oflifeandmonsters

[oflifeandmonsters]

Wait a damn minute, I actually feel a bit better after therapy. A shit day became a slightly less shit day. Who would have guessed?

[oflifeandmonsters]

I want to be an author some day. But I've realized that to become an author I would actually need to write. So I've started to think that I just want to stay home and get paid.

[oflifeandmonsters]

Good morning guys,

~✨ I feel like shit ✨~

[oflifeandmonsters]

It's weird being almost 30 y-o and more depressed than ever. Over 1/3 of my life has now gone to shit.

[oflifeandmonsters]

I never really considered writing a suicide note until now. Just so that I would have one ready.

[oflifeandmonsters]

It always boggles me to fill out those depression questionnaires, like wait, you mean to tell me that it is possible to feel like the worst sentences don't exactly apply to your life?

[oflifeandmonsters]

[oflifeandmonsters]

Today, I am again sure that I have just absorbed this blob called "mental illness" like I absorb personalities and other traits from people I meet.

[oflifeandmonsters]

[oflifeandmonsters]

[oflifeandmonsters]

I got my personal all time high scores on every clinical depression form I filled out today. Boy, does my doctor not know what's gonna hit him tomorrow.

[oflifeandmonsters]

Hello google, what are reasons to live?

[oflifeandmonsters]

I know this isn't some earth shattering revelation but it felt like something I needed to read just now.

[oflifeandmonsters]

Chambers empty, time to reload

[oflifeandmonsters]

My dad and grandfather are both alcoholics and my sister has a gambling problem so I think it's safe to say that addiction runs in our family. It hasn't really been a problem until now though. I just reaaaaally want to drink my wine. Preferably every day and in large quantities.

But I KNOW that it makes my anxiety and lonelyness feel evwn worse. I KNOW that I shouldn't. I just really really really want to. Tbh the only thing keeping me from it is living with my bf. The amount of shit I would get from him would be too much. And I'm sort of grateful for that, deep down.

[oflifeandmonsters]

Nothing brings me joy anymore. Except maybe my cats. But everything else just seems so pointless. Yesterday, I slept for like 20 hours because I just didn't want to be awake and face this numb reality.

[oflifeandmonsters]

I have a therapy session on Friday and a doctor's appointment on next Wednesday.

Probably need to change my meds, this combination doesn't quite ✨ work ✨.

I hate being in this world.