ofzahras - Tumblr blog

[ofzahras]

Zahra had always been a night owl and even more so since she had moved back to the city. Back home she had enjoyed how quiet everything had been when the whole neighborhood slept, had always been thrilled by the thought of being the last one awake, while the opposite was true in New York City. There were always people out and about and Zahra felt a special kind of comradery with the other sleepless wanderers. It could still be loud, yes, but there was also a certain kind of peace that felt familiar and even comforting.

She glanced to the side at the stranger and nodded at her words. She hadn't meant to strike up a conversation, not really, but she also didn't want to move from the spot she had picked for herself. It was surely one of the better ones. "I know," she agreed, dark eyes directed towards the sky. "No wonder people find symbolism and write poetry about it."

status: open (@bhqextras) location: Full Harvest Moon Viewing Party ; Prospect Park

if given the choice, olivia would've travelled to the country for this. perhaps she would have rented a car and driven until she was in the middle of nowhere, and then just parked on the side of the road and watched the moon. it wasn't that the view of the moon from here wasn't fine - it was, decent at least. up north where there was no light to drown out the stars? now that was spectacular.

but olivia didn't like to travel like that alone. she was small, after all, and had done enough research for the next twenty lifetimes that told her how she should avoid rural areas at night, and certainly don't go alone. as she didn't have anyone that was willing to go on an impromptu evening roadtrip, she found herself at the park. it would be good enough from here, the moon was still worth the late night for sure. so she laid back on her towel, arms crossed beneath her head casually.

❝ you know, ❞ she started, pretty much assuming that the person settled on the towel within reach of her own - god, was nowhere in the city no longer crowded? - would no doubt respond. ❝ no matter how many times i watch a full moon rise, it will always blow me away with how pretty it is. ❞

[ofzahras]

She should have expected it, and in a way she had done. Still, she hadn't exactly prepared, too engrossed in her work or at least in avoiding it to the best of her ability. She had planned a relatively easy day for herself, a few hours in the archives going through the records for the Center for Religion and Media, something she could certainly find some joy in even on the worst of her days. Apparently the universe had other ideas and Zahra's simple day took a turn just as she was reaching the steps of the archives. She stopped, took a look around as if trying to figure out where the voice was coming from even though she had absolutely no doubts. At least it bought her some time. "Azhar," she replied, involuntarily amused by the anagram of their names once again. She was sure her voice shook ever so slightly but hoped it would simply seem like a sign of being out of breath. "It's me. I'm, uh, just heading in."

closed starter for @ofzahras , on campus at new york university near the library / archives.

sighing,  azhar  ran  a  hand  across  his  head  before  adjusting  his  beanie.  although  the  autumnal  weather  had  yet  to  hit  the  streets,  and  the  leaves  were  not  changing  except  for  slight  yellow  and  orange  tints  at  their  edges,  he  was  prepared  for  the  brisk  wind  that  promised  a  temperature  drop.  deep  in  thought  about  that  thesis  he  had  begun  reading,  having  been  asked  to  proofread  it  by  one  of  his  students  for  their  presentation  upcoming,  and  his  head  ached  in  the  place  that  he  couldn't  knead  out.  reminded  him  of  so  much  agony,  really.  how  he  spent  too  much  time  on  it.  or  not  enough.  but  he  didn't  want  to  be  held  down  by  his  past,  intending  on  heading  home  and  relieving  devi  of  her  watching  -  duties  earlier  than  intended  as  a  surprise.  that  was,  until  azhar  himself  was  surprised.  dressed  in  the  dark  brown  suit  jacket  and  casual  blouse  of  his  lecture  earlier,  he  paused  when  he  spotted  a  familiar  visage.  slowly  blinking.  (  am  i  seeing  things?  )  “zahra?”  too  old,  and  exhausted,  to  waste  much  time.  (  not  to  mention  his  heart  ached.  in  a  strange  way.  right  there,  in  his  throat.  )  “did  i  fall  'sleep  back  there  or  is  that  really  you?”

[ofzahras]

“i am afraid that if i open myself i will not stop pouring. (why do i fear becoming a river. what mountain gave me such shame.)”

— Erosion // Jamie Oliveira

[ofzahras]

"I wouldn't dare to try. You're evidently much braver than I am," she chuckled in agreement. "I know. I used to think I was pretty good at all that stuff, knowing what's new and hip. And now I'm the sort of person who uses the word hip unironically." She waved her hand flippantly at Violet's compliment. "You're one to talk. I am sure all the heads turned when you walked in." It didn't seem like an overestimation by any means, and Zahra had never been good at giving out meaningless words of praise.

She could feel her cheeks warm up as Violet inquired about her dating life. "Not a chance. Not that I'm against it, but I just haven't even thought to consider it," she admitted. "Oh, no, can't have you do that. How about you? You have your eyes on anyone?"

"God, and then you try to explain landlines to them. Oh do I feel old then! I like being in my thirties honestly but with the way tech moves sometimes I feel older. Still, we look beautiful, you especially." Violet said as the day unfolded around them with pleasant chatter. "So anything else new? You seeing anybody? Or is the thesis your one and only right now? I have some people I could introduce you to if you're interested."

[ofzahras]

"It does sound nice, and I'm glad you liked it. I don't think I'm much of a beach person myself," she admitted with a shrug, "not that I've really tried being one." She wasn't entirely sure when she had decided she didn't care for lounging around in the sun but apparently she had done just that at one point in her life. "Luckily there are some beaches not too far from here. So, you know, you can still enjoy that even if it isn't quite the same."

"Well, this is my second time around living here. I first moved here to do a PhD program ages ago. Finished that and worked elsewhere for a bit. Now I'm back." She looked down, almost embarrassed for sharing something that felt both meaningless and hugely important at the same time. "I guess you could say I liked the city enough to move right back."

As they sat down, Matt picked up the menu as well and looked over the pasta section of it. "Can't go wrong with a good pasta, right?" he gave a small nod and chose what he was going to eat before he looked up, putting the menu down to answer her questions.

"Honestly, I loved LA, yeah. The weather is great and living near the beach is not half bad." He chuckled. "And I loved my house there too. I never imagined moving back to the East Coast but a really big work opportunity came up so I was happy to take it." Matt trailed the edge of the menu with his fingers, lost in thought for a moment before he looked up again. "What about you? Why did you move to New York?"

[ofzahras]

"But wouldn't that be a beautiful way to go? Being flattered to death. That being said, I would very prefer if you were to stay alive." While making friends had always been somewhat of a daunting task to her, Zahra valued the friendships she had immensely. Yes, she still struggled to open up and share, but that didn't mean she actually wanted to push people away. She was making a conscious effort and luckily Vismaya seemed to appreciate it.

The undeniably delicious smell of the pizza reminded Zahra that while seeing Vismaya was definitely her main priority, she was also quite eager to eat. Having come to realize she hadn't remembered to do a real grocery shop in days, she had raided her snack cupboard earlier in the day, but the pizza in front of her certainly seemed far more appealing than the Goldfish and trail mix she had inhaled. Her head snapped up as Vismaya informed she would paying be paying for the evening. "No way. Can't allow it," she replied with a firm shake of her head. Her father had taught her many important life skills, and somehow fighting over the bill was certainly at the top of the list. Admittedly he was far more creative, often faking toilet breaks in order to pay when others least expected it. "But if you insist, you will have to let me pay for the next two times we go out to eat or have drinks," she added, not wanting to draw out the conversation when they were about to have a good time. Not that Zahra was all that eager to talk about herself.

"I'm okay. Having kind of a writer's block," she admitted with a sheepish smile, "but I'm sure it'll pass. Has happened before." It was true, she had struggled with inspiration before, but somehow this time felt different, more final in a way. "Honestly, haven't been doing anything too exciting stuff since I moved back. But I'm happy to be properly back in New York." That was at least true. "How are you? Hopefully your life is more thrilling than my current existence."

Few people made the cut of occupying Vismaya's extremely limited free time as of late, and Zahra would always be one of those people. Though, Vismaya didn't entirely consider her own company a treasure as of late, feeling like she had formed a habit of monopolizing the conversation just to talk about workplace fusses and, as always, her mother. However, tonight, she wanted to truly catch up with her friend, as she thought of Zahra often and fondly, and had a vested interest in the girl's wellbeing. "Z, I swear you are going to flatter me to death one day. My blood will be on your hands. My beautiful, beautiful blood," Vis teased, her nose scrunching as she giggled at her own lame joke. "Pizza is always the perfect place to start. And it's damn good, too." At that, Vis gingerly placed one of the small ceramic plates in front of her friend, and then helped herself to another slice. "So, firstly, order whatever you want, tonight is on me, and I'll be having no arguments about that, so, shh. Secondly, please tell me how you've been doing. I know I saw you a few weeks ago, but it still feels like it's been a full calendar year."

[ofzahras]

If there was one thing Zahra excelled at, it was listening. Sure, her neutral expression could make her seem indifferent or not all that engaged, but she truly did listen, intently and without the need to interrupt. "You're good. Don't worry about it," she assured. It was clear they were going through something and she didn't want to pry. She would've hated it if she had been in their position. "I hope you find what you're looking for. That feeling of home." She had always been good at adapting to her surroundings and finding little things that made her feel like a part of something bigger than herself but that didn't necessarily mean she knew what made a place feel like a home. Still, New York City had treated her well and now that she was back, she couldn't imagine leaving any time soon.

"We're here," she announced once they reached their destination. "I think it's more of an Irish place, but certainly closer to a British pub than the last place. Good beer, too."

Theo blew smoke away from her after sucking in some from their cig, listening to her carefully, their eyes trained on her as she talked. "Home can be a lot of things. Not necessarily a place. Something or someone you want to come back to. That can be a house, your family, a significant other." They shrugged as they explained. "For me, it would be a person but right now, I don't feel like I have a home to go back to." Theo paused for a moment before they let out a chuckle. "Shit, sorry, that got too deep. Anyway, I'm here for work and yeah, I don't particularly like it, honestly."

They took another drag from their cigarette as they walked next to her, their other hand slipping inside the pocket of their jeans, looking around the city around them that people seem to fall in love with so quickly. They weren't that impressed by it.

[ofzahras]

[ofzahras]

"I don't know, could be both," she pointed out, eyes nailed to the balloon as she thought through her strategy, "plenty of relaxing things are also real dumb. That being said, you could win a record."

who: open (@bhqextras)

where: early after noon, any day, aura music festival

what: doing an activity at one of the vendor tents (making rave sprouts, laying in hammocks, palm reading line, sitting inside the giant parachute, playing balloon darts, making signs, or face painting - pick your muse's favorite!)

Sherri sighed, scrunching her nose at her current task. "I can't tell if this is relaxing, exciting, or just — dumb." She blurted to the person nearest her.

[ofzahras]

"I can imagine. Did you like LA? I mean, I feel like it would be vastly different from New York. Never been," she admitted. While she had nothing against he West Coast, California or even Los Angeles, she had never had any real reason to visit. The family she had in the states lived mostly in the Midwest, and she had spent her adult years in the Southeast and East Coast. "Different vibe, right? I guess you could say the weather is nicer."

Zahra didn't have to open the menu to know what she wanted. She could be a creature of habit, often frequenting the same restaurants she had once deemed good. Still, she took a look as if trying to make recommendations. "All of the pasta is pretty great. Can't say a lot about the meat since I don't really eat it."

They took a turn around the corner and he followed her to the place she knew as they continued chatting. He found it really easy to talk to her even though she seemed very serious and wanted to shake him off at the beginning, she warming up to him apparently and it felt nice. Uncomplicated. "I've lived in LA so I'm pretty used to having options of things to do. Too many options actually. When I first got there at eighteen, I wanted to do everything all the time. The last couple of years I was in bed by ten." He laughed at himself. Thirty-nine hit pretty hard.

Once inside the place, he rubbed his hands together, looking around. "Okay, what's good here? I'm actually starving." he chuckled.

[ofzahras]

Zahra glanced down at her feet, deeply embarrassed by the reality of her situation. "Kind of, if you can call me covering my fridge with the due date receipts a system. It has worked pretty well so far. It’s definitely not aesthetically pleasing in the slightest, but gets the job done.” Zahra wanted to be one of those well-organized Excel and spreadsheet type of people, but so far she hadn’t picked up the needed skillset, nor the motivation.

The rigidness in her voice had dissipated slightly, making her sound less defensive, leaving behind just the very obvious physical and mental exhaustion. Still, she seemed to pick up as Birdie described what she had been up to. “I mean yeah, that’s definitely work, but it at least sounds like you’re mostly enjoying it. That’s good.” Thank god she could already see the book drop and would soon be rid of her shameful cargo. “Have you found anything interesting? Could definitely use some recommendations.” While she had never played an instrument and could not say she was a particularly gifted singer, music had always been one of her dearest hobbies and one of the main reasons why she loved living in the city. "Oh? That sounds exciting."

Birdie didn't buy a word the other said, but she was willing to drop the subject. After all, she found out years and years ago that it was impossible to force any sort of change upon someone else, it was something they had to do themselves. "Right." She continued to make her way into the library with the other, "You must have one hell of an organizing system to make sure you don't catch a bunch of late fees for these things." If she checked out this many books at a time, she was liable to forget a good chunk of them and create a mess for herself in fees.

"Somewhat." She responded to the question. "Unfortunately, I haven't been able to take my own advice as of late. I've been spending a lot of my off time looking into some of the local bands for some new stuff for the station, which might bring about some fun, but is still technically work." That part was hard to set down with the incredible music scene in the city. "Who knows, maybe I'll go to that Devil's Night coming up at the She Shed for non-work related fun."

[ofzahras]

cracking open a cold one with the girls except it’s my icy heart and they’re teaching me how to love again

[ofzahras]

My era rn is uncategorizable. The the way I am living is unheard of

[ofzahras]

"I get that. I'm kind of doing the same thing," she admitted with an equally uneasy smile that disappeared within seconds. Well, she certainly stressed over work and spent an ungodly amount of time staring at her computer screen. "It'll take a while to figure out what you like doing, especially here. There's so much to do and sometimes that can be a bit overwhelming." She remembered just how spoilt for choice she had felt when she first moved to the city. Zahra had been eager to try absolutely everything to the point where she hadn't known where to start.

"Well, I mean I do like visiting the museums, or art galleries if that's your thing." She shrugged, kicking a pebble along the street as she walked. "There's tons of good live music as well. I tend to take advantage of that. Just depends on what you like."

Matt let out a chuckle at her question, shaking his head and then looking back a her with a mortified look and a shy smile. "Honestly? Work." He chuckled. "That's as far as my plans go right now. I go to work, I come home, eat, sleep. Then work again." He slipped his hands into his pockets and bit the inside of his cheek. He wasn't proud of his routine but he hasn't felt like doing much else for a few months now. Matt carried all alone a baggage way too big for his poor back.

"What do you like to do around the city for fun?" He asked, curiously, not wanting to dampen the mood, so he offered her a kind smile. "Maybe I can learn a thing or two from you."

[ofzahras]

Zahra chuckled, very much capable of remembering the first ever full on grocery trip she had done after moving out of the dorms as a college senior. Sure, she had gone grocery shopping before but the panic she had felt while wandering the aisles of the local Food Lion had still been palpable. "Right? I sometimes feel like my wallet is an ancient relic of some sort," she agreed with a slighly amused smile. She could be a creature of habit and had hard time imagining switching to a sleek card holder or just trusting in the power of Apple Pay. "I don't know, it seems very scary to me. My Midwestern turned New Yorker self wouldn't be able to handle it."

"Oh yeah, I learned that rule super quickly. Like I didn't buy my own groceries until I was in grad school. Suddenly I had to figure out how to budget, plan meals, eat healthy, all that. Not going food shopping hungry was definitely lesson number two. Lesson number one was don't forget your wallet at home. These kids today with their apple pay have it so good." She laughed as the waiter approached. The women ordered their meals and go their drinks refreshed. "Oh I know, some of those fancy supermarkets are so intimidating. Like I'm rich enough for those places but I'm East Coast rich, not West Coast. Sometimes it felt like another planet."

[ofzahras]

Even on her most evasive of days, Zahra was unlikely to turn down an offer to meet up with the selected few people she had managed to genuinely befriend. She had sensed Vismaya might have been in need of a good venting session, and no one could fault Zahra for her listening skills. In fact, she often preferred it, finding great comfort in being able to offer some solace even when she couldn't offer anything but her time.

A smile smoothed over her sharp features the moment she spotted her friend. "Oh, you're one to talk. Look at you," she laughed, the absolutely delight of seeing Vismaya evident in her voice. "Are you sure you're not filming an ad campaign for the place? It should be illegal to look that beautiful when eating pizza." Despite her proclivity for awkwardness, compliments came easy to Zahra when they were steeped in truth. "I'd love some pizza. Let's start with that, yeah?"

closed starter for @ofzahras | around 7pm, the newsroom bar in queens

Work, work, work, that was the bittersweet life sentence that Vismaya had imprisoned herself within-- at least it felt like a prison, after a particularly grueling week in the office, and weeks without being able to see her friends. She needed this night out, even if it was just a bunch of overpriced drinks in an overcrowded bar on a tuesday night. Because of her need to be away from her apartment as soon as possible, Vismaya had arrived at the newsroom much earlier than she'd asked Zahra to meet with her, and was already three slices deep into an exorbitantly priced pizza margherita. Just as she finished off her first glass of champagne, she spot her friend out of the corner of her eye, and lit up like a christmas tree. "Z!" she called, all too enthusiastically, standing to wave her friend over to their quiet corner table, champagne and excitement turning her into a true spitfire: "I'm so happy you're here. Did you get even more beautiful? You did. You always do. How are you? I hope the traffic getting here wasn't too bad. How's school going? Do you want some pizza?"

[ofzahras]