obsessedtoxicdesires

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

The same sad redundant acknowledgment

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

It was but only for a very short period of time….

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

This… damn…

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

Can you tell me you miss me like I miss you one last time so I know it was real?

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

Undeniably flawed

I am what modern society has labeled “undeniably flawed”.

I repeatedly put my self in self destructive situations even after already being aware of the outcome.

After numerous attempts from those held dear to me provide a solution or support in my hard times I still take it into my own hands and totally disregard all advice or guidence I am presented with even if it’s insight from my very own personal experiences.

Knowing very well the toxic, painful, inevitable outcome if I were to indulge in my old ways yet still doing so anyways without a second thought.

I was wired this was from birth and it can sometimes seem inevitable.

An unchosen fate.

I wish I was wrong when I say this but I’m what society labels undeniably FLAUD..

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

Why do I miss you…

I miss you now after all these years of being apart.

We’ve both had new love’s and new heart breaks.

We’ve been there for each other for some and other mostly we faced the pain head on alone and kept moving forward like the hopeless romantics we are.

I’ve been a lot better I promise I really have. Not that you asked or even care to hear anymore.

With every new wild, unplanned, spontaneous adventure I go on, calm quiet moment, experiences good or bad you still to this day seem to cross my mind..

I miss you..

I wish you were the one I was sharing these memories with.

You… no one else because no one else deserves it.

WE shared these goals for our future.

We wanted to explore the world together and settle down and raise our handsome son.

Who with out I think I would have lost you forever.

What can I say? I miss you…

I miss us yelling at each other because we’d make these big commitments and not follow through.

I miss waking up every morning and we would just stare into each other eyes with nothing said and just simply kiss because we both knew with out a doubt how we felt in that present Moment.

I miss hearing your voice whisper in my ear you loved me and tell me it was going to be ok while you held me like a little kid and would gracefully place your hand on my cheek while I’d cry and smother my self into it.

I miss when you were going through it emotionally and I knew I needed to give you a bit of time to process before I could comfort you because you didn’t know how to look past your anger and would just push me away.

I miss that when we met you didn’t know how to cook (prob. Still don’t tbh) but I always dreamed of being a chef so I would take charge, cook for us and teach you along the way.

I miss that you could see right through me and knew me to the core. no matter what manic persona I took on that day.

I miss that we could both openly share that we hadn’t tried something before and we would have our first time experiences together fear and all. First apartment. First house. First festivals. First engagement. First child.

I’m really not sorry to say I miss you but I am sorry we are in a situation where all I can say is I do ..

06/25 🖤

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

Misunderstood self destruction

I can definitely acknowledge and be proud of how rare and very minimal my phases of self destruction have become..

They have become so easy to maneuver through so that I can locate my previous position on my reconstructive path.

It’s very encouraging how fast I am able to re-grasp reality and truly retain how it was that I allowed my self to stray this time.

I can’t Ignore it anymore whatsoever or lie to my self about it in the slightest bit how much I FUCKING HATE the high..

the feeling of disassociation that I once found peace in now only causes me to feel greatly lost shameful and full of fear..

What once was a rush of blissful dopamine and momentary contentment, is now a long term huge surge of confusion, pain, depression and regret.

It’s completely dreadful and undeniably unpleasant.

These experiences although have been nothing but another blatant mistake; are truly what’s been the real source of my long term abstinences.

It’s self proven facts to continue reiterating to my subconscious for ammunition against the weak desperate part of my mind.

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

Undeniably flawed

I am what modern society has labeled “undeniably flawed”.

I repeatedly put my self in self destructive situations even after already being aware of the outcome.

After numerous attempts from those held dear to me provide a solution or support in my hard times I still take it into my own hands and totally disregard all advice or guidence I am presented with even if it’s insight from my very own personal experiences.

Knowing very well the toxic, painful, inevitable outcome if I were to indulge in my old ways yet still doing so anyways without a second thought.

I was wired this way from birth and it can sometimes seem inevitable.

An unchosen fate.

I wish I was wrong when I say this but I’m what society labels undeniably FLAUD..

[obsessedtoxicdesires]

Why do I miss you…

I miss you now after all these years of being apart.

We’ve both had new love’s and new heart breaks.

We’ve been there for each other for some and other mostly we faced the pain head on alone and kept moving forward like the hopeless romantics we are.

I’ve been a lot better I promise I really have. Not that you asked or even care to hear anymore.

With every new wild, unplanned, spontaneous adventure I go on, calm quiet moment, experiences good or bad you still to this day seem to cross my mind..

I miss you..

I wish you were the one I was sharing these memories with.

You… no one else because no one else deserves it.

WE shared these goals for our future.

We wanted to explore the world together and settle down and raise our handsome son.

Who with out I think I would have lost you forever.

What can I say? I miss you…

I miss us yelling at each other because we’d make these big commitments and not follow through.

I miss waking up every morning and we would just stare into each other eyes with nothing said and just simply kiss because we both knew with out a doubt how we felt in that present Moment.

I miss hearing your voice whisper in my ear you loved me and tell me it was going to be ok while you held me like a little kid and would gracefully place your hand on my cheek while I’d cry and smother my self into it.

I miss when you were going through it emotionally and I knew I needed to give you a bit of time to process before I could comfort you because you didn’t know how to look past your anger and would just push me away.

I miss that when we met you didn’t know how to cook (prob. Still don’t tbh) but I always dreamed of being a chef so I would take charge, cook for us and teach you along the way.

I miss that you could see right through me and knew me to the core. no matter what manic persona I took on that day.

I miss that we could both openly share that we hadn’t tried something before and we would have our first time experiences together fear and all. First apartment. First house. First festivals. First engagement. First child.

I’m really not sorry to say I miss you but I am sorry we are in a situation where all I can say is I do ..

06/25 🖤