’t want it to be like this.” You pause to see if he will speak. He doesn’t. “In case it wasn’t clear, I will not be accompanying you on your trip. And if you can’t figure out what you want and how you want this relation-whatever this is to work I would like to take this time to remind you that I will not stand idly by and watch things happen to me.”

You had to admit that it felt good to get all of that off of your chest. The feeling of all of this being a game even though you have both expressed your feelings was worrying to you.

“I understand.”

“That’s all you have to say? That you understand? How about some kind of explanation?” Your shoulder slouched forward. You felt so defeated by everything. You had only spent a few days actually with Sehun and it seems like most of that time was riddled with confusion and misunderstandings.

Is it really supposed to be this hard?

“I don’t know what else I can say. You are right.” He didn’t move to get up, instead motioning for you to sit with him. “Please sit with me…I’d-I would like to try to explain myself.”

You moved slowly to the sofa, sitting next to him but careful not to touch him.

“I don’t want to make excuses for myself. That isn’t my intention in telling you all of this…” He shifted, running his hand through his hair “I have been struggling significantly with how to go about things. I have been alone for over eight hundred years so this is very new to me. I don’t know how to be with someone, especially someone I care so deeply about. I don’t want to ruin things with you. I don’t think I could live with myself if that were to happen.”

When Sehun was telling you was all very touching. It wasn’t necessarily a surprise, but you didn’t want to play mind games so it was important to you that he tell you the truth.

“Thank you for being honest with me.” You took his hand in yours. Having him becoming more vulnerable with you was finally allowing you to let go of some of your nerves. “I know it’s scary. I’m scared too. I don’t want to mess this up either. But we need to just be normal and show one another our true selves so that we can actually have some kind of relationship. I don’t even know what that is for us.”

Sehun leaned forward, kissing you firmly on the lips. It took you by surprise. This was the first time you felt like he was really kissing you. Everything else had been light and sweet. But this time it felt like so much more than that.

“So…where do we start?” He asked, resting his hand on your knee.

“I have an idea."

———

“I can’t believe you’ve never really watched movies.” You sighed out for the tenth time.

“I have seen some movies.” He retorts defensively. “I know that Jongin must have told you what happened when he first got a television. That situation was enough to make anyone not want to get too attached to a television.”

“But there are so many amazing things to watch. It can be so much more than just a mindless waist of time. Take tonight, for instance, we will use this as an opportunity for some research into how to have a normal relationship.”

“This is silly.” Sehun commented under his breath.

“No it isn’t. I have learned most of what I know about humans today from movies and tv shows and you all think I am human. So, listen to me when I say this is a good idea.”

“Okay, so what do we do? We just sit here and watch?” Sehun moved uncomfortably on the sofa,

“No.” Be bold, you thought. “We are going to watch from the bed.”

“From the bed? But the couch is fine.”

“You wanted to learn to be human right?” You asked. “Think of this as killing two birds with one stone. Now, go get your pyjamas on.”

As Sehun got up, you also went to get ready. You looked through your drawers, trying to find something cute to wear, but nothing seemed right. You settled on a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt, after all, he had seen you in that combination before.

When you walked back into his room you closed the door quietly behind you. As you turned the corner you could see him, standing in the large walk in closet, wearing a pair of nicely fitting sweatpants and no shirt. It was the first time you had seen him like that and it took your breath away.

“Hi.” You say, not wanting to feel like you were secretly watching him. “I like your pyjamas.” You smile bashfully, tucking your loose hair behind your ear.

“I am just looking for a shirt to wear.”

“Do you usually wear a shirt to bed?”

“Um-no.” His hand, reaching for the shelf, falls back to his side.

“Just wear what you will be comfortable in. I am.” You tracked his eyes as he took in your appearance, his eyes moving slowly up your bare legs.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure, Sehun.”

You turned, getting the movie ready before walking over to Sehun’s extremely large and lavish bed. When you arrived, you thought that your room was amazingly over the top, but Sehun’s room was on another level and his bed was like the cherry on top. It was impossibly large, with blood red silk sheets and massive down pillows.

You ran you hand over the soft, luscious fabric, grabbing the edge of the blankets to pull them back, aware of Sehun watching you. You sat on the right side of the bed, pulling the blankets back up over you.

“Get in.” You instruct him gently.

You watch him walk over to the other side of the bed, pulling the sheets back in a calculating way before sitting stiffly down.

“So we just sit like this and watch the movie?” He asked.

“Kind of.” You crawl over to him. Sitting so your arms are touching. “We can start like this and get more comfortable as we watch.”

“O-Okay.”

You start the movie, leaning back once the opening credits start, the comfort of something familiar helping you to relax. You lean on Sehun with your full body weight, conflicting feelings of relaxation and excitement waging war inside of you. His smell calmed you, but the sight of him in something other than a suit, sweatpants with no shirt on, lit a fire within you that you weren’t sure if you were ready to act on.

“You are much bolder tonight than you usually are.” He states with a slight smirk on his face. “It is very interesting to see parts of you that I didn’t know existed. But…I guess I should have remembered though. When you were human you were very outspoken.” His head tips back to rest against the headboard. “Why did you change that about yourself?”

Pulling away from him you stiffen, the sound of the movie fading away into the background.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I just meant…Before you were changed you seemed to be so bright. I remember you very clearly at that dance. You were running around with your friends, dancing, laughing loudly, joking with everyone. You were very clearly different, and everyone loved you all the more for it.” He pauses for a moment, treading lightly. “I still see that in you sometimes, when you are reading, or doing things with Jongin, or Chanyeol. But you are never like that with me.”

“I-I’m sorry…It’s hard to be like that with most vampires. A lot of people outside of my family find it threatening that I can act so convincingly. And because of everything that is going on with the war, it just doesn’t feel right to be acting so care free.”

“You don’t have to pretend with me.” He whispers. “I can be fun like Jongin too…I think.”

“Then why don’t you have fun?”

“I know what my parents expect of me. I’m the oldest son and I have to be able to take over for my father.”

“You’re father will be around forever-”

“If something happens to him in this war it will all be on me.”

“You have Jongin, he will help you.”

“He can’t handle it. We’ve tried before…giving him responsibility. He doesn’t deal with it well.” Sehun shakes his head, rubbing his eyes before continuing to speak. “He dealt with so much when we were human and when I was changed and things fell to me, Jongin finally was able to have some freedom.”

“Well, I’d like to show you that you can have some freedom too. I know that you have a lot on your plate with everything and I want to make sure that I can be your escape from that. I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

“You could never be a burden to me.” He’s turned to face you.

You lean in towards Sehun, looking down at his chest before bridging the gap between your lips and his. The kiss was solid and warm, dissolving the doubts you had been carrying with you since you’d arrived at their home. His hand travelled up your arm on it’s way to stroke your cheek.

He pulled away, slowly opening his eyes.

“I would like to learn to have more fun.”

[olionheartedgirlo]

New Chapter Coming!

Guys, A new chapter of I Will Possess Your Heart is coming tonight or tomorrow. omg. what am I doing...

[olionheartedgirlo]

The last time i read ur stuff was years ago but when i got the notification u were posting i left my online class ASAP ahahah

That is seriously the sweetest thing! <3 That makes my heart so happy to hear. Maybe next time I post it will be a new chapter? haha

[olionheartedgirlo]

Do you still write K-Pop fan fic ???

Hi! No I haven’t for years but I’ve gone through a major life change recently and have been reading my old stuff and it is compelling me to start writing again maybe. :) 

[olionheartedgirlo]

Wow..my first time back on this account in a very long time. So weird to read through my old stuff. 

[olionheartedgirlo]

I miss your writing!! 😔

I’m so sorry :(

[olionheartedgirlo]

I know you’re peobably really busy with school and everything else, but I just wanted to ask if you ever planned on finishing dear future husband? ): i’ve been reading it since the first chapter was posted and I feel kinda attached now

Hi, unfortunately I don’t think I will finish it. I haven’t been writing on tumblr in so long and I feel like my connection with Kpop is just gone, at least for now. Sorry!

[olionheartedgirlo]

Hey, I haven't seen your blog active in a while I think. Are you okay? How's your life going? It's totally fine if you moved on from kpop or tumblr or whatever, but you've been my favourite kpop blog for a while. Anyways, just wanna make sure you're okay I guess...

Hi! Thanks so much for thinking of me. I’ve been doing really well. I am getting married soon so I’m really busy with that stuff.

[olionheartedgirlo]

Dude you're alive! I'm so happy you posted. I thought something happened to you because you were gone for so long. I hope you're doing fine❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I am doing great thank you! ❤️❤️

[olionheartedgirlo]

hey, i am a huge fan of your fanfic ' THIRTEEN'S A CROWD' i was wondering if you have stopped writing the fic. every now and then i think about the story and how things may end up. hopefully you are doing well these days, hope to hear from you very soon

Hey! I’m glad you like the story. I won’t be finishing the story. I’ve been on and off tumblr so much the last few years and each time I try to add more chapters or finish stories and I just don’t have it in me anymore aha

So sorry >.

[olionheartedgirlo]

Lucky - Sehun Character profile

[olionheartedgirlo]

Lucky - Lead Character Profile

Hi everyone! I thought I would post some of the character development I did for the exo as wolves series. Here is Jangmi’s bio. If you have read the series, Jangmi is just the name I gave the main character in my head.

I’d love to hear all your feedback