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My mom has stopped telling me when it happens. It used to be an urgent wake up call, blinking my eyes to breaking news by word of mouth. It soon turned to casual conversation starters at the kitchen counter, passing it like butter on toast opposed to war on the world. Now, she says nothing. Radio silence. I now find out from friends in the car. The driver turns to me, news station blaring through the speakers, and asks if I had heard. I only shake my head and think the same thing as always. “Why isn’t it stopping?” There are echoes of arguments coming through now and I wish it was more like my mom’s information, just simply nonexistent.  No one has talked about the victims yet, just the shooter and his sudden fame for being dangerous. They talk about how it was suspected he’d do this one day. “So why did no one say something when it mattered?” You know, I think my mom stopped waking me up to the news because she thought it would scare me so much that I wouldn’t leave my bed so she made it a topic instead. I think eventually she gave it up completely because you can’t start a morning conversation the same way everyday. It would become repetitive and numbed to talk about the tradgedy that never seems to stop. And this has become so common that I place my odds as to my survival rate depending on what class. It depends of the location, the teacher, the students, the shooter themselves. It happens so much that I can’t help but imagine the sound of glass shattering, the first round of gunfire echoing through the halls. Screams of students belt out  and, hopefully, I’m running to the fields. I see myself pushing past cameras and nodding yes to the ‘Are you okay’s I keep getting asked by the classmates that hardly know my name. And I’m doing the same. I’m centering the pit of my stomach, aching to make me remember that I could have been paint on tile, all while looking for the friends that could be  bodies now, casualties to the tragedies that we all knew were coming, but didn’t prepare for. I’m hoping none of them died in the school we were dying to leave. Irony is bitter. Sometimes, I imagine myself looking at the barrel, forced down on my knees in execution style. I’m in history class. I wonder if the shooter knows that so many times before, I’ve wanted to put a gun to my own head and I finally started growing past that. The minute I wanted this life they’re taking away my decision. Death didn’t scare me until it wasn’t my choice. I wonder if the shooter will look at my face and see the past twelve years we spent here etched into it. And usually, I wonder if they’d let me say goodbye. I’d pull my phone out, display the screen so they know I’m not calling the cops, because honestly we both know it’s too late now. I’d text my mom, hating the fact that she’ll never hear my voice again  but knowing she needs something. I’d tell her I love her, because honestly I don’t think she realizes it. I’d text my dad and tell him I forgive him. Dying will hurt, but it will hurt ten times worse if I die  and he still thinks I hate him, that I stopped loving him. He hurt me, but not enough to make me hurt him back like this. I’d text my sister and thank her for being a protector during the fights, letting her know she stayed loyal to helping me surivive but she couldn’t always save me, and that isn’t her fault. I’d text my friends,  praying they get to see this text at all, and thank them for being the light in the darkest moments. I’d tell them all I loved them,  getting used to past tense before it happens. I’ve imagined the sound of my death, a single steady finger movement and loud ring out until my whole seventeen years is pouring out of me and rinsed down the drain with all the victims, the infinite lives. The ones that were lost, are lost, will be lost, because this won’t stop. Everyday I wake up, not even able to feel the underbelly of fear. I sit in class and twiddle my fingers, waiting for my dreams to come to fruition in a single sound of loading up.

Dakota Moon, Gun Fire Dreams (via the-doubtful-and-the-curious)

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reblog if you love any of these beans

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To improve my writing, I made a Wattpad account!

I write twenty one pilots fanfiction and stuff because I’m honestly too lazy to create new characters. If you’re into it, go follow me and read my stories and stuff...

https://www.wattpad.com/user/goodnightmoony

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There will come a time when the sun abandons everything, and you are left standing in the middle of the grass, empty coffee cup in hand, wondering how long you can wait there before you realize how much you're fooling yourself. Because sometimes, the sun leaves for a while, and you are left alone in the dark.

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“skip dinner and become thinner” more like “skip dinner and you have an eating disorder please get help”

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Melina Sophie

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The Wonder Years - Passing Through a Screen Door (x)

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“You should stay for a while”

Movements - Daylily

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where do we go when we go // neck deep

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gum // moose blood

my edit not my picture(s) or lyrics

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I got this tattoo as a Christmas present. There is a symbol here for at least one song I love on each album.

Road- Oh Ms. Believer

Trees with flame- Forest

Mountains, Sun, and Moon- Truce and Guns for Hands

Light Bulb- The Judge

Each symbol will soon have more songs and this tattoo overall represents what this band has done for me. twenty one pilots was my first ‘depression band’, as I call it, and their music shed light on things I didn’t want to talk about. Eventually, I’ll get more pieces like this of other ‘depression bands’ as a half sleeve and make my arm represent on of the constants in my life. This tattoo means the world to me. It proves I stayed alive |-/

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Hello again

It’s been almost a year since I’ve been on this blog, but I’ve spent all day scrolling through and I realized how much I love this blog. This band still matters to me and all of my past is still here. I’m now 17, a senior in high school with a college picked out, and some kind of future. I still have demons, and sometimes I doubt staying alive is worth it. But,, I’m here. 

Looking through this blog, I saw my start of bad habits and how sad I really was. Currently in life, I’m worse mentally, but I’ve gotten better overall. I may not be this same person, but I love this band so much and this blog is getting revamped and used again. Hope you’ll have me back <3

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i see my idols in 6 days

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Hey look, actual "unique" questions

1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?

3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

5:Do you like to use post-it notes?

6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

8:Do you have freckles?

9:Do you always smile for pictures?

10:What is your biggest pet peeve?

11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

12:Have you ever peed in the woods?

13:What about pooped in the woods?

14:Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

15:Do you chew your pens and pencils?

16:How many people have you slept with this week?

17:What size is your bed?

18:What is your Song of the week?

19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

20:Do you still watch cartoons?

21:Whats your least favorite movie?

22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

23:If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size?

24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

25:What is your favorite food?

26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

27:Last person you kissed/kissed you?

28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

31:Can you change the oil on a car?

32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

33:Ever ran out of gas?

34:Favorite kind of sandwich?

35:Best thing to eat for breakfast?

36:What is your usual bedtime?

37:Are you lazy?

38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

39:What is your Chinese astrological sign?

40:Are you horny?

41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

43:Are you stubborn?

44:Who is better...Leno or Letterman?

45:Ever watch soap operas?

46:Are you afraid of heights?

47:Do you sing in the car?

48:Do you sing in the shower?

49:Do you dance in the car?

50:Ever used a gun?

51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

52:Do you think musicals are cheesy?

53:Is Christmas stressful?

54:Ever eat a pierogi?

55:Favorite type of fruit pie?

56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

57:Do you believe in ghosts?

58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

59:Take a vitamin daily?

60:Wear slippers?

61:Wear a bath robe?

62:What do you wear to bed?

63:First concert?

64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

65:Nike or Adidas?

66:Cheetos Or Fritos?

67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

69:Ever take dance lessons?

70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

71:Can you curl your tongue?

72:Ever won a spelling bee?

73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

74:Own any record albums?

75:Own a record player?

76:Regularly burn incense?

77:Ever been in love?

78:Who would you like to see in concert?

79:What was the last concert you saw?

80:Hot tea or cold tea?

81:Tea or coffee?

82:Sugar or snickerdoodles?

83:Can you swim well?

84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

85:Are you patient?

86:DJ or band, at a wedding?

87:Ever won a contest?

88:Ever have plastic surgery?

89:Which are better black or green olives?

90:Can you knit or crochet?

91:Best room for a fireplace?

92:Do you want to get married?

93:If married, how long have you been married?

94:Who was your HS crush?

95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

96:Do you have kids?

97:Do you want kids?

98:Whats your favorite color?

99:Do you miss anyone right now?

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reasons why “the 21 pilots drummer” goes crazy on his drums (even while playing simple songs)

when you have a two man band, both members equally need to put on a show. you can’t rely just on the frontman.

josh has anxiety and it helps him when he plays harder. 

playing the drums is 10x more fun if you bounce, nod your head, etc. (coming from a drummer myself)

he’s fun to watch 

he loves to put all of his energy into a show, even if it’s just a short performance.

maybe it doesn’t look “professional” but he’s having the time of his life up there.